Teach me to be a good mother.

[syilla]

:sl:

Please give good advises, quranic verses, hadith and teach me on how to be a good mother.

p/s:- please don't move this thread to other section because i think family section should come in hand with marriage section.

wassallam

[Skillganon]

JazakAllah khair sis for opening this thread.

[Umar001]

:sl:

Please give good advises, quranic verses, hadith and teach me on how to be a good mother.

p/s:- please don't move this thread to other section because i think family section should come in hand with marriage section.

wassallam

Teach them Qu'ran and make du'a that they become hafidh.

Then personally I'd teach them some important books for the basics of the deen, and also teach them Imam Nawawi's hadith.

Like:

From Anas, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, say:

"Allah the Almighty has said: 'O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me, and hope in Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds in the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I shall forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with an earthful of sins and were you then to face Me, without having associated anything with Me, I shall grant you an earthful of pardon.'"

[Recorded by Al-Tirmidhi, who said that it is a good and sound hadith]

Really emphesise the aspect that Allah wants us to be with Him and that He will love us if we try to be good insha'Allah.

Also, I would teach them the hadith, which i cannot find now, about that if mankind and everything gethered to do something bad it could not happen unless Allah allows it, and that if they all gathered to do good for you it would not happen unless Allah allows it, so that your children fear and love in their extremes noone but Allah and rely upon Allah only.

[Al_Imaan]

^^i think she's askin' about herself :?....i think ayats from the quran and hadith that state how a mother can fulfill her duties...

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[Umar001]

^^i think she's askin' about herself :?....i think ayats from the quran and hadith that state how a mother can fulfill her duties...

Ohhhh, my bad, your pretty sharp.

Theres a book, The Ideal Muslimah, sounds interesting

[syilla]

^^i think she's askin' about herself :?....i think ayats from the quran and hadith that state how a mother can fulfill her duties...

no not really...

that hadith is beautiful....

i want anything about being a mother, how to teach our children too and etc.

[siFilam]

asalamualikum,
here is an advice that, InshAllah, I will also practice once I have kids. DON'T BRING ANY TV IN THE HOUSE. iits for all parents not just mothers. hope this helps sister.
-SI-

[syilla]

asalamualikum,
here is an advice that, InshAllah, I will also practice once I have kids. DON'T BRING ANY TV IN THE HOUSE. iits for all parents not just mothers. hope this helps sister.
-SI-

lol u are absolutely right.

what if our hubby loves watching tv?what should we do?

[siFilam]

lol u are absolutely right.

what if our hubby loves watching tv?what should we do?

lol, then Inshallah it will be a good war to fight. :p
on the serious side, this is really important. Inshallah I want I all my kids to be Hafiz and Alim so TV will only destroy their mind, heart and time. I know ppl will say what about the good stuff on TV like news and many other things, but the bad and haram things on TV outweighs the benefits it brings.
May Allah give us the ability to do good. Amin.

[jzcasejz]

:sl:

Heres A Book Called 'The Ideal Muslimah' And There's A Whole Chapter On Children...

I Haven't Read It Myself So Cant Guarantee It's What You Looking For...But Nonetheless I'll Post It Here :

..::The Ideal Muslimah::..

http://www.islambasics.com/view.php?bkID=104

:w:

[BlackIce_645]

lol, then Inshallah it will be a good war to fight. :p
on the serious side, this is really important. Inshallah I want I all my kids to be Hafiz and Alim so TV will only destroy their mind, heart and time. I know ppl will say what about the good stuff on TV like news and many other things, but the bad and haram things on TV outweighs the benefits it brings.
May Allah give us the ability to do good. Amin.

If i may, i would disagree with not allowing a TV in the house. The reason is as follows: children will see TV somewhere, sometime. If you have not instilled in them the values of what is good and what is not good to watch, when they have the opportunity to watch tv, they will be tempted. Not only that, they will be tempted to watch something that you completely disagree with morally as well as personally. This occurs quite frequently in households which shield their children from many things. Now, i am not saying to turn on the tv and have your children gain access to all things under the sun, but i would say allow them to watch tv, but instill in them reasoning behind why they should not watch certain tv programs. This way, when you are not around, they will be more apt to change the channel when something inappropriate comes on.

That being said, the idea of blocking all tv altogether is not a bad one, it just has its downsides just like everything else.

[- Qatada -]

:salamext:



..In normal situations, telling a lie is forbidden, whether it is said in earnest or in jest. Consider the following Hadith in which Abdullah Ibn Masoud quotes the prophet as saying: “Lying is improper whether in earnest or in jest. (All lying is unacceptable) even if any one of you promises his child something and does not fulfill his promise. (Related by Al-Bukahri in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Abu Dawood).

This Hadith shows how greatly repugnant lying is viewed as in Islam. Most people do not find anything wrong with not fulfilling a certain promise given to young a child. The child is bound to forget or he can be easily appeased with something different. But deliberate unfulfilment of a promise given by a parent to a child is unacceptable. In order to emphasise this last point, et me quote this report by Abdullah Ibn Amir, a young companion of the Prophet. He says: “My mother called me one day when Allah’s messenger (peace be upon him) was in our house. She said “Come and I will give you something.” Allah’s Messenger (Peace be upon him) asked her: “What do you intend to give him?” She said: “I want to give him dates.” The Prophet said: “If you were not to give him something, your statement would be recorded against you as a lie.”

http://www.islamicvoice.com/january.2000/hadith.htm

[Umar001]

I think the idea of blocking tv, is one like the idea of wearing hijab. In the sense that unless you explain to the child why the action is being done they will some time or another yearn to take steps to undo what you have done. How many teenage girls now days end up taking the hijab off because their parents didnt explain the importance, they just used to say 'Put it on' and now the girls thinking they have no reason but because their parents said so, take it off. Similarly, if the parent does not install the moral reasons behind an action, the child is likely to oppose the action as it grows older just because there is no reason to uphold it, specially if the action is something which might bring dillusional satisfaction.

[syilla]

If i may, i would disagree with not allowing a TV in the house. The reason is as follows: children will see TV somewhere, sometime. If you have not instilled in them the values of what is good and what is not good to watch, when they have the opportunity to watch tv, they will be tempted. Not only that, they will be tempted to watch something that you completely disagree with morally as well as personally. This occurs quite frequently in households which shield their children from many things. Now, i am not saying to turn on the tv and have your children gain access to all things under the sun, but i would say allow them to watch tv, but instill in them reasoning behind why they should not watch certain tv programs. This way, when you are not around, they will be more apt to change the channel when something inappropriate comes on.

That being said, the idea of blocking all tv altogether is not a bad one, it just has its downsides just like everything else.

Actually, for me i'm not really worried about the temptation. I'm more worried about time wasting. Not to mentioned long advertisements. :smile:

[siFilam]

:sl:

If i may, i would disagree with not allowing a TV in the house. The reason is as follows: children will see TV somewhere, sometime. If you have not instilled in them the values of what is good and what is not good to watch, when they have the opportunity to watch tv, they will be tempted. Not only that, they will be tempted to watch something that you completely disagree with morally as well as personally. This occurs quite frequently in households which shield their children from many things. Now, i am not saying to turn on the tv and have your children gain access to all things under the sun, but i would say allow them to watch tv, but instill in them reasoning behind why they should not watch certain tv programs. This way, when you are not around, they will be more apt to change the channel when something inappropriate comes on.

That being said, the idea of blocking all tv altogether is not a bad one, it just has its downsides just like everything else.

Alhamdullilah, this is a very good point. But I think (plz correct me if I am wrong, I still much to learn) the temptation is true for all other things we’re not supposed to do. I don’t know how TV shows and commercials are in other countries so my point of view is from someone who lives in the US. Inshallah I plan to raise my kids here too.
My point is, in the US even the commercials have so much haram stuff. for example, the cartoons, (I grew up watching cartoon) there is no sense of shame in some of the cartoons and remember Hayah is ½ of Iman. The girls wear haram cloths (ex look up supergirl) and they promote too many un-Islamic views …I can go on. Y expose kids to these things at such a tender age. If they grow up understanding why a certain thing is harmful to their Iman then Inshallah they will avoid them once they are older. Again, we have to make Du’a to Allah, The Most Merciful, because He is the only source of guidance.
Temptations will always exist because we are here in this world to be tested. And there will be more temptations if the source of the sin is in your own house. My purpose is to implement in my kids the Islamic morals and the reasons behind those morals through the help and guidance of Allah, The Most High. Then Inshallah it will be easier for them to fight of their temptation.
-SF-

[princess]

a good muslim mother would teach her kids
all about islam from a young age, n teach dem da
difference between right n wrong.

[Ra`eesah]

Assalamu'Alaykum

I can already tell you are a good mother Maasha`Allaah.

Here is a wonderful site with PLENTY of information I am sure you will love it, bi`ithnillaah.

http://oum_abdulaziz.tripod.com/mothering.htm

[Maidah]

:sl:




Alhamdullilah, this is a very good point. But I think (plz correct me if I am wrong, I still much to learn) the temptation is true for all other things we’re not supposed to do. I don’t know how TV shows and commercials are in other countries so my point of view is from someone who lives in the US. Inshallah I plan to raise my kids here too.
My point is, in the US even the commercials have so much haram stuff. for example, the cartoons, (I grew up watching cartoon) there is no sense of shame in some of the cartoons and remember Hayah is ½ of Iman. The girls wear haram cloths (ex look up supergirl) and they promote too many un-Islamic views …I can go on. Y expose kids to these things at such a tender age. If they grow up understanding why a certain thing is harmful to their Iman then Inshallah they will avoid them once they are older. Again, we have to make Du’a to Allah, The Most Merciful, because He is the only source of guidance.
Temptations will always exist because we are here in this world to be tested. And there will be more temptations if the source of the sin is in your own house. My purpose is to implement in my kids the Islamic morals and the reasons behind those morals through the help and guidance of Allah, The Most High. Then Inshallah it will be easier for them to fight of their temptation.
-SF-

Sis you're absolutely right but if you take away the source of temptation then the point of the test will be lost. The best is to test you children living amongst the temptation, because that's when they'll adhere to it with confidence, at home and outside and understand the reason behind the decisions. You've to put foraward the rights and the wrongs to children and guide them to choose the right through your upbringing.

In my opinion the way to be a good mother is to potray yourself as a rolemodel. If you want your kids to do something you must also be seen doing it yourself. Why i said it is cuz i've seen many parents tell their kids 2 do certain stuff whilst they contradict themselves by their own actions. Cuz it's said that a childs 1st school is his mum.

[asma14]

If i may, i would disagree with not allowing a TV in the house. The reason is as follows: children will see TV somewhere, sometime. If you have not instilled in them the values of what is good and what is not good to watch, when they have the opportunity to watch tv, they will be tempted. Not only that, they will be tempted to watch something that you completely disagree with morally as well as personally. This occurs quite frequently in households which shield their children from many things. Now, i am not saying to turn on the tv and have your children gain access to all things under the sun, but i would say allow them to watch tv, but instill in them reasoning behind why they should not watch certain tv programs. This way, when you are not around, they will be more apt to change the channel when something inappropriate comes on.

That being said, the idea of blocking all tv altogether is not a bad one, it just has its downsides just like everything else.

yes, i agree because i have little cousins who are 6 and 4 years old, and they have no TV in their house. My mom babysits them, so we don't watch much TV when they're aorund, but if we do open it, they are so eager to watch it because it's something that they're really interested in...they dont even know whats coming on; they only watch it for the sake of watching TV...

[tomtomsmom]

Islamically speaking I can offer no advice. But mother to mother there isn't much difference. Start your children learning manners very early. Before my son could even talk I started to teach him by the way I spoke to him. Children learn through example. Be the kind of person you want your children to be. Never speak to them with anger in your heart. They will always know. Praise for good actions will be remembered more than harsh words for bad actions.
Sis there are so many more things.......if you want to we can talk in pm's or on msn.
Peace

[Dhulqarnaeen]

Masha Allah, being a good mother...(may Allah make you a good mother ukhty Syilla, amin).

1. REALIZE it, you were a child, of course you can feel how they feel if you yaled at them or oinch them, and Imsure you know what its feel if you hug them and give them your love. And IM sure you ever feel the peacefull when you were taken care by your mother when you were sick. So do taht to your children what you feels good. Insha Allah.

2. Being a mother is not about ordering the children to do this and that. But its about building their intention so they realize what they should do in their own house. So they will do all with cheerfull. Masha ALlah, I know a good girl who always do her works in her weekend. And she do all cause she feels its her job, and she doesnt need to be asked. Although she had to clean thousands of windows in her house :cry: masha ALlah.

3. Being a good mother, then.....STAY AT HOME!!! And dont work. Give full attention to your childrens aqidah, cause if ther aqidah built strongly then it would be much easier for the rest of their life, and if you abandone their aqidah education, then it will b be more headache for you as a mother for the rest of your life.

4. Being a good mother...be good to your own mother. Cause I ever hear hadith that IF we do bad deeds to our parents, then our children will do the same to us when we are old. Allahu alam I dont remember the sanad :uuh: .

5. Being a good mother...teach your self Islam till you die, and be a complete (kaffah) muslim. Wear good hijab, and shalat on time. The childen will do almost all of what their parents do. If they see you salah then they will do and act like they salah...its so funny though seeing them like taht :D

6. THROW AWAY TV from your house, wallahi its poison for your family even for your husband. The TV is not haram, but the programe these days most of them are haram. Naked women, harshness, murder, and all. And we can see the effects on our children so fast if you make them watch TV everyday. Once my nephew (he was just 3 years old :D ) called me "Amiii.....come here. I have something to tell you!", and then I came to him. And then he came to me and wanted to whisper something. I got excited right caus this little kid wanna share his secret with me. And then he said "Dont tell anybody....Im Spiderman" :grumbling :grumbling I was like "I wanna kill this kid" :D :D .
And then one day I saw him (his name is Fawzan) looked confuce. And he pointed his finger to his head, and he said "Im confuce". I was like "this little kid, as if he had a big problem ajee" :D . And then I asked him..."whats a matter?" and he said "Im confuce ammi....I wanna be Superman or power rangers"...feels like I almost drop from my chair :mad: :uhwhat TV...TV...so effectionate.

[Al-Zaara]

:sl:

Some points I gotta comment to, brother Dhulqarnaeen.

3. Being a good mother, then.....STAY AT HOME!!! And dont work.

I don't fully agree with that, yes the first couple years you gotta give much attention but kids go to Kindergarten and school etc... And for some mothers it feels good to be able to help provide money for the family, and she can still do her duties as a mother.

6. THROW AWAY TV

loq I have learned fluent German and much better English thanks to the TV. :) But mostly, I do agree TV is not too good for the children.

Ma'salama

[Snowflake]

MashaAllah some great advice there already..


The other thing is that children will and do pick up bad habits and words from 'outside' and even adults/children from extended family members.
If that happens the worst thing to do is shout or get angry with them. They may not realise how wrong it is and even think it's normal.

My son (8) picked up the word 'bloody heck/hell'. It started cropping up frequently. From a child's mouth it sounds awful and rude. I told him not to use it, but it would still slip out. So I told him that we'll flush that bad word down the toilet. He thought this was very funny and wanted to 'flush' it down the toilet too.

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

more tips laters inshaAllah.

[siFilam]

:salamext:

:sl:

Some points I gotta comment to, brother Dhulqarnaeen.

I don't fully agree with that, yes the first couple years you gotta give much attention but kids go to Kindergarten and school etc... And for some mothers it feels good to be able to help provide money for the family, and she can still do her duties as a mother.
Ma'salama

I agree with Dhulqarneen, unless a sister has to work in order help her husband to provide for their family, she should do her best to stay at home. First couple years are very critical to a child’s development and as equally important are the later years of a kid’s life. Particularly when the kids reach their teens.

-SI-

[Umar001]

To emphesise on telling your children the reason behind things I just remembered.

An example is, look at how Allah deals with us, Allah has all the right to just write a list and say Dont do this..... and Do this.... And it would be sufficient for us to follow.

But Allah out of His great Mercy has allowed us to know some of the reasons behind the Prohibitions. Wear Hijab lest you be molested, and the fact that intoxicants might have a little good but most is bad and so forth. So this is something Allah has given us, why should we give it not to our children, Islam's reason and logic is something which captures the eyes of many, this is something many reverts will always say 'islam is so simple yet so logical and comprehensive'

So thats a big reason to not jus say 'put your hijab on' but actualy exaplain.

Eesa :)

[siFilam]

To emphesise on telling your children the reason behind things I just remembered.

An example is, look at how Allah deals with us, Allah has all the right to just write a list and say Dont do this..... and Do this.... And it would be sufficient for us to follow.

But Allah out of His great Mercy has allowed us to know some of the reasons behind the Prohibitions. Wear Hijab lest you be molested, and the fact that intoxicants might have a little good but most is bad and so forth. So this is something Allah has given us, why should we give it not to our children, Islam's reason and logic is something which captures the eyes of many, this is something many reverts will always say 'islam is so simple yet so logical and comprehensive'

So thats a big reason to not jus say 'put your hijab on' but actualy exaplain.

Eesa :)

:salamext:
wow, Mashallah. good point. I am definitely going to try to keep this in mind.
-SI-

[Al-Zaara]

:salamext:

I agree with Dhulqarneen, unless a sister has to work in order help her husband to provide for their family, she should do her best to stay at home. First couple years are very critical to a child’s development and as equally important are the later years of a kid’s life. Particularly when the kids reach their teens.

-SI-

:wasalamex

I don't think the mother is needed to stay the whole day at home while the child is at school. I do think it's good to stay home, but I'm not emphasizing it.

It's not the fact you have time with your child, it's how you use it.

A child's mother could always be there, but still lack connection with her own kid, she could have problems talking, showing affection etc. even though she's always close by.
Every child is influenced by its environment e.g. school, friends, hobbies... It all could lead to difficulties with parents at home.

Ma'salama

[lolwatever]

MashaAllah some great advice there already..


The other thing is that children will and do pick up bad habits and words from 'outside' and even adults/children from extended family members.
If that happens the worst thing to do is shout or get angry with them. They may not realise how wrong it is and even think it's normal.

My son (8) picked up the word 'bloody heck/hell'. It started cropping up frequently. From a child's mouth it sounds awful and rude. I told him not to use it, but it would still slip out. So I told him that we'll flush that bad word down the toilet. He thought this was very funny and wanted to 'flush' it down the toilet too.

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

more tips laters inshaAllah.

:lol: cute kid mash

[Dhulqarnaeen]

:wasalamex

I don't think the mother is needed to stay the whole day at home while the child is at school. I do think it's good to stay home, but I'm not emphasizing it.

It's not the fact you have time with your child, it's how you use it.

A child's mother could always be there, but still lack connection with her own kid, she could have problems talking, showing affection etc. even though she's always close by.
Every child is influenced by its environment e.g. school, friends, hobbies... It all could lead to difficulties with parents at home.

Ma'salama

What I mean with "a mother stay at home", well...I just read explanation of our ulama salaf, that women should sta at home EXCEPT if she has to go out, example: Shopping, taking the kd to school, and every programme that they "have" to. But beside that, a mother should spend their time with their children as much as it can.
And yes...youre partly right that its all about "How you use it". But many mother talk like that but actually they just dont realize, they think they have done their best. They go to offices, ikhtilat between men and women, and go home when theyre tired, so canthey still say "Its how you use it". I would prefer my mother stay with me as much as she can although she cant show her love conpletely cause of thats really her personalities (some mothers cant show her love although they want it so bad, its just her personalities), ut the most importance that shes there for me when I need her, and I can feel that shes around, so I can feel peacefull.
But everone have right to have different opinion of course. Its advices from our ulama, that women not encouraged to work and they best stay at home :)

[Mawaddah]

So we went to the bathroom for the ceremony. And stood infront of the toilet. I then told him now he must flush it away by saying it as if he's 'throwing' it into the toilet. Amidst both our giggles (gotta make it amusing) he shouted the word down the toilet. Then I told him to flush it away because muslims shouldn't be using bad words.

Lol, he yanked the flush-handle and 'flushed' the word away. It was like he'd psychologically got it out of his system. You'd be surprised to hear that it worked and he actually stopped saying it. :statisfie

.

:lol: Masha'allah sis! Your little boy sounds like the sweetest little thing awwww Masha'allah.
I have to say that that was a really creative method though masha'allah :)

The way to be a good mother? First educate yourself, what's the use of staying home all day with your children if you can't even teach them islamically what's good and what's bad? Which is the case with too many stay at home moms :-\

[tomtomsmom]

NEVER underestimate how smart kids really are. They see things that we don't and see them in a much simpler way.
Example: My son (was 5 at the time) asked me if he could have ice cream after dinner. I say to him "maybe, we will have to see". He gets this broken look on his face so I ask him what it wrong. He stares me straight in the eye and says "Mom, don't you know that maybe, we will see, is grown up talk for NO!"
I almost fell over laughing so hard. He ummmm didn't think it was funny.:D