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anonymous
04-16-2007, 11:20 AM
:sl:

I am one of many who had a bad habit of talking about others, mainly because it was what everyone else would do and it is just way to find common grounds with others. So much that it no longer seemed wrong, and i would justify it with any way i could. But Astaghfirullah i realised the seriousness of this sin. It has been a couple of years and I still stop myself from talking badly of others. However i find that theres so many others still in this habit. Most importantly my sisters. I will always stop them from saying something about another person, but it always seems to back fire on me. Like they say chill out, relax ect etc. And it really annoys me. Also i hate having to repeat myself...

Q: Will i be sinned, if i am in their presence when they are backbiting? It is still my duty to stop them, remind them etc etc?
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Umm Yoosuf
04-16-2007, 01:39 PM
:wasalamex :muslimah:

The Prohibition of listening to gossip


Allah said: "Every act of hearing, or of seeing, or of (feeling in) the heart will be enquired into (On the Day of Reckoning)." [Al-Isra’ 17:36]


“ …If Satan ever makes you forget, then after recollection, do not sit in the company of those who do wrong.” [al-An’am 6:68]

“And when they hear vain talk, they turn away therefrom.” [al-Qasas 28:55]

From Ka’b ibn Malik, in the long hadith concerning his repentance; he said: The Prophet said, when he was sitting among the people at Tabuk: “What happened to Ka’b ibn Malik?” A man from Banu Salamah said: “O Messenger of Allah, the beauty of his cloak and the appreciation of his sides (have detained him)!2 Mu’adh ibn Jabal said: “ Woe be upon that which have said.By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, we know nothing about him but good.” The Messenger of Allah kept quiet.1

What do we know from these texts?

1- That listening and paying attention to gossip is something for which the individual the individual will have to answer to Allah.
2- That it is prohibited to sit with people who are gossiping and backing.
3- That refusing to listen to Ghibah and bad speech is one of the qualities of the believer.

The Hadith, which related the story of Ka’b, goes beyond the rejection of Ghibah: the Muslims honour should be defended by criticizing what the gossip says, and by saying something good about the person which is true. Thus Mu’adh said to the gossip: ““ Woe be upon that which have said. By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, we know nothing about him but good.”

The Prophet said: “Whoever defends the honour of his brother, Allah will protect his face from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.”

The Prophet said: “Whoever defends his brother in his absence, Allah will defend him in this world and the next”.

These are matters which are well-understood; there is no excuse for any nonsense talk or backbiting.

But anyone looking at the people nowadays will see them behaving in the opposite manner.

You will see them:

1- praying attention to the gossip who criticizes a fellow-Muslim;
2- Listening to it with enyoyment,4 hoping to hear more bad news about the person;
3- Adding some news or descriptions of their own, mentioning about their brother something which he dislikes, and thus co-operating with Shaydan.
4- Agreeing with the gossip and supporting him in his critism of the Muslim who is absent.

“Do they not think that they will be called to account?- on a Mighty Day, a Day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the Worlds.” [al-Mutaffifin]

The poet described them correctly when he said:

“You would have been heard if you had called people with life in them,
But there is no life in those whom you call.
If you had blown into a fire it would have blazed up,
But what you are blowing into is dead ashes.”

A better description is given in the Qur’an, where Allah says:

“The same it is to them whether you admonish them or you do not admonish them: they will not believe.” [Yasin 36:10]

One of the verses of poetry on the prohibition of listening to gossip says:

“Protect your ears from listing to evil talk,
As you would protect your tongue from speaking it.
From when you listen to evil talk,
You are an accomplice of the one who is speaking-
so beware!”

From the Book Gossip and its Adverse effects on the Muslim community by Husayn al-Awayishah

:salamext:
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Medina83
04-16-2007, 04:10 PM
This is a question I asked before somewhere else but only 1 person replied so maybe you guys can help me better:

I also struggle with this backbiting thing although i am becoming more and more self-conscious and stopping myself and trying to stay silent when i hear others do it...

but the question i have is: what is the difference between being disgusted by an action or bad behaviour in your mind and condemning it and backbiting?

Are we allowed to condemn it in our minds even?
Is that sinful?

A good sister i know told me: to be safe, when you see something you know is wrong, just say 'elhamdulillah thats not me'...wise advice I think but it doesn't stop me condemning it in my mind.....
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Umm Yoosuf
04-16-2007, 05:11 PM
:salamext: :muslimah:

Don't go to these gathers where your muslim sister is being talked about. It is a MUST you defend her Insha Allah. Tell these sisters to fear Allah and not bacbite. If they continue then leave.

How a Musim defends his brother's honor?

Islam is a religion of peace, love and compassion. Lies, unjustified suspicion, backbiting, slander and gossips are totally alien to Islam. In fact they are considered amongst the most destructive of major sins.

This is so because these sins sow enmity and discord among the Muslim community (Ummah) and lead to its destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household, and between neighbors, friends and relatives.

Islam states that our relationship with mankind should be one of sincerity and responsibility. It should be one where we have respect for the honor, reputation and privacy of others. This beautifull relgion teaches us that we are not only held accountable for our own attitudes and actions but also for anything else over which we have control or influence over, in our society or the world around us.

Those who worship Allah should care for each other in every way; the Muslim community should sustain best moral values of the faith: Mercy, compassion, fear of Allah, piety, and justice.

Allah ordered Muslims to defend, help and stand by each other,

"strong against unbelievers but compassionate amongst each other"[Qur’an 48:29].

A Muslim is required to defend his brother when someone talks about him behind his back. In Islam, Muslims should not do injustice to others nor do they tolerate any injustice to themselves.In their love and concern for each other, all Muslims are like one body, as Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

“when any part of the body suffers, the whole body feels the pain”.(Sahih Muslim)

Allah has promised for the one who defends his absent brother with a great reward and promised to protect him from the fire.

Abu Ad-Darda narrated that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

"The one who rebuts another from backbiting has protected himself from the fire."

Defending (Rebutting) backbiting is a characteristic of a believer. Allah says in the holy Qur’an:

(And when they hear Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil vain talk), they withdraw from it and say: "To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.)(28:55)

The believer knows that the devil wants to destroy him because he rejects backbiting by rebutting it. If he cannot change the topic of conversation he should dislike it in his heart and leave the gathering, remembering Allah's saying:

(...And if Shaitan(evel) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zalimun (unfair, wrong-doers,etc..)(6:68)

Also, Prophet Muhammad advised Muslims to love each other, he said:

"...no one believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."(Muslim)

Islam teaches us that if people are being ridiculed or backbitted in our presence, we should defend their honor. If we neglect this, we shall deprive ourselves of ever needed help and mercy from God. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:

“If a man's Muslim brother is slandered in your presence, and you are capable of defending him and you do so, God will defend you in this world and in the next. But if he fails to defend him, God will destroy him in this world and the next.”(Baghawi).


:wasalamex
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Umm Yoosuf
04-16-2007, 05:30 PM
Buy this book:

GOSSIP and its adverse effects on the Muslim Community by Husayn Al-Awayishah.

I was going to copy and type out a chapter for you titled
The one who listens to gossip and the one who gossips are the same but sadly that page of my book is missing. Insha Allah if I get hold of it I'll post it :)

The Virtue of speaking up for a Muslim in his absence, andcopposing Ghibah.

From Abdu’l-Darda: The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever defends the honour of his brother, this will be a protection for him from the fire.”

From sma’ bint Yazid, who said: The Prophet said: “Whoever defends his brothers honour in his absence, will be entitled to Allahs protection from the fire.”
The prophet said: “Whoever defends his brother’s honour, Allah will protect his face from the fire of the Day of Resurrection.”
From Mu’adh Ibn Anas al-Juhani: The prophet said: “Whoever protects a Muslim from a hypocrite, (probably he said:) Allah will send an angel to protect his flesh from the fire of Hell; and whoever accuses a Muslim of something, seeking to disgrace him, Allah will detain him on the bridge of Hell until he has been fully punished fro what he said.”

From the book: GOSSIP and its adverse effects on the Muslim Community by Husayn Al-Awayishah
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