ADVICES TO THE SECOND WIFE WHO LIFE IN POLIGAMY FAMILY (TAADUD AZ ZAWJAH)
1. You’d better understand that your agreement to marry someone who already has a wife is a noble matter. This is showing your taqwa and the quality of your dien because this is the syari’at/law from Rabbul ‘Alamin and it show your obedience to Allah and His messenger Insha Allah.
2. Spend your time when your husband in his first wife share with reading Al Qur'an more often, listening to ta'lim cassetes/MP3 which can benefit your dien, and reading books which can give you a lot of manfaat and can increase your knowledges. And do the household jobs as good as you can and pay attention to your self more while he is not in your share.
3. Be a da'iyah to Allah azza wa jalla in this law (Taadud). Make human understand about the great hikmah from Allah Azza wa Jalla about Taadud. And never provoce women to against second marriage.
وَمَنْ أَحْسَنُ قَوْلًا مِّمَّن دَعَا إِلَى اللَّهِ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا وَقَالَ إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِين
َ
And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, "Indeed, I am of the Muslims."
(Fusilat: 33)
4. Dont you feel negligent to take care of the first wife or her children if they need help from you, or if you see them need help. Actually in that kinda thing theres rewards from Allah and will make your husband ridho to you. And also it can grow the love and familiarity between you and the first wife and her children.
5. Dont show the first wifes lacks and mistakes (or shame) in front of human. Dont tell human that your husband marry you cause he hate and he doesnt like his first wife anymore. Actually thats the devils tricks.
6. Dont you try to broke the relationship between your husband and his first wife in order your husband only have only you to love. Because this is namimah, and namimah is one of the great sin. Try the best as you can so your husband will never look that kinda attitudes from you. If you see theres an inclination from your husband to his first wife -becuase of more love or wanna be with his children- then just give in your nights for the first wife, then you will see the best result (in hikmah, reward and manfaat) from Allah, Insha Allah.
7. Dont be too much at your jealousy because actually thats the key to a divorce. Be waro’/qonaah and don’t be too much complaining and show your upset, because these are will bring hatred to your soul.
8. You must hear and obey your husband in haq, and may not obey if he order something haram.
9. Be as sincere as you can in everything to him like a sincerity from a slave to their lord. Be his slave, surely he will be a slave too to you. Be like an earth to him, surely he will be a sky for you.
The last...
Be qanaah with whatever he can give to you. The real mu'minah is them who is ridho to whatever Allah give them from His rizq. Dont burden your husband with unnecessary demands. Dont burden him out of his ability and dont make his resposible heavier with making debts just to fullfill some of your desires.
Some examples that we rarely know about the life of the greatest wife who respect their husbands condition with no limit, even with that they have to sacrifice their maslahah (good condition).
Remember when Fatimah and Ali bin Abu Thalib radhiallahu anhuma thru their hard days in financial problems? Fatimah had to hold her hunger for even three days, and then Ali saw Fatimahs skin so pale. Ali asked her "whats happening with you yaa Fatimah?", and then she replied "I havent find anything to eat to eat since three days ago". And then Ali asked her "why didnt you let me know?", and Fathimah asnwered "in our wedding night my father -shalallahu alaihi wasallam- told me "Yaa Fathimah, if Ali gives you.....or bring somethings then eat, and if he doesnt then dont ask him anything".
Where are the women who wanna make Fatimah as their model?
Where are the women who truely try seriously to get heaven which wide is like heaven and earth which is prepared for muttaqien.
Taken from the book "Zawjati Zawjatani" by sheikh As Sayyid bin Abdul Aziz As Sa'dani