Opposite Gender Concerns

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Dont forget that not everyone is like you. Rules apply to everyone cuz there will be such a person in the population. Its a precaution.

[tomtomsmom]

My 2 cents worth...........I can see both sides. As a teenager I hung out with boys all the time. My parents were so involved in their own drama they had no idea what I was doing. Lets just say.........what I was doing was not what a 14 year old should be doing. Back then I thought nothing of it. But now I see how different my life would have been if those things hadn't been around me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't take any of it back because it has made me the person I am today. But I want better for my son. So will I allow him to hang out with girls??? Ummmm that would be a big fat NO!!!!!

[Count DeSheep]

I guess its just had for me to relate since I don't share the same level of taboo/aversion regarding physical attraction. Dissacociating with half the human race is a pretty drastic measurem, so this taboo/aversion/commandment must be a very strongly held one.

Same here. But a good point was made about Catholicism...Many of its followers are Catholic only because they call themselves that. Christianity in general is not a well-structured religion, and part of that lies in the mixing of genders. A rather large church in my county had a faction of members split off from it because of things going on there that shouldn't have been going on. I won't go into specifics, but there was a lot of corruption in every level of the church, from the people that came every other Sunday to the leadership itself.

I'm not saying that it's not good to be Christian, it's just that so many people call themselves Christian and have Christian beliefs, and yet are bad people. Not all Christians are bad, but many of the "gangstaz" that curse and talk about gangs and stuff say they are Christian. In my own experience, anyway.

But I want better for my son. So will I allow him to hang out with girls??? Ummmm that would be a big fat NO!!!!!

Converting to Islam? =P

[Pygoscelis]

A rather large church in my county had a faction of members split off from it because of things going on there that shouldn't have been going on.

Gender segregation caused these problems? Priests raping young BOYS wouldn't be cured by this. Nor would all the other abuses that exist within church societies.

It is a social dynamic in which problems will and do occur. You've got people looked to as authority figures and followers who are encouraged not to question the religion's teachings, which is usually the preacher's interpretation of it rather than peoples' independent interpretation. On top of that you've got a lot of followers who follow based on emotional needs (you're bound to have some very vulnerable people, who are then taken advanage of). These things will and do occur, but it is not rampant. It isn't the norm. And I don't see what if anythng it has to do with gender mixing.

I'm not saying that it's not good to be Christian, it's just that so many people call themselves Christian and have Christian beliefs, and yet are bad people.

Take 10 random Christians and you'll get 10 different interpretations of what Christian beliefs are. There is so much variance in the religion that its amazing. Falwell, Fred Phelps, Presbeterians, Southern Baptists, Mormons, Jehovas Witnesses, Chrstian Unitarians..... I don't think they all have any actual belief in common besides that they all label themselves christian.

So its hard to really say what a Christian is, beside somebody who assigns themself that label.

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[NoName55]

:sl:
Gender segregation
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Gender segregation is the separation, or segregation, of people according to sex or gender. Public bathrooms, public showers, dormitories, changing rooms, prisons and other areas are often sex segregated. Sometimes there are separate hours or separate facilities in public saunas. Some religious buildings have separate entrances and worship areas for men and women.

Men and women also tend to work in different occupations; for example, more than 90% of nurses in the United States are women. This is referred to as occupational segregation.

The term gender apartheid is a derogatory term applied to segregation of people by gender, implying that it is sexual discrimination. Gender segregation is a controversial policy, with the strongest critics contending that in most or all circumstances it is a violation of human rights, and strong supporters holding that it is necessary to maintain decency, sacredness, modesty, or the family unit.

In Judaism

Traditional Jewish synagogues are sex segregated.

In Islam

Islam discourages social interaction between men and women but not all
interaction between men and women. This is shown in the example of
Hazrat Khadija R.A, who employed Hazrat Muhammad ﷺ and met with him ﷺ to conduct trade
before they were married, and in the example set by the other wives of
Muhammad ﷺ , who taught and counselled the men and women of Medina.

The textual basis for insisting on total segregation of the sexes is the
hadith on zina (fornication and adultery) of the limbs narrated from Ibn
Mas`ud by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad with a strong chain: "The two eyes
commit zina, the two hands commit zina, the two feet commit zina, and
the genitals commit zina." Another wording with a passable chain in the
Musnad includes the tongue and specifies in the end: "Then the genitals
actualize it or belly it.". However, it does not necessarily follow that this
hadith can be used as justification for saying "Therefore, according to
Shari'ah, to look, speak, listen, etc. to any Ghayr Mahram (women you are
not related to or married to) except at the time of extreme necessity is
Haraam and impermissible."

Polite Note: Before some goofi moola gives me bad rep and sends me messages pronouncing takfir for using Wiki, please understand that I am quite able to back it up from other sources.
Any cases of vandalism at Wiki are checked/reverted by over 1000 adminstrators and as many if not more "recent change Patrols"

[Malaikah]

Gender segregation caused these problems? Priests raping young BOYS wouldn't be cured by this. Nor would all the other abuses that exist within church societies.

+o( That happened because priests aren't allowed to marry! That wouldn't happen in Islam because it is not allowed for a person not to marry just so they can devote their lives to God. (And i think the wisdom behind that is obvious when you consider what has happened with some priests).

And I don't see what if anythng it has to do with gender mixing.

You don't, but I sure do. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Because in my age group there is a lot that can be said about the problems of gender mixing.:rollseyes

Take 10 random Christians and you'll get 10 different interpretations of what Christian beliefs are. There is so much variance in the religion that its amazing. Falwell, Fred Phelps, Presbeterians, Southern Baptists, Mormons, Jehovas Witnesses, Chrstian Unitarians..... I don't think they all have any actual belief in common besides that they all label themselves christian.

Well we ain't exactly Christians were we...

Polite Note: Before some goofi moola gives me bad rep and sends me messages pronouncing takfir for using Wiki, please understand that I am quite able to back it up from other sources.
Any cases of vandalism at Wiki are checked/reverted by over 1000 adminstrators and as many if not more "recent change Patrols"

Relax, lol. If you would like better places to get information from, try:

www.islamtoday.com

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng

[tomtomsmom]

Converting to Islam? =P

:nervous: stranger things have happened:D

[NoName55]

:nervous: stranger things have happened:D

:sl:

الله اکبر

[NoName55]

Relax, lol. If you would like better places to get information from, try:

www.islamtoday.com

http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng

:sl:

Thank you for the the links sister, I'll look at them, I, however, would like to invite you to check this one http://www.islamalways.com/

The reason I posted that "polite note" is that I have had bad treatment for using wiki in not too distant past.
:w:

[Umar001]

I'm starting this thread to learn, not to insult.

From what I've been told so far, women and men are kept separate because a majority of Muslims think that if a man and a woman are friends, they will obviously have sex outside of marriage. And so they are not allowed to be friends, nor have friendly conversations. A conversation between a woman and a man should be strictly business.

Is that about right?

Unless your a Muslim who believes in following man's laws and making our own laws then I don't see how the above can be right. Muslims dont pray because they think that prayer is good, nor do muslims not speak ill of one and other because they think it's bad. I have yet to see one ruling which is based on Muslim's perception.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

:nervous: stranger things have happened:D

Is that a yes? LOL. hmmm...*goes to investigate*
im confuzzled :-\

[Natural]

I actually agree with the better safe than sorry philosophy. If there is an attraction, things tend to happen that may not be in each person's best interest. However, I admit that this is a very hard concept to grasp in the West. In the West, we are encouraged to mix with the opposite genders, even to the point of having events to encourage opposite gender interaction. Many people are taught to date (but not get too serious), take your time before getting married, etc. So Islamic westerns have to go against the grain of the societal norm yet again.

As far as the friends thing goes, I have a few internet buddies that are male that I chat with from time to time. We have never met face to face and the topic of conversation is usually Islam. Once you get to the point of calling, hanging out, spending alot of time together, you are in danger of getting feelings involved. Worse, the feelings may even be one-sided! Save yourself and others from the headache and the heartache folks.

[tomtomsmom]

Is that a yes? LOL. hmmm...*goes to investigate*
im confuzzled :-\

LOL!!!! That is an I don't know yet!!!! There is still much for me to learn. But the thing is, I have a certain way things should be already in my head. Islam is the closest religion I have found to what is already in my head.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Masha'Allah :statisfie :)

[zircon]

mashaAllah...what a nice post. well done everyone!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

My 2 cents worth...........I can see both sides. As a teenager I hung out with boys all the time. My parents were so involved in their own drama they had no idea what I was doing. Lets just say.........what I was doing was not what a 14 year old should be doing. Back then I thought nothing of it. But now I see how different my life would have been if those things hadn't been around me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't take any of it back because it has made me the person I am today. But I want better for my son. So will I allow him to hang out with girls??? Ummmm that would be a big fat NO!!!!!

Allahu Akbar!

[Count DeSheep]

Unless your a Muslim who believes in following man's laws and making our own laws then I don't see how the above can be right. Muslims dont pray because they think that prayer is good, nor do muslims not speak ill of one and other because they think it's bad. I have yet to see one ruling which is based on Muslim's perception.

I thought it was a Muslim man who made the gender segregation law. Either way, I'm confuzzled. >.< Care to put it in mo' simple words?:exhausted

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Muslims dont make laws. We follow Laws God has given us.

[Count DeSheep]

Muslims dont make laws. We follow Laws God has given us.

But what about all those times when somebody asks a major figure in Islam about a certain topic? Do they look at their Quran and say, "It says here not to," or do they just make their own ruling based on their understanding of the Quran?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Long years of study and understanding of the Qur'an isnt "making" new laws. Saying we make the laws is saying its man-made. Unless u mean otherwise, u should be clear :) We dont make our "own" ruling. Rulings r presented according to the Qur'an and Sunnah.

[habibti4allah7]

i was walking today and ive seen a sister with an hijab on with the most tightest pari of jeans ive ever seen in my life. and to top it of...she had on an revealing shirt on. as a sister, i wanted to talk to her and tell her that its haraam what she is wearing (i dont think its wrong...as a sister i should let her know) i greeted her very respectful and told her that its haraam what she is wearing and as a muslim woman...she should cover up more and loosen her pants. she got really upset and told me that she is cover up and that she feels its fine. she told me no one should judge her expect allah. she told me to leave her alone and that she doesnt have to wear that long black dress (sorry i dont know the name for it really sorry:cry: ) anywaz i was very upset because i dont think i did anything wrong. i strong agree that sister should dress more modest and not tight. did i do anything wrong???

[anonymous]

Yup I seen many a gal dressed exactly the same, and no u did nutin wrong ,if anythin i applaud u 4 havin the courage 2 go up to this gal and tell her wat u think :applause: BUT the gal does have a valid point, we cant judge a person merely on the basis of how they dress, :)

[Irfan's Wife]

i was walking today and ive seen a sister with an hijab on with the most tightest pari of jeans ive ever seen in my life. and to top it of...she had on an revealing shirt on. as a sister, i wanted to talk to her and tell her that its haraam what she is wearing (i dont think its wrong...as a sister i should let her know) i greeted her very respectful and told her that its haraam what she is wearing and as a muslim woman...she should cover up more and loosen her pants. she got really upset and told me that she is cover up and that she feels its fine. she told me no one should judge her expect allah. she told me to leave her alone and that she doesnt have to wear that long black dress (sorry i dont know the name for it really sorry:cry: ) anywaz i was very upset because i dont think i did anything wrong. i strong agree that sister should dress more modest and not tight. did i do anything wrong???

No u dun good,may Allah forgive her,well done!!!:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[bint_muhammed]

i had a sister come up to me and say that my hijabs were slightly bright and catches attention, is there something wrong with wearing bright scarfs? i'm dressing it down tho, i'm trying to wear black and browns buts its hard!

[abu abdurrahman]

SubhanAllah, may Allah reward the sister for enjoining that which is good and forbiddance of that which is evil. some sisters need to realise that by wearing those tight jeans, the last thing a guy is gonna be thinking about is what her hair looks like under the headscarf! dress with modesty and adorn knowledge with actions.
WaAllahu A'lam

[BlissfullyJaded]

:sl:

MashaAllah, that was really nice of you to approach her in a kind way. However, not everybody will react to that with appreciation at first and immediately accept what your advice. Maybe she needs some time to let it sink in, and realize her actions. Guidance is from Allah, so pray that her and others are guided.

Don't let her behavior get you down. InshaAllah she will take heed one day and you will be rewarded for your efforts...

[Umm Yoosuf]

i was walking today and ive seen a sister with an hijab on with the most tightest pari of jeans ive ever seen in my life. and to top it of...she had on an revealing shirt on. as a sister, i wanted to talk to her and tell her that its haraam what she is wearing (i dont think its wrong...as a sister i should let her know) i greeted her very respectful and told her that its haraam what she is wearing and as a muslim woman...she should cover up more and loosen her pants. she got really upset and told me that she is cover up and that she feels its fine. she told me no one should judge her expect allah. she told me to leave her alone and that she doesnt have to wear that long black dress (sorry i dont know the name for it really sorry:cry: ) anywaz i was very upset because i dont think i did anything wrong. i strong agree that sister should dress more modest and not tight. did i do anything wrong???

:sl:

Khayr Insha Allah Ukhti. Your intention was good Insha Allah :thumbs_up May Allah reward you.
Sisters are very sensitive about these issues so one has to be awary of how to approach them. It is good what you did but maybe next time be-friend the sister before you advice her. Rather then say "Sister what your wearing is haram!" maybe ask her name, give her a leaftlet or invite her to the Masjid or a talk or something.

[vpb]

she told me no one should judge her expect allah.

lollll, everytime they don't like to face the truth they use this excuse. in general when u tell something that they're wrong, they get mad and don't like critics.

sis, elhamdulilah you have completed your duty as a sister to tell her. now it's up to her.

i've seen some sisters, it's like they have the hijab, but a part of their chest is uncovered. lollll

That's not hijab - Baba Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4jQi0Gjy3M

[Count DeSheep]

Long years of study and understanding of the Qur'an isnt "making" new laws. Saying we make the laws is saying its man-made. Unless u mean otherwise, u should be clear :) We dont make our "own" ruling. Rulings r presented according to the Qur'an and Sunnah.

So when someone asks Muhammad (pbuh) or one of his close friends about something like marrying a widow, they aren't making their own ruling, they are going by what the Qur'an specifically says?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yea basically. Remember, according to Islam, the Prophet never spoke of his own and never taught of himself. He preached what was commanded of him.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Ya ukhati, as Muslims, we have to protect each other from fitnah as well as keeping ourselves from fitnah. Mashallah, one may be very strong in his iman and is able to refrain from many evil and sinful acts, but do not always think that you can escape shaytan, for he is everywhere a believer is, and he is always trying to tempt him to do actions that will displease Allah.

"…Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not help one another in sin and transgression. And fear All&#226;h. Verily, All&#226;h is Severe in punishment." [5:2]

Segregation is one of the aspects in Islam that distinguishes us from the Nonbelievers/NonMuslims. A brother who is found to have many sister companions, friends, or having loose contact with them, is not percieved by others as an ideal Muslim if percieved as a Muslim at all. His religion isn't illuminating compared to a brother who is found around other brothers, discussing in intellectual conversations, lowering his gaze, etc. who would be considered more distinguishable as a Muslim than one who is surrounded by females. A sister who is around brothers, in society is not even seen as modest. Nor would I ever think that there is a possiblity fitnah isn't occuring, be it in the mind or physical.

Another important lesson to note is that we have complete power over our own actions, but we do not have any power over someone else's actions and/or intentions. You may not feel anything for your friend, but Allahu a'lem what they feel for you.

Can any of those who disagree with segregation give more than one good reasons of why it can be a positive influence in one's life?? Once you think about it, you will realize that your reasons are more for desire of this world than for the seeking pleasure of Allah.

May Allah guide us all ameen.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

[Muezzin]

Sometimes perhaps they will be attracted without you even trying!

Good point, but in my case, that is not a possibility.

Is it cruel for me to find that funny?

[Count DeSheep]

Is it cruel for me to find that funny?

That depends. How did you interpret my post?

[NoName55]

Bismillah Rahman Raheem. Al Hamdulilah Rabbil Alameen wa salat wa Salam ala rasool al Kareem. Maa ba'ad, greeting and peace

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[AnonymousPoster]

Yes sis you did well! May you both be rewarded!
As for the colored Hijab, well I personally think Allah wants us to be modest but not drab and pariah like. I don't see anything wrong with wearing colors that put a smile on your face? My niece loves pink, I don't think I have ever seen her not wear pink and I am almost certain I won't see her without it as she grows older? It is a color that makes me gag personally, but it is a part of who she is. I would be very upset if someone approached her one day and told her that pink hijab attracts attention, and that she is a sinner because of it! You can keep your individual style without compromising your ethics. Nothing wrong with wearing your favorite colors!
Allah knows best
:w:

[Malaikah]

i had a sister come up to me and say that my hijabs were slightly bright and catches attention, is there something wrong with wearing bright scarfs? i'm dressing it down tho, i'm trying to wear black and browns buts its hard!

:sl:

Nah, colour is okay! Especially because everyone else wears colour too so it doesn't stand out as much... however if you were wearing a bright orange outfit at a gathering where everyone was wearing duller not so bright colours, er then that might be a problem... if you get what I mean.:)

p.s. to the original poster, mashaallah you did well, you have guts to do that. You did nothing wrong... unfortunately that is the kind of reply one should expect when advising someone about hijab... no one wants to here that they are wearing it wrong.:(

[Muezzin]

That depends. How did you interpret my post?

That you were um... not attractive?

[Count DeSheep]

That you were um... not attractive?

In that case, no, it would not be cruel to laugh.

[vpb]

in general red,green,blue,.... these type of colors receive peoples' attention, so it's better to avoid them wearing

[Pk_#2]

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

May Allah forgive you both,

i think you done the correct thing any Muslim sister would do, help bring her on the correct path, so mashaAllah

I also understand why the sister got upset, she did not realise that you were aiming to help her, instead all she thought was that you were telling her to do something, and no one likes being told what to do,

It may be that she later realised your point and decided to dress sensibly like a Muslimah should, i hope she did anyways inshaAllah

Don't get to stressed over this you were only doing what you thought was best,

All the best InshaAllah

Take care !

-Tj x :)

[AnonymousPoster]

salam ok maybe i am just overreacting but the problem is that a few brothers in my college seem to be having a big staring problem, it never really bothered me till today:cry:
i finished my lesson and was walking out about 5 brothers (who act kind pious(pray all the time) were standing at the gates i had to pass them, and 1 of them made a comment to the others(and kind of laughed, he is meant to be the pious 1:enough!: ) and as i was walking by they stared soo much, i tried to ignore it but i cant explain the feeling it was as if they were hurting me with their eyes my lips went sooo dry i couldnt walk properly and yes i made a fool of myself.
they knew i was really really uncomfortable. I am really upset by this:(
i always though of myself as being a confident person and didnt care what others did but this got to me. and the annoying thing is i am going to see them all again tomorrow.
why are they acting like this?
jazakallah khair for reading this pathetic lil story

[strider]

Do they have a reason for staring at you?

Maybe you could take an alternative route in future, to avoid them.

[AnonymousPoster]

dont know sis :? i see them inside the college the most it neved bothered me but today it did i was by myself and there was 6 of them and felt really intimidated

[Helena]

very difficult dilemma sis...

why wud a pious brother look at u and gang up?....seriously....arent they forgetting the means of "lowering their gaze".....ya Allah...

why wud they do such thing?...do u knw them?

wots the issue?...there must be darn reason?...jus ignore and take a diff route as the sister above sed.....or just tell them...give them proper islamic lecture....even thou i wud never take that approach...

[strider]

dont know sis :? i see them inside the college the most it neved bothered me but today it did i was by myself and there was 6 of them and felt really intimidated

How can i say this in a nice way, hmm: some guys are jerks.

There isn't much else i can say to you on this. Either ignore them, take a different route or confront them. InshaAllah somebody else will be able to help you out.

[AnonymousPoster]

sister i havent done anything to them i swear i never even spoke to them once!! there are sooooooo many *practising brothers* who all hang out together i respected them before the staring started i feel really low it might sound silly but i do. i would never give them a lecture i dont even want to talk to them ever. jazakallah khair fo the advice

[MusLiM 4 LiFe]

juz say "hey hav i got a tv on ma hed or sumfin?" nah u gota say sumfin like, why u starin at me, never seen a beautiful muslim gal eh eh :p

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

NIQAAB :D :D

:wasalamex

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

:salamext:

I feel for you sis, and trust me almost every sister has experienced something similar, if not worse.

Did you hear the comment he made? Maybe then you could find out why he's staring at you.

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
^ well said :D, if not then just ingore them && you look down don't look at them the more your gonna take notice of them the more they gonna seek attention so best thing to do is don't bother looking at them, isn't there another way you can walk from? if not then just ingore them ''lower ya gaze'' if they can't manage to do that then ya allah am sure you can inshallah.
Ma'assalama

[AnonymousPoster]

muslimgyal4life i am not that confident lol abdulhakim:X jazakallah khair for that advice but i wouldnt wear the niqab anytime soon

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
muslimgyal4life:?
ma'assalama

[AnonymousPoster]

kitty i do lower my gaze but i can literally feel them when they looking is really bad umm abdullah i did not hear it, it must have been funny as they all smiled and one kind of laughed. U KNO THE WEIRD THIN IS THAT I AM COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE SO THERE IS NOTHIN NOTHIN TO STARE AT! YA ALLAH!

[strider]

kitty i do lower my gaze but i can literally feel them when they looking is really bad umm abdullah i did not hear it, it must have been funny as they all smiled and one kind of laughed. U KNO THE WEIRD THIN IS THAT I AM COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE SO THERE IS NOTHIN NOTHIN TO STARE AT! YA ALLAH!

Hmm.. inshaAllah, let it go. Sometimes, these things just happen unfortunate as they may be. :)

[Kittygyal]

Salamualikum.
well ukthi i know tis hard but all you can do is ask a muslim brother you know to have a word with them inshallah, if not then just ingnore best thing. allah hu alim what is happning to the youth! :(
Ma'assalama

[Ismahaan]

:sl:

Pious brothers can slip sometimes. They're only human. However, are you sure that they were talking and laughing about YOU? You said that they said "comment". What was that comment? The shaytan probably made you suspicious and is trying to cause a rift between you and your brothers. I've been in situations like that but I always conclude that I imagined it (which I probably did actually). So don't :exhausted next time sis.

[Ra`eesah]

Assalamu'Alaykum

You can tell them to " FEAR ALLAAH!" in a serious voice. That should do it.

Do not be clumsy when you walk past them, that may make them feel like they have an effect on you.

[Ismahaan]

What you did was great Mashaallah. May Allah reward you for it. It's a form of dawah so don't stop doing it. Maybe the sister will really think about what you said to her in private. I used to cry everytime someone told me to wear the hijab as a 13 year old but I eventually decided to after pondering the reasons muslim women wear it.

[strider]

i was walking today and ive seen a sister with an hijab on with the most tightest pari of jeans ive ever seen in my life. and to top it of...she had on an revealing shirt on. as a sister, i wanted to talk to her and tell her that its haraam what she is wearing (i dont think its wrong...as a sister i should let her know) i greeted her very respectful and told her that its haraam what she is wearing and as a muslim woman...she should cover up more and loosen her pants. she got really upset and told me that she is cover up and that she feels its fine. she told me no one should judge her expect allah. she told me to leave her alone and that she doesnt have to wear that long black dress (sorry i dont know the name for it really sorry:cry: ) anywaz i was very upset because i dont think i did anything wrong. i strong agree that sister should dress more modest and not tight. did i do anything wrong???

No, sis you didn't do anything wrong. MashaAllah, i actually applaud you for doing what you did. Many people would have just walked on by, even if they felt that it wasn't right seeing a Muslim sister dressed in such a state.:thumbs_up

[Snowflake]

Firstly we shouldn't title anyone with the word 'pious'. Because we don't know if they are or not. Quiet a shock when they turn out otherwise, I tell ya! There's a hadith about it as well.

Newayz sis, the next time your out, carry yourself in a way that gives off vibes saying you won't take no crap off anyone. Keep a serious expression on your face and walk as if you'll kick a** if anyone asks for it. I can't explain how but it works.. body language! :D

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Lol, something like that happened to me. I was wearing a hoodie that said holla back on it. this Muslim guy (who was in my class) said Holla back and was wondering who the heck said it LOL. i looked and looked away. But he jus kept starin at me when i walked on by lol. Then i was waiting for my mom after class was over and him and his friend were laughing and looking at me :offended: So sis, all i can say is *attention seekers.* dont let em know that ur takin notice or theyll bug u more. They stopped eventually, cuz everytime they did something, they saw on my face that i was serious and totally not liking it ;D

[IbnAbdulHakim]

kitty i do lower my gaze but i can literally feel them when they looking is really bad umm abdullah i did not hear it, it must have been funny as they all smiled and one kind of laughed. U KNO THE WEIRD THIN IS THAT I AM COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE SO THERE IS NOTHIN NOTHIN TO STARE AT! YA ALLAH!

thers a face to stare at ;D

[ZAYD]

The best thing to do is to pray 2 rakat nafl salah tonight (or whenever u get the chance) and pray sincerely to Allah for help.

Trust me these 2 rakat nafls are an absolute lifesaver.

Theyve helped me a million times over, times when u think theres no way out, suddenly 2 rakats later everythings sorted.

Have u ever considered that maybe they werent laughing at u, maybe ur mistaken? Just a thought, Allah knows best.

THE LAST THING U WANNA DO IS CONFRONT THEM!

Going up to them and saying, 'what u staring at?' ' u got a problem bro?' or that comment someone wrote about a TV on their head is a definite no no. :D

If they did intentionally stare/laugh at u, then this is why they did it.
so u'd react and say something back, next thing u know the guy apologises and offeres u a cup of coffee or something daft as a way of saying sorry.

All of a sudden u got urself a new friend. Someone who'll always end up smiling at u the next time u pass them and someone who'll now have the confidence in asking

'how are u?',
'did u watch/listen/smell so and so last night?'

You'll probably enjoy that little attention u got from him, and you'll find yourself wondering.....will i bump into him again? i gotta think of something smart/funny/witty/cool to say!

..........why?......cos shaytaan will make all these actions seem appealing, and dam it he's good at what he does!......thats why.
:raging:
At the end of it all (It'll probably end in tears and regret) shaytaan will be gleefully rubbing his hands together thinking 'job done!'

trust me. thats what (SOME) guys do. we're sick. :hiding:

JUST IGNORE THEM AND READ TA'AWWUZ. (A'udhu billahi minashaytaan nirrajeem)

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ WOW!!!!!! mashaAllah bro :)

[ZAYD]

Lol, something like that happened to me. I was wearing a hoodie that said holla back on it....

U wore a hoodie that said 'Holla back' on it and when he did u didnt like it.


which begs the question........


why wear a hoodie that says 'Holla back' on it in public in the first place?????
wear one that says nothing on it. why attract the attention?

Save ur holla hoddies for when ur among mahrams and girlfriends.

[SUMMAYAH]

Mashallah. Well said Zayd.

btw: what happened to the 'Ash19' username, (r u hiding from me????)

[AnonymousPoster]

sister i really don't think they meant to harass you or anything, as wrong as they are to have been staring at you, perhaps best to ignore it.. if it wasn't that i don't want to stir fitnah i would have probably explained a bit further.

perhaps anonymously drop a message to them about lowering their gaze or something..

don't stress inshalah, just keep it up and chill :)

:w:

[habibti4allah7]

ive been sad for many months now. i know dating is not allowed but ive have been with my b/f for about a year n a half now. his family hates me. they tell me that i shouldnt be muslim and spanish people arent allowed to marry arabic men. spanish women are allowed to be muslim because we are such a disgrace to the religion. his mom has threats me all the time. then he has treated me so horrible in front of them. also he hasnt been good to allah lately. he lost his faith in allah and ive tried to help him because he used to be a very good muslim. ever since his family has told him how they feel, he changed. he tells me horrible things and breaks my heart. but other days he acts as if he never said those things. he says sorry but keeps doing it. i dont wanna leave him because i love him and i have faith in him but its hard. we are planning to get married and im scared because im heartbroken. what should i do???

[Grace Seeker]

Conoces esa frase:

No formen yunta con los incr&#233;dulos.

&#191;Si &#233;l no tiene la fe a vivir por el Allah, porque quieres a casar con eso hombre?

Entiendo que hay muchos sentimientos fuertes entre ustedes, pero si ya estas afligido, &#191;c&#243;mo estar&#225; mejor despues? Como se comenzar su uni&#243;n, su vida casada sera como se vivirlo todo los a&#241;os a venir.

Tambien, si tienes el deseo para respecto como su esposa, entonces tienes que recibir el mismo respecto de &#233;l y su familia ahora. Sin eso respecto en el presente, no puedes tener la expectative para el futuro.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

no offence sister but a person in a relationship before marriage doesnt exactly define a good muslim and Allah knows best.

Also its best for you to give up evil for the sake of Allah and Allah will inshaAllah replace you with something much better (dont say you cant imagine it, Allah knows best and has set restrictions for reasons he knows, if you agree to this then SAY "I believe in Allah!!!" and do that which he has advised).

I wish you the best my sister.

fi aman Allah!

:salamext:

[youngsister]

:sl: Hola:)
sister i am so sorry to hear this, it can be hard but cmon this guy doesnt seem to respect you.

Sometime is so hard to let go and you will start to be in denial you will overlook all his bad points and all the horrible things hes done and still doing to you now.
Sister dating isnt even allowed sis try to increase your Iman and even though is hard you have to give him up you will gain many good deeds, you leaving something haram for Allah swt sake, and how good will that feel later on?!
:w:

[IceQueen~]

sis how can u marry him when he isn't practising or respecting you? if his family hates you this is going to cause a lot of trouble which may only increase after marriage...

if he's being mean now because of his family how do u know he'll change?

erm and the other thing is that if you two are having 'relations' with eachother (b4) marriage then marrying eachother without tawbah is not allowed --
muslims are not allowed to marry adulterers

I know it sounds hard and you love him but it's not worth wrecking ur life over a guy who's not practsing and who's only going to make u miserable (whether its family or etc)

one always regrets afterwards so it's best not even to get into marriage in the first place

pray to Allah and trust in Him- leave sins for His sake and He'll find a way out for you from ur situation inshaAllah

May Allah guide u and keep u strong in iman amiin

:w:

[Snowflake]

ive been sad for many months now. i know dating is not allowed but ive have been with my b/f for about a year n a half now. his family hates me. they tell me that i shouldnt be muslim and spanish people arent allowed to marry arabic men. spanish women are allowed to be muslim because we are such a disgrace to the religion. his mom has threats me all the time. then he has treated me so horrible in front of them. also he hasnt been good to allah lately. he lost his faith in allah and ive tried to help him because he used to be a very good muslim. ever since his family has told him how they feel, he changed. he tells me horrible things and breaks my heart. but other days he acts as if he never said those things. he says sorry but keeps doing it. i dont wanna leave him because i love him and i have faith in him but its hard. we are planning to get married and im scared because im heartbroken. what should i do???

:sl: You know what sis? If I was doing something wrong and people hated me, I'd accept the fact that I deserved it! After all you are displeasing Allah, so why should people be pleased with you? For what?

Forget what he said or his family said. Just remember that what you are doing is haram in the eyes of Allah. You are in a haram relationship - yet you're expecting it to bring you happiness?

what should i do?

Get out fast! When on the Day of Judgment you'll be called to account for your deeds, Allah won't ask what the guy, or his mother, father, brother said. He'll ask why you brought destruction upon yourself by disobeying His Commands. What answer will you give then?

Please fear Allah and get out of this harampoona (haram doings). You will never find happiness until you start obeying Allah subhan watala. Are the desires of this life worth more than your fate in the here-after? I should think not! There's nothing to think about. Do it now for the sake of Allah and for the sake of your fate in the here-after.

:w:

[anonymous]

juz say &quot;hey hav i got a tv on ma hed or sumfin?&quot; nah u gota say sumfin like, why u starin at me, never seen a beautiful muslim gal eh eh :p

LYK YA STYYYYYYYYEEE GALLL, Yup dats exactly wat Id do if i was u, jus go up 2 em n say YO WAG1 WAS'APNIIIIIIIIIIIIIN N DATTTTTT DO I KNOW U? DO I WANA KNOW U? ERRR NOOOOOOOO SO JUS LIKE DOOOOO 1. SAFE N DAT. :p :D AHAHAHAHAHHAA LOL OOOOOOOK maybe not the best advice, jus dont give them the satisfaction of knowin its botherin you, jus ACT COOL, Dont luk bak n do ya thannnnng as u wud do if they werent there COOL? Okey doke, tc peopleeeeeeeeeee, dee 1 n only ----------- ( YeS yEs Me sTiLl aLiVe n WeLl n i aLsO MiSs u aLl loaDs 2 :p lol tc peple) P.S, Dis place dead widout me lol yea i can feel my hed expandin n all lol jkes t/c w/s BUH-BYE :) ;)

[anonymous]

U wore a hoodie that said 'Holla back' on it and when he did u didnt like it.


which begs the question........


why wear a hoodie that says 'Holla back' on it in public in the first place?????
wear one that says nothing on it. why attract the attention?

Save ur holla hoddies for when ur among mahrams and girlfriends.

nyyyyyc 1 bruva!!

[chacha_jalebi]

lol @ zayd :p down tiger down :D

1st of all, i think everyone stares lol, even the kuffar stare even the muslims stare :D. just dont let it get to you, if he whispered summin bout you, then remem that comes to backbitin and he will get the punishment not you sista :D dont let stuff get to ya

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
woow subhnallah good bro Ash *still bought the specs yet* :p
ma'assalama

[Mawaddah]

Sis, I wouldn't bother about it much if I was you, I've experienced that loads of times from the muslim brothers, and it's even more funnier because I wear the Niqab!

But sis, you just have to show yourself to be firm and if something like that happens, then you must just look ahead and walk firmly, like someone said, put out some strong body language! Dont go and duck and act embarrased and all of that because that gives the wrong message to them sometimes.

And also, dont be so quick to judge people insha'allah, who knows if they are pious or not? and people make mistakes.

Take care sis

[H4RUN]

:sl:

Lapse of 'piousness'? Either they just have issues, a nut loose in their heads or just plain dodgy lads...Or maybe it was a coincidence that they saw you when you looked up, and may well have lowered their gazes once you looked away, a possibility...

But ignore 'em, they are not getting anything out of it, well actually they are...they're getting their actions recorded... all in all, if they making a joke about something concerning you= back biting...and back biting is something that should be tried to be avoided because if i remember corecctly its like eating the flesh off your brother?

Best thing you can do sis, is ignore, walk on, or another way:)
:w:

[snakelegs]

one of the few advantages of being old is that you become "irrelevant" in this way and do not have to put up with being stared at like a piece of meat any more - i love that!
so i sympathize with you - i remember very well howi used to hate that and found it very demeaning. (and i wasn't even religious and i didn't dress "sexy"!).

[kerpal_g]

Sister, you must push him away. If the families don't get along, it will put strain on your relationship (as it is right now) and imagine how much worse it would be if you got married. What if you had kids? they wouldn't have a good family supporting them, they might have a mother and father, but that's it. They'd have grandparents that wouldn't want to look at them.

Push him away, observe patience and seek refuge in Allah. it's a lot to ask for, I know and I understand, don't think others don't know what you're going through. Imagine how hard it is for him, he loves you but his family does not, he is being pulled from two sides and he is trying to make a choice, you or his family? It explains why he does stupid things sometimes, you must expect to get kicked around by love, that's what it does at times. it's going to be a hard road, but Allah always loves you and is there for you, you just need to seek refuge in Him. Allah never abandons us, it is us who abandon Him, and then we wonder why our lives are terrible...it might be the wrong choice, and it cuts your heart like a shamshir but through hardship you will become stronger, and will be rewarded in the Hereafter. Remain steadfast in prayer, keep your faith strong and obey His laws, they might upset you but Allah knows best. InshAllah things work out for you sister...

[AnonymousPoster]

finished my lesson and was walking out about 5 brothers (who act kind pious(pray all the time) were standing at the gates i had to pass them, and 1 of them made a comment to the others(and kind of laughed, he is meant to be the pious 1 ) and as i was walking by they stared soo much, i tried to ignore it but i cant explain the feeling it was as if they were hurting me with their eyes my lips went sooo dry i couldnt walk properly and yes i made a fool of myself.
they knew i was really really uncomfortable. I am really upset by this
i always though of myself as being a confident person and didnt care what others did but this got to me. and the annoying thing is i am going to see them all again tomorrow.
why are they acting like this?
jazakallah khair for reading this pathetic lil story

Sis dont know why u so worried about what they said. they probably were'nt even talking about you..

Don't know why they would say anything bad about a sister covered..You probably just misunderstood them.

[Malaikah]

they tell me that i shouldnt be muslim and spanish people arent allowed to marry arabic men. spanish women are allowed to be muslim because we are such a disgrace to the religion.

:sl:

You have every right to be Muslim, and you have every right to marry a man of any nationality, Arab, African, Spanish, anything, as long as he is Muslim!

[Grace Seeker]

:sl:

You have every right to be Muslim, and you have every right to marry a man of any nationality, Arab, African, Spanish, anything, as long as he is Muslim!

&#161;S&#237;! Eso es verdad. Aunque soy ni espa&#241;ol ni musulm&#225;n, acuerdo que nadie tiene la derecha a decirte que no puedes ser muselina. Que ellos piensen eso es comprobaci&#243;n (lo siento a decirlo) que su familia es racista y intolerante. &#191;En verdad, sabes qui&#233;n no es un seguidor verdadero del Islam? Cualquier persona que dir&#237;a que alguien no puede ser muselina porque ella es una mujer espa&#241;ola. &#161;Qu&#233; lastima!

[mariah]

Sister, It is Haraam period.

[HIJABI***]

sister i suggest u just ignore them they prob want ur attention and want u 2 get miffed at them they prob get bowd of doing it soon!!
sum ppl just dont fear Allah and lower their gaze!!!

[HIJABI***]

U wore a hoodie that said 'Holla back' on it and when he did u didnt like it.


which begs the question........


why wear a hoodie that says 'Holla back' on it in public in the first place?????
wear one that says nothing on it. why attract the attention?

Save ur holla hoddies for when ur among mahrams and girlfriends.

GUD POINT BROTHER I WAS JUS GNA SAY THAT LOLZZZZZZZZ:D :D

[AnonymousPoster]

salam jazakallah kheir for all your answers salam

[AnonymousPoster]

salam jazakallah kheir for all your answers salam

:salamext:

dont worry sister :), next time inshaAllah they wont do that.


LoL some of you need to consider this sisters feelings, you might end up embarassing her, its ok sister dont worry :D

[nelly]

well maybe she had just started wearin a head scarf and eventually she may hav stopped wearin tight fitting clothes, in her own time. Although u may hav tried ur best 2 giv her advice and help her she probably took in offensively u tryin to correct her.
im not perfect myself, i wear jilbab but i wear different colours,not bright ones, like grey, beige, dark green etc. and i dnt feel like im drawin attention to myself coz i wear these colours. I'd think i'd like to correct the more important sins i make everyday wivout realisin, than worry about wot colours to wear.

[Malaikah]

¡Sí! Eso es verdad. Aunque soy ni español ni musulmán, acuerdo que nadie tiene la derecha a decirte que no puedes ser muselina. Que ellos piensen eso es comprobación (lo siento a decirlo) que su familia es racista y intolerante. ¿En verdad, sabes quién no es un seguidor verdadero del Islam? Cualquier persona que diría que alguien no puede ser muselina porque ella es una mujer española. ¡Qué lastima!

Hey, I don't speak Spanish...:phew

[Ubaidah]

:sl:

You have every right to be Muslim, and you have every right to marry a man of any nationality, Arab, African, Spanish, anything, as long as he respects your & your religion

There... now I agree.

[Malaikah]

:sl:

er well I don't agree, it is forbidden in Islam for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man.

[SirZubair]

He treats you like crap infront of his family, right?

Have more Self Respect woman.

Find someone who treats you as he should. Women deserve respect, women should be respected. Any guy who doesn't show respect to women ( regardless of wether she is his Mother, Sister, Sis-in-law, Cousin, Fiance.. ), deserves to live a very lonely and sad life.

[abu abdurrahman]

Allah will inshaAllah replace you with something much better

Just remembered something relevant:

The dua of Umm Salamah at the time of loss
The Dua is as follows:

“Inna lillaahi wa inna Ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ‘jurnee fee museebatee, wakhluf lee khayrun minh.”

Umm Salamah (Ra) the narrator of this dua, loved her husband, Abu Salamah very much. When he died, she states, “I was firm to say the dua, but I thought to myself, how could I get anything better then Abu Salamah? Allah answered my dua and I married the Messenger of Allah! And he is better then Abu Salamah.”

[noahs_arc]

if he loves you he wouldnt be treating you stupidly. he needs to be a proper man and you can find someone better.

[limitless]

:sl:

Everyone i need your honest opinion on this please I am desparetly in need of one. I know this christian girl, that I would like to marry. She does to, and my mom agrees. But, I need to know something. She has leukimia cancer, I didn't tell my parents about that. She gets and is sick currently a lot. Getting cough and cold etc. What should I do, she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam. What should i do?! My mom doesnt know about this if she does, she will not allow this. I don't know what to do anymore! I am stressed a lot please guide me! I want to pray Ishtrikarah, but not sure if i should or not cause i think i can decide this too! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ALL for your wise knowledge! Please please!

:w:

[noodles]

You want to withhold asking Allah for guidance?

He is the most knowledgeable. He knows what was, what is and what will be. So how can you not ask for guidance?

Plus, do look at the translation of the isthakhara dua, it essentially asks Allah SWT to make you sure in your decisions.


If you do want my opinion, tell your mom. If she doesnt agree, then I suggest maybe asking your dad to talk to her about it.

I should tell you though, that I really don't know what kind of a person your mom is, but regardless, she should be informed.

And DO isthakhara as its the best guidance you can think of

[limitless]

Right true, but i just want a opinion too please :( my mom is a nice person, but i dont think she will agree with that cuz of cancer.... she might pass away early, but i shouldnt reject her on that cause isn't that bad or allah gets upset on that??? Cancer can happen to anyone, but isnt it bad to do this to some cancer patient?

[Grace Seeker]

Listen my friend. This is very important. She must want to become Muslim because she wants to become Muslim and believes it in her heart that it is true. If it has anything to do with you, it is not good and will bite you later in time. You will note that I am not a Muslim. I am a Christian, a pastor. But I am not telling you that she should not become Muslim. Of course that is what I would pray for. But if she really believes in all the teachings of Islam, then there is no point in her saying that she is Christian when she is not Christian. Rather an honest and faithful Muslim, than a dishonest and faithless Christian, in my opinion.

But, really and truly, I still say that if this conversion has anything to do with her affections for you, then you are asking for trouble.

So start there. You must put your feelings for her totally on hold until she has made this conversion. I am sorry, this is a hard thing to do when you love someone. But you cannot help her as a boyfriend right now. If you try, you will be trading temporary joy for long-term misery. Also, if you do not relate to her as a boyfriend, but only as a brother in Islam, then those who know you and see this will be able to tell your mother truly that you are not in a relationship with her.

Then, also, once she has become a practicing Muslim, (and I don't mean the next day -- give it time, like maybe a year, a whole season of all the various holidays of both religions) then you will be able to relate to her in the normal way that Muslim men and women do with one another. Your mother may still have issues, but if you do all things right, then they will be her problem to deal with, not yours.

Lastly, while the Leukemia is tragic, it really does not change the situation at all. Of course, she will need more support during this time. But you can give that just as much as a brother, without having to be a boyfriend. Be a friend first regardless, it will make any future relationship that much stronger than it would be otherwise.

[Woodrow]

:sl:

Everyone i need your honest opinion on this please I am desparetly in need of one. I know this christian girl, that I would like to marry. She does to, and my mom agrees. But, I need to know something. She has leukimia cancer, I didn't tell my parents about that. She gets and is sick currently a lot. Getting cough and cold etc. What should I do, she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam. What should i do?! My mom doesnt know about this if she does, she will not allow this. I don't know what to do anymore! I am stressed a lot please guide me! I want to pray Ishtrikarah, but not sure if i should or not cause i think i can decide this too! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ALL for your wise knowledge! Please please!

:w:

:w:

Many factors to consider. Some questions first. Would you still feel the same way about her if she did not have Leukemia?

Now, after giving that to you to think about, you have been granted an enormous blessing. It is a task, but your first and only goal must be to help her revert to Islam. It must be done with no coecion from your part and it must be something that she would have chosen even if it means never seeing you again.

Work on that first. There is no need to hide the fact she has leukemia from anybody. Her personal choices about marriage will be determined by her own limitations very soon as the disease progreses. She may go into permanent regression and live a long healthy life or she may follow the more common course and be facing her final 3 to 6 months of extreme sickness with no desire to see or be around you as her condition worsens.

As blunt as it sounds, facts are facts. Unless she is one of those who goes into remission a real marriage will become a physical impossibility and a moot point of discussion.

Make Du'a for the Best, but prepare yourself for a great pain. It is all in the hands of Allah(swt) you need to ask for guidance in how to understand what your role is to serve Allah(swt)

[جوري]

Wow sobhan Allah --I agree with noodles plus I'd like to ask you; what would you do if the situation were reversed? and secondly marriage is about a life together that is full of ups and downs... what happens if G-D forbid you end up in an accident on your first few months of marriage --would you want your bride to desert you ? Marriage isn't about perfection. It is about sharing an entire life with the person you choose as a companion... once you make that decision for marriage you must do the noble thing and not abandon her!

Anyhow I pray that Allah cure your (wife to be) insh'Allah...
what sort of Leukemia does she have? some can go into remission for a very long time and she can have a very normal life with children and ... it doesn't have to spell out a death sentence or a short life span.. Do you know what sort of Leukemia she has? some have a very indolent course!

fi aman illah

[limitless]

Jazakallah to all of you. I really know one thing for sure; she wants to convert just to be with me and says its religion, but in her heart its me she said so. It's for me, and no were not boyfriend, i liked her and she did to, i just told her straight forward. Her leukimeia is the acute one the one that is rapid not chronic and has been really sick this year, she isnt even going to school a lot. She's catching cold and cough and flu very quickly than ever before. she cant even go to college.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....and she is not chaste either (if you know what i mean, not virginity).

[noodles]

You're choice is one that is very hard and it will probably leave a scar in your heart.

I know that it is wrong for her to convert to islam for you. The very act itself is useless as it will end up all wrong. Think about it, when she prays, who will be on her mind? will it be you or will it be Allah?

As for being her, if you dont take faith into account, I think what you are doing is down right noble and it makes me feel good to call you a brother in Islam.

But if you do take faith into account, I'm gonna have to warn you to be careful as to what path you choose. Both have their own appeals but which one is the right one, its up to you to decide.

Have some faith in Allah, and ask for his guidance. Us humans can give you all the advice but you will never know if it is right.

Read isthakhara brother

Some may classify it as shirk. I dont know the so I'll leave it to others to say it if it is necessary.

[جوري]

Jazakallah to all of you. I really know one thing for sure; she wants to convert just to be with me and says its religion, but in her heart its me she said so. It's for me, and no were not boyfriend, i liked her and she did to, i just told her straight forward. Her leukimeia is the acute one the one that is rapid not chronic and has been really sick this year, she isnt even going to school a lot. She's catching cold and cough and flu very quickly than ever before. she cant even go to college.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....and she is not chaste either (if you know what i mean, not virginity).

well... akhi... I don't know what to say.. but I think (wallah A3lam) it is best to not display people's sins... it is good that even if she displays them that you hide them... if you saw someone naked on the streets would you not offer some cloth for cover?--

Another thing is... we can't really be sure what is in someone's heart... Did she personally tell you she is converting for you-- maybe because she is sick and vulnerable she is a little cloudy and just says whatever she thinks will please you? Maybe she didn't have enough time to search her soul... Maybe she sincerely wants to become Muslim-- and then there is a chance not.. Question is do you really know what is in her heart?

Lastly I am very sorry to hear of her condition.. when I asked I really wanted to know if she has ALL or AML.. young women usually have a tendency to have AML..... and also possible she has CML in which case she can go into remission for a very long time on a drug called Gleevec but I am sure her health care providers are doing all they can------- what I am really trying to tell you and please hear this -- read it! --- a person' mental (psychological) well being has an incredible impact on remission and recovery. If you let her go you might damage more than just her heart. Anyhow that is purely my opinion and May G-D guide you and her all the way...
fi aman illah

[limitless]

I don't know. She doesn't have CML, it is acute and its the AMl one with the m. And I'm not sure, she justs wants to be with me at all costs and will do anything for it. Thats all that matters to her, is to be with me at any cost. She doesn't really wanna be a muslim, but for me and my family she will do it. I told her, but doesn't listen to me at all. all she does is "i love you" when im trying to tell her about islam. But anyway, thank you very much.

I don't know what to do, i will pray ishtrikharah. I guess, i am not sure.

[Grace Seeker]

Well, again, I'm not Muslim. So, I can't advise you on things regarding your family. But given the situation that you have described, and as I better understand it now. Is it important that she make a declaration of faith one way or another?

Of course it is. Faith is always important. But it is her faith. If she is converting just for you, and not for herself, what is the point in that? If she doesn't convert, does that make it a haraam for you to be with her and support her? Not in my eyes. Of course, it is not me whom you serve.

It seems to me that I recall how Muhammad (pbuh) showed mercy to others that were not Muslims. Even if you have a general guideline that tells you that you cannot be in a relationship with her, might there be some exception to that guideline in unique circumstances? For instance, I understand that Muslims are not to listen to music, but Muhammad (pbuh) himself made an exception at a wedding. I understood the reasoning behind that was because of the value and joy of the celebration. I'm no scholar, but might there be an exception permitted here as well?

Search for the loving thing. But don't make the mistake of letting guilt or sympathy convince you that something is the loving thing, when it is just to assuage your own emotions for the moment. The loving thing may be for you to be the strong one and maintain some lines that she no longer cares about. Ot it may be that she is right and as death approaches she realizes how many of the rules we make are just that-- human rules and not really God's design for us at all, we just think they are. I feel for you, for this is a very difficult thing to figure out, and yet you must really do it. It is not theory, it is life you are talking about.

Of one thing I am certain. At least with the God that I serve, if you seek him and follow the guidance he gives you as best you understand it, and later find that perhaps you were wrong, he is also gracious and filled with forgiveness. I hope that gives you some peace and confidence whatever you end up doing.

[AnonymousPoster]

Salam all
This is so frustrating for me. Nikah has been done but not moved in with his family yet. I'm still living with parents till I finish my course. We talk on the phone, my husband and I.
For so many years, living and being brought up the Islamic way, alhamdulillah. But I realise that it has made me very conservative - very conservative values. To the point where it is so hard for me to be 'lovey dovey' or intimate with him. I just feel like I can't! I dread to think what i would be like after moving in with him.

I feel like i cant bring together being 'religious' and myself as a seductress or a temptation for my husband. How can i bring the two together? It feels like it just wouldnt work!
He is getting rather frustrated with me on the phone too. He tries to initiate a conversation, usually loaded with sexual innuendos - and I just go quiet. I am totally gobsmacked. Speechless. Cant get myself to respond in like manner. Its frustrating him and me too - because it feels like i wont beable to give him what he wants.
I've tried explaining my background to him and he knows its easier for men to talk about these things. But I want to change - but dont know how.
Can anyone give me advice on what i can do to help myself?
I know this topic is rather 'out there', but can anyone help me or point me in a certain direction coz i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
Jazakallah.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

:omg:

laa adree

have you tried asking imam? :D


www.askimam.org


go ahead, ask him, you know you wanna :D

[Pk_#2]

Laa adree x 10000

Allah help you!

*Never getting wed*

Try that link

There are also other fatwa sites etc...

+are you on sisters section?

Peace!

[AnonymousPoster]

Another thing is, I thought it was a good thing to be shy and modest and all that. Bu the says being 'shy' if im married to him is such a 'turn off'. I cant help being shy about matters such as this. I dont want to keep him waiting or frustrated with me.
BTW, thanks abdulhakim for you kindness. I will try it out inshallah!! Thanks so much.

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum
hope goes well inshallah, go to a msque if have to
ma'assalama

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

Inshallah it will become much easier once you move in with him, talking to someone like that on the phone aint easy especially for a sister..

But just give it some time you haven't moved in with him yet. So you dont really know the guy properly and talking to someone you dont really know aint easy.


:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:


If your parents agee with you marrying her, than they shouldnt have a problem with her having lukhemia. but what anout u bro do u wanna marry her. are you willing to look after her, be with her for the rest of your life, cuz this is a big decision especially for you

And what about her parents do they want there daughter marrying you. don't rush into things. talk to there parents. tell your parents about her.. INshallah hope it all works out for you.

:w:

[swanlake]

:sl:

Ask him what he wants you to say and say it. Ask him to teach you. Please remember it is halal for you and practice makes perfect.

[rubiesand]

.. what i am asking is that, is itbad to leave her due to her condition would Allah swt be upset or anything? And her intentions to convert o islam is to please my family and be with me thats all and try to practise it....

She's not your wife, so you don't have the same obligation to stay with her through her illness that you would if she was your wife.* I get the feeling that there is some guilt within you that makes it hard for you to say no to her, and I think you are a bit scared of her desperation. I'm curious why you haven't told your parents about her condition. I think you should tell them. They may well advise you that this marriage would be a bad idea for you. At least you could talk things through with them, since they know you better than we do. And it's a good idea to pray istikarah.


Edit*
But if you have promised to marry her, you should be careful about keeping your promises.

[tomtomsmom]

If you love her, then marry her.

A few years of having true love is better than a lifetime without.

[tomtomsmom]

No worries sis. You will become more comforable after you start living together. Let him know that you will need some time once this happens. After you start having feelings for him then the other stuff will come to you naturally. That is part of what we were all made to do. Just don't stress out about it and you will be ok!!!


PS-If you can get access to the mixed-female section or the sisters section we can ummmmmm go into a bit of detail to help you!

[Mawaddah]

:sl:

I can imagine it's stressful! :omg: But then your hubby should know better than to push on you like this too I think. Sometimes it just ends up making a person even more reserved and stressful. Ask your hubby to give you time? Tell him that it's probably because you are not used to being around men (including him) so things like this are very strange and uncomfortable to you. Also maybe make it clear to him that you're not trying to give him the cold shoulder or anything, but you just need time.

Otherwise I really dont know :omg:

[جوري]

I am inclined to say not to go to an imam for this.. this is a psychological issue not a religious one. At least that is my feeling--I just don't think you are comfortable with him yet... I think you need to spend some time with him (not on the phone) personal meetings are better... believe it or not talking on the phone is weird for so many people not just the shy religious type...so find out what interests him-- maybe he likes going to the lake or something?.. just spend a nice afternoon together, find a field of corn, sit under a big tree far away from people and the city-- and tell him what is on your mind, and the virtues of patience... he is your husband-- you need to communicate your feelings to him...
The good thing about marriage.. it is very much like birth and death.. shocking at first but then you have your whole life to adjust.....

:w:

[AvarAllahNoor]

Out of curiosity, are all imams male? or can the sister get a female imam? if they exist? I can't imagine a women telling a stranger her woes, especially an intimate thing such as this to a male.

[Mawaddah]

I am inclined to say not to go to an imam for this.. this is a psychological issue not a religious one. At least that is my feeling--I just don't think you are comfortable with him yet... I think you need to spend some time with him (not on the phone) personal meetings are better... believe it or not talking on the phone is weird for so many people not just the shy religious type...so find out what interests him-- maybe he likes going to the lake or something?.. just spend a nice afternoon together, find a field of corn, sit under a big tree far away from people and the city-- and tell him what is on your mind, and the virtues of patience... he is your husband-- you need to communicate your feelings to him...
The good thing about marriage.. it is very much like birth and death.. shocking at first but then you have your whole life to adjust.....

:w:

I agree with this :thumbs_up

Talking on the phone can be extremely uncomfortable for some people (take me for instance :rollseyes ) Spend some time together like how the sister suggests :)

[Mawaddah]

Out of curiosity, are all imams male? or can the sister get a female imam? if they exist? I can't imagine a women telling a stranger her woes, especially an intimate thing such as this to a male.

Imams are all men. But maybe instead of going to an Imaam she can consult a learned sister in her community. For example where I studied, the women would go and consult the Sheikhs wives and daughter in such cases.

But then, there is no shyness when it comes to learning about Islaam, you can find numerous hadeeth in which women came and consulted Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam about personal matters.

[جوري]

Imams are all men. But maybe instead of going to an Imaam she can consult a learned sister or her community. For example where I studied, the women would go and consult the Sheikhs wives and daughter in such cases.

But then, there is no shyness when it comes to learning about Islaam, you can find numerous hadeeth in which women came and consulted Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam about personal matters.

:thumbs_up :thumbs_up :thumbs_up
Yup.. not just hadiths but in the Quran as well... such as sura # 58.......

anyhow I would like to add.. that you should really look into site seeing where you guys live.. giant trees are a great big ice breaker... plus cedar wood smells phenomenal especially this time of the year. I am not sure if you are in the states OR England? but surely magnifcent trees exist everywhere as well as the glorious skies above.... I think that should take both your minds off things for a while until you get to know each other better.. fi aman illah

[limitless]

I liked rubiesand and Grace Seeker's advise much better. I haven't made any promises about marriage. I told my mom (dad doesnt really care) and she advises me that it is not good due to her condition. My mom is not saying don't marry her, its just that she might pass away soon or later because in leukeimia i asked around, survival rate is 25% but people do survive. She won't die instantly, but once she is pregnant her chances of surviving are very slim from what I read and heard from cases and generally what doctors say. I don't want to have a heart broken after I marry her that I can't be with her anymore that she converted for me my family not for islam itself or Allah. I will be more stressed, true love is nothing without Allah. I am just unsure of a lot things. I would take care of her, but I don't want to have a heart broken later on she passes away, I can't handle that and I know it. :( I am don't her to go insane or do something stupid if I dont marry her. Her parents agree and so does mine, but my mom warned that she can't survive for long maybe 10yrs at max (on rare cases).

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum
well if she is keen to convert then tell her to do it now before tis late for her, then get married && whatever happenes is in Allah subhanwatallah's hands inshallah
ma'assalama

[Joe98]

Marry her and love her. You will have some happy years together till she dies.

-

[vpb]

You will have some happy years together till she dies.

well, you never know, my neighbor had a cancer and he lived till he was somewhere 96 years old :)

[limitless]

salamualikum
well if she is keen to convert then tell her to do it now before tis late for her, then get married && whatever happenes is in Allah subhanwatallah's hands inshallah
ma'assalama

No, no! Why the heck should I let her convert for me? I don't want that.

And no. NO@~!!

[IbnAbdulHakim]

No, no! Why the heck should I let her convert for me? I don't want that.

And no. NO@~!!

she didnt mention anything about being for you bro lol :)

shes saying tell her to convert before Azrail AS comes, if faith has entered her heart why wait?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Also limitless i wouldnt think twice about marrying a girl in that state, Allah can heal whoever he wishes


All the best bro :)

:salamext:

[HIJABI***]

Also limitless i wouldnt think twice about marrying a girl in that state, Allah can heal whoever he wishes


All the best bro :)

:salamext:

that is so true i dont think you should give up
i would also advise u 2 do istikhara:D

hope it works out 4 u

[Qurratul Ayn]

:sl:
she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam.
:w:

:salamext:

Masha'Allah Ta'ala, that is great news!! May she be guided in this life and stay upon the righteous path.

At least your Mother agrees Brother limitless, and Insha'Allah Ta'ala that if you tell her she will understand and help you and the Sister you wish to marry. Always trust Mothers as Heaven lies under their feet for us children, no matter if we get married or not, and your Mother will be able to lend a hand if she is understanding or why don't you let the Dear Sister speak to her herself and explain the situation like a mother-daughter chat that at are Masha'Allah Ta'ala very helpful as Mothers were also once young women.

Pray to Allah Ta'ala to help ease the pain and cure the illness of my Dear Sister's. Insha'Allah Ta'ala all of us here will pray for you and Insha'Allah Ta'ala, our prayers may be accepted by The Almighty, also my Dear Brother limitless this is a test and as long you stay in Islam, the right path, Insha'Allah Ta'ala everything will soon turn out fine.

:salamext:

P.S. Masha'Allah Ta'ala again on the Insha'Allah Ta'ala conversion into Islam of the Dear Sister!!!!!

[Khayal]

:sl:


If I am in your situation I will marry her. However, she have to be Muslim first. I also believe that you men leave Muslim girls on the side and get involved with non-Muslims. What do you think that a Muslim girsl raised in a Muslim family going to do when all Muslim men are going after others because they fell in love with them. Are Muslim girsl allowed to fall in love with non-Muslim men; even after converting them to Islam. Will yo allow this to happenn to your sister? I am sure you will not. So, why one standard for men and other for women. When the Muslim girl who is waiting for a Muslim man to love her and marry do not get a proposal and she wanders away in the evils of this society then these men are to be blamed and answerable in the day of judgement because they are the ones who started leaving these women alone and started to fall in love with others and then claiming that they did a good thing by converting non-Muslims to Islam. If you can answer these questionsn in your mind and are happy about the answers then you can do what you are doing. In this particular case if you were to marry this woman in any case with or without your parents permission and without caring for the Muslim girsl who could also be a right wife for you, then you shall go ahead and marry her whether she is terminally ill or not. In this case if you do not marry her then you are one big hypocrite because you are running away from responsibiliyt of taking care of her in her illness; in love you better take all that coms with it.


:w:

[Kittygyal]

No, no! Why the heck should I let her convert for me? I don't want that.

And no. NO@~!!

salamualikum.
you have misuderstood dude i never mentioned anything about you telling her to convert for you. Brother Ibn.... said it all i mean in your first post or something you said, ''she wants to become muslim for Allah sake not mine and understands islam.'' so if she wants to become a muslim tell her to go for it inshallah not for you though she needs to have it firmily in her heart.

by the way i guess my advice is dull so am out hope goes all well :)
Ma'assalama

[Khayal]

If suppose the situation is turned around and you were then one who was found to be with cancer, then would you expect her to marry you? I am sure that if she leaves you knowing that you are now no good because you may die any time then you will call her a hypocrite. So, please do unto others that you expect them to do to you. This is a Golden rule for life and is also given to us by our Prophet SAW.

The Prophet SAWsaid: 'None of you is truly a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.'
(Sahîh Muslim)


Now, if you don't marry her then are you going to go after some other love? Is your love real love or is it a fake love on sale and only good when the other side offers something of value to you. You are mocking the concept of love. What if your new love comes out with cancer after marriage? What if this love fo yours is just testing your real lovefor her by juts saying that she has cancer? I believe that people like you shall always be tested like this because you are in love for only your advanatge.

The Prophet SAW said: 'Show mercy to those on earth so that He who is in heaven will have mercy on you.'
(Sunan At-Tirmidhî)

.

[noahs_arc]

:sl:

i don't think talking to an imam is going to help as i think it isn't a fantastic topic to talk about with one as they're men.

i think you should read. books and the internet.

you can't be what he wants you to be or expect you to open up straigth away. he has to make you feel special and take it slowly. initiate conversations that you feel are not tooooo 'out there' but are not what YOU would usually talk about :statisfie

it'll surprise him.


lol

:w:

[TABS19]

As others have suggested it will get easier when you start living together. How long is your course and why can't you move in with your husband until you finish? Or maybe spending the weekend at his place.

[noahs_arc]

where r u studying? if at uni why don't you move into dorms and he can go with you?

[AnonymousPoster]

I'm going to be specific with my problem...
This is hard to believe..but I'm in love with 2 people....at the same time....
I jst cannot choose between them....
One has asked 4 my hard in marriage..he lives in England...
The other doesnt live in this country...and he spoke to me about it..but we didn't go into too much detail...
Its not that I'm what most people say 'playin' them..but I cnt keep saying I LOVE YOU to both of them...its one or the other..and since I cannot decide..I might have to give them both up...but that would be breaking their hearts...I already feel guilty...and that would just kill me...I would be able to live with myself...I really don't know what to do...I even avoid seeing them...when they call..I just ask my self 'should I pick that up?'
basically...It might be that I just like one and love the other..but I don't know which 1....
You'll probably want to know I let my self get carried away....
that is too complicate to explain so I'm not going to go into it...
plz make some suggestions....I'm so stressed and depressed over this matter...and I don't know if I can talk to them about it...its easier said than done..
thanks 4 your time...its quite long...sorry*

[Re.TiReD]

:sl: confusing yeah...but there may just be a solution Insha'Allah. You know that at the end of the day you're gonna have to choose one...I know it sounds like a stooopid suggestion but why don't you just do it? Pray to Allah to guide you to the right decision and ask for the help of family and friends, maybe they will be able to look at it with an objective view and help you decide which one will be best for you. Hope that helps. Take care :w: :)

[AnonymousPoster]

thanks...I preciate your advice...
If I have to choose one..then I will have to be sure about my decision...because I don't want to have any regrets later on.

[------]

:salamext:

Try doing Istikharah sis Insha'Allah?

[Re.TiReD]

thanks...I preciate your advice...
If I have to choose one..then I will have to be sure about my decision...because I don't want to have any regrets later on.

I pray for Allah to guide you sis... :)

[AmarFaisal]

Assalamoalaikum,
I suggest u bring ur parents into it. They shall make an unregretable decision for u..Inshallah. And u won't blame urself forbreaking the men's hearts. U simply tell them, ur parents shall make the final decision.

When ppl r in love they tend to portray a very "lovable" image of themselves to their loved ones. Which sometimes isn't true. Both of them would be in this partial disguise.

Try to see through this disguise. DOn't just decide on how they r with u..but observe how they r with others. Which will help u see through their personalities.

[Tania]

Try don't see them for 3 days and see after this time who is missed the most. :-[ If you see both you will never be able to choose. Also, try to choose after their character.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

i pray to Allah to guide you :)

[Snowflake]

but I cnt keep saying I LOVE YOU to both of them...its one or the other

I'm not judging you but ^that^ means you told both men you love them? How would they feel if they knew? Cheated perhaps? I'm sorry but it's not on sis. Stop playing with their feelings. Choose one who's stronger in his deen and let the other poor guy off the hook. I don't mean to be horrible but imagine someone did that to you.

[habibti4allah7]

salaam sister. i had a friend who went through the same situation as you. well it comes down to who can you see yourself marrying? who makes you more happy, and who makes you feel more comfortable. i know its a hard decision ishallah you make the right decision. may allah guide you through sister

[siFilam]

:salamext:
I’m with sister Muslimah_Sis I won’t judge you. But you asked for advice and I will give you one as Muslim. This may sound harsh but it’s the truth. First of all, you’re not married to them but you’re telling them you love them. You’re not even supposed to talk to them to on the phone without a third person on another line. For the sake of your own self, fear Allah. If you’re serious about marrying any of these guys then get your parents or a guardian involve in this matter. you’re not Kaffir so stop imitating their behavior.
Please forgive me if I offended you and May Allah, The Most Merciful, forgive me as well. But I won't lie to you.
wsalam
-SI-

[SUMMAYAH]

I'm not judging you but ^that^ means you told both men you love them? How would they feel if they knew? Cheated perhaps? I'm sorry but it's not on sis. Stop playing with their feelings. Choose one who's stronger in his deen and let the other poor guy off the hook. I don't mean to be horrible but imagine someone did that to you.

Sorry I don't mean to offend......but i totally agree with Muslimah_sis.

[habibti4allah7]

i am a converted muslim (hispanic) and i am engaged with a born raise muslim. (palestinian) well see when he told his family about me, he didnt much agree on him marrying a hispanic muslim. as time went on, they got to know me better and thought i was a strong hearted muslim and also a great person. however, they feel that marrying an arabic girl (mainly from his country) would be better off because she has more to offer. so basicaully here is my concern, his family doesnt hate me but doesnt like me either. she dont agree in marrying an hispanic girl but just accepted it because they saw how much we really do love each other and dedciate our lives to islam. however, they arent happy with the engagement. so here is my question, do you think its worth marrying someone you love but his family doesnt like or approve of you?

[IbnAbdulHakim]

laa adree... you can always make dua 2 Allah...

[habibti4allah7]

i am a converted muslim (hispanic) and i am engaged with a born raise muslim. (palestinian) well see when he told his family about me, he didnt much agree on him marrying a hispanic muslim. as time went on, they got to know me better and thought i was a strong hearted muslim and also a great person. however, they feel that marrying an arabic girl (mainly from his country) would be better off because she has more to offer. so basicaully here is my concern, his family doesnt hate me but doesnt like me either. she dont agree in marrying an hispanic girl but just accepted it because they saw how much we really do love each other and dedciate our lives to islam. however, they arent happy with the engagement. so here is my question, do you think its worth marrying someone you love but his family doesnt like or approve of you?

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

:sl:

Threads Merged. Just make one thread on the same topic, you'll get more replies that way :)

[habibti4allah7]

okay thank you brother :)

[- Qatada -]

Asalaamu 'alykum (peace be upon you.)


Sister, how about doing istikharah?

http://www.islamicboard.com/cyber-co...-guidance.html


I think that would be more accurate, and i think people will have a difference of opinion. Istikharah is better because you get your guidance from Allaah, and if anything comes up - then you know that Allaah will answer your prayer and guide you to what He knows is best.


May Allaah make this life and the hereafter easy for you, ameen.

[bint_muhammed]

whats a hispanic muslim?

[Cactuprincess]

Assalamu alaikum Habbiti
With well over 70,000 latino muslims in the USA your future mother in law really has to learn about this new phenomenon. We are getting daily re-converts who are Latino and they are extremely pious because thier latino roots were engraved early into similar ideals. Islam is a vehicle to morality and a lifestyle- religion for mankind. Latinos find many similarities among family , economics, spirituality , morality etc which we agree wholeheartedly. Coming to Islam is only a journey that we take in life to evolve as human beings.
Your mother in law should be proud that her son saw this inner beauty of yours. Inshallah she should learn more about us and the love that we share with all Muslims. I will make dua that if this family is for you they should awaken from their sleep and love islam and the Muslims as the Prophet would. Ameen. Wasalam , khadijah rivera of PIEDAD

[- Qatada -]

whats a hispanic muslim?

:salamext:


Spanish, i think. Alot of the hispanics' forefathers were muslims themselves in Muslim Spain aka Al-Andalus. But theres been a rough history since there was continous Ji-haad between the muslims and christians in spain.

[Snowflake]

Salam all
For so many years, living and being brought up the Islamic way, alhamdulillah. But I realise that it has made me very conservative - very conservative values. To the point where it is so hard for me to be 'lovey dovey' or intimate with him. I just feel like I can't! I dread to think what i would be like after moving in with him.

I feel like i cant bring together being 'religious' and myself as a seductress or a temptation for my husband. How can i bring the two together? It feels like it just wouldnt work!

I understand fully where you're coming from sis. All throughout our childhood and adolescence we're told to behave modestly with the opposite gender. That's from an islamic as well as cultural perspective. Women who lack haya & shyness are looked down upon - again reinforcing the message that 'lewd or free' behavior is unacceptable.

While all that's good, we can't help carrying those beliefs into our marriage. We might be feeling wild inside but are scared to show it in case we're judged. But you're husband genuinely wants you to open up to him and not be shy in such matters. He just wants to know that you want him as he does you. And when he feels you're holding back, he feels rejected.

That doesn't mean he wants you be crude or vulgar. Just 'loving' and 'romantic'. Obviously even that isn't easy. But it's a lot easier than saying something more provocative. Think of what kind of response your husband would like then keep repeating it to yourself until you don't feel shy saying it out loud. Then when he phones just say it. Even if it's in a whisper lol :X

But remember never say anything you don't feel. It's so obvious!

P.S if this thread was moved to the sisters section, we could discuss the problem in more detail inshaAllah.

[deen_2007]

hmm...sis...why is it you cnt move in with him while studying? i mean that'll solve the problem. how long is your course. i personally would have delayed the nikah, if the course was very very long. anyway, do u not meet him now & then? i mean his your husband, your allowed now.

[AnonymousPoster]

Thanks so much for your support and answers.
I cant see him because he is in a different country.

May Allah reward you all tremendously.

[Snowflake]

did the advice help sis? :? :-[

[akulion]

after reading what u just wrote
i believe it is not an issue of being religious and hot at the same time but rather the way you feel for your husband.

sexuality is something that is a natural part of human beings. It would come naturally for a person who finds their spouce attractive

I dont want to get into this all but I just wantad to add this point.

[anonymous]

^ me 2

['Abd al-Baari]

:sl:

Inshallah Allah swt will guide you to make the right decissions but the sisters above are correct
Allah kows best

[.:Umniyah:.]

after reading what u just wrote
i believe it is not an issue of being religious and hot at the same time but rather the way you feel for your husband.

sexuality is something that is a natural part of human beings. It would come naturally for a person who finds their spouce attractive

I dont want to get into this all but I just wantad to add this point.

I think this is true and false at the same time. i see mostly people are saying its because its over the phone or because she grew up modest. In my humble opinon i dont think that "has" to be the case, sometimes some people are just not able to express sexuality" in words, and they are more hands on sort of speak. Even people who arent as modest or who are very attracted to their spouses, some people are just unable to express certain things into words.Even if in the inside they are doing backflips and overjoyed.

And Allah knows best. But i think you should try your best to sit and ponder over yourself and see what kind of person you are, meaning how you best express yourself and why is it that you are truly so uncomfortable. Because i think if youre that uncomfortable on the phone you'll definatly go into shock in person.

But may Allah make it easy for you InshaAllah. Ameen

[AnonymousPoster]

salaam, wat r u meant 2 do if ur hand touchz the hand of a person of da opposite gender n u didnt feel guilt abut it wen it happend, n u liked it?:cry:

[lolwatever]

repent and avoid it! and remember the hadith "its better to get stabbed in the head with a needle than touch a non mahram..."

all the best..
salams

[Maimunah]

:sl:

"It is not permissible for a woman to allow a man to hold her hand or touch her because he is a stranger (non-mahram) to her."

It is not permissible for a man who believes in Allaah and His Messenger to put his hand in the hand of a women who is not permissible for him or who is not one of his mahrams. Whoever does that has wronged himself (i.e., sinned).

It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”

Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.

Allahu a3lam

:w:

[SUMMAYAH]

Sometimes wen u hav to pay someone in a shop, it can get a bit awkward taking back loose change without allowing ur hands to touch.........

best way to go about it.....if u put ur money on the counter instead of handing it into the assistants hand, hopefully they will do the same wen giving change.........

or better still giv the exact amount.........

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Sometimes wen u hav to pay someone in a shop, it can get a bit awkward taking back loose change without allowing ur hands to touch.........

best way to go about it.....if u put ur money on the counter instead of handing it into the assistants hand, hopefully they will do the same wen giving change.........

or better still giv the exact amount.........

i kindly disagree sister :)


if we keep our hands a fair distance away then the exchange can go rather smoothly (ie money can be dropped from mid air into hand). Alhamdulillah contact hasnt ever been an issue for me.

[SUMMAYAH]

i guess it makes more sense...........

[Pk_#2]

^^ yeah sumz u dun hav ta touch the person :)

[SUMMAYAH]

^^ yeah sumz u dun hav ta touch the person :)

i dont! i just wasn't thinking straight this morning! :D

[Pk_#2]

awww :)

[Malaikah]

salaam, wat r u meant 2 do if ur hand touchz the hand of a person of da opposite gender n u didnt feel guilt abut it wen it happend, n u liked it?:cry:

:sl:

Umm... you should try to feel guilty, I don't know how you can stop yourself from liking it... but feeling guilty is something you can work on. :thumbs_up

And of course, always try to avoid touching anyone.

if we keep our hands a fair distance away then the exchange can go rather smoothly (ie money can be dropped from mid air into hand). Alhamdulillah contact hasnt ever been an issue for me.

Interesting! Can you please clarify this technique? Money exchange can be annoying for me sometimes.:mmokay:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:sl:
Interesting! Can you please clarify this technique? Money exchange can be annoying for me sometimes.:mmokay:

:wasalamex

sure, you lift up your hands, you wait for the person to open their hands while you have yours locked in a fist to show that you aint allowing the palm to palm exchange, their natural instinct will be to spread their palms in front of you, then you simple loosen the fist and allow the money to freefall directly into their hands.

The finders keepers rule may be applied to any change that falls on the floor, sins will be distributed to those who act on the rule

[Snowflake]

i kindly disagree sister :)


if we keep our hands a fair distance away then the exchange can go rather smoothly (ie money can be dropped from mid air into hand). Alhamdulillah contact hasnt ever been an issue for me.

I very kindly disagree :)

the person giving the change back might not drop it from mid air but put it in your hand.. and some stinky pervs linger while doing that! :raging:

I agree with summayah sis.. give exact change AND put it on the counter :thumbs_up

[IbnAbdulHakim]

I very kindly disagree :)

the person giving the change back might not drop it from mid air but put it in your hand.. and some stinky pervs linger while doing that! :raging:

I agree with summayah sis.. give exact change AND put it on the counter :thumbs_up

lol mashaAllah kindly Agreed

[AnonymousPoster]

hi, i take islamic classes at night time and i have to walk home after words, its only like 10 minute walk and a brother has to do the same walk. i feel fightened sometimes, and he offered to walk with me to protect me if i wanted. can i? i mean, he is no threat and he would never do anything to me, everytime i talk to him he gets all red and blushed and gets nervous, so its not like he is a big bad guy.

[Khayal]

hi, i take islamic classes at night time and i have to walk home after words, its only like 10 minute walk and a brother has to do the same walk. i feel fightened sometimes, and he offered to walk with me to protect me if i wanted. can i? i mean, he is no threat and he would never do anything to me, everytime i talk to him he gets all red and blushed and gets nervous, so its not like he is a big bad guy.

:sl:

First of all you are not allowed to see the face of any non mehram Brother..:X 2ndly At night how can you see if his face is red or blushing??...:blind:


:w:

[snakelegs]

well, of course i don't know the islamic position on this.
but it would seem that since it is a matter of your safety, maybe it would be ok if you didn't talk to or look at each other?
it's not really safe for women to walk alone at night in most places.

[Khayal]

One more thing WHICH is very IMPORTANT...you are not allowed to stay or walk with any non mehram brother ALONE .

[snakelegs]

if you were in a dangerous area (and most places are dangerous for women at night) - are you saying it would be better for a woman to walk alone (and risk being attacked, etc) than with a non-mehram brother?

[Khayal]

It's better to walk with a mahram(brother of father, and some others), or not go out at all. Why go out if dangerous? In Islam, better safe than sorry.

[snakelegs]

o.k.

[lavikor201]

:sl:

First of all you are not allowed to see the face of any non mehram Brother..:X 2ndly At night how can you see if his face is red or blushing??...:blind:


:w:

Possibly she sees him elsewhere, maybe in the class? :?

[Muezzin]

If it's not possible to go with a mahram, or get a lift home, then walk with the guy for your own safety, so long as he's trustworthy.

[Noor]

check your intentions

[nevesirth]

lets try 2 be logical here, would u prefer she rather be prone to harm by a complete stranger than walk with a non mehram man who she feels will give are some form of protection? in this age we are, i think its better to analyze such a situation with a open mind rather than applying rules blindly>>>>>>

[Um_ahmad]

:sl:

First of all you are not allowed to see the face of any non mehram Brother..:X 2ndly At night how can you see if his face is red or blushing??...:blind:


:w:

Sister are you seriouse we are not supposed to look at the face??:?

[Muslim Woman]

I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

With the name of ALLAH (swt) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continously Merciful


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)



&&&

hi, i take islamic classes at night time and i have to walk home after words, its only like 10 minute walk and a brother has to do the same walk. i feel fightened sometimes, and he offered to walk with me to protect me if i wanted. can i?

---if it's dangerous, then don't attend the night classes.....try to do class in day time :)

i mean, he is no threat and he would never do anything to me,

--may be but it will violate the commands of God Almighty .

In the holy Quran , most probably Sura Nur/light , Allah told us to avoid those acts that can lead us to immoral act like adultery/fornication. Spending time with opposite sex at night is surely a step towards immoral relationship.

everytime i talk to him he gets all red and blushed and gets nervous, so its not like he is a big bad guy.

-- he is shy now but if u 2 spend time together for a long time , then gradually he will overcome his shyness.

Prophet Muhammed (p) said ( not the exact words ) ....when a man is alone with another woman , 3rd person comes & that's the devil.

so sis , pl. avoid the bro , instead tell ur bro or dad to pick u up or find another day time class.

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/peace;

:sl:

First of all you are not allowed to see the face of any non mehram Brother..:X

-----there is a hadith for men not to look at non-mehram women for the 2nd time ' cause 2nd glance is from devil ..... I m just curious .....is there any specific hadith for women not to look at men ?

2ndly At night how can you see if his face is red or blushing??...:blind:

hahahaha , may be it was not that dark , street light was enough to see the blushing :p :giggling:

[Khayal]

If it's not possible to go with a mahram, or get a lift home, then walk with the guy for your own safety, so long as he's trustworthy.

How can be he trustworthy, if his face is turns red n he blushes in front of a girl? Astaghfirullah.......:X

[Khayal]

check your intentions

Yeah...but what about his intentions??:? +o(

.

[lavikor201]

Obviously none of you would care what Jewish law (Halakha) says about this type of situation, however, let me ask you all, this the chance of this girl getting hurt because she did not have a male (ho may not be related to her, but cares about her and is shy so wont probably wont advance on her) worth her seperation from the male?

Let me ask you all:

If this girl comes on here in a week and tells you all she has cuts over her face and was raped because the male not related to her, was not aloud to gaurd her, because of YOU ALL, would you change your answer?

This is a REAL person, and telling her to walk alone, could impact her forever.

Some of you need to think.

[Khayal]

lets try 2 be logical here, would u prefer she rather be prone to harm by a complete stranger than walk with a non mehram man who she feels will give are some form of protection? in this age we are, i think its better to analyze such a situation with a open mind rather than applying rules blindly>>>>>>

So, you would wish for safety in a like situation. SO, the best way to stay safe is to avoid such a situation where one could put herself in danger like that.

[Khayal]

Sister are you seriouse we are not supposed to look at the face??:?

Sister you can see, but you can't stare. It depends on the intention.

[Khayal]

Salaam/peace;



-----there is a hadith for men not to look at non-mehram women for the 2nd time ' cause 2nd glance is from devil ..... I m just curious .....is there any specific hadith for women not to look at men ?


It applies to both genders. And to be clear, by my understanding, the second glance cannot be a stare.



hahahaha , may be it was not that dark , street light was enough to see the blushing :p :giggling:

Oo, OK......:p

.............................................

.

[siFilam]

:salamext:

Salaam/peace;



-----there is a hadith for men not to look at non-mehram women for the 2nd time ' cause 2nd glance is from devil ..... I m just curious .....is there any specific hadith for women not to look at men ?

sis, you don't need a Hadith, it's in the Qur'an Surah Noor (24:31)
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty..." (24:31)
wasalam
-SI-

[youngsister]

:sl:
[QUOTE][How can be he trustworthy, if his face is turns red n he blushes in front of a girl? Astaghfirullah......./QUOTE]

That doesnt make him untrustworthy(haha does it even make sense) anywaysss, :) Maybe hes just shy and being shy its a good quality.

Sister is best not to walk with him, thats what I think. we are being told to stay away from fornication (not only that but anything that might leads to it).
:w:

[Snowflake]

I wouldn't advise walking with the brother, even if you don't look at each others face. Let's face it, for how long? Soon one of you will exchange a word or two. This will lead to three or four and before you know it you'll be engaging in long conversations. Pious people aren't immune to commiting sin.

You can take islamic classes online. You don't need to go out to learn Islam.

An online islamic educational institute

http://www.**************/

[youngsister]

:sl:

I wouldn't advise walking with the brother, even if you don't look at each others face. Let's face it, for how long? Soon one of you will exchange a word or two. This will lead to three or four and before you know it you'll be engaging with long conversations. Pious people aren't immune to commiting sin.

:thumbs_up :thumbs_up :w:

[Snowflake]

why isn't the link coming up? :?

[Snowflake]

neway, try this

http://www.islamonline.net/english/hadith/hadith.shtml

[Muezzin]

So there are a few possibilites.

Firstly, you could get a day class, or study Islam over the net.

Secondly, you could continue going to the night class, but, if there's no alternative, walk home with the dude for your own protection.

Is it not possible to get a lift home from one of your relatives for instance? It's dangerous for girls to walk around alone at night.

[queenmuslimah]

inshallah may allah make everything easy for u...ameen...........if i were u i would have at least another person walk with u.....inshallah everyting is goin to be alright

[deen_2007]

simple: change your class time

[queenmuslimah]

that could also work

[SATalha]

I think is best to go with a mehram. But if you cannot make sure he walks in front of you.

[AnonymousPoster]

Actually I do not talk to them without having some1 present...and I did not tell them I love then in words...but its a feeling some1 gets when you get on with them very well...but thank you for your replies.
And just to let you know I have made a decision, and I have talked to my parents about it....after all the one who propose saw my parents to do so..I just didn't give no reply...the other guy well..he's not serious and he's deen is not very good..not that I am saying mine is but you'll understand what I mean!!!
Jazakallah*

[.:Umniyah:.]

:salamext:
I’m with sister Muslimah_Sis I won’t judge you. But you asked for advice and I will give you one as Muslim. This may sound harsh but it’s the truth. First of all, you’re not married to them but you’re telling them you love them. You’re not even supposed to talk to them to on the phone without a third person on another line. For the sake of your own self, fear Allah. If you’re serious about marrying any of these guys then get your parents or a guardian involve in this matter. you’re not Kaffir so stop imitating their behavior.
Please forgive me if I offended you and May Allah, The Most Merciful, forgive me as well. But I won't lie to you.
wsalam
-SI-

:sl: ^^MashaAllah very well said.

But Im glad Allah guided you with a partical decision. May Allah have mercy on us all Ameen.

[AnonymousPoster]

At my school there is a girl who began wearing a Hijab during Ramadan. Now she wears this Hijab and draws attention to herself, but no one ever makes fun of her or anything. But I saw her in the halls and she passed a non-muslim white guy and gave him a little kiss on the cheek and said Hi, smiled and kept going. Now:

• Is it better that she not wear the Hijab at all if she acts that way with it on?
• As a Non-Muslim, who knows a lot about Islam is it my place to make a comment to her about it, or is that to rude?
• Anything you have that I can tell her which will basically tell her she is completly wrong etc, like no kissing guys, or physically touching them (from quran).

Thanks.

[DAWUD_adnan]

Maybe she's not wearing it with intention and you might have witnessed something no one is supposed to know about.

[AnonymousPoster]

Maybe she's not wearing it with intention and you might have witnessed something no one is supposed to know about.

It was in the hallway in plain view of all to see.

[SATalha]

Maybe it wud b wise 2 tell sum 1 who is muslim. But not spread gosip but 2 help the girl?

[DAWUD_adnan]

yes? then she must not have been waering it with intention, as the hijab is designed to stop physical contact.

you shouldnt think about it too much to you be your way and to her be her's

[IbnAbdulHakim]

its better to do the lesser of two evils always

so not wearing hijaab n kissin is worser then wearin hijaab n kissin.

the girl remains a faasiq but inshaAllah she'll slowly realise

may Allah guide her!

[Pk_#2]

Look at the maybe's *tsk*

Ameen to the dua!

Allahu alim, Allah (swt) knows her intentions.

[arabiyyah]

its better to do the lesser of two evils always

so not wearing hijaab n kissin is worser then wearin hijaab n kissin.

the girl remains a faasiq but inshaAllah she'll slowly realise

may Allah guide her!

but what if people get the idea it is okay for islamic girls to do these things?

I say we get this non-muslim to hand this girl a note from the "LI board" inviting her to come on here so we can explain why she is doing wrong.

[siFilam]

:salamext:

but what if people get the idea it is okay for islamic girls to do these things?

I say we get this non-muslim to hand this girl a note from the "LI board" inviting her to come on here so we can explain why she is doing wrong.

I agree. Thats the best idea. if she accepts then please remember that we should be gentle with her.
May Allah, The Most Merciful, guide us.

wasalam
-SI-

[AnonymousPoster]

Why didnt u say anything to her..whats the point in wearing the headscarf if u gonna go and kiss people.. silly girl.

[Muezzin]

but what if people get the idea it is okay for islamic girls to do these things?

I say we get this non-muslim to hand this girl a note from the "LI board" inviting her to come on here so we can explain why she is doing wrong.

Good plan.

Except there's the very real probability that she will recoil and think the original poster is talking out of line.

[snakelegs]

if a person wears hijab they will be seen by some non-muslims as a representative of muslims as a whole. so i think they would have a special obligation to present a good example.

[deen_2007]

+ make dua for her...

[Muezzin]

if a person wears hijab they will be seen by some non-muslims as a representative of muslims as a whole. so i think they would have a special obligation to present a good example.

True. I still think the original poster should be gentle, because if he or she is too harsh, the girl in question may take offence and not actually correct the problem.

To the original poster: You could try talking with the girl about whether Muslim girls are allowed physical contact with boys, without specifically mentioning that incident. Just in a friendly sort of conversation in which you want to learn more about Islam, or more about the way she follows it. You say you have a lot of knowledge of Islam, so, in the course of the conversation, you might say something like, 'I've read that Muslims aren't allowed to touch members of the opposite sex?'

The key word is friendliness. I think if you outright say 'hey, I saw you kissing that boy's cheek, you're a bad Muslim', she would probably react negatively, because that's how most people would react. In my opinion at least.

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl: i am in a weird situation and need advice i have fallen for this decent brother whos on his last year of college i really really like him i had this feeling for a few months now. summer is coming up and college will close soon because we both going to go to university different ones i will not see him again. do you think i should tell him how i feel? the disadvantage is that it might create fitnah and even though i would like to marry him it will not happen as in my family we have to finish university first.
should i stay quiet and risking of loosing him OR tell him how i feel and maybe tell him so well he can come and ask for my hand one day:?
what do you think i should do? by the way i dont talk to him never have.w.salam

[AnonymousPoster]

Just stay quiet sis,you don't even know the guy, like u said u just seen him around at college..You'll get over the brother once u leave.Even if do the brother will probably not feel the same way about you.So save yourself the fitna and the embarrassment. Sat quiet.

[AnonymousPoster]

I think you should tell him despite the possible embarassment and rejection. why?! becasue unless u tell him u aint gonna find out what he feels, maybe he feels the same for u, and maybe he is looking for marriage as well, u could be the one. Never underestimate the power of faith. Unspoken words are worse than spoken words. Let it out and if it don't work out u'll know it ain't meant to be and whats the worst that can happen, it's not like u gonna see him again ur both leaving for different unis anyways.

But one thing if it does work out, get married, don't do anything the wrong way.:thumbs_up

[AnonymousPoster]

first anon yes if he rejects me i would be really upset it will break my heart
2 anon that`s what a part of me thinks. i nearly forgot about him till i met his mother by accident and she liked me! surely that has to be a sign.

[strider]

How can you be sure that you like him when you haven't even spoken to him?

[AnonymousPoster]

You met the mother, but not the father. So think before u make that move, i wouldn't take the risk.

How well do you know this brother?

[AnonymousPoster]

i havent spoken to him because you need a mahram there. i am friend with his cousin and many people speak nothing but good of him i also like the way he carries himself. anon isnt it more important when you meet the mother:confused:

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

ask your cousin to propose on your behalf, if he accepts then marhaban, if he rejects then Allahu a'lam.

but first talk to your parents before even asking your cousin, i hope all goes well for you inshaAllah


may Allah grant you whats best for you inshaAllah

[Khayal]

:sl:

Don't tell him any thing, just tell your mother about him n she will talk to his mother, If the brother is pious and you are pious too, then there shouldn't be any problem, unless he's engaged..:X

One more thing: ask your mother for nikah..in this case you both can get an education in same uni...

This is the best way you can be together........:blind:

[AnonymousPoster]

sis i think u should ask the cousin ur friends with to drop it to him. If he accepts and is pious like u say, then he will do something about it. either he will marry u or tell u to wait. But at the end of the day u aint gonna find out nothing unless he says something, and thats gonna happen when he knows about it. If u aint gonna let him know then there is no point is there to even occupy ur mind with any illusions?!

[Muezzin]

You said you've had this feeling for a few months. How are you sure that it's not simply an infatuation that will pass in maybe a month's time?

[AnonymousPoster]

tell ur wali to tell his.. das the best way

:w:

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Pray Istikhara inshallah, and then tell your parents. If it works out, pray istikhara again..and may Allah subhana wa ta'ala be with you in making the right choices inshallah. Don't talk to the bro directly. Firstly if you get rejected, it will make you depressed, and if you are accepted, it will put feelings inside of you that weren't there before. So either way its like you're screwed lol. Try to do it through your parents, and Allah knows best.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

[AnonymousPoster]

:sl:

Jazakallah kheir for everyone who replied. (Charisma nice advice). I decided to be quiet because my parents are not going to let me get married now so its pointless.

[funk999]

maybe (but unlikely) the guy was her husband? white guys can be muslim too (i know, wow). Instead of broadcasting it here..why didnt you approach her and tell her the grave sin she has committed? Only kidding, we dont know who she is!

I dont mean to be rude or anything.. i also lost a chance to tell someone that men cant wear gold.. i bet alot of people here dont know this.

You know what they call girls who wear hijab... The BurkaBabes

[Maidah]

Beleive me walking home is so much more than you think. I know of a real life story where walking home lead to the girl having feelings for the boy, despite her claims of having right intentions and being pious, and the whole thing turned into some next up drama.

Anyways im not saying this wil be the case for every case, but if i were you, i wouldn't rule out the possibility of it happening. Cuz when two ppl are together the third part is teh shytan.

Just try to get home as quickly as you can and if does drop u off home, there is no nedd to feel that you're being rude and should drop in a word or two. But inevetably thats what we end up doing.

[noahs_arc]

the exact same thing happend to me..and we stayed away all summer and guess what! ended up at the same uni! ..really i think leave it and inshallah it'll be ok.

[*~Sofia~*]

:sl: sis, even tho ur parents dont want u 2 get married rite now, maybe he could be a possible groom for you wen u are able to get married. maybe tell your parents that u have him in mind for a possible marriage proposal? im sure your heart is telling you something? i think you should follow your heart, otherwise ur always gonna be thinking 'what if'. and u mite end up regrettin your decision. I think you should follw your heart.. whatever is gonna happen is in Allah's hands.
hope all works out well for u :D

[Grace Seeker]

if a person wears hijab they will be seen by some non-muslims as a representative of muslims as a whole. so i think they would have a special obligation to present a good example.

Of course, but where will you draw the line on this sort of policing?

There are other "nominal" Muslims who drink. There are those who listen to music. There are those who fly planes into buildings.


And there are Christians who engage in adultery, and start wars of aggression, and do all sorts of other things not truly representative of Chrsitianity.

Even if you have figured out that you don't want the world to get a false idea reagarding one's religion, it is difficult to control the way other people think and act. A soft word of information might be wise here, but a word of rebuke would probably just alienate the girl from any further growth in her faith.

[Muslim Woman]

I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

With the name of ALLAH (swt) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continously Merciful


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)

&&

.......[*]Is it better that she not wear the Hijab at all if she acts that way with it on?.

---what she did is wrong but she must not remove veil. Insha Allah
( God Willing ) she will realise her mistake & won't repeat it.
[*]As a Non-Muslim, who knows a lot about Islam is it my place to make a comment to her about it, or is that to rude? .[/QUOTE]


---u can talk to her personally & gently pointed out of her mistake without hurting her feeling/ego.

[*]Anything you have that I can tell her which will basically tell her she is completly wrong etc, like no kissing guys, or physically touching them (from quran).[/LIST]Thanks.[/QUOTE]


- in chapter 24 ( sura light ) there is a verse that tells both the believer men & women ( not the exact words ) to lower gaze & protect chastity . There is another verse that says to avoid those acts which can lead to adultery. So , coming close to opposite sex , kissing -----these are surely steps to future immoral acts.


U can give her a book on how to be a goody goody Muslimah :)

[AnonymousPoster]

i need help,,,,im nt a good muslim , wel da reason is cuz i hav a boyfriend and i dunt no wah to do, i do alot of finks im nt proud of ,bt cnt stop, he says he loves me n i cnt break his heart ,he wil reli be saaaad i cntt do it ,im nt dat heartless bt i do want to be a good muslimah, plzz if u hav any ideas or anyfink or can help me i wil aprreacite it
thank you

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

Is he Muslim person?

:w:

Sister of Islam