View Full Version : Kifir Parents

05-19-2005, 01:38 AM
:sl: My mom is a christian and my dad is a morman. My dad has chosen to break ties with me what shoud I do? My mom and I still talk but she don't like the fact that I am muslim and thinks i'm going through a faze also I don't go to her house because she don't want me to practice Islam in her house, I want to know does Paradise still lie at feet and do I have the right to disacciate with her if she tries to get me to denounce my way of life? :confused: :sister:

Ansar Al-'Adl
05-19-2005, 02:10 AM
Your question is a very common one for those new muslims who struggle to hang on to the worship of the One Lord.

The Qur'an has addressed the issue carefully:
31:14-15 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

"But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of those who turn to me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."

Please read the following fatawa for your answer:

uestion :

My mother was raised as a Christian and does use liqueur on occasion discuss it with her but she will not refrain from this practice. Besides this many other unislamic practices are also done, for instance all food stuff is not halaal with the result these same utensils are used to prepare food for me i am under the impression that this is not permissible. Now I am considering leaving home since this is not something i am in favour of. Also I intend to leave country some time in future (IN-SHA ALLAH) because i cannot go for namaaz as regularly as i must.
In short i want to live as a Muslim but as I live in a westernized country it is difficult to live as a Muslim should.

Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
If your mother is a Christian then you have to call her to Islam with wisdom and beautiful preaching. Tell her about the beauties of Islam and its characteristics and beliefs. Explain to her the falseness of the Christian belief in the divinity of Jesus (peace be upon him). You can also refer to the questions in the Da’wah to Non-Muslims section of this website, so that you can convince her, as well as reading some books which speak of the falseness of Christian doctrines.

But if your mother is a Muslim, then you have to call her to give up sin and to repent from it, especially drinking alcohol. Tell her the evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnah which proves that it is haraam, and that when a command comes from Allaah or His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the believer has to hear and obey, and hasten to follow the command even if that is contrary to his own whims and desires.

Make her fear Allaah and His punishment in this world and in the Hereafter.

You have to be gentle and kind to her, tell her that you are eager that she should be guided and saved from Hell.

Perhaps this will be the means of guiding her to the truth.

With regard to the cooking utensils with which haraam foods are cooked, if there are others available then it is preferable for you to eat from those. But if no others are available, then you can wash them with water and then eat from them.

It was narrated that Abu Tha’labah al-Khushani (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I live in the land of the People of the Book. Please advise me with regard to their vessels.’ He said, ‘Do not eat from them, unless you cannot find anything else, in which case wash them and eat from them.’” (Agreed upon. Buloogh al-Maraam, p. 23, hadeeth no. 24).

With regard to your thinking of leaving home or leaving your country, that may be better if you know that your family will not respond to your words and if staying with them will damage your religious commitment in such a way that you cannot do what Allaah commands.

But if you know or you think it most likely that after you call them to Allaah they will respond, then you must stay with them.

Imam al-Bukhaari included a chapter in his Saheeh entitled: Baab al-Inbisaat ila’l-Naas (Chapter on being friendly towards people). Ibn Mas’ood said: “Mix with people but beware of damaging your religious commitment.”

(Saheeh al-Bukhaari, 5/2270).

But if you know from your experience with your family that this will be futile, then leave them and go and live in a place where you can practice the rituals of Islam.

We ask Allaah to make you steadfast in your religious commitment and to keep you safe. We ask Him to guide your mother and all your family to His religion so that the religion of Allaah will be the dearest thing to you all.

And Allaah knows best.

Question :

What is the ruling on living with kafir mother and wanting to move your wife into the home with her?.

Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no reason why a son should not live with his kaafir mother, or her with him. That may be a means of her being guided to Islam, if the son treats her well and gives a good impression of Islam; keeping away from her may be a cause of her coming to Islam being delayed.

The Muslim is enjoined to treat his parents well and honour them even if they are kuffaar. It is not permissible for a Muslim to disobey them or treat them badly in word and deed. But that does not mean that he should obey her in matters that are sinful or show approval of the kufr that she believes in.

(a) Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

(b) And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

(c) It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and she was a mushrik. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that, saying, “My mother has come to me and she wants to visit me; should I uphold the ties of kinship with her?” He said, “Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2477; Muslim, 1003)

(d) It was narrated from Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas that a verse of Qur’aan was revealed concerning him. He said: Umm Sa’d swore that she should never speak to him until he gave up his religion, and she would never eat or drink. She said, “You claim that Allaah commands you to honour your parents, and I am your mother, and I am telling you to do this.” He said, She stayed like that for three days, until exhaustion overtook her, then one of her sons, whose name was ‘Amaarah, got up and gave her some water, and she started to pray against Sa’d. Then Allaah revealed Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner…”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]

And He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“…but behave with them in the world kindly…”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

Narrated by Muslim, 1748.

(e) There follows a fatwa from Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) regarding the issue of obeying parents with regard to shaving the beard:

Question: Regarding obeying your father with regard to shaving the beard.

The Shaykh replied:

It is not permissible for you to obey your father in shaving the beard, rather you must let it grow, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trim the moustache and let the beard grow; be different from the mushrikeen.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.”

Letting the beard grow is obligatory, not just Sunnah, according to fiqhi terminology, because the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that, and the basic principle is that a command is obligatory.

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 8/377-378

Hopefully this answers your questions. If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask. :)


Abdul Fattah
05-27-2005, 12:39 AM
Selam aleykum

Sorry for my somewhat "late" answer shaakira. I feel guilty not to have noticed this thread before. :p

Anyway. It can indeed be hardbreaking to see ones closest react when you tell them you reverted. I remember everyone telling me the same thing: be patient, the'll get over it, And every time I heard someone say that, although I appreciated heir intention to help, I thought to myself, easy for you to say, you don't know my mom let alone have to live with her togheter day in day out. But the truth I found out is, that if you lett these things take there time they do seem to get better! I don't know about your parents, but with my mother (also christian) her rejection comes mainly from ignorance and desinformation. Also I, as the closest muslim for her in her life, feel I have the responsability to get her over this. But this is indeed no hard task. Basicly I've seen the most effectif methode is not to speak. If I make a statement she gets defensive, so I try to refrain from it. When she asks a questions I answer and I noticed she then tends to listen. Sometimes I try to manipulate situaties to somewhat erouse her curiousity so she'd ask questions LOL .
Also my change in lifestyle is the most important. If you set an example, You will automaticly negate any negative associations your close ones have with islam.
I've heard many relatives of reverted people state: I like the person he's become, but not the reason why. Inshallah I shall remember to pray for you. Bests of luck shaakira

There's this beautifull hadieth about a companion who askes who has the most right to his company. Can't find it right away though and refuse to offer the incomplete version that lays in my memory :confused: :-[

05-30-2005, 12:54 AM
that is a perfect method akhee steve.

I use the same actions not only with my mom but also the rest of those non mulims.

Indeed when the father of Abraheam wished to not accept what he was upon, the millat of Ibraheem was that he abandoned them and left what they worshipped. But this act, can be doen by us as well, we only show them respect and we do nto revile them even in an agh attitude. But when it comes to our beleifs, they are rejected with out a shadow of a doubt.

Again that is the best method steve for dawah. No talk, let your actions speak for itself as the sunnah is strange. And when they see strange, they are inclined to ask with curiosity. if you speak, then all havoc breaks loose depending on the type of mother tyou have. Al-hamdulillah I dont have a mother like you guys or else I would have explicitly with a ferocious manner, left my mother in a heart beat because I dont play at all when it comes to my deen.

asalamu alaikum

06-02-2005, 02:38 PM

Al-hamdulillah I dont have a mother like you guys or else I would have explicitly with a ferocious manner, left my mother in a heart beat because I dont play at all when it comes to my deen.
Oh. :) *looks up the word explicitly*


06-03-2005, 03:35 AM

not to be like.......CRAZY!! but if ur like past 18 yrs u should totally save money and totally move out!!!

hehe i sound like im stuck -up dont i????


06-03-2005, 09:25 AM

:zip: I don't think moving out it always the correct thing to do. Who's going to look after your parents; when you move out. When you are a kid they look after you, when they are old you look after them. A simple system . . . :D


- Qatada -
06-03-2005, 02:43 PM
Assalam o alikum. check this flash presentation out as it shows the diference between christianity and Islam. i hope it helps because it wil sho what the bible says and then show how Islam interprets it and how it is updated. mash Allah it is reli simple and u cud also show it 2 ur mother.


09-05-2007, 03:03 AM
Deleted by author

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