Mullah NasrUddin Jokes

[Angelzz]

Salaams Brothers and Sisters,

I dont know if this one has been posted here before but I can't stop laughing so i decided to share it. :giggling:

Nasruddin And The Judge
One day, Joe Christian passed by a restaurant. He was tired and hungry, for he had had nothing to eat all day. His nostrils caught the smell of the delicious food being cooked inside. He stopped and sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to walk away. But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant, Rabbi Moishe, came storming out into the street. "Come here!" he bellowed. "I saw that! You took the smell of my food, and you'll have to pay for it!"
Joe Christian did not know what to do. "I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!"

"No money!" shouted Rabbi Moishe. "We'll see about that! You're coming with me to the judge!" Naturally, Joe Christian was frightened.

"Hmm," said the judge, when he had heard the story. "Well, this is an unusual case. Let me think. Come back tomorrow, and I'll pronounce the sentence."

What could Joe Christian do? He knew whatever sum the judge demanded, payment would be impossible. All night long he tossed and turned, unable to sleep for worry.

When dawn came he made his way to the judges court. As he passed by a mosque he spotted a familiar figure - Mullah Nasruddin. Suddenly, his heart lifted. For he knew that Mullah Nasruddin was a clever man, who was sure to be able to think of a way around the problem. He poured out his story, and Mullah Nasruddin agreed to come to the court and speak for him.

Rabbi Moishe was already at the court, chatting with the judge. Joe Christian saw that they were friends, and feared the judgment would go against him. He was right. The judge began heaping insults upon Joe Christian as soon as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a very large sum of money. At once, Mullah Nasruddin stepped forward. "My lord," he said to the judge. "This man is a good friend of mines. Allow me to pay in his place."

Then Mullah Nasruddin took a small bag of coins from his belt and held it next to Rabbi Moishe's ear. He shook the bag, so that the coins jingled. "Can you hear that?" asked Mullah Nasruddin.

"Of course," replied Rabbi Moishe, impatiently.

"Well, that is your payment," said Mullah Nasruddin. "My friend here, has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid."

And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the Joe Christian went free.

[Yasmine018]

has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid

And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the Joe Christian went free.

:giggling: :giggling: ;D ;D ;D

[Younus]

lol ;D

[m102313]

LOL!!

:giggling:

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[Snowflake]

:lol: now that's what I call wisdom

[Chechen]

LOL he got owned

[Al_Imaan]

lol..nice joke..

[InToTheRain]

At once, Mullah Nasruddin stepped forward. "My lord," he said to the judge.

Astaghfirullah :offended:

[FollowingAlhuda]

Hahaha

[Malaikah]

Astaghfirullah :offended:

:sl:

I know, that made me :uuh: too.

weird joke... kinda funny I guess.

[hayaa__786]

:lol:

[netprince]

Nasruddin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" asked the scholar.
"No."
"Then half your life is wasted."
A few minutes later Nasruddin turned to the passenger.
"Have you ever learned how to swim?"
"No. Why?" "Then all your life is wasted-we are sinking!"



Nasruddin used to take his donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, sifted the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time to time. Meanwhile he was visibly more and more prosperous.
Then he retired and went to live in another country. Here one of the customs officers met him, years later.
"You can tell me now, Nasruddin," he said. "Whatever was it that you were smuggling, when we could never catch you out?" "Donkeys," said Nasruddin.



A king who enjoyed Nasruddin's company, and also liked to hunt, commanded him to accompany him on a bear hunt. Nasruddin was terrified.
When Nasruddin returned to his village, someone asked him:"How did the hunt go?"
"Marvelously."
"How many bears did you see?"
"None."
"How could it have gone marvelously, then?" "When you are hunting bears, and when you are me, seeing no bears at all is a marvelous experience.

[FollowingAlhuda]

Hahaha,

He is always making me laugh!

Good stuff! Thanks for posting it bro!

Wassalam
Oum Haneefa

[netprince]

:sl:

Glad to hear you like them :)

I hope other people add some more of the Mullahs jokes to the thread, if you have any then please add them too.

:w:

[snakelegs]

i love nasruddin jokes!

[netprince]

One day Molla Nasreddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran home, put on his best robe and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him and ushered him to the head of an elaborate banquet table.

When the food was served, Nasreddin pushed his sleeves up to his plate and said, "Eat sleeves, eat! It's obvious that you're the real guest of honor today, not me!


One day a neighbor called on Molla.

"Molla, I want to borrow your donkey."

"I'm sorry," Molla said, "but I've already lent it out."

As soon as he had spoken, the sound of a donkey braying came from Molla's stable.

"But Molla, I can hear your donkey in there."

"Shame on you," Molla said indignantly, "that you would take the word of a donkey over my word."



and one for the cat lovers:

One day Molla bought three okes (an oke is 2.8 pounds) of meat and took it home to his wife. Then he returned to work. Immediately, his wife called her friends and prepared a superb dinner. In the evening, Molla returned for supper, and his wife offered him nothing but bread and onions.

He turned to her and said, "But why haven't you prepared anything from the meat?"

"I rinsed the meat and was going to put it on the stove when this **** cat came up and took it away," she said.

Molla at once ran to get the scales. Then he found the cat and weighed it. It was exactly three okes!

Then he turned to his wife and said, "Look here! If what I have just weighed is the cat, then where's the meat? But if this is the meat, then where's the cat?

[ژاله]

hilarious!!

[netprince]

One day a visitor came to Mullah Nasruddin with a question.
Mullah Nasruddin, the place that we humans come from and the place that we go to, what is it like?
Oh, said Mullah Nasruddin, it is a very frightening place.
Why do you say that? the visitor asked.
Well, when we come from there as babies, we are crying, and when somebody has to go there, everybody cries.



Mullahs Wifes

According to social rules existing during Molla's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage.

On Molla's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked, "Tell me, which of your relatives can I see without covering my face?" Molla replied, "Show your face to whomever you want; just make sure you keep it covered in my presence!"



The Turkish Bath
One day Molla went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel.

When Molla left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip.

The next week, Molla came again. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible. "This," said Molla, "is for the last visit. The gold coins are for today."

[rubiesand]

Thanks for this thread brother!

Trying to remember one....hoping I get it right......


Once Mullah NasrUddin said 'I can see in the dark'. So his friends asked him 'Then why do we see you walking around with a lantern?'. To which he replied 'That is to prevent other people bumping into me'.

[^..sTr!vEr..^]

:D lol

[samsam]

These jokes are hilarious!

[rubiesand]

One day Mullah Nasruddin had invited a visiting scholar to his house for a meal. Upon the self-important visiting scholar's arrival at Nasruddin's house, the scholar knocked and knocked. No answer, he looked through the windows, no-one there. The scholar waited, and as he waited, he became angrier and angrier. "Why, doesn't he know who I am" , "I am so and so and who does he think he is to keep me waiting!", the scholar thundered as he stomped around Nasruddin's courtyard. Finally, he became so angry he grabbed a pencil and scribbled on his doorway, "IDIOT!"

Well, around about 2 o'clock, Nasruddin returned home and suddenly remembered! He RAN back to the marketplace shouting for the scholar when he spotted him shortly. "Oh, I am so sorry, please forgive me, I remembered our appointment when I saw your name written on my door"

[IslamInside]

:sl:

Mullahs Wifes

According to social rules existing during Molla's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage.

On Molla's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked, "Tell me, which of your relatives can I see without covering my face?" Molla replied, "Show your face to whomever you want; just make sure you keep it covered in my presence!"

I didn't get this, please explain?

The Turkish Bath
One day Molla went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel.

When Molla left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip.

The next week, Molla came again. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible. "This," said Molla, "is for the last visit. The gold coins are for today."

Smart:shade:

[seeker_of_ilm]

:sl:I didn't get this, please explain?

:sl:

From what I understood, he's insinuating that shes ugly, hence telling her to "keep it covered" in his presence.

:w:

[Woodrow]

One day Mullah Nasruddin went to market to buy new clothes. First he tested a pair of trousers. He didn't like the trousers and he gave back them to the shopkeeper. Then he tried a robe which had same price as the trousers. Mullah Nasruddin was pleased with the robe and he left the shop. Before he climbed on the donkey to ride home he stopped by the shopkeeper and the shop-assistant.

- You didn't pay for the robe, said the shopkeeper.

- But I gave you the trousers instead of the robe, isn't it? replied Mullah Nasruddin .

- Yes, but you didn't pay for the trousers, either! said the shopkeeper.

- But I didn't buy the trousers, replied Mullah Nasruddin. I am not so stupid to pay for something which I never bought.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^pfft wow lol.

[netprince]

Perfection
An admirer of his once asked the sage "Master, why did you never marry?"
"Well," he replied, "In my youth I searched for the perfect woman. I spent time with many women, but they all had a flaw. One would be beautiful, but cruel. Another intelligent, but lazy. I had almost given up hope, when I met her; the perfect woman. Healthy, intelligent, sensitive, witty, beautiful, talented...she was everything I was looking for."
"So why did you not marry her?"
"Odd thing," replied the Hoja, "She was looking for the perfect man..."



Qazi (Judge) Nasruddin was working in his room one day when a neighbor ran in and said, "If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?"
"It depends," answered Nasruddin.
"Well," said the man, "your cow has killed mine."
"Oh," answered Nasruddin. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a human, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either."
"I'm sorry, Judge," said the man. "I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours."
Judge Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and then said, "When I think about it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first." And then he turned to his clerk and said, "Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you..."



A group of philosophers traveled far and wide to find, and, contemplated for many years, the end of the world but could not state a time for its coming. Finally they turned to Mullah Nasruddin and asked him: "Do you know when the end of the world will be?" "Of course, said Mullah Nasruddin , when I die, that will be the end of the world." "When you die? Are you sure?" "It will be for me at least," said Mullah Nasruddin .

['Abd al-Baari]

Good jokes

jazaakAllah.

[Khayal]

:sl:

According to social rules existing during Molla's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage.

On Molla's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked, "Tell me, which of your relatives can I see without covering my face?" Molla replied, "Show your face to whomever you want; just make sure you keep it covered in my presence!"

:giggling: :giggling:

One day a neighbor called on Molla.

"Molla, I want to borrow your donkey."

"I'm sorry," Molla said, "but I've already lent it out."

As soon as he had spoken, the sound of a donkey braying came from Molla's stable.

"But Molla, I can hear your donkey in there."

"Shame on you," Molla said indignantly, "that you would take the word of a donkey over my word."

:giggling: :giggling: :giggling:

One day Mullah Nasruddin had invited a visiting scholar to his house for a meal. Upon the self-important visiting scholar's arrival at Nasruddin's house, the scholar knocked and knocked. No answer, he looked through the windows, no-one there. The scholar waited, and as he waited, he became angrier and angrier. "Why, doesn't he know who I am" , "I am so and so and who does he think he is to keep me waiting!", the scholar thundered as he stomped around Nasruddin's courtyard. Finally, he became so angry he grabbed a pencil and scribbled on his doorway, "IDIOT!"

Well, around about 2 o'clock, Nasruddin returned home and suddenly remembered! He RAN back to the marketplace shouting for the scholar when he spotted him shortly. "Oh, I am so sorry, please forgive me, I remembered our appointment when I saw your name written on my door"

:giggling: :giggling:

Perfection
An admirer of his once asked the sage "Master, why did you never marry?"
"Well," he replied, "In my youth I searched for the perfect woman. I spent time with many women, but they all had a flaw. One would be beautiful, but cruel. Another intelligent, but lazy. I had almost given up hope, when I met her; the perfect woman. Healthy, intelligent, sensitive, witty, beautiful, talented...she was everything I was looking for."
"So why did you not marry her?"
"Odd thing," replied the Hoja, "She was looking for the perfect man..."

:thumbs_up :giggling: :giggling:

Qazi (Judge) Nasruddin was working in his room one day when a neighbor ran in and said, "If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?"
"It depends," answered Nasruddin.
"Well," said the man, "your cow has killed mine."
"Oh," answered Nasruddin. "Everyone knows that a cow cannot think like a human, so a cow is not responsible, and that means that its owner is not responsible either."
"I'm sorry, Judge," said the man. "I made a mistake. I meant that my cow killed yours."
Judge Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and then said, "When I think about it more carefully, this case is not as easy as I thought at first." And then he turned to his clerk and said, "Please bring me that big black book from the shelf behind you..."

:giggling: :giggling:

A group of philosophers traveled far and wide to find, and, contemplated for many years, the end of the world but could not state a time for its coming. Finally they turned to Mullah Nasruddin and asked him: "Do you know when the end of the world will be?" "Of course, said Mullah Nasruddin , when I die, that will be the end of the world." "When you die? Are you sure?" "It will be for me at least," said Mullah Nasruddin .

:giggling:


:w:

[rubiesand]

more!


One day Mullah Nasruddin entered his favorite teahouse and said: 'The moon is more useful than the sun'.
An old man asked 'Why Mulla?'
Nasruddin replied 'We need the light more during the night than during the day.'

[netprince]

more!


One day Mullah Nasruddin entered his favorite teahouse and said: 'The moon is more useful than the sun'.
An old man asked 'Why Mulla?'
Nasruddin replied 'We need the light more during the night than during the day.'

;D;D;D

[Helena]

guess am the last to leave a comment....

surely is a great laugh...:D :happy: ..hehehe...:D :happy:

have heard this person before mentioned in a event...

who is this person?Nasruddin..

darn cant rep ya...gotta spread it around...:mad: :raging: :scared: (felt like using these similies)

[zanjabeela]

:sl:
Oh man! I can't even pick a favorite one, I am laughing so hard. I love Mullah Nasruddin stories, they totally rock!

Who was Mullah Nasruddin? Wikipedia says this:

Nasreddin was a lower Muslim cleric who lived during the Middle Ages. His name is spelled differently in various cultures and is often preceded or followed by titles "Mullah", or "Hodja" (see section "Name variants"). Nasreddin was a populist philosopher and wise man, remembered for his funny stories and anecdotes.

Nasreddin often appears as a whimsical character of a large Arab, Azeri, Bengali, Bosnian, Hindi, Pashto, Persian, Serbian, Turkish and Urdu folk tradition of vignettes, not entirely different from zen koans. He is also very popular in Greece; he is also known in Bulgaria, although in a different role, see below.

more at Wikipedia...and elsewhere, I am sure!

[sevgi]

i have lots...even books full but i cant be bothered translating them:hiding:

[netprince]

Once, when Mullah Nasruddin was visiting a Western town, he was invited to attend a fashion show. He went, and afterwards he was asked how he liked it. "It's a complete swindle!" he exclaimed indignantly. "Whatever do you mean?" he was asked. "They show you the women - and then try to sell you the clothes!"

[Khayal]

:sl:


:)


:w:

[Pk_#2]

Astaghfirullah :offended:

Yeah.

My thoughts (That funny snooker ball with eyes came in ma head) and words exactly, how did you do that?

[Omari]

Mullah Nasrudeen is a fictional character who's stories are a favourite among muslim youth and adults. He is supposed to be very illogical and unintelligent which makes his stories fun to read.

Please Share your stories, as I will share mine :D

Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES" So Mullah Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mullah to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mullah Nasruddin said "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left! :D

LOL

Another one:
"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."

"However did you do it?"

"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."


Inshalah you enjoyed this, please post your nasrudeen jokes!

[Omari]

Mullah Nasrudeen went into a shop to buy a pair of trousers. Then he changed his mind and chose a cloak instead for the same price. Picking up the cloak he left the shop.
"You have not paid!" Shouted the merchant.
"I left you the trousers, they are of the same value." said the mullah
"But you did not pay for the trousers either!"
"Ofcourse not," said the mullah "Why should i pay for somthing i do not want?"

lol

[Fishman]

:sl:
Nasrudeen pwns n00bs...
:D
:w:

[Souljette]

lol hehehe..i dint know of him except now

[truemuslim]

LOL ive seen thes b4. lol they funny,., i like dis one:

One day, Mulla Nasruddin said to his friends: "If I die, bury me in an old grave." "Why", asked his friends. "Because", he explained, "if the angels come, I'll tell them that I died years before and have already been questioned and then they will return the way they came."

[Khayal]

:sl:

:)



:w:

[Zarmina]

How old are you, Mullah? Someone asked Mullah Nasruddin.

Three Years Older Than My Brother, said Mullah Nasruddin.

How Do You Know That?

Mullah Nasruddin said: Reasoning. Last Year. I Heard My Brother Tell Someone That I Was Two Years Older Than Him. A Year Has Passed. That Means That I am older by one year. I Shall Soon Be Old Enough To Be His Grandfather!

[HaYa-MiD gIrL]

oh my god! what a funny man !:D
thaanx alot
my regards

[------]

:salamext:

:lol: nice jokes :D

[Yerpon]

Nasrudin sat on a river bank when someone shouted to him from the opposite side, "Hey! how do I get across?" "You are across!" Nasrudin shouted back.
lol

[Souljette]

lol soooo funnyy jazakhallah for sharinggg

[sevgi]

Nasrudin sat on a river bank when someone shouted to him from the opposite side, "Hey! how do I get across?" "You are across!" Nasrudin shouted back.
lol

all his quirky business had much meaning and lessons behind them..growing up in a turkish family, i read all his lil stories etc and they made my life a whole new place back then....

thanks to all for reminding me of all these.

[cihad]

lol, this is nasrudeen hoca isn't it?
I have a book of his jokes

[khairullah]

Lols..........

One day Mullah Nasruddin was leading people in congregational prayer and when he finished the prayer, one of the person asked him " Oh Mullah Saab! why you have put the chewing gums on your nose???

Mullah Nasruddin replied " Its better to have your property under your observatin".

:):):):) Lolsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss


One more

One night Mullah nasruddin was sleeping, suddenly he woke up and told his son to give him his eye glasses. his son asked him that why do you want glasses at night? Mullah Saab replied that to see dreams very precisly and clearly.

One more

one day Mullah Nasrrudin wanted to sell his donkey, on the way to the market, his donkey fell down in the dirt stream and its tail was covered with dirt. So Mullah Saab cut the tail of the donkey so that people don't see the dirt on it and put it on its bag.

when he came to the market, a customer came and said I want to buy your donkey, Mullah saab said take it. When the customer saw the tail, he said why you have cut the tail of the donkey, I don't want it. Mullah saab took out the tail out of the bag and said take the tail with you, no problem. Lollllllllllllllllllllllslssssssssssssssssssssssss s

[truemuslim]

^^^ Loool Brother All 3 Were Funny!

[-Elle-]

LOL!this thread is hilarious...hahahaa!I never heard of him before though;I found these two,their absolutly hilarious:

:D


One hot day, Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eying speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

- Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! he mused. Just

fancy letting tinny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!

Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mullah Nasruddin's bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:

- Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!

;D


A neighbor who Nasruddin didn't like very much came over to his compound one day. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like told him, "I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here."

The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.

Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.

The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, "Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.

Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, "My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?

LOOL!

[rahimah]

haha thats hilarious both of them!

[Amat Allah]

hehehehehe

[Firyal]

nice ones
but at first i thought that ur talking abt mawlana nusruddin who reside in India

[Beardo]

Deductive reasoning

"how old are you, mulla? Someone asked, 'three years older than my brother.'how do you know that? 'reasoning. Last year. I heard my brother tell someone that i was two years older than him. A year has passed. That means that i am older by one year. I shall soon be old enough to be his grandfather.'

tit for tat

nasruddin went into a shop to buy a pair of trousers. Then he changed his mind and chose a cloak instead, at the same price. Picking up the cloak he left the shop. "you have not paid," shouted the merchant. "i left you the trousers, which were of the same value as the cloak." "but you did not pay for the trousers either.of course not,said mullah ;why should i pay for something that i did not want to buy?"

more useful

one day mullah nasruddin entered his favorite teahouse and said:'the moon is more useful than the sun'. An old man asked 'why mulla?' nasruddin replied 'we need the light more during the night than during the day.'

promises kept

a friend asked the mulla how old are you? Forty replied the mullah. The friend said but you said the samething two years ago ! Yes replied the mullah, i always stand by what i have said.

When you face things alone

you may have lost your donkey, nasruddin, but you don't have to grieve over it more than you did about the loss of your first wife. Ah, but if you remember, when i lost my wife, all you villagers said: We'll find you someone else. So far, nobody has offered to replace my donkey."

[GreyKode]

LOL, that was funny thanks.
So is this guy fictional or real?

[Beardo]

LOL, that was funny thanks.
So is this guy fictional or real?

Originally he was real. He was just witty, but then people started making him into a character after he died or something. He was afghani, if that matters. I dont know, I just like Afghani food... :thumbs_up

[ardianto]

Originally he was real. He was just witty, but then people started making him into a character after he died or something. He was afghani, if that matters. I dont know, I just like Afghani food... :thumbs_up

Nasruddin Hoja was Turkish.

[Beardo]

Nasruddin Hoja was Turkish.

Oh right, sorry!

# A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin: "Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?" "God Forbid," said Nasruddin.

# "When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run." "However did you do it?" "Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."

# NASRUDDIN MEETS DEATH Nasruddin was strolling to market one day when he saw a strange, dark shape appear, blocking his path. "I am Death," it said, "I have come for you." "Death?" said Nasruddin. "But I'm not even particularly old! And I have so much to do. Are you sure you aren't mistaking me for someone else?" "I only kill people who are not yet ready to die," said Death. "I think you're wrong," replied the Hoja. "Let's make a bet." "A bet? Perhaps. But what shall the stakes be?" "My life against a hundred pieces of silver." "Done," said Death, a bag of silver instantly appearing in his hand. "What a stupid bet you made. After all, what's to stop me from just killing you now, and thus winning automatically?" "Because I knew you were going to kill me," said Nasruddin, "that's why I made the bet." "Hmmm . . ." mused Death. "I see. But . . . but, didn't you also know, then, that I would not be able to kill you, because of the terms of our agreement?" "Not at all," said Nasruddin, and continued down the road, clutching the bag of money.

# Once, Mullah Nasruddin bought a violin. And he began to play. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... Same note, same string, over and over. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... After a few hours his wife was at her wits' end. "Nasruddin!" she screamed. NEEE.. Nasruddin put down the bow. "Yes dear?" "Why do you play the same note? It's driving me crazy! All the real violin players move their fingers up and down, play on different strings! Why don't you play like they do?" "Well dear, I know why they go up and down and try all different strings." "Why is that?" "They're looking for *this* note." And he picked up his bow and resumed his playing. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....

# Mullah Nasruddin went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking by the main mosque there, a rather confused looking tourist approached him. "Excuse me sir," said the tourist, "but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook." Nasruddin, being too proud to admit that he, too, had no idea what it was, immediately began an enthusiastic explanation. "This is indeed a very old and special mosque." he declared, "It was built by Alexander the Great to commemorate his conquest of Arabia." The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face. "But how can that be?" he asked, "I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . . Wasn't he?" "I can see that you know something of these matters." replied Nasruddin with chagrin, "In fact, Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his gratitude to God." "Oh, wow." said the tourist, then paused. "Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's time?" "An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet a visitor who understands our history so well," answered Nasruddin. "As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of Islam." The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Nasruddin could quietly slip into the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him. "But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what I read in a book; at least I'm sure it wasn't Alexander." "I can see that you are a scholar of some learning," said Nasruddin, "I was just getting to that. Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed." "Really?" wondered the tourist, "That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long time before Mohammed? Is that right?" "Certainly not!" answered the Mullah, "You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm talking about the one named Mohammed."

[Soulja Girl]

:sl:

Lol, awesome thread :thumbs_up Jazakallah khair! :)

:w:

[Beardo]

A neighbor who Nasruddin didn't like very much came over to his compound one day. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like told him, "I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here."

The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.

Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.

The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, "Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.

Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, "My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?
One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a stranger knocked the door.

- What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out.

- Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it.

Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder.

- Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing?

- Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger.

Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said,

- Follow me up to the roof.

When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said,

- The answer is no!
Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it:

Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins

A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying:

- A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?

- Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question, please?
Nasruddin used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot. No matter how often people offered him a large and a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece.

One day a kindly man said to him:

- Nasruddin, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have more money and people will no longer be able to make a laughing stock of you.

- That may be true, said Nasruddin, but if I always take the larger, people will stop offering me money to prove that I am more idiotic than they are. Then I would have no money at all.

As Nasruddin emerged form the mosque after prayers, a beggar sitting on the street solicited alms. The following conversation followed:

- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes Nasruddin. replied the beggar.

- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes. replied the beggar.

- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes. replied the beggar.

- ...And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.

- Yes I like all those things. replied the beggar.

- Tut, Tut, said Nasruddin, and gave him a gold piece.

A few yards farther on. another beggar who had overheard the conversation begged for alms also.

- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.

- No, Nasruddin replied second beggar.

- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.

- No. replied second beggar.

- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.

- No. replied second beggar.

- ...And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.

- No, I want to only live meagerly and to pray. replied second beggar.

Whereupon the Nasruddin gave him a small copper coin.

- But why, wailed second beggar, do you give me, an economical and pious

man, a penny, when you give that extravagant fellow a sovereign?

Ah my friend, replied Nasruddin, his needs are greater than yours.

[Beardo]

Nasruddin was awakened in the middle of the night by the cries of two quarreling men in front of his house. Nasruddin waited for a while but they continued to dispute with each other. Nasruddin couldn't sleep, wrapping his quilt tightly around his shoulders, he rushed outside to separate the men who had come to blows. But when he tried to reason with them, one of them snatched the quilt off Mul shoulders and then the both of men ran away. Nasruddin, very weary and perplexed, returned to his house. "What was the quarrel about?" wondered his wife when Nasruddin came in. "It must be our quilt," replied Nasruddin. "The quilt is gone, the dispute is ended."

[Beardo]

The Moving Friend

"Nasrudin," a friend said one day, "I am moving to another village. Can I have your ring, so that I will remember you every time I look at it?"

Nasrudin replied, “Well, you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you will definitely remember me.”

Clothes Shopping

Nasrudin was shopping for clothes. He tried on a coat, and then took it off, and said to the storeowner, “Well, I don’t really want this. Take it and give me a pair of pants instead.”

The storeowner did, and then Nasrudin put the pants on and began walking out of the store. The storeowner stopped him and said, “Sir, you forgot to pay me for those pants.”

Nasrudin replied, “I exchanged the coat for these pants.”

The storeowner said, “But you did not pay for that coat, either.”

Nasrudin responded, “Of course I didn’t—why would I pay for something I chose not to take!”

The Loan Request

A friend asked Nasrudin, “Can I borrow 1000 toman from you for three months.”

“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I can fulfill half of your loan request.”

“OK; that’s fine,” the friend said, “I’m sure I can get the other 500 toman somewhere else.”

“You misunderstood me,” Nasrudin replied. “The half of your loan request I agreed to was the time: the three months. As for the 1000 toman, I cannot give it to you.”

Can I Borrow Your Donkey?

A man knocked on Nasrudin’s door. When Nasrudin opened it, the friend asked, “Can I borrow your donkey?”

“I would love to help you,” Nasrudin replied, “but I have already lent it to someone else.”

Just then, a loud donkey noise came from Nasrudin’s yard.

“Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!”

Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you are going to take the word of a donkey over mine?”

Sack of Vegetables

Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetables in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, “What are you doing in my garden?”

Nasrudin confidently responded, “The wind blew me here.”

“That sounds like BS to me,” the man replied, “but let’s assume that the wind did blow you here. Now then, how can you explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?”
“Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin responded. “I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind.”

“Well,” the man continued, “then tell me this—how did the vegetables get in your sack?”

“You know what,” Nasrudin said, “I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!”

[- IqRa -]

lol some of these are really funny :D

[Sarahd]

:sl:
U have to read this joke, it's great!

Once Nasruddin was going to visit a friend of his for something,
when he arrived at the house he saw his friend sitting by the window and looking out, he knocked on the door and the mans wife opened, Nasruddin asked for the man. The wife said: He is not in. Nasruddin replied:
Tell him not to leave his head behind next time.

:D:D:D

[Sarahd]

Let me know what you think....:)

[aadil77]

i don't get it :p

[Pk_#2]

i don't get it :p

:X

His head woz sticking out tha window mannn, c'mon, u cnt miss tha jke bruv..

Nyc1 sis.

[- IqRa -]

Lol...

[Sarahd]

Asalaamu Alaikum
nice joke masha Allah!
here's some more jokes of Nasruddin, realy nice!

NASRUDDIN WENT INTO A SHOP TO BUY A PAIR OF TROUSERS. THEN HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND CHOSE A CLOAK INSTEAD, AT THE SAME PRICE. PICKING UP THE CLOAK HE LEFT THE SHOP. "YOU HAVE NOT PAID," SHOUTED THE MERCHANT. "I LEFT YOU THE TROUSERS, WHICH WERE OF THE SAME VALUE AS THE CLOAK." "BUT YOU DID NOT PAY FOR THE TROUSERS EITHER.OF COURSE NOT,SAID MULLAH ;WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BUY?"


"HOW OLD ARE YOU, MULLA? SOMEONE ASKED, 'THREE YEARS OLDER THAN MY BROTHER.'HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 'REASONING. LAST YEAR. I HEARD MY BROTHER TELL SOMEONE THAT I WAS TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HIM. A YEAR HAS PASSED. THAT MEANS THAT I AM OLDER BY ONE YEAR. I SHALL SOON BE OLD ENOUGH TO BE HIS GRANDFATHER.'

;-)

[zanjabeela]

:sl:
LoL! These never get old! Thanks, sis sarahd and eHafiz, for the latest installments! :D

:w:

[zanjabeela]

:sl:
Funny, after reading these here, I just read a sister's blog that has Mullah Nasruddin stories. Here they are:

“Laws as such do not make people better,” said Mulla Nasrudin to the King; “they must practice certain things, in order to become attuned to inner truth. This form of truth resembles apparent truth only slightly.” The King decided that he could, and would, make people observe the truth. He could make them practice truthfulness. His city was entered by a bridge. On this he built a gallows. The following day, when the gates were opened at dawn, the Captain of the Guard was stationed with a squad of troops to examine all who entered. An announcement was made: “Everyone will be questioned. If he tells the truth, he will be allowed to enter. If he lies, he will be hanged.” Nasrudin stepped forward. “Where are you going?” “I am on my way,” said Nasrudin slowly, “to be hanged.” “We don’t believe you!” “Very well, if I have told a lie, hang me!” “But if we hang you for lying, we will have made what you said come true!” “That’s right: now you know what truth is - YOUR truth!”

---------------------

Mulla Nasruddin recommended nicely cooked aubergines (brinjals) to the King. The King relished them. After a week of eating aubergines, the King told the Mulla that he hated them. The Mulla replied stating that aubergines were really no good. The King asked the Mulla why he had changed his views. The Mulla said, “Majesty, I did. But the fact is I am the servant of the King and not of the vegetable.”

---------------------

Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. “At this time,” said Nasrudin, “I only want to say that the King spoke to me.” All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, “What did the King say to you?” “What he said — and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear — was ‘Get out of my way!’” The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.

[Sarahd]

nice ones sis!