The Divine Law of Arbitration in Marital Dispute, Divorce and Reconciliation
Introduction:
Islam encourages marriage and allows divorce. Marriage is the only way of satisfying sexual instinct. Allah says:"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [30:21] Again Allah reminds us: "Your wives are a garment to you and you are a garment to them."
A couple can attain inner peace and calmness through the love that Allah has put in their hearts. This love between a man and a woman includes a very important factor, the love of Allah and the love to serve Him. This is the love that remains through difficult times. It gives each spouse strength and encouragement and the will to sacrifice, not only to please the spouse or children, but mainly to please Allah, Who will take account of every action done in His way.
Arbitration in Dispute Serttlement:
The human being is, however, weak by nature, so things may not always work out well and in favor of the well-being of each member of the family. So there is divorce permitted in Islam at times, when there is absolutely no other alternative or a family's productivity and participation in the Islamic community is hindered by the couple's unwillingness to be together in peace. But before divorce, Allah wants the couple to try to mutually settle their marital disputes and live together, as He orders men: "......And consort with your wives in a goodly manner; for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which God might yet make a source of abundant good." [4:19]
If the spouses are not able to settle the dispute mutually for a peaceful living, the society is urged to to send an arbiter each from both sides to try to bring about reconciliation, as Allah says: "And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware."[4:35]
Divorce Procedure:
When arbitration fails to make peace between a couple, then there comes the question of divorce. If the wife to be divorced is a menstruating woman, she should be divorced in a period of purity in which they have no intercourse. Say a woman's menstruation cycle ended on the 7th day of a month and the man had intercourse with her on the 8th and on 11th day, they reached an agreement (after failure of the arbitration) that they would seperate. Now as they have had intercourse during the purity, they will have to wait for the purity after the next menstruation and then the man will divorce his wife before having intercourse with her. Once divorced, they can still reconcile in the following ways.
Reconciliation After First Time Divorce:
After divorce, the wife shall ordinarily stay in the house of her husband for a period known as waiting period (iddah) during which the man has the right to take her back directly. The waiting period for a menstruating woman is three menstruation cycles after the divorce. The man can take her back even during the continuance of the third menstruation. Once it is over, they become strangers and the woman shall leave the house immediately. Now she will be free to marry any man anew including her former husband, if they so agree. But he will have no priority over her.
If the divorced woman is non-menstruating due to any illness, old age or under age, her waiting period is three months. If a divorce takes place before consummation of the marriage, there is no waiting period; the couple become strangers immediately and she cannot be taken back without a re-marriage.
Reconciliation After Second Time Divorce:
The reconciliation procedure is the same as in case of the first time divorce.
Reconciliation After Third Time and Subsequent Divorces:
If after two reconciliations, the woman is divorced again, then every time she is divorced, she becomes a stranger immediately. She shall leave the house immediately and she cannot be taken back unless she has married a second man and he has divorced her or died after consummation.
Final Word:
Allah has not prescribed any word or words for divorce. Any expression that means the break of the marriage is enough for the divorce. Such expressions may be:-
* I divorce you.
* You are no longer my wife.
* You are now free from me.
* You are divorced.
* I give you talaq.
Final Precaution:
There is an un-Islamic custom in most Muslim societies that no divcorce takes place unless the word or expression of the divorce is pronounced at least thrice or more times. But the truth is that there is nothing like three talaq in Islam. So one need not say: " One talaq, two talaq, three talaq etc." Even if a man out of ignorance repeats the words of divorce thrice or more in one session, his wife will not be divorced three or more times; she will be divorced only once. But the social leaders as well as the ordinaries will step in to call it an irreconcilable divorce due to the un-Islamic wrong teachings that prevail almost worldwide among the Muslims.
SO REMEMBER! THE WORD OF DIVORCE TO BE PRONOUNCED ONLY ONCE. If one does it more than once in one session, many un-Islamic ignorance and hazards will entrap the couple.
Conclusion:
Before you marry be sure that you have learnt the Quranic laws telating to:
(1) treating with your spouse,
(2) settling marital disputes through mutual discussion,
(3) having an arbitration for reconciliation when the marriage is in a greater difficulty,
(4) If divorce is decided, the time when to divorce,
(5) the procedure of divorce, and
(6) the procedure of reconciliation.