Opposite Gender Concerns

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum
all i can say is have sabr and inshallah just think about it is this dude going to go with you and safe you? if so keen then get married inshallah. I don't have much to say on this issue
ma'assalama

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i need help,,,,im nt a good muslim , wel da reason is cuz i hav a boyfriend and i dunt no wah to do, i do alot of finks im nt proud of ,bt cnt stop, he says he loves me n i cnt break his heart ,he wil reli be saaaad i cntt do it ,im nt dat heartless bt i do want to be a good muslimah, plzz if u hav any ideas or anyfink or can help me i wil aprreacite it
thank you

:salamext:

sis first Alhamdulillah its really good that you wanna make Allah subhanahu wata'ala happy, try your best to realise first and foremost that by trying to keep your bf happy your making Allah, in whos hand is your destiny, unhappy. By making Allah unhappy... things could get ugly! Also if you make him happy, he may give you something far greater then that which you already have.

ok lets think abuot the balance here:

if you keep your bf happy by staying with him you also:
1. make your parents sad ( if they should ever find out)
2. Make your image worser
3. prevent yourself from the true and sincere worship of Allah
4. thus stop yourself from ever truelly making Allah happy

( THIS COULD RESULT IN GOING TO HELL AUDHUBILLAH)

and if you giv up this relation then:

1. Mercy will flow through (trust me i've experienced this)
2. Allah will bestow upon you something much greater (inshaAllah)
3. You will live a honest life
4. Allah will be happy with you :D

(this could result in going to heaven :D:D:D)


Whats the point of a bf sis, look if its possible marry da geezah (ONLY if his willing to completely change into a true muslim) but if its not, then do that which is best in pleasing Allah inshaAllah

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

Well, I have to said that Allah Ta'ala is coming first than people..Allah loves those who are keep on the straight path to His Wills...I think it is easy to tell you, you can explain to your bf about this and l hope he will understand...be strong woman!

I am hope it is good enough for you, inshAllah!

:w:

Sister of Islam

[Sunni Student]

:sl:

If you dont want to break with him, then explain to him that it is Islamicly wrong for you to be seeing each other and communicating when not needed, and come to some sort of agreement regarding marriage, and if you are not ready for marriage then stop communicating untill you are ready for marriage.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[siFilam]

:salamext:

i need help,,,,im nt a good muslim , wel da reason is cuz i hav a boyfriend and i dunt no wah to do, i do alot of finks im nt proud of ,bt cnt stop, he says he loves me n i cnt break his heart ,he wil reli be saaaad i cntt do it ,im nt dat heartless bt i do want to be a good muslimah, plzz if u hav any ideas or anyfink or can help me i wil aprreacite it
thank you

Alhamdulilah sister you realize your mistakes. Thank Allah for this knowledge and ask Him to guide you.
You don't want to break your bf heart. That’s understandable. When we get close to someone we don't want to hurt them. But think about this, Allah does more for us, more than even our parents. Even at times of our extreme disobedience He doesn’t stop taking care of us. Just think about this for a moment. Think about your comfortable life, your health and all the blessings He gave you. Think about all of your disobedience yet He is so Merciful, so Forbearing. May Allah forgive us for our heedlessness. Ameen.
Now tell me who deserves your love more, Allah or a human being who will abandon you to face Allah alone in the Day of Judgment.
May Allah give us the ability to realize our mistakes and change our lives according to the Qur'an and Sunnah. Ameen.

wasalam
-SI-

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
agreed S.Student well said
ma'assalama

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

Take to look at this link: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...EAskTheScholar

:w:
Sister of Islam

[Sunni Student]

Although I can see most of the replies have encouraged the sister to end the relationship completley, Islamicly that is not the only solution available.

If both are serious about the relationship then the Brother can arrange for someone on his behalf to contact the 'Wali' of the sister.

However if they are not at that stage and are not ready for marriage then they can just end all forms of communication untill they are ready for marriage.

If the sister can stop all form of communication for the sake of Allah untill they are ready for marriage then no doubt this will be a way for her to attain the happiness of Allah.

So in conclusion ending the relationship is not the only option available.

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
what does 'wali' mean? and the sis can like get married to him so in that case she is doing the islamically way then again Allah hu alim
^ brother i just want to say if the sis doesn't end her relationship then erm what more should she do if she doesn't get married and chats to him thats still wrong, but in one case she can have a her brother or someone sat with her and talk then.
ma'assalama

[Sunni Student]

salamualikum.
what does 'wali' mean? and the sis can like get married to him so in that case she is doing the islamically way then again Allah hu alim
ma'assalama

A 'Wali' is the guardian of the girl, usualy the father, and yes if she gets married without committing further sin then indeed that is islmaicly correct, however she would still need to repent for the wrongs she did before she got married, as in spending time with him, or communicating to him without the need.

[Kittygyal]

A 'Wali' is the guardian of the girl, usualy the father, and yes if she gets married without committing further sin then indeed that is islmaicly correct, however she would still need to repent for the wrongs she did before she got married, as in spending time with him, or communicating to him without the need.

salamualikum.
okay, so once she gets married to the dude she needs to ask for forgivness right?
ma'assalama

[Sunni Student]

^ brother i just want to say if the sis doesn't end her relationship then erm what more should she do if she doesn't get married and chats to him thats still wrong, but in one case she can have a her brother or someone sat with her and talk then.
ma'assalama

Yes if she doesnt get married and continues communicating to him that would be wrong, thats why I mentioned in my post if she is not ready for marriage they should end all forms of communication untill they are ready for marriage.

And yes she can meet him in company of a Mahram [A non marriable male relative]

[chacha_jalebi]

salaam

elo ello

sista, its good u realised :D. you got b straight to the point, what would you rather hav a few days of tears or a long time of burnin in the hellfire:(, bcos if u carry it on then thats wot wil happen.

inshallah end it:D and tel him to b a good muslim then lata on in life if u stil hav same feelins then get married init:D but sista all these bf/gf relations alwys end badly lol and both get bad image,but you can end it on a good note :D so do it, do it, do it:D

hope u make rite choice

[Kittygyal]

Yes if she doesnt get married and continues communicating to him that would be wrong, thats why I mentioned in my post if she is not ready for marriage they should end all forms of communication untill they are ready for marriage.

And yes she can meet him in company of a Mahram [A non marriable male relative]

salamualikum.
But may i ask as a muslim we shouldn't be looking at the opposite sex right? so even if there was a mahram isn't it still kinda bad to look at the opposite sex? just kinda curious
ma'assalama

[Sunni Student]

salamualikum.
okay, so once she gets married to the dude she needs to ask for forgivness right?
ma'assalama

Well she should do repent now, but one of the conditions of repentance is having the intention to not commit that same sin again, so if the sis repents but does not have the intention of ending her communication with him then such repentance is not valid.

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.
okay doke's, please answer me above question then am dusted
ma'assalama

[Sunni Student]

salamualikum.
But may i ask as a muslim we shouldn't be looking at the opposite sex right? so even if there was a mahram isn't it still kinda bad to look at the opposite sex? just kinda curious
ma'assalama

It should be with the intention of finding out more about the person you are considering getting married to, and this is from the sunnah and has been reccomended by the Prophet [peace be upon him]

If this were not the case, you would have to get married to someone without even seeing them!

[Sunni Student]

Sorry i forgot to reply to your salams in all of your posts:

:w:
:w:
:w:

[AnonymousPoster]

salam all
thank u all for ur kind help, first im only 16 n second i fink he wud marry me bt my family wil never let mee, no wayy,!! my parents r into education n no marriage before dat, n da guy is muslim too, im scared cuz i nver done dis before, im kinda of a softy,
anywz i wil try my best cuz i wana do wats rit , insha allah mak dua for me plzz ,to help me choose da rit path n da rit decision

[FatimaAsSideqah]

:sl:

I will do Dua pray for you, Sister of Islam!
Also you can repent to Allah Ta'ala and He will help you to reduce your problem, InshAllah!

:w:

Sister of Islam

[Woodrow]

salam all
thank u all for ur kind help, first im only 16 n second i fink he wud marry me bt my family wil never let mee, no wayy,!! my parents r into education n no marriage before dat, n da guy is muslim too, im scared cuz i nver done dis before, im kinda of a softy,
anywz i wil try my best cuz i wana do wats rit , insha allah mak dua for me plzz ,to help me choose da rit path n da rit decision

:w: Sister,

You know if you really love somebody you want to do the best you can for that person, even if it costs temprorary pain. Would you not run into a burning building to save him if he was trapped in one. So doesn't it make sense to prevent a fire before it starts, even if it means to hide the matches that light the fire?

Everybody else has already given excellent advice, so I will just stop with that.

[Muezzin]

maybe (but unlikely) the guy was her husband? white guys can be muslim too (i know, wow).

The fact that they're in 'school' according to the original poster kind of puts that theory out the window.

[Muezzin]

Look, if you can't get a mahram to escort you, and if you can't get a day class, just ask your family if you're allowed to walk home with this guy. I think some people are getting so dogmatic that they're forgetting that a girl really shouldn't be walking alone at night.

[FatimaAsSideqah]

I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

With the name of ALLAH (swt) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continously Merciful


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)

&&




---what she did is wrong but she must not remove veil. Insha Allah
( God Willing ) she will realise her mistake & won't repeat it.
[*]As a Non-Muslim, who knows a lot about Islam is it my place to make a comment to her about it, or is that to rude? .

---u can talk to her personally & gently pointed out of her mistake without hurting her feeling/ego.

[*]Anything you have that I can tell her which will basically tell her she is completly wrong etc, like no kissing guys, or physically touching them (from quran).[/LIST]Thanks.[/QUOTE]


- in chapter 24 ( sura light ) there is a verse that tells both the believer men & women ( not the exact words ) to lower gaze & protect chastity . There is another verse that says to avoid those acts which can lead to adultery. So , coming close to opposite sex , kissing -----these are surely steps to future immoral acts.


U can give her a book on how to be a goody goody Muslimah :)

[/QUOTE]

:sl:

Sister of Islam, I am agreed with what you have said!

:w:

Sister of Islam

[.:Umniyah:.]

Why didnt u say anything to her..whats the point in wearing the headscarf if u gonna go and kiss people.. silly girl.

Thats the equall of saying, "why be muslim if youre going to sin?" or " why want to live if youre just going to die anyway?". The point of the matter is, Al Hamdulillah this girl is doing what MANY other Muslims cant even dare think about , and thats identifying herself. NOw, rather shes "perfect" with it yet or not, is something different.

So i say give her credit for taking that big step and putting the Hijaab on, because its a major sin on her for everytime she walks out of her house without it. And then make Dua that Allah gives her strength in her weak areas, as we ALL have weak areas.

now as for the original poster, Believe it or not People tend to be more shamed when a person outside of their religion admonish them than someone inside of it. I know it may sound weird but its truth.

So prehaps you should go to her and make mention of it and KINDLY advise her. But at the same time if this was like WEEEEEKs ago or a while ago than i suggest you leave it along, unless it comes up again.

And then of course the invitation to LI idea is a great one.

Let us know if she accepts the invite or not please.

[deen_2007]

anon...did you speak to her about it?

[Sunni Student]

salam all
thank u all for ur kind help, first im only 16 n second i fink he wud marry me bt my family wil never let mee, no wayy,!! my parents r into education n no marriage before dat, n da guy is muslim too, im scared cuz i nver done dis before, im kinda of a softy,
anywz i wil try my best cuz i wana do wats rit , insha allah mak dua for me plzz ,to help me choose da rit path n da rit decision

Sister then you should stop all forms communications untill you are ready for marriage, So talk to this guy and explain the situation to him, that the two of you should not be communicating for some time.

When you are both ready for marriage then he should arrange to approach your family to make a proposal, untill then you must stop, yes it is hard but this is the Islamic way and the way to attain the happiness of your Lord.

[deen_2007]

^ there are great advices here sister. well if your meant to be together, then u will be re-united when the time comes. follow the above advice..

[Angel]

woow great advizzz

[Pk_#2]

Lastly take their advice ^^

*SS, RIGHTEOUS LADY, WOODROW, IBN... etc,

make dua :)

[Kittygyal]

salamualikum.

just read you ''tittle'' and it says ''hw do i break up wit him'' well it's easy to break up with a man simply say to him ''I DON'T LOVE YH AND GET OUT OF MA LIFE DO ONE'' then he will goaway but actually it all depends how much he loves you and leaves you, but if he still don't leave yh simply call the cops on him. It happens

Ma'assalama

[Angel]

sis ur harsh lol:giggling: i wudnt do dat i wud tel him * i lov u wit all my heart n dats why im doing dis cuz wah we r doin is haram n we shudnt be doin dis*

[Helena]

:salamext:

sis first Alhamdulillah its really good that you wanna make Allah subhanahu wata'ala happy, try your best to realise first and foremost that by trying to keep your bf happy your making Allah, in whos hand is your destiny, unhappy. By making Allah unhappy... things could get ugly! Also if you make him happy, he may give you something far greater then that which you already have.

ok lets think abuot the balance here:

if you keep your bf happy by staying with him you also:
1. make your parents sad ( if they should ever find out)
2. Make your image worser
3. prevent yourself from the true and sincere worship of Allah
4. thus stop yourself from ever truelly making Allah happy

( THIS COULD RESULT IN GOING TO HELL AUDHUBILLAH)

and if you giv up this relation then:

1. Mercy will flow through (trust me i've experienced this)
2. Allah will bestow upon you something much greater (inshaAllah)
3. You will live a honest life
4. Allah will be happy with you :D

(this could result in going to heaven :D:D:D)


Whats the point of a bf sis, look if its possible marry da geezah (ONLY if his willing to completely change into a true muslim) but if its not, then do that which is best in pleasing Allah inshaAllah

MashAllah very good advice.....all the consequences are shown...

i just want to add a final thing inshAllah...u may not see the result of this now but in future u will see it...and will be truly grateful to Allah(swt)..

everything happens for the best.......and for a reason surely.....

soo make the right move that pleases Allah(swt) and which does not please the satan.....

[AnonymousPoster]

:salamext:

scenario:a person gives up somethin very important to him for the sake of Allah n feels sad because he misses the thing (thing it self wasnt haram but the way he had to use it was). he doesnt have anyone to turn to because the people he knows wont be very understanding. he knows that because he gave it up for the sake of Allah, it is to Allah he should turn to and complain only to Allah and seek reward from him. but he finds it hard and he just wants some1 to be there for him to tell him its okay and to remind him that he did the right thing and make him feel better when he is feeling down.

is that okay, or the way he wants attention from humans to make him feel better wrong? should he feel like it is only to Allah that he should be turning for that support? is it wrong for him to complain because he only ever gave up the thing because it would lead to haram, so he had no choice but to give it up. would wanting sympathy from other humans be like having impure intentions?:astagfiru

thanks in advance,

your brother in faith

[AnonymousPoster]

salams bro

i kno xactly wat u feel like... personally i think its cool to complain 2 friends n ask em 4 advise.. especially the ones u can really relate to emotionally n stuff (i dont mean 2 sound weird! lol)... just avoid flattering urself and mentioning that you done such and such .... put it in a way where u just want encouragement and as if you need help.. and not necessarily you're a hero who wants praise and flatter.

allahu alam.. but yeh hope that helps :)

tc :w:

[nadia85]

I think if u have good understaning friends u should talk 2 them and also stil turn 2 allah s.w.t

[IbnAbdulHakim]

:salamext:

i know this might not help but at times like these i like to look to those who have less then me in dunya and look to those who have more in piety :)

wallahi it helps so much...

[siFilam]

:salamext:

The person should seek support from Allah to keep away from that haram thing. Make lots of Du’a, this shows our dependence on Him. I’m not sure what u mean by complaining to Allah. But the person should understand whatever Allah made Haram for us is for our own good. The person shouldn’t feel bad about leaving this Haram thing; instead thank Allah for giving you the ability to leave the Haram. the person won't regret it in the Day of Judgment.
The person can talk to religious and trustworthy friends in order to encouraged.
Best thing to do is keep the right type of company. If you feel that people won’t understand you or may think bad of you than don’t disclose your situation. Remember that life and death was created by Allah so that He may test us. It may be a test from Him to see how a person reacts about leaving something Haram for His Sake. Only Allah knows. Make Du’a .

Wasalam
-SI-

[Snowflake]

Try not to dwell on how enjoyable the haram that you gave up was.
The fact is that the pleasure of haram is torture & punishment of the grave and here-after in DISGUISE. You wouldn't drink something laced with poison, even if it tasted sweet, would you? Then why miss something that feels pleasureable yet is harmful to you?



Instead focus on why you gave up and the benefits it will bring for you in this world and the here-after. You gave it up for Allah, but really, it is yourself that you did a great big favour to. No loss there then - only gain.


As for seeking sympathy from others, what do you want people to say? "Oh I'm sorry you had to give up such & such. I know how much you enjoyed it.. Yeah man I really feel for ya! But nevermind man that's life eh?" Well, islamic life anyway.


Instead of seeking sympathy, seek inspiration from others in how they resist temptation without thinking they've conquered K2. At the end no one's going to reward you for refraining from haram except Allah subhana wa ta'ala. And even that for doing yourself a favour? SubhanAllah!