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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 01:25 PM
:sl: I am really annoyed at my friends and family we had a big discussion on marriage and i told them that i personally dont want to get married.
My mum had a heart attack, some dont even believe me. Whats the big deal?

i am looking to finish Uni get my own house and live happy ever after ON MY OWN.
Why is that so hard to understand? Before u all think i am crazy girl i been practising for years and i dont interact with men.

Had to let it all out i feel better now:) wasalam
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DigitalStorm82
10-07-2006, 03:06 PM
Marriage is half your deen... Marriage is sunnah... Marriage is a sanctuary against sins...

Yet no one can force you to get married.

W'salaamz
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Tania
10-07-2006, 03:10 PM
Why are you not trying to be more diplomatic in your actions. Don't tell to everyone you don't want to marry, just say you didn't find x and y suitable to be your husband. When you will find the right man you will get marry, no matter when will happen that-in your 30, 40 or 70.What an advice i just gave .:rollseyes
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 03:28 PM
:sl: Tania thats what i done at first but I had to tell them the truth everyday they would try to hook me up with someone.
digital storm like u said is sunnah not a must, then again you are a guy, who would say no to have a woman cook and clean after them.
(please dont bring the whole is a 50/50 thing):w:
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DigitalStorm82
10-07-2006, 03:31 PM
May Allah help you.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 03:41 PM
:sl:

I wonder and I'm not judging you..
Are you sure you will never get any sexual desires?
I'm talking honestly now. Marriage saves you from sinning, it also creates strong bond between man and woman, if Allah (swt) so wills, it creates love or makes love stronger.

But marriage is not all about love. It's of course sexual too, for most of us I assume, so what happens when you begin to feel this desire to be sexually involved with a man?
You know, it can happen even after just meeting someone, but doesn't mean it's serious though I'm just saying... What if you fall in love, and never say it's impossible, then you want to have a physical relationship aswell, because it shows your inner feelings for one another...
You can show your inner feelings by touching, kssing etc. the one you love, so it becomes sexual, physical.

Haram... If not married.

:w:
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DigitalStorm82
10-07-2006, 03:52 PM
People change...

I know someone who said she didn't want to marry anyone... and now she has changed her mind.. but now she's 30... and now its hard to find a good guy for her.

Think about it... do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life?
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Abdulwaheed
10-07-2006, 03:53 PM
If you dont plan on getting married, i guess you dont want kids either :?
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 04:01 PM
:sl: Abdulah I might look into adoption. Anonymous i dont think thats gonna happen(personal reason).
Digital, on the `May Allah swt help u ` couldnt u sound more arrogant:rollseyes
:w:
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~Stranger~
10-07-2006, 04:02 PM
i am looking to finish Uni get my own house and live happy ever after ON MY OWN.
Why is that so hard to understand? Before u all think i am crazy girl i been practising for years and i dont interact with men.
:sl:

whos reading my mind? :?

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 04:09 PM
At least some1 knows where I am coming from:happy:
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~Stranger~
10-07-2006, 04:13 PM
:sl:

could u pm me sis plz?? we have few things to catch up with insha'allah ;)

:w:
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AhlaamBella
10-07-2006, 04:17 PM
As someone said, marriage is half your deen and the sunnah. Why refuse it? Why refuse extra reward? It could be the one thing that helps you on the day of judgement.
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habiibti
10-07-2006, 04:58 PM
Assalamu aleikum.

That is one very strong statement for real.Ur a human being,u have desires,maybe u feel u dont need it now but maybe sometime down da line u might change ur mind.
i know of some who was preaching that,but then she was living among her extended family members,maybe she thought they will be like that forever.after her sis and 2 bros married,she felt all alone,she changed her mind in her late 30s.
all i am saying is,dont rule it out,we all need companionship.just keep ur options open.
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learningislam
10-07-2006, 05:19 PM
:salamext:

sis anony, first.......i thought, may be u r a teenager...are you?
If you are, then thats not surprizing of you to say that.
Mostly, teenagers are always like that........There may be exceptional cases too.

When i was in my early teens.......i used to think the same. that there is no need to get married.......why to bother myself when i can live happily alone?....etc, (i dont even remember know what i used to think). But know , well, i think marriage is as important as oxygen. ( well, i was thinking about something that is important........and oxygen striked my mind, you can replace oxygen with anything you think is very important.) i dont mean to say that as without oxygen a person may die, similarly, a person who does not marry may die too.
What i mean to say it, For living a healthy and sound life........marriage is important.....
There are many angles to which one can say, that marriage brings along with it so many benefits. One of them, is that, it forms the basis of a family (a unit of the whole community) and the family is the place which is where we learn and grow......and well , marriage stabilizes the society.......

sis ........i have much to say but i feel like i am short of words.....or maybe i am not able to explain.

as you said, its just a sunnah.....and not must. There , sis, you need to reconsider your statement.......Prophet Muhammad said...Man a7abba Sunnati faqad a7abbani wa man a7abbani kana ma3iya fil jannahthat means...who loved my sunnah(practice) indeed loves me, and who loves me will be with me in heaven.
So sis, if i say that i love Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihay wa aalaiyhee wa sallam)...then i should be following his teachings......rite......thats the actual essence of making the claim that i love him. But , if i make the claim that i love him, and donot follow his teachings, and follow my own desires..........then i was a liar.....

I have heard that statememt quite a lot many times......its not fard, but only a sunnah....and muslims saying that really hurts. In the Quran.......a lot many times, Allah Almighty says:
"Obey Allah, and obey the messenger(s.a.w.)"

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌSay: "If you do love Allah, then follow me: Allah will love you and forgive you your sins: For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." verse 31 Chapter 3

Regarding Marriage, Prophet Muhammad (sallallaho alaihay wa aalaiyhee wasallam said:
An-nikho min sunnati......nikkah is my sunnah(way/practice)
^^^ remembered from the nasheed of zain bhikha.

so, sis....i am not forcing you , but i wanna tell you that there are lots and lots of benefits of nikkah.......just have a look at them.......and i am sure you will change your mind.

:wasalamex
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~Stranger~
10-07-2006, 06:29 PM
:sl:

this thread is making me laugh ;D

indeed the situation of our ummah is unbelieveably sad

this is a free world and no one can force u to do something u dont want- and we know the decision is urs when it come ro marriage so use that....

Abdulah I might look into adoption
u mean sponsoring?? ive been considering that as well

[PIE]
The difference between sponsoring orphans and adopting them
Question:
Many refugees are entering the USA from Kosova, they may be sponsored by christain organizations. Some brothers want to sponsor the orphans by allowing them to live in their homes and feeding them. A scholar here said that it is Haraam to adopt someone in Islaam, and he discouraged the people from sponsoring the orphans. My question is, doesn't Islaam allow us to adopt the orphans, only that the orphan does not change his last name, nor is he considered the child of the one adopting him.

Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.

There is a difference between adoption and sponsoring orphans.

A – Adoption means that a man takes an orphan and makes him like one of his own children, calling him after him, so that the orphan is not allowed to marry one of the man’s daughters, and so the sons of the adoptive father are regarded as brothers of the orphan and his daughters are regarded as his sisters, and his (the father’s) sisters are regarded as his paternal aunts, and so on. This was one of the things that were done during the first Jaahiliyyah, and some of the Sahaabah carried the names of their adoptive fathers, as in the case of al-Miqdaad ibn al-Aswad whose real father’s name was ‘Amr, but he was called ibn (son of) al-Aswad, after the man who had adopted him.

This continued into the early days of Islam, until Allaah forbade that, according to a well-known story. Zayd ibn Haarithah was called Zayd ibn Muhammad, and he was the husband of Zaynab bint Jahsh, then Zayd divorced her.

It was narrated that Anas said: When Zaynab’s ‘iddah came to an end, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Zayd ibn Haarithah, “Go and tell her about me (that I want to marry her).” So he went to her and found her kneading dough. He said, “O Zaynab, good news. The Messenger of Allaah wants to marry you.” She said, “I will not do anything until I consult with my Lord.” Then she got up and went to her prayer-place, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and entered upon her.

Concerning this, Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) when you said to him (Zayd bin Haarithah the freed‑slave of the Prophet) on whom Allaah has bestowed grace (by guiding him to Islam) and you (O Muhammad too) have done favour (by manumitting him): ‘Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allaah.’ But you did hide in yourself (i.e. what Allaah has already made known to you that He will give her to you in marriage) that which Allaah will make manifest, you did fear the people (i.e., their saying that Muhammad married the divorced wife of his manumitted slave) whereas Allaah had a better right that you should fear Him. So when Zayd had accomplished his desire from her (i.e. divorced her), We gave her to you in marriage, so that (in future) there may be no difficulty to the believers in respect of (the marriage of) the wives of their adopted sons when the latter have no desire to keep them (i.e. they have divorced them). And Allaah’s Command must be fulfilled”

[al-Ahzaab 33:37]

(Narrated by Muslim, 1428)

B – Allaah has forbidden adoption because it causes knowledge of people’s lineage to be lost, and we have been commanded to preserve people’s lineage.

It was narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no man who knowingly calls himself after someone other than his father but he has committed kufr. Whoever claims to belong to people to whom he has no ties of blood, let him take his place in Hell.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3317; Muslim, 61)

What is meant by “committed kufr” is that he has done an act of kufr, not that he is beyond the pale of Islam.

This may generate hatred and resentment between the adopted son and the children of the adoptive father, because it will cause them to lose out on something that is rightfully theirs, which will go to this orphan unlawfully who they know is not entitled to it as they are.

Sponsoring an orphan means that a man brings the orphan to live in his house, or he sponsors him somewhere other than his house, without giving him his name or forbidding that which is permitted or permitting that which is forbidden, as is the case with adoption. Rather the one who sponsors an orphan is doing a generous deed. So there can be no comparison between one who sponsors an orphan and one who adopts a child, because of the great difference between them and because sponsoring orphans is something which is encouraged in Islam.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“…And they ask you concerning orphans. Say: The best thing is to work honestly in their property, and if you mix your affairs with theirs, then they are your brothers. And Allaah knows him who means mischief (e.g. to swallow their property) from him who means good (e.g. to save their property). And if Allaah had wished, He could have put you into difficulties. Truly, Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:220]

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that sponsoring orphans is a means of being together with him in Paradise.

It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa’d said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I and the one who sponsors an orphan will be like this in Paradise” – and he gestured with his index and middle fingers, holding them slightly apart.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4998)

But we must point out that when these orphans reach adolescence, they must be separated from the wives and daughters of the sponsor. We should not do good with one hand and do evil with the other. We should also note that the one who is sponsored may be an orphaned girl and she may be beautiful and may become attractive before adolescence, so the sponsor must watch his sons lest they fall into doing haraam things with the orphans, because this could happen and be a means of causing mischief which it will be difficult to put right.

We encourage our brothers to sponsor orphans, for this is something that is rarely done except by those whom Allaah has made righteous and caused them to love good and feel compassion for the orphans and the poor, especially our brothers in Kosova and Chechnya who are faced with hardship and difficulties. We ask Allaah to relieve them of their distress.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A[/PIE]

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 06:57 PM
I don't see what is the big deal. lots of people don't get married. I have an aunt who got married at age 44 because there was no one suitable that proposed when she was younger. Her current husband I think truly is her soul mate.

There is a psychological aspect of readiness for marriage, not just a religious one. I think if people can't say anything nice, then say nothing. One can lead someone to depression and a life time of misery forcing them down a path they are not ready for!

By The way Rabyia Al'adwya, was a good Muslim, she loved God so much, that she didn't want to share that love with someone else. She wanted to dedicate her life to God. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Women don't share the same sexual urges men do. In fact I have never heard of a woman raping a man. But to be married to please your family and friends would not only declare a marriage null, having your would be husband force himself on you, when you didn't want him in the first place is considered rape.
:w:
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MusLiM 4 LiFe
10-07-2006, 07:02 PM
again it half of ur deen. at da end of da day its up2 u right, personally i think every muslim is entitled to get married. i dont get it, why dont u want to get married? what have u got against it?
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 07:17 PM
I am not the same person as the original poster. I have merely posted to support her claim. I don't know why she doesn't want to get married? it is her business. I think people need to backoff. not so much on forum as people who surround her, as they have the most influence.

Personally I see nothing wrong with marriage, if you meet someone that is suitable for you. Lots of things go into that formula. I don't remember the story correctly, but some lady in the time of prophet Mohammed SAW was married to a man she considered of lesser class than she and ended up getting a divorce. because she didn't see compatibility or happiness with him. Does that make her less of a Muslim?

It is wonderful to complete your deen yes! but what about all the unfortunate females whom no one propostioned? or all the divorced or widowed, are they all incomplete in deen just because no one suitable came along, or their husband died young, or divorced them for some untoward reason? we really need to examine our understandings of the situations better, than just slap someone with harsh words

A good Muslims is one of whom people are spared his tongue! if she wants to get married and finds someone wonderful than Inshallah I wish her the best, if she doesn't I still wish her the best!
:w:
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Tania
10-07-2006, 07:28 PM
Have you tried to say you are tooo young to get married:?
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Ninth_Scribe
10-07-2006, 07:46 PM
Originally Posted by Tania
Why are you not trying to be more diplomatic in your actions. Don't tell to everyone you don't want to marry, just say you didn't find x and y suitable to be your husband. When you will find the right man you will get marry, no matter when will happen that-in your 30, 40 or 70.What an advice i just gave .:rollseyes
I agree. I never was hot on marriage, partly because when I was 17, the one I chose to marry died, before we could get married. So, I said Never Again! When I was 45, at a time in life when I least expected it, I fell into a distance love and wanted to marry, but he died on me too... so I'm right back where I started!

The difference? Never say never because you just never know :okay:

Ninth Scribe
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Hijaabi22
10-07-2006, 09:46 PM
i dont understand- HOW CAN U NOT WANT 2 GET MARRIED
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~Stranger~
10-07-2006, 09:57 PM
I don't know why she doesn't want to get married? it is her business. I think people need to backoff. .
:sl:

totally agree. if i knew u id rep u

:w:
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rania2820
10-07-2006, 10:21 PM
to be honest sis your plan isn't realistic.you say want to have a house and live by youself.everyone needs someone in their life.many women and men have stayed alone throughout their youth but when they reached about 40 or so they start to regret not getting married and having a family.because they are all alone now.you may want to be by yourself now but when you get older trust me you will regret it. and last thing in Islam women cannot move out on their own unless they have no mahram what so ever(like women converts who have no male muslims realative).if you have a mahram you must be under the protection of your mahram or your husband.

May Allah guide us all to the righteous path
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AnonymousPoster
10-07-2006, 11:54 PM
What about people who have nobody?
I have a cousin whose both parents died my aunt and her husband while they were quite young. she was living with my grandmother and my grandmother passed away as well. everyone else is busy with their lives, her brother married and moved to Kuwait and her sister with her husband. she WANTS TO GET MARRIED, but no one has proposed to her, except an old miser who was divorced three times. one time after 6 months, his divorcee signed everything over to him for her freedom.

My cousin is an engineer, comes from an otherwise amazing family. what is the ruling on her? she has to live on her own, she didn't choose this life but it was the life handed her. She has no Mahram. And no husband. Why don't we try to imagine other's circumstances before jumping to conclusions over how unreligious or unrealistic they are?
I am sometimes surprised at how insensitive the course of some of the posts.
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Snowflake
10-08-2006, 01:50 AM
:sl: From the beginning of time, there've been women who have lived/live alone, choosing never to marry and it has done them or their deen no harm.

Some people interpret the term 'marriage completes half your deen' as if marriage automatically makes everyone a good pious muslim. NOT! It only means that you've followed the sunnah and have minimised your chances of falling into temptation and commiting sin. If one is strong enough to withstand temptation then what's wrong with remaining unmarried?

It may come as a surprise to some, but there are people who chose not to get involved physically and emotionally in this world and all it contains and instead spend their life worshipping Allah. Mainly because they have no love for what is temporary.

Some may have personal reasons like, feeling unable to sustain relationships etc etc... But whatever the reason there's nothing wrong with it. And if someone does change their mind later on, why fear that they may not find someone because they are 'past their sell-by date'? If Allah has meant for them to be with someone, it will happen no matter what their age or where they are.

Follow your wishes sister. There's no reason at all to do something you're not comfortable with. It's your life and you know how to live it better than anyone else.

:w:
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Curaezipirid
10-08-2006, 02:19 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

I was only just now this morning speaking with a person whom had nine children with different mothers and knows that none of those women gave him an aspect of his self that he needs to follow to believe in himself. Actually he is not truly within any real tradition that I believe in by assuming that of himself, but he is born to an Aboriginal mother, and manifesting a total physical resemblence to being an Aborigine. But he seems not to be in another way also. His complaint was that he seems never to be able to manifest what he is seeking from a marriage. Why get married then at all? Why even bother trying to seek what you need through another person when you could perhaps find your needs met in Prayer, and recitation. Just focusing upon making yourself an asset in labour to a Mosque is as good as working to the needs of a marriage.

I never either wanted to marry when younger. I only had a boyfriend because that was socially expected. Less fortunately now from that social expectation I was under here in modern Australia without then being a Muslim. I never really wanted marriage until becoming a mother. In fact the whole business seems to be dependant upon a biological manfiestation more than any other. I just happen to be one of those girls whom wanted babies young and had a biological urge for procreation young. I always knew that I had no really describable reason, just that if not a mother then what else would be real. But that is different for others. There are females for whom the idea of motherhood before their whole life is totally ordered around a child slotting neatly into a completely already prepared childhood experience, is just not viable. While for my own nature the lessons of the past and its inadequacies are the only real way to learn. Among both males and females there are those whom manage parenthood best as a young person and others whom manage parenthood best as an older person. I guess it depends upon our Soul and whether our forgiveness thinks to the future or the past.

But apart from having babies the idea of intimacy between me and a man is just too terrifying and irky to even contemplate. This is after three children. I think that I'd rather just go straight for the childbirth: and in considering the account in Allah for intimate contact without procreation, well all the more I want that I never need any sexual contact.

Maybe it is only because the right Husband hasn't turned up, but since he hasn't yet I'd rather be unmarried and celibate also.

Also we really need consider what we will be like in managing ourselves in the future when there are fifty females for every male. Lets start to make our communities safe for women whom chose not to marry, and that means providing male guidance in other ways that are not intimate. Fathering would continue most definitely.

There is so much that is assumed can only be communicated through initmacy. But if all that is truly only possibly within intimate relations then who will learn anything. We might all just have to get better at writing poetry to help our sisters whom will not want to marry. (and brothers if they are let away with not continuing to marry for procreation)

wasalam
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Malaikah
10-08-2006, 04:15 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
then again you are a guy, who would say no to have a woman cook and clean after them.
(please dont bring the whole is a 50/50 thing):w:
:sl:

and i'm a girl, why would i say no to a guy who would work 9 to 5 to make cash to spend on me :rollseyes

you cant ignore the 50/50!

Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
Abdulah I might look into adoption.
its not easy to adopt a kid and be a single mum... you will have to work to provide for him/her, and where are u going to leave him/her when your working, home alone? and at the same time you will have to be a good mum...

believe me being a single mum isnt easy.... all the single mums i know of have old kids and get paid by the government... and they didnt choose to be single mums, i dont think you can be allegable for government payouts if youo actually adopt a kid.. :?
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Malaikah
10-08-2006, 04:18 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
What about people who have nobody?
I have a cousin whose both parents died my aunt and her husband while they were quite young. she was living with my grandmother and my grandmother passed away as well. everyone else is busy with their lives, her brother married and moved to Kuwait and her sister with her husband. she WANTS TO GET MARRIED, but no one has proposed to her, except an old miser who was divorced three times. one time after 6 months, his divorcee signed everything over to him for her freedom.

My cousin is an engineer, comes from an otherwise amazing family. what is the ruling on her? she has to live on her own, she didn't choose this life but it was the life handed her. She has no Mahram. And no husband. Why don't we try to imagine other's circumstances before jumping to conclusions over how unreligious or unrealistic they are?
I am sometimes surprised at how insensitive the course of some of the posts.
:sl:

there is a HUGE difference between someone WANTING to live alone... and someone having no other option!
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BlissfullyJaded
10-08-2006, 04:31 AM
:sl:

I totally agree with Muslimah_Sis. Its your choice, and you have the right to do as you please as long as you're avoiding fitnah. :)

On the issue of raising an orphan, that is wonderful mashaAllah. However, every child does need a father figure in its life as well. I understand people like male-bashing, but go tell that to a child who needs a father's love as well as a mothers. :) Like sis cheese said, its not easy being a single mother...
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Al-Zaara
10-08-2006, 08:23 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
I don't see what is the big deal. lots of people don't get married. I have an aunt who got married at age 44 because there was no one suitable that proposed when she was younger. Her current husband I think truly is her soul mate.

There is a psychological aspect of readiness for marriage, not just a religious one. I think if people can't say anything nice, then say nothing. One can lead someone to depression and a life time of misery forcing them down a path they are not ready for!

By The way Rabyia Al'adwya, was a good Muslim, she loved God so much, that she didn't want to share that love with someone else. She wanted to dedicate her life to God. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Women don't share the same sexual urges men do. In fact I have never heard of a woman raping a man. But to be married to please your family and friends would not only declare a marriage null, having your would be husband force himself on you, when you didn't want him in the first place is considered rape.
:w:
:sl:

Hmm..
I think there is a difference between the sexual urges for women and for men.
Men just tend to get aggressive while women don't always. It's not like men get more often sexual need than women. Women get them too, you know. It's just that women seem to be able to hold their needs under control while a man goes almost nuts. (don't take this literally)

I agree with what has been said here. It's your choice and nobody can force you. Just that you avoid fitnah.

The thing is sis, your aunt married. You say never. It's that what bothers me. You never know what Allah (swt) has prepared for you.

By the way sis, Rabyi'a became an recluse/hermit. She completely stayed away from people and lived her life all alone, literally.
So what she did can't be compared with many others. I assume you still want friends and family around, but Rabyi'a was all alone. And it was her choice. Which I too admire her for. I wouldn't be able to do that.

Again, it's your choice. You don't want to marry, don't.
But never say never.

:w:
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AnonymousPoster
10-08-2006, 10:17 AM
Again. I am not the same person as the original poster. I have mentioned that a couple of times already. I just wanted to support her view without the usual public lash out, also since I think this is a very private matter, anyone who posts anonymousely is to me anyhow reluctant to want to be judged for their views, considering and from what I am reading, it isn't a very popular one!

I have nothing against marriage as I already mentioned. I gave a couple of examples as to what life might dish out to someone who is no different than anyone else. One my aunt marrying late. Two My cousin whose both parents are deceased as well as her sole care taker, hence she has no Mahram. By that token I was trying to perhaps open the eyes of some that one shouldn't judge so harshly NOT KNOWING the full circumstances of another human being. Why is she not married? isn't it Haram she is living alone with no Mahram? Don't make friends with that girl because those deviant views might be contagious?:giggling: well to some that is what life has offered unfortunately. Should we shun and treat them like pariahs? Have any of us guaranteed our own lives taking the most stellar course; where we or someone we know would NEVER be subjected to bad circumstance?

Not everyone wishes to air out their dirty laundry, or a matter of private nature publically. I believe when one posts anonymousely. they are trying to get a feeling for why people behave a particular way, and to seek a method with which to deal with it, in their own real life circumstance.

I wish the original poster, nothing but the sincere best. Nothing would give me greater pleasure, as an appreciater of the human condition, than her finding someone who will change her views of marriage and men. But, I will not judge her too harshly or at all even, if she opts for a celibate life. whatever her reasonings might be. or elopes with the first guy that knocks on her doors!
:w:
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Snowflake
10-08-2006, 10:22 AM
:sl:

On the issue of adoption/fostering, it is better for a child to have at least one good loving parent than none at all.

There are those for are never adopted and spend their entire childhood in childrens home. Which is better? A childhood spent in a home or in a secure relationship with one parent?

As for providing for that child as a single mom? Allah is the Sustainer and Provider. Even if a child is in a home, the government is paying for that child to be fed and clothed. Then it makes no difference if an adoptee receives benefits to raise that child, if a parent cannot provide for him/her.

And if the mother works, the child can go to nursery and later school. She can still spend quality time with her child. The child won't be a child forever.
So these difficulties are temporary. In the long run it is in the child's best interest to be brought up by a single loving parent, who can build a strong foundation for him to live his life than to be brought up in the system.

I am not denying that being a single parent is difficult, but that can happen to anyone at any time. It is worth making that sacrifice if one is able to, to enrich a child's life who otherwise may never know what it feels like to be genuinely loved and appreciated.

In difficulties lies Allah's rewards and blessings, and we should not let them stop us if it means a lot of good can come out of it.

I believe that Allah's help is with those, who do something for the sake of humanity and Allah's pleasure. It is a huge sacrifice, but not as huge as the rewards and blessing Allah will give in return.

:w:
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anonymous
10-08-2006, 10:29 AM
And if the mother works, the child can go to nursery and later school. She can still spend quality time with her child. The child won't be a child forever.
So these difficulties are temporary. In the long run it is in the child's best interest to be brought up by a single loving parent, who can build a strong foundation for him to live his life than to be brought up in the system.
Sis.. das xactly why most of our children turn out to be brats, the parents only get to see their kids for one hour or so in the morning, they come back from work to find that they're sleeping... so they become strangers.

No one is there to lookout who is associating with them, the ideas their being fed by the nursury etc...

There are those for are never adopted and spend their entire childhood in childrens home. Which is better? A childhood spent in a home or in a secure relationship with one parent?
Ofcourse having one parent is better than none, but what's even better if they have a parent who is dedicated to caring for them.

anyway.. lol my intention wasnt to reply 2ur post.. wats more importantw as the anon prsn above u!


anon did u even read what cheese said?

But, I will not judge her too harshly or at all even, if she opts for a celibate life. whatever her reasonings might be. or elopes with the first guy that knocks on her doors!
:offended: erm :offended:
Reply

Snowflake
10-08-2006, 10:43 AM
anonymous;512210]
Ofcourse having one parent is better than none, but what's even better if they have a parent who is dedicated to caring for them.

anyway.. lol my intention wasnt to reply 2ur post.. wats more importantw as the anon prsn above u!
That's what I meant by 'secure' relationship.

anon did u even read what cheese said?


:offended: erm :offended:
Nope..sorry I didn't read it. As long as you are firm in knowing what's good for you personally, then that's all that matters. :)
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anonymous
10-08-2006, 10:47 AM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
That's what I meant by 'secure' relationship.
cool.. i take it u agree with the rest of wat i sed ?


Nope..sorry I didn't read it. As long as you are firm in knowing what's good for you personally, then that's all that matters. :)

so ur the one who sed

But, I will not judge her too harshly or at all even, if she opts for a celibate life. whatever her reasonings might be. or elopes with the first guy that knocks on her doors!
:?

:X
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Snowflake
10-08-2006, 10:49 AM
Ugh! No it wasn't me. I don't post anonymous. :offended:

plus don't you think it would've contradicted with everything I said? ^o)
Reply

anonymous
10-08-2006, 10:54 AM
Originally Posted by Muslimah_Sis
Ugh! No it wasn't me. I don't post anonymous. :offended:

plus don't you think it would've contradicted with everything I said? ^o)
:lol: xactly!

just watned 2 make sure...coz u quoted the bit where i sed ":offended: erm:offended: "

sorry 4dat :D

btw.. 2da sis who sed dat men r eager 2 jump up to issues like this n leave other ones alone.. soooooo tru :hiding: . but since we're at it... as they say... 'maa yutrak juluhu laa yutrak kulluh'... but ya its unforunate :uuh: ..

salamz
Reply

rania2820
10-08-2006, 11:51 AM
i said in my post that its not allowed for women to live alone unless they don't have a mahram.i don't see this as being offense to anyone.if you don't have a mahram then of course you HAVE to live alone.

Moving far away from your family and travelling by yourself is not permissible because of the problem, rather it the wrong way to deal with it. It is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be alone with a woman unless there is a mahram present with her, and no woman should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1763) and Muslim (1341).

This hadeeth indicates that for a woman to travel alone, without a husband or mahram, is haraam. The word “travel” in the hadeeth is general in meaning, and includes travelling for Hajj and ‘Umrah or to seek knowledge. What you are intending to do comes under the heading of travel that is forbidden in this hadeeth, and if the travel is to a kaafir country, then it is even more haraam.

http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=83...living%20alone
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-08-2006, 01:24 PM
:sl: thanks for the good responces, if only people in real life were this supportive:(where i am from if choose not to marry they will think you are a horrible person or not a decent girl.
Well i am not a man hater but when i was younger many men tried it with me, i was 12,13 while they were 30+. I just dont feel comfortable and dont think i would ever be, i hope Allah swt understands, for me wanting to be alone.
:w:
Reply

Trumble
10-08-2006, 03:00 PM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: thanks for the good responces, if only people in real life were this supportive:(where i am from if choose not to marry they will think you are a horrible person or not a decent girl.
Well i am not a man hater but when i was younger many men tried it with me, i was 12,13 while they were 30+. I just dont feel comfortable and dont think i would ever be, i hope Allah swt understands, for me wanting to be alone.
:w:
If you'll accept it from a non-muslim, the very best luck to you. Some people want to get married, and are suited for marriage, and others are not. From your experiences it is easy to understand your own perspective, and its what you think you should do that counts not what others think you should do. As far as I am aware Islam does not require marriage. The hadeeth just quoted is clearly the product of a time when it simply wasn't safe for women to live and travel alone... no longer true today in most places. IMVHO there are far to many people who use the Qur'an and Hadeeth to justify what they think somebody should do, without interpreting in the light of what God's will might be regarding you. That's between you and God.

And who knows, you might just meet the one guy, one day, who will make you think differently.
Reply

AnonymousPoster
10-08-2006, 06:15 PM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: thanks for the good responces, if only people in real life were this supportive:(where i am from if choose not to marry they will think you are a horrible person or not a decent girl.
lol i dont think many people here where supportive of the idea of deciding not to marry for the sake of it. well.. not those who used quran n sunnah as evidence atleast.

not to say that it means ur horrible or not decent... it just means ur putting urself in harms way.

Well i am not a man hater but when i was younger many men tried it with me, i was 12,13 while they were 30+. I just dont feel comfortable and dont think i would ever be, i hope Allah swt understands, for me wanting to be alone.
:w:
easy. you've cried a river, now build a bridge.. and get over it. many men are mongrels, equally many aren't... so what's teh fuss?
Reply

Mezier
10-08-2006, 09:47 PM
:sl:

Well....your first post reminded me of myself about this time 2 years ago (im 19 right now btw). Live on my own, have no one to take care of, buy my own house and drive around in my own car and share it with no one, i'd say that the only noticeable difference between me and you at that time would be that im a male.

Guess what? I'm engaged to what i believe to be the most perfect girl ever. I always thought that ladies my age would be using and after some aspect of me, instead of actually caring for me but i was wrong. I found someone who genuinely cares for my well being and loves me.
And you know how fast it happened??? less than 2 months during the summer of 2005.

And if I had never met my fiancee, or had never asked for her hand in marriage....it would of been the biggest regret of my life with nothing else ever coming close to it!

I'm not saying this to change your mind or watever....im saying this because i was LIKE YOU, and my advice to you would be:
There is nothing wrong with no desire to get married as long as you keep away from sin, but I have a feeling you will one day change your mind just as i did. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but i think we all get to the point of needing someone, especially once we see that there are better spouses out there.

Hope this helps!. inshallah

:w:
Reply

limitless
10-10-2006, 08:52 PM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: I am really annoyed at my friends and family we had a big discussion on marriage and i told them that i personally dont want to get married.
My mum had a heart attack, some dont even believe me. Whats the big deal?

i am looking to finish Uni get my own house and live happy ever after ON MY OWN.
Why is that so hard to understand? Before u all think i am crazy girl i been practising for years and i dont interact with men.

Had to let it all out i feel better now:) wasalam
:sl:

Not to be un-religious or anything. I agree with her! Marriage has so many complications, issues, its just better off living alone and yes, it is not a must,a sunnah. Don't worry sis, your not the only one whose having this or going through this. Marriage is not what it seemed to be, it's more like a game now adays taken lightly, not seriously. Many girls lie these days, they cheat, same for men, they do the same thing! I know not everyone is like that, but if you think about it and see it (like me) most of them are.

:w:
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united
10-10-2006, 09:27 PM
just do your own thing sis.
when and if you are ready to get married you will, inshallah.
you are old enough to make your own decisions in life. yes there are reasons not to leave marriage till too late but its up to you. weigh up the pros and cons, make istikhra, and do what you have to.
each one of us is different and thats what makes life so interesting.
i wish you all the best and if Allah has written for you to get married, than i pray that He blesses you with the best of husbands and if He has not written you to get married than i also pray that you have the best of this world and that of the hereafter.
Reply

Al-Hanbali
10-10-2006, 11:48 PM
:sl:

Ameen :)
Reply

Dhulqarnaeen
10-11-2006, 02:27 AM
Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
:sl: I am really annoyed at my friends and family we had a big discussion on marriage and i told them that i personally dont want to get married.
My mum had a heart attack, some dont even believe me. Whats the big deal?

i am looking to finish Uni get my own house and live happy ever after ON MY OWN.
Why is that so hard to understand? Before u all think i am crazy girl i been practising for years and i dont interact with men.

Had to let it all out i feel better now:) wasalam
:sl:
I read the sadness and depression of women who have the same thinking with you sis. Yes, maybe youre right, you can life by your own. And then one day, when you get weaker, and maybe your parents already passed away, and some of your family too. And then you just life in your house...alone. No body wanna take care of you. No husband who will take care of you when you feel down and sick, and no children who can make your heart happy and light. And in the end you will end up like a woman that I read in newspaper. She dead a lone in her small house.
And no one goarantee you will be rich in the future, if youre rich then you will die in a gold cage and pool of money, and if youre poor then you will die in a small house like a goat cage. Its just the same, you will die in the end. And die in denying sunnah, is the worse and we are worry someone who deny sunnah then their death not in husnul khatimah. Dont you try to deny or avoid sunnah. Cause sunnah is for our own good. Allah dont need help from you, dont need you to do this and that. Is all by your own choice. He just show us the way by His messenger, Rasulullah shalalahu alaihi wasallam, and then the rest is up to us. Rasulullah said "Everymuslim will enter heaven, except someone who feel reluctant", and he was asked "who are they who feel reluctant yaa Rasulullah?", and Rasulullah explained that everymuslim who disobey his sunnah then theyre dont wanna enter heaven.
May Allah make us die while practising sunnah, amin.
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