Shaykh Abdul-Muhsin Al-Qaasim
Jumaadal ulaa 9, 1423 (July 19, 2002)
All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the worlds. May peace and blessings of Allaah be upon the Messenger, his house hold and companions.
Fellow Muslims! The family is the foundation of the society. It is from it that nations and communities emanated and its founding members are the husband and wife. Allaah says,
"O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another."
Family is the abode provided by Allaah for man in which he settles and finds
tranquillity. In marriage, there is habitation of the universe, peace of mind and an enjoyment of this life. It is by establishing the family structure that life goes on in order and posterity is maintained. Allaah brings together by marriage the far and shattered kith and kin. He promises wealth and abundance provision by marriage when He says,
"If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty."
It is by selecting the foundation of marriage that horizons are widened, that the far is brought near and the near is treated with kindness. Anxieties of the spouses are many but good relationship and love remove them. Allaah says,
"And live with them (your wives) honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good."
In marriage, there is reproach and love, irritation and pleasure. Man is elevated by good manners and purified by intelligence. He exercises highest degree of love and overlooks mistakes; for woman is created of a crooked rib. Therefore, it is through overlooking her faults and bearing undesirable traits in her that things can be alright. The Messenger said, "Be kind to your women; for they were created of a rib and the most crooked of the is its top. If you want to straighten it, you will break it, but if you leave it, it remains crooked. So, be kind to women." (Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim)
Whoever has a noble origin will have soft heart. Your wife is the one who carried your children in pregnancy; she protects your property and preserves your secrets. Be humble with her and show friendliness to her, for her smile enlivens the minds and removes ill-feelings from the hearts. Praising wives on their clothings, food and adornment win their hearts. Exchanging gifts between the spouses opens the hearts and shows love and happiness. Feeling relaxed with one's wife and shunning of arrogance are signs of happy life. 'Umar said, "Man must be among his family like a young boy – in amiability – and when he is among the people he becomes a man."
Be an upright husband in your life, she will be more upright by the grace of Allaah. Do not strain your eyes in longing for things that are unlawful for you, for sin is an evil in the matrimonial home. Likewise, viewing satellite programmes makes wife look ugly in the eyes of her husband and reduce the estimation of man in the eyes of his wife which consequently reduces love and causes dissention. So, the safest way is to keep away from it. Be for your wife as you will like her to be for you in all spheres of life, for she wants from you what you also want from her. Ibn 'Abbaas said, "I wish to adorn myself for my wife as I would want her to do for me." Listen to your wife's criticism with open heart, for the Prophet's wives used to argue matters out with him and he would not be annoyed by that.
It is an act of high-mindedness not to take anything of your wife's property except by her consent; for her wealth is her property not yours. Show kindness to her by spending on her reasonably ad do not be stingy with her. Remember that your wife loves to discuss all her affairs with you, so give her your ears. This is of the perfect manners. Do not go home with a frowned face, for your children need your affection, nearness and words. Be gentle with them, show them fatherly care and let them be happy with your directions and be a good listener to them. The Messenger of Allaah, whenever he saw his daughter Faatimah, would say, "Welcome, my daughter!" and he would sit her on his left or right side. (Muslim)
Showing compassion to one's household is a lofty act of manhood. Al-Barra said, "I enter with Aboo Bakar upon his household, while his daughter, Aaisha was lying down suffering from fever. I saw her father kissing her cheek and saying, 'How are you my daughter.' " (Al-Bukhaaree)
Carrying out the household duties is also a manner of sincere people. Aaisha was asked, "What did the Prophet use to do at home?" She answered, "He was only a human being. He used to mend his garments, milk his goat and serve himself." (Ahmad) Generosity in spending for your household is the best. Do not let staying with friends subdue the rights of your children. Your family deserves more of you. Conceal marital problems from children, for showing that to them has an impact on their education and their respect for their parents. Anger is the foundation of hatred; for what is between you and your wife is more honourable than to tarnish it with a moment of rage. Prefer silence to anger; for overlooking the mistakes is more of intelligence and piety. 'Umar said, "Women are nakedness, so cover them with their homes and cure their weaknesses with silence."
Woman's right on her husband is great for she is bounded by covenants. The noble men honour their wives and great men hold them in high esteem. Aaisha said, "The Messenger of Allaah used to mention the name of Khadeejah frequently and he would often slaughter a goat, cut it into pieces and have it sent to Khadeejah's friends. I often told him, 'You remember Khadeejah as if there is no any other woman in this world.' " (Al-Bukhaaree)
The wise woman gives her husband a place in her heart, gives him tranquillity in her mind and gives him happiness with her speech. She lives with him contentedly and excellently and she hears and obeys him reasonably. She acknowledges her husband's good and virtue, carries out his rights and believes in his high position. The Prophet said, "If I would order anyone to prostrate for anyone, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate for her husband." Ibn Taymiyyah said, "The woman has no obligation that deserves more to be fulfilled after that of Allaah than her obligation to her husband."
If the righteous woman sees her husband deviating she reminds him of Allaah and if she sees him craving for this vain world she reminds him of the everlasting Hereafter. She helps him during hardship and never reveals his secret or disobeys him. She encourages her husband to be dutiful to his pares; for he grew up under their protection. She seeks for her Lord's pleasure by pleasing her husband.
She does not look for his mistakes. If he is present, she honours him and if he is absent, she protects him. She does not overburden her husband with expenses; for all her concern is the pleasure of her lord and her husband and upbringing of her children on righteousness. She does not raise up her voice above his and does not disagree with him. The Messenger of Allaah gave his wife Khadeejah the glad tiding of a house in Paradise made of reeds of pearls in which there will be no yelling nor hardship. Ibn Katheer said, "There will be no yelling there nor hardship, for she had never raised her voice above that of the Prophet nor caused him any hardship." An Arab wise woman said to her daughter when she got married, "O my daughter! You can never achieve what you want from him until you prefer his pleasure above yours and his desire above yours in all that you love or hate."
Chastity is also an axis of good life and the woman's adornment is to stay at her home. Aaisha said, "What is good for women is not to see men and not to be seen by men."
The religious woman always obeys her Lord and then her husband. She does not behave arrogantly to him, does not rebel against his guardianship or challenge his authority. She is always in his service and she is always seeking his pleasure. She protects herself and always cooperate with him. She does not sleep when he is angry with her until his anger goes. She does all this because of her certainty that her success with Paradise depends on her obedience to her husband in addition to her observance of what Allaah has made obligatory on her.
Fellow Muslims! Gratitude for blessing, should not be shown through sins. The wedding night is a great blessing from Allaah and should be taken as an opportunity for removing modesty. It is forbidden that women should wear semi-naked garments during the wedding night even if it is among women, for that leads to fitnah and evils and immodesty. The woman is weak. If she does not hold onto the hand of her guardian, she destroys herself with her desires.
Music and its instruments during the wedding nights and other occasions are also forbidden. But Islaam permits women to beat tambourine during wedding ceremonies only.
Taking pictures is another major sin which Allaah threatens its perpetrators with curses and Fire. The Prophet said, "Every picture-maker will enter Hell." This is because the women's pictures could reach some men who are not her mahram and the result of this may destroy homes. The scholars have also gave a verdict that it is forbidden to accept an invitation to a place where unlawful things happen if one is unable to change it.
Extravagance and wastefulness also have bad effect on the husband for it is from Satan. If all the money wasted could be collected and given to the husband to build a house or settle his debt, that would be better. Allaah says,
"And it is He Who has created man from water and has appointed for him kindred by blood and kindred by marriage. And your Lord is Ever All-Powerful to do what He Wills."
Brethren in faith! There are some women whom modesty has prevented from making any complaint and whose sorrows are hidden in the depths of their hearts. They suffer psychological torment in their society and pass their nights in anxiety and distress. Their hope for a happy life tumbles before their eyes and they fear entering into unmarriageable age without enjoying motherhood and bliss of marriage. Their lives are been destroyed with imaginary conditions in the selection of husband and there are others who prefer studies to making a family. These ladies are subsequently faced with men's rejection because of their older age. What then is the value of certificate with deprivation of a husband and children?
Some people do torment their daughters by delaying their marriage in avarice for their salaries. Some do wrong to young women by marrying them oft to their cousins forcefully and in following the unlawful traditions and customs.
Early marriage closes the door of sorrow. The Messenger of Allaah has married Aaisha while she was a little girl, and her young age does not prevent her from being married to the greatest of all men and from shouldering the responsibilities of the house of Prophethood. She was rather the dearest of all his wives to him.
Let us therefore, take to the injunctions of our religion, so that our young men and women may prosper through their early marriages, that our society may progress and be safe from all corruptions. This matter becomes of greater importance and more binding especially in this age that moral corruption has become ubiquitous.
06-12-2005, 05:48 PM
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhReply
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