ADVICES FOR THE FIRST WIFE WHO LIFE IN POLIGAMY FAMILY (TAADUD AZ ZAWJAH)
1. Attaqullah, taqwa to Allah and be patient. You’d better understand that taadud is one law which came from the most wise Allah Azza Wa Jalla. We may not debate about it, cause the law is clear (An Nisaa:3 and all hadith Rasulullah shalallahu alaihi wasallam). So its wajeeb for every muslim to have iman about this and be convinced that this law fit to human because Allah WILL NOT make some law except it will bring happiness in dunya and akheerat.
2. You’d better understand that your agreement to your husband who wanna taadud is a noble matter. This is showing your taqwa and the quality of your dien because this is the syari’at/law from Rabbul ‘Alamin and it show your obedience to Allah and His messenger.
وَأَطِيعُواْ اللّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُون
َ
And obey Allah and the Apostle; that ye may obtain mercy. (Ali Imran: 132)
3. Be improved for your bad attitudes which reminded by your husband. If those bad attitudes not be fixed, then there will be no peacefull and goodness. If your bad attitudes erased from you, then be thankfull to Allah cause He is the only one who can make someone better.
4. Be aware for tricky propaganda/publicity from the enemy of Islam (That the husband have destroyed your magnificence, or the husband have hurted your feeling or not loyal to you, etc). This is our enemies propaganda who is envy and full with hatred. Be sure, Islam is the only religion which honor so deeply about womens right, Islam will never make women degraded. Even Islam put women in the best respectfull place. The law of taadud protecting the women from the degradation and humiliation and also protecting ther right and their honor.
5. Be as far as you can from asking for talaq from your husband, because he did taadud because taadud is syar’i, and the truth is with your husband cause he done nothing against Islams law. Its not halal for you to ask for talaq. Rasulullah said:
”Whoever women who ask for talaq without the right reason (Syar’i), then haram for her the smells of heaven”.
(HR. Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibnu Majah, Ad Daarimi, Ibn Jarud, Ibn Hibban, Al Hakim, Al Baihaqi and Ahmad).
6. Don’t be too much in your jealousy, cause that’s the key to divorce. Be waro’ and don’t be too much complaining and show your upset, because these are will bring hatred to your soul.
7. Raise your attention and caring to your husband and say more praises to him in front of him or whenever he is not around you and your family. Praise him in front of your friends because by doing this you can fix your heart and your lisaan (mouth), and make them more protected. Doing this can make your husband ridho, and you will be a good model to all women who against this (second marriage or they who don’t want their husband marry again).
8. Don’t listen to everyone who is jaheel (egnorance) and had turned away who want your relationship with your husband, or your relationship between you and his second wife destroyed. Don’t you Ever make one rule/law or decision based on what you heard, except you have found out about the truth.
9. Don’t fulfill your childrens heart with hatred to their fathers wifes, also to their childrens. Truly theyre brothers and sisters in one blood, and bad dirty tricks only will befell to the creator.
10. Don’t change your muamalah (attitudes) with your husband. Be far away from decreasing your attention to him in his right that Allah have given to you. Don’t let your self be a toy in the hands of the devils. Seek for Allah’s helps and keep praying to Him –azza wa jalla- so He will fulfill your heart with iman and loves.
11. Accept and be Qonaah (accept whatever husband can give and thankfull to Allah, much or less) to whatever he can give you from the rizq that Allah have given to him.
12. You must hear and obey your husband in haq, and may not obey if he order something haram.
13. Be as sincere as you can in everything to him like a sincerity from a slave to their lord. Be his slave, surely he will be a slave too to you. Be like an earth to him, surely he will be a sky for you.
The LAST……
Be KNOWN, the true happiness is always on doing Allahs orders and in the obedience to Him. A victory, successful and happiness of human will not be reached except by obeying His laws.
Taken from the book “Zawjatii Zawjatani” by Syaikh As Sayyid bin Abdul Aziz As Sa’dani. Jeddah.