Foster Parenting

[Pure]

You know when we get married, some of us may want to adopt kids.. how about becoming a foster parent for Muslim kids?? Good idea for us (inshallah) future care givers... ?

Here's a link: http://www.icnareliefcanada.ca/mfs/m...ster_Parenting

[Looking4Peace]

I plan on adopting a kid and to say only adopt a muslim child, well is silly, being that most likely the child would be young or an infant you can certainly raise him or her to be muslim. I think if a person adopts it should be from a country that is in very bad shape and the childs religion from birth should play no role because i see it as irrelevant when it comes to which child is most needy. Of course it can turn out that he kid will be from a islamic country, but i still do not see the relevance. I see it as a good deed no matter where are whom you adopt from. And as for foster parent that usually can only be done with a child from your own country like the foster care system in the united states, but you must know that foster and adoption are not the same, Foster care is a horrible business the kids go from one home to the next all their lives unless someone permantely adopts them, many crack heads foster chidlren for money that live in the most gross ghettos and the kids are abused here in the united states. The best way to go is foster to adoption or straight to adoption, dont play the foster game with a childs life.

[Takumi]

Salam,

Foster children need people who understand where they have been and what has happened to them.

Many agencies especially the ones governed by the state conduct classes for prospective foster parents.

Children who come from the "system" demonstrate emotional stability and rejection.

If you're not ready to genuinely care for these children and undergo intensive training, fostering is probably not for you.

If you do it right, you will be handsomely rewarded by Allah and by the child whom you take in. Trust me, saving one's child life from misery, is worth more than anything that you could ever imagine in this world.

[Pure]

mashallah i agree.

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[Daffodil]

There is a hadith about the prophet saw saying to foster children as its such a great deed n that whoever fosters a child will be like this with him on the day of judgement n he put his index n middle finger together but i cant seem to find the hadith, inshallah will post it wen i find it or if some one else has it then post it please.

[Pure]

Jazakallah, I knwo what hadith you are talking about, it is a beautiful hadith. Recently the LI forum had a sponsorship for an orphan.

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

*Topic Moved* :)

There is a hadith about the prophet saw saying to foster children as its such a great deed n that whoever fosters a child will be like this with him on the day of judgement n he put his index n middle finger together but i cant seem to find the hadith, inshallah will post it wen i find it or if some one else has it then post it please.

It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa’d said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I and the one who sponsors an orphan will be like this in Paradise” – and he gestured with his index and middle fingers, holding them slightly apart.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4998)

:)

[searchingsoul]

I've thought of becoming a foster parent but think my younger children would have difficulty when the time came for the foster children to reuinite with their families.

[umm-sulaim]

Since i was small i always wanted to adopt or foster, i think i still may inshaAllah..., but of course after my education and all that..i think its a lovely idea, especially now theres so many parentless kids, from all the wars tsunamis and such....they need us..

[Pure]

Or what some people do is adopt children when all the biological kids are married and have moved away from home.

[mlsh27]

I plan to foster a child inshaAllah so I can see if my husband and I want to be parents. Also, I love China's 1 child law, even though the limit could be set to 2 at most. The world is overpopulated as it is and has reached its carrying capacity, so why add to the problem by having your own children instead of fostering and/or adopting?

[Pure]

Sister, the One Child policy implemented in India and China has caused multiple humanitarian problems. Billions of dollars from the U.S. support the millions of abortions that happen in these countries, astaghfirallah. It is often the girls who are aborted and the boys kept. This has created a major shift of gender populations, it has pushed men to homosexuality; this form of sexuality has also become prevalent in the armies. Parents are forced to receive permission to have a child of their own, if they have more than one or two kids, it cause deeper problems and mental chaos for the family. They are pressured by the government and the doctors to have abortions, if they choose to keep the "unwanted" child they will be forced to pay heavy fines, etc.

The population of the world has always been increasing and mulitiplying since the day of Adam. Poverty, disease, etc. has always existed and will always exist no matter the number of human being on this planet Earth. God has never made a strict world of how many people are allowed to live and who should die. This is not in our hands. Let people die naturally from the causes around them.

[mlsh27]

Ok, if they are having more children..then it's their fault because they know the law! Use condoms or birth control pills for goodness sake!

[Daffodil]

Ok, if they are having more children..then it's their fault because they know the law! Use condoms or birth control pills for goodness sake!

most people dnt choose to get pregnant, these things are in Allah swts hands, remember, he ses in the quran that all he needs to do is say "be" and it is. ppl can use all sorts of contraception and still get pregnant, are u saying its their fault.

also please sister remember that if a child is born it was meant to be born Allah swt wrote a life for it so u cant condem the parents because this its Allahs will.

[mlsh27]

But at the same point, many people keep choosing to try and get pregnant. There is no need for anyone to have 10 kids unless they have a huge farm. I know Allah swt chooses who gets pregnant and when, but as humans we also choose to have sex and try for children.

[Daffodil]

But at the same point, many people keep choosing to try and get pregnant. There is no need for anyone to have 10 kids unless they have a huge farm. I know Allah swt chooses who gets pregnant and when, but as humans we also choose to have sex and try for children.

Sis u dnt need to condem ppl for wanting to have more children, its up to them how many babies they want, its their right Allah swt has given them and something the prophet saw encouraged. I know u have ur own views on childbirth n pregnancy like u mentioned in the sisters section but just because of ur own reasons as to why u think its gross doesnt mean having children is wrong or that its something bad.

[mlsh27]

I know women are allowed to have children and encouraged, but I see no plausible reason for having any more than 2 unless you have a ranch or farm. Also, people's choice to have so many children does affect me-it affects pollution, energy, resources, etc.

[Pure]

The parents that tend to have many children are the ones who own farms. They are in need for labour since the farm is their source of living and revenue.

Children are a blessing from Allah, every child that comes to this world deserves to exist as Allah has given it life. We cannot blame the increase amount of people for the pollution and environmental problems created. There is several alternative methods that can be implemented to reduce these pollutions. The blame is better deserved by the few people in the elite who controlling these matters and businesses.

[Daffodil]

Also, people's choice to have so many children does affect me-it affects pollution, energy, resources, etc.

how is that the fault of ppl who choose to have children?

if ur concerned about the environment then switch ur heating off, buy a bike n sell ur car, dnt use any electricity or gas, be self sufficient, ie grow ur own food n live in a box some where.

[umm-sulaim]

Gotta say i agree with you sis daffodil, children are a blessing not a burden, they are a favour from Allah to us....
If it was so bad (having many) don't you think we woulda been told in a in an ayah from the qur'aan, or a hadeeth from the prophet alayhi salaatu wassalaam...
instead,the prophet ordered the men to marry the waduud al waluud" the one that is loving and fertile (gives birth a lot)...
the ummah/nation of muhammed will be the largets of all nations...
may Allah increase our ummah and grant us pious children...

[Daffodil]

ameen

[mlsh27]

how is that the fault of ppl who choose to have children?

if ur concerned about the environment then switch ur heating off, buy a bike n sell ur car, dnt use any electricity or gas, be self sufficient, ie grow ur own food n live in a box some where.

I am doing what I can to help out the environment. However, I feel it is irresponsible for people to have several children, unless like I mentioned, they have a farm or similar. SUV's- made for people with many children. We should all do our part in helping save the limited resources we have left. If people want so many children, they should adopt instead of adding to the problem. I am not saying people should not have children, but rather not have any more than 3.

[searchingsoul]

Having a lot of children is fine but some people need to be more responsible for their reproductive choices. MLSH27 makes some valid points which I never thought about before.

My husband and I have seven kids between us, ages 4-37. I don't think this is wrong because we have always completely supported them financially and emotionally.

[searchingsoul]

Sis u dnt need to condem ppl for wanting to have more children, its up to them how many babies they want, its their right Allah swt has given them and something the prophet saw encouraged. I know u have ur own views on childbirth n pregnancy like u mentioned in the sisters section but just because of ur own reasons as to why u think its gross doesnt mean having children is wrong or that its something bad.

Did the prophet explain why he encouraged people to have a lot of children?

Would this approval for many children still apply today?


What are the reasons why some muslims want to have a lot of children today?

[Pure]

It is in the parents hands to choose whether they wish to have more or less children. Children are a blessing from Allah, they should all feel welcome. Look at those parents who are unable to have children, it destroys them inside and out and are wlling to make risky decisions at high costs to have a biological child of their own. This is an example of how a child is a blessing from Allah, because life and death is in his hands.

Yes, children are a parents responsibility, they must make the right choices in order that they grow in a healty environment. If they know that they are unable to support a certain amount of children, they should take the necessary precautions. If a child is born anyway, the child deserves to live.

[ZOREENA]

Do u know if a single person..ie me...a sister is able to foster children...with regardz to Islam???

[mlsh27]

Having a lot of children is fine but some people need to be more responsible for their reproductive choices. MLSH27 makes some valid points which I never thought about before.

My husband and I have seven kids between us, ages 4-37. I don't think this is wrong because we have always completely supported them financially and emotionally.

No offense, but what is the point to having so many children? Why did you?

[mlsh27]

It is in the parents hands to choose whether they wish to have more or less children. Children are a blessing from Allah, they should all feel welcome. Look at those parents who are unable to have children, it destroys them inside and out and are wlling to make risky decisions at high costs to have a biological child of their own. This is an example of how a child is a blessing from Allah, because life and death is in his hands.

Yes, children are a parents responsibility, they must make the right choices in order that they grow in a healty environment. If they know that they are unable to support a certain amount of children, they should take the necessary precautions. If a child is born anyway, the child deserves to live.

Sometimes I am sickened at the lengths infertile couple go just to have a biological child when there are many that need to be adopted. Is it that important that they share your blood? Seems selfish to me...

[searchingsoul]

No offense, but what is the point to having so many children? Why did you?

I have four biological children and three step children. I had them because I love children. I know it is purely selfish reasons.

I thought of some more reasons:
*I'm sure small children made my husband feel more youthful and gives him reason to boast of his manhood.
*It enabled me to remain a stay at home mother. I hate working outside the home.
*I feel womanly when pregnant. I also get to use the excuse of moodiness to get my way all the time.
*Pregnancy makes my weight fluctuate so shopping sprees on my wardrobe are never questioned

First and foremost, I really love children and being a mother.

[searchingsoul]

Sometimes I am sickened at the lengths infertile couple go just to have a biological child when there are many that need to be adopted. Is it that important that they share your blood? Seems selfish to me...

I thought so too, until I became a parent. I don't know if I would be able to love an adopted child as much as I love my own. The affection I have for my step-children is in no way comparable to that I have for my biological children. In fact, I don't think that I love my step-children. Maybe if I had known them when they were children I would have. Dunno.

I am also thinking that an adopted child wouldn't feel worthy in an Islamic family. Islam doesn't allow adopted children to adopt the family name, or share in inheritance rights. Personally, if I was forbidden these things, I'd feel like less of a family member. My husband adopted our oldest son, who is from my first marriage. Although the purpose of my Islamic research is to share it with our children, I'd NEVER share this with my son, until he was an adult.

Maybe this Islamic practice is okay and my family is too sensitive. I don't know, and I don't want to know.

[Pure]

For a good understanding about Fostering and adoption

If a child is given five full breast feedings before the age of 2 years, he/she becomes a Mahram (a relative) please read in more detail: the ruling on breastfeeding

[ZOREENA]

Anyone know if a single person can adopt or foster children??

[mlsh27]

why should they? kids need two parents and i don't mean two gay parents

I know several people who only grew up with one parent, and they all turned out great!

[ZOREENA]

Yeah...i didnt ask why should anything, I asked Islamcally is it allowed??

[Pure]

The question should be.. is it not allowed?

There is nothing that I know of that makes it not allowed.. but it is always better to have both a male and female figure in a child's life.

[Durrah]

:sl:

Zoreena, theres nothing wrong with islamically fostering a child as a single woman, although it would proabably be easier all round if you fostered a girl, because a young male (if not breastfeed by you from infancy) will not be your maraham, so when he hits puberty, you have to cover up from one another.

also, theres always sponserships that you can do, which wouldnt involve you looking after the child, but paying things like food, education and clothes for them- male or female, and this in itself is a great reward!

Anyways, i'd love to permanatly foster a child (the islamic way) and if i was pregnant, i'd try to find a small child that would be still young enough to be breast fed, along with my own, that way, the child would be maraham to any kids i have inshallah and husband.

oh by the way, for a non bioligcal child to be your maharm, in the case of permant fostering, do you have to phyiscally breastfeed the child or is okay to just express the milk and get the child to drink the breast milk it in a bottle?

[shudnt_have]

I sister I knw of in our local masjid has been fostering kids as far as I remember having hair on my head:D I beleive one of her fostered girl is mentally challenged yet she is suga plum masha'allah she hugs me so tight every time i see her. I thank Allah for granting the tawfiq to keep the children in their deen of haqq. and protecting them from the false ideologies of western household. masha'Allah she has fostered about 4 kids now..couple of fridays ago she adopted a 10 days old baby....awwwwwwwwww i mean i gotted to hold the baby's hand. masha'Allah tabarakallah:sister: :D

ohhhhhhhhh as for adopting some kids myself? I dont think I got the guts to take care of myself yet. lol.

[Takumi]

Sometimes I am sickened at the lengths infertile couple go just to have a biological child when there are many that need to be adopted. Is it that important that they share your blood? Seems selfish to me...

Adopted children have Islamic boundaries that you should observe when they reach puberty. They are not our blood relatives and the fiqh of relationships between men and women apply.

While I applaud your concern about adoptable children, not all of us are emotionally equipped to take care of other people children as our own. Unless you are an adoptive parent, I humbly suggest that you re evaluate your stand and try to understand biological parents' point of view.

You have to remember that nothing can replace a biological parent. As a foster parent myself, I can't out love my foster son's real dad. It stinks, but that's how it is. Many times, I think, I'm the one providing the care, the tarbiyah and fulfilling my foster child's need but sometimes he would say he misses his dad and tells me that he loves his dad more than anything in the world. It breaks my heart but I have to accept that blood is thicker than water.

Pregnancy in human being is an emotional and psychological experience for both parents. Only a pregnant woman can attest to this fact. Allah has even used the love of a mother for her child as a gauge to proclaim, that His love for his servants is more than the love of a mother for her child.

Allah has made His servants with certain specialty and skills and not everyone may have children of their own. These parents may choose to adopt but with full knowledge of the emotional setback and tribulation down the road.

Sometimes I wonder, some people have a lot of children but are very careless and have a lackadaisical attitude towards the proper upbringing of the child. They physically and emotionally abuse their children and their children end up being traumatized for life. These children when end up in foster care and orphanage need specialized care and skill that may be acquired by proper training of the prospective parents. Unsurprisingly, not many people could handle the patience needed and the emotional instability shown by these kids.

Biological parents must concede that every child is unique and there's no such thing as cookie cutter way to raise a child. Only then you will see muslim family thrives as a unit to worship Allah and adhere to the sunnah.

Otherwise, you could be right, children will be left spiritually empty and the vicious cycle of emotional abandonment resumes itself.

Peace.