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S_87
04-14-2005, 08:05 PM
Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines
by: Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

There are many interactive forums on the Internet, including chat sites and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how Muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into contact with one another while participating in these forums.

The following guidelines should be observed by Muslim men and women when interacting with one another on the Internet:

1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.

To start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become a great opportunity for Satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds seem fair to them.

Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover, some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest and noblest intentions.

2. Use typing and avoid audible means of communication.

If, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must adhere to Allah's command: “Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a speech that is just.” [ Sûrah al-Ahzâb : 32]

This verse was revealed concerning the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of permissiveness and promiscuity.

3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.
We must not get involved in talking at length about things that are unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in speaking with men.

Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and frivolous.

4. Remain vigilant at all times.

Those who we meet on the Internet are, for the most part, apparitions. Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real intentions? All of these things are unknown.

I wish to call the attention of our honored sisters to the dangers that experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor, another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life, the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure…

5. Muslim women who work with the Internet should keep in close contact with one another.

They need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous field of endeavor. They need to cooperate closely and share their experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing with others she is strong.

Allah says: “By time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience.” [ Sûrah al-`Asr ]

Abû Mulaykah al-Dârimî narrates: “It was the practice among the Prophet's Companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart from one another without one of them reading Sûrah al-`Asr to the other. Then one of them would greet the other with peace.” [ al-Mu`jam al-Awsat (5120) and Shu`ab al-Îm ân (9057)]

I also advise our Muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and their efforts on calling other women to Islam and enjoining them to righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly, subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice, often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming high-handed and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured, attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.


ok thought this was a good read :thumbs_up (showing my serious side :-[ )

source=http://www.islamtoday.net/english/showme_weekly_2004.cfm?cat_id=30&sub_cat_id=695
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Muhammad
04-15-2005, 12:47 PM
Advice from the Scholars


One of the essential aims of sharee’ah is to protect people’s lineage and honour. For this reason, Allaah has forbidden zinaa and ordered that it be punished by whipping or stoning. And He has forbidden the means that may lead to zinaa, such as a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, sinful looks, and women travelling without a mahram or going out of their homes wearing perfume and make-up, clothed yet naked, seeking thus to attract young men and provoke their desires and tempt them away from their religious commitment. This also includes a man speaking to a woman in a deceitful manner, and her speaking to him in a soft voice so as to tempt him and provoke his desire, so that he will fall in her trap – whether this is done in person, over the phone, via correspondence or in some other manner. For this reason, Allaah forbade the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), even though they were good and pure, to make a display of themselves in the manner of the first Jaahiliyyah, or to speak in soft voices so as to provoke the desire of those in whose hearts was a disease; and He commanded them to speak in a manner that was honourable. Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning):

“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allâh), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.

And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” [al-Ahzaab 33:31-32]

So Muslim youths must fear Allaah, protect their chastity and lower their gaze. They should refrain from speaking or writing any obscene words of immoral romance or deceit. Muslim girls are obliged to do likewise, to remain chaste and not to go out wearing make-up, clothed yet naked.

It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell that I have not seen yet: men with whips like the tails of cattle, with which they strike the people, and women who are clothed yet naked, walking with an enticing gait, with something on their heads that looks like the humps of camels, leaning to one side. They will never enter Paradise or even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance can be detected from such and such a distance.” (Narrated by Ahmad and by Muslim in al-Saheeh).

If young men and women obey Allaah and His Messenger, and rise above worldly matters, keeping away from fitnah and sources of suspicion, that will be better for them, purer for their hearts and better for their reputations and their societies.

It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman who is not his mahram, because that affords temptation to do immoral and evil actions. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.”


It is not permissible for you to correspond with a young man who is not a mahram for you through what is known as the “Pen pal corner”, because that is something that leads to fitnah (temptation) and to evil and corruption.


It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a non-mahram. If a man intends to propose marriage then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is one of his relatives, then it should be more straightforward because either he will knows about her or he will be able to find out about her from the women of his own family.

It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out about the real character of one another through correspondence and conversing before marriage, because neither of them will show anything but their best side.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked:

If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in love, is this regarded as a haraam action?

He replied:

This action is not permitted, because it provokes desire between them and makes them hope to meet and get in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral actions or the things that lead to them. We advise all those who want to protect themselves to avoid corresponding and the like, so as to protect their religious commitment and their honour.

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579



Dr Riyaadh al-Musaymeeri said in an answer to a question:

Note – may Allaah bless you – that our great religion firmly warns us against forming relationships between the sexes outside the framework of marriage and firmly closes the door to the calamity of introduction programs that are propagated by means of newspapers, magazines and the internet. These warnings are a means of warding off fitnah (temptation and tribulation) and preventing love affairs which usually lead people to commit acts of grave immorality and transgression of the sacred limits set by Allaah – Allaah forbid – or they lead them to marriages that end in failure and are filled with suspicion and mistrust.

First of all, you made a mistake by entering the chat room before knowing what the Islamic ruling on that is. Then you made another mistake by forming a relationship and friendship with a young man who is not related to you.

Beware of making a third mistake by marrying him because he claims to love you sincerely and you are afraid that he may commit suicide!

Marriage that is not based on a sound Islamic foundation is doomed to end in failure and regret. A young man who has spent all this time forming a relationship with a girl through chat rooms and telephone calls is in fact a young man who has no religious commitment, modesty or manners, and he cannot be entrusted with the honour of the Muslims.

If you were to marry this person, it would not take very long before suspicions arose which would lead to him losing trust in you and not having a peaceful or relaxed life with you. From his point of view, a girl whom he gets to know through talking on the phone or through chat rooms cannot be trusted not to form relationships with others. This will occupy his thoughts and make him anxious.

You should learn a lesson from the experience of other girls who have fallen victim to love relationships and lost their honour as a result. You should give up this young man/woman immediately and repent to Allaah and ask His forgiveness, and praise Him for saving you from committing immoral actions even though the means that lead to them are easily available. You should also praise Him for putting obstacles in the way of this marriage, through your family’s refusal. Start a new life filled with purity and chastity, regret and prayers for forgiveness, keeping away from the things that lead to temptation and immorality. Do a lot of righteous deeds, read a great deal of Qur’aan, and attend many righteous gatherings. With time, your relationship with this person will fade, for it is based on emotions that are not based on shar’i guidelines or wise thinking. Beware lest the Shaytaan ensnare you and makes you think that you cannot forget or sever the relationship forever; these are just whispers and tricks, and devilish attempts to keep you in the hell of love and emotion, and distract you from the higher aims of sincere devotion and submission to Allaah and constant striving to please Him. We ask Allaah to give you a way out from your distress and anxiety.

The conditions for speaking to a woman to whom one is not related are mentioned in the following aayaat (interpretation of the meaning):

". . . And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen; that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts . . ." [al-Ahzaab 33:53]
". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak softly.Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the face that could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft like women who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade women to do that.

The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire" means lest such a person should hope for immoral deeds, indecency or romance. "Speaking in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that does not go against Sharee’ah or offend people. Women are encouraged when speaking to men to whom they are not related and to mahrams among their in-laws to be somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without raising the voice, because they are commanded to lower their voice.

Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram)should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.

One must also adhere to the conditions set out by the Sharee’ah even in instances where such conversations are necessary, such as in da’wah, giving fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And Allaah knows best.

There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men.That is because talking to men may turn into chat which usually leads temptation.Hence it is essential to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and fearing His punishment.

How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs.

Sharee’ah blocks all the ways that may lead to fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech and does not allow a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes of fitnah as is well known.

Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men. This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:

It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that.A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.

Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love.

From Fataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96.

Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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Muhammad
04-15-2005, 12:47 PM
Ruling on a woman taking part in forums and discussions with men



Question:


What is the ruling on woman partaking in forums? And women discussing issues with men? Is joking with men on forums haram? What is the ruling on using the different icons of emotions like smiles? Is using private messaging between a man and a woman to enquire something or ask for help permissible? Is it permissible for the woman to write “hahahaha” (laugh)? May Allah reward you, Please answer my questions accurately to assure my heart.



Answer:


Praise be to Allaah.


Firstly:

It is permissible for a woman to take part in public forums so long as she adheres to the following conditions:


1 – She should take part only as much as is necessary, so she may put her question or say what she has to say, then leave, and she should not comment except as is essential, because the basic principle is that she should refrain from speaking with men and mixing with them.
2 – Her speech should not include anything that may provoke fitnah, such as jokes, soft speech or laughter, such as writing “hahahahaha” as mentioned in the question, or using emoticons to represent smiles, because that may lead to the one in whose heart is a disease being moved with desire, as in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”
[al-Ahzaab 33:32].
3 – She should avoid giving her e-mail address or corresponding privately with any of the men, even if that is by seeking help, because such correspondence usually leads to emotional attachment and provocation of fitnah. Please see questions no. 34841 and 82460.
4 – It is better for a woman to take part only in forums for women. This is safer for her. There are many such forums and there is a lot of good in them. If she needs to take part in public forums then it is better for her to choose a username that does not show that she is female.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A
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HumbleServant
04-15-2005, 12:47 PM
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN

Question :


I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love .

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.

There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.

The fact that the questioner says “no one knows about us” is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).

Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.

You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.

We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future?

Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.

You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).

As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly:

With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar’i rulings, because the rulings of sharee’ah having to do with what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the shar’i evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the commands and prohibitions contained therein.

Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as ‘Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar’i rulings from this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength.



Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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HumbleServant
04-15-2005, 12:47 PM
Tempted by permissive channels and internet sites

Question :


I am a young man who is, unfortunately, tempted by satellite channels and internet sites to such a degree that I have fallen far short in religious matters. I hope that you can help me and pray for me to be guided. May Allaah reward you.

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah, and blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah.
We ask Allaah to guide you, and to ward off evil and immorality from you, and to make you one of His sincerely-devoted slaves. For Allaah may delay but He never forgets. How can you be sure that when Allaah sees you committing this sin, He is not going to say, “By My Glory and Majesty, I will not forgive you”?

Look at these physical faculties with which you are committing sin. Do you not see that Allaah is able to deprive you of their blessings and to cause you the pain of losing them?

Then look at how Allaah has concealed you (your sin) and has been patient and forbearing with you. You know about His protective jealousy over His slaves, so how can you be sure that He will not become angry with you and expose your affairs, so that people will come to know your secrets and you will suffer scandal in this world before the Hereafter?

Will you get anything from haraam looks apart from grief, misery and darkness in the heart?

Even if you feel some pleasure for a day or two, or for a month or a year… what will come after that?

Death… then the grave… then the Reckoning… then torment, when all pleasure will vanish and only sorrow will remain.

If you feel ashamed to let your brother see you committing this sin, then how can you think of Allaah as the least important of those who watch you?

Do you not know that Allaah can see you, and that His angels are recording your deeds, and that tomorrow (i.e., on the Day of Resurrection) your own limbs will speak of what used to happen?

Think about what will become of you after you sin: worry and distress in the heart, alienation between you and Allaah, loss of humility… you give up praying at night (qiyaam al-layl)… you forsake fasting… Tell me, by your Lord, what is this life worth?

Every time you look at these devilish screens, a black spot appears on your heart, until it is covered with layers of blackness, then by the raan (stain) which overwhelms the heart, and deprives you of the pleasure of obeying Allaah and of the sweetness of faith.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a slave commits a sin, a black spot appears on his heart. But if he give it up, seeks forgiveness and repents, his heart will be cleansed, but if he repeats it, (the blackness) will increase until it overwhelms his heart. This is the raan which Allaah mentions: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14 – interpretation of the meaning].”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3257; Ibn Maajah, 4234; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 3422).

So be among those who give up sin, seek forgiveness and repent. Beseech Allaah frequently to purify your heart and protect your chastity, and to grant you refuge from the traps of the Shaytaan.

Avoid everything that may call you to haraam things or remind you of them, if you are sincere and really want to repent.

Hasten to get this dish out of your house, and cut your connection to these bad sites on the internet. Note that the best means of helping yourself give up the haraam things that you have gotten used to is to nip it in the bud, and ward off every thought of looking that crosses your mind, before it becomes a desire, wish or intention, and then an action.

Al-Ghazzaali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If the first inward thought is not warded off, it will generate a desire, then the desire will generate a wish, and the wish will generate an intention, and the intention will generate the action, and the action will result in ruin and divine wrath. So evil must be cut off at its root, which is when it is simply a thought that crosses the mind, from which all the other things follow on.” (Ihyaa’ ‘Uloom al-Deen, 6/17).

This is based on the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]”

[al-Noor 24:21]

If you can do without the Internet altogether, then go ahead and do that, until you feel that your heart and your faith are stronger.

Strive to find righteous friends, strive to perform all the prayers on time, and do a lot of naafil acts of worship. Avoid being alone and thinking about haraam things as much as possible.

Sincerity in seeking treatment opens the door to good, and closes the door to evil.

We ask Allaah to enable us and you to repent sincerely.

And Allaah knows best.



Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Reply

HumbleServant
04-15-2005, 12:47 PM
MEN AND WOMEN TALKING IN CHAT ROOMS:

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=34841&dgn=4


INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS:

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=21933&dgn=4


He is studying in a mixed university; how should he deal with female teachers and students?

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=45883&dgn=4


She is attracted to a young man at school and wants a solution

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=10254&dgn=4


He has repented from a relationship with a woman over the internet

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=27109&dgn=4


All taken from www.islam-qa.com

hope theyre beneficial inshallah :)

many more in the islamqa website in the RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN THE TWO GENDERS section: (heres the link) http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...recno=15&dgn=4
Reply

Green Bird
06-05-2005, 07:12 PM
Salaam
---
If not I remember listening to a very good talk on gender realtions on www.lightuponlight.com (under videos-by altaf hussein) who says that when talking with someone of the opposite gender you shoud always remember the 3 P's:
Purpose
Public
and to the Point
Reply

panIslamist
06-05-2005, 07:34 PM
My question to everyone is what is so important that you have to talk to the opposite sex.

Here is one fatwa:
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love?

He replied:
It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray.

Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love.

From Fataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96.
And another:
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. The person who is sending these letters may think that there is no fitnah involved, but the Shaytaan will keep at him until he tempts the man by means of the woman and vice versa.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who hear the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep at him until he tempts him and leads him astray.

There is a great deal of temptation and danger in correspondence between young men and young women, so they must keep away from it, even though the questioner may say that there is no love involved.

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578
Reply

panIslamist
06-05-2005, 07:41 PM
And many people say that they chat for marriage. The fatwa for that is:

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:

Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).

As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh
Reply

panIslamist
06-05-2005, 07:43 PM
I think the best evidence against it by using reverse psychology like the Prophet saaws.

Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the one who came to him and asked him for permission to commit zina: “Would you like it for your mother?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you.” He said: “And people do not like it for their mothers.” He said: “Would you like it for your daughter?” He said: “No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you.” He said: “And people do not like it for their daughters.” He said: “Would you like it for your sister?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you.” He said: “And people do not like it for their sisters.” He said, “Would you like it for your paternal aunt?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you.” He said: “And people do not like it for their paternal aunts.” He said, “Would you like it for your maternal aunt?” He said: “No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you.” He said: “And people do not like it for their maternal aunts.”
Narrated by Ahmad, 22265; classed as saheeh by Shaykh Shu’ayb al-Arnaa’oot in Tahqeeq al-Musnad.

So in this case if someone wants to chat ask them if they would let their sister, mother, aunt, etc chat also with a nonmahram.

Also
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5889; Muslim, 2657.
Reply

panIslamist
06-05-2005, 09:43 PM
Evidences from the Quran and SUnnah against mingling

From the Holy Quran........

The Holy Quran Sura #24 An Nur, ayah # 30
Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.

The Holy Quran Sura #24 An Nur, ayah # 31
And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male attendants free of sexual desires, or small children who have no carnal of women; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah in repentance, that ye may be successful.

The Holy Quran Sura Al-Ahzab ayah #33
"Stay in your houses and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance and offer prayer perfectly and give Zakat and obey Allah and His Messenger. "

The Holy Quran Sura Al-Ahzab ayah #53
"And when you ask them, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts"

From Sahih Hadith......

Sahih Bukhari and Agreed Upon by Imaam Muslim also can be found in Riyadh-Us-Saleheen (Arabic English) vol. 2 page 792 Hadith # 1622
Abu Huraurah (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) relates that Rasulullah(Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said a man commits adultery with his eyes when he looks at a strange (non-Mahrum) woman"

Agreed upon by Tirmidhi, Ahmad and Abu Daud also can be found in Riyadh-Us-Saleheen (Arabic English) vol. 2 page 793 hadith #1626 also in the book The Muslim Woman (part 1) by Mufti Shaikh ul Hadith Ahmed E. Bemat
Umme-e-Salmah (Radhiallaahu Ánha) says that she abd Maimoonah (Radhiallaahu Ánha) were in the presence of the holy Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) when Abdullah ibn Umm-e-Maktum (Radhiallaahu Ánhu), who was BLIND, came there. the holy Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "Go behind the curtain and screen yourself" Umme-e-Salmah said "O Prophet of Allah, he is Blind. At this the Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said "are you also blind? don't you see him?In the Tafseer of this Hadith from MUFTI Ahmed E. Bemat he writes .......If the holy wives of Rasulullah(saw) whom ALLAH(swt) himself had selected to be the spouses of His beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) and who have had their purity announced in the Quran are still asked to go behind the curtain for a BLIND man, then how can our woman mix with men without any concern.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith # 159: and Agreed Upon by Imaam Muslim also can be found in the book Islamic Hijab from the Jamiatul Ulama Junubi Africa, page #9
Narrated 'Uqba bin 'Amir (Radhiallaahu Ánhu): Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said, "Beware of entering upon the ladies (mingling with them)." A man from the Ansar said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamu the in-laws of the wife (the brothers of her husband or his nephews etc.)?" Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) replied: The in-laws of the wife are death itself.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith # 160:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) : Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said, "No man should stay with a lady in seclusion except in the presence of a Dhu-Muhram." A man stood up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! My wife has gone out intending to perform the Hajj and I have been enrolled (in the army) for such-and-such campaign." Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said, "Return and perform the Hajj with your wife."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith # 163:
Narrated 'Aisha (Radhiallaahu Ánha): Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) was screening me with his Rida' (garment covering the upper part of the body) while I was looking at the Ethiopians who were playing in the courtyard of the mosque. (I continued watching) till I was satisfied. So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who has not reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement should be treated in this respect.SubhanAllah we should see from this hadith even though Aisha (Radhiallaahu Ánha) was only a little girl at the time and the Ethiopian dancers were far way still Rasulullah(Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) SCREENED her.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Hadith # 164:
Narrated 'Aisha (Radhiallaahu Ánha): Once Sada bint Zam'a went out at night for some need, and 'Umar (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) saw her, and recognizing her, he said (to her), "By Allah, O Sada! You cannot hide yourself from us." So she returned to the Prophet and mentioned that to him while he was sitting in my dwelling taking his supper and holding a bone covered with meat in his hand. Then the Divine Inspiration was revealed to him and when that state was over, Rasullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) was saying: "O women! You have been allowed by Allah to go out only for your needs." This is why the Ullima say women should only leave there house in extreme need and that even with niqaab because a man shoud not be able to recognize her. So if we are not even supposed to be able to recognize women (after this ayah came) then how can we have parties with men and women mingling?


The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) categorically prohibited privacy between a man and a non related woman. He said,
"when a woman and man are alone Satan is the third." (Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi as being sahih)
Reply

Far7an
08-08-2005, 11:08 AM
Assalamu alaikum

This is a good article, and it needs to be read by all members InshaAllah.

May I point out that Gender Relations and freemixing is something we all have to avoid InshaAllah.

This also means when you are replying to the other gender in a post, you do not use humour and it is best to refrain from using "lol", "hehe" or "haha"

We have to bear in mind the following hadith..

It was reported in a saheeh hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.”

This also applies to the internet, in some cases more so.

Barakallahu feekum

wasalamu alaikum
Reply

Ummu Amatullah
08-08-2005, 02:23 PM
Asallama Alaikum just cause we're behind a screen doesn't really mean that we can't attract the opposite gender.Thanks for the reminder sis.Inshallah i'll refrain from free posting and using emoticons.Just when it's necessary.Salams
Reply

ummnoura
08-09-2005, 01:14 AM
I agree this is a serious topic and all of us should think about it. Even friendships can start on here that may lead to wrongdoings. I know my husband only allows me on this site because of it doesnt involve chatting but he mentioned to me that some of the posts i take part in Especially in the Halal Fun forum are nonsense and mearly a waste of time. Also people have been known to say that such posts like the Wordchain or Association game could be codes. Now i never would have thought that but you never know what you do innocently could be held against you. I write all my posts knowing that Allah, my husband, and anyone in the world could read them. I think Im going to try and spend less time on these things and more time doing positive thinks that strengthen my Imaan. I'm not saying these games are bad they are just wasteful and time is precious.

Insha'Allah i will try harder to be a better Muslim. Thanks for the post.
Reply

Muhammad
09-24-2005, 10:28 AM
:sl:

Dear brothers and sisers,

Please note from the comprehensive advice above that while it refers to chat rooms, it can also be applied to a forum like this. Even more importantly, the private messaging system is a perfect example of men and women being alone together, as warned against by the scholars.

It is for these reasons that we have announced the monitoring of the pm system: any continuous correspondence between two persons of the opposite gender will be investigated and members warned if under suspicion. These are precautions that the staff of the forum are obliged to undertake for the purpose of the betterment of the forum and safeguarding of an Islamic Community.

We hope that members will take the advice on board, and that we continue to benefit from our ever-growing online community Insha'Allaah. Please remember us all in your du'as,

:w:

LI Staff.
Reply

glo
05-01-2006, 07:29 PM
I can tell that this is a very serious topic in Islam.

I wonder if I can tell you a story that has happened to me, and has puzzled me somewhat.
I think it fits into this thread, and perhaps people can give me their views.

As I have said before, I live in an area with a large minority of Pakistani Muslims.

A few years ago a young Muslim man owned and ran a halal grocery shop round the corner from our house. I guess he must have been in his early or mid-twenties - at least 10 years my junior.

Although we never used the shop much, we went there to buy Asian food and spices, or sweets for the children. Sometimes I would go with my husband and/or children, other times alone.
I remember him always being very friendly and chatty, and he was probably the first person to tell me a bit about the Muslim lifestyle. Once he had brought some breakfast, which his other had made, and he offered some to me (it was spicy!! ;D

I never felt that our conduct was in any way inappropriate ( and I am very sensitive to men making inappropriate advances!) - but reading this thread and realising how strict Islam is on interaction between men and women, I am not so sure the Muslim community would have approved of us being alone and just chatting amicably together.

After a year or so he sold his shop.
Now he is married with a child. If I am in the park with my children and I see him there with his little boy, he may just acknowledge me with a brief hello, but if he is with his young wife or in male company, he will totally blank me.

To me that is very strange.
If we were aquaintances some years ago, why is it not okay to even just greet each other?

Peace
Reply

SirZubair
05-03-2006, 11:08 AM
To the Mods :

Asalam alaikum.

At the end of the day, interaction between sexes isn't a good idea in many ways but it's going to happen. It also depends on what type of interaction. See via PM although yes it's not monitored, you can't see each other (unless there's a webcam thing happening) so there's less desire I think.

Anyways, we're all accountable to Allah (SWT) and if people have been doing wrong by using the PM function in an unIslamic manner then they will be punished accordingly. We can only set a good example at the end of the day. Maybe you should tell the brother/sister who is out of line to be careful.
(Not my words,words of another brother from Another forum)

Assalaam Alaikum,

There is an assumption made in this thread that PMs constitute Khalwa, when this is not true at all.

Further, it is not only Khalwa that provides us with laws and guidance for gender interaction. The practice of private frivolous chatting must not be condoned at all, but has nothing to do with Khalwa.

It is not PMs per se' which is the problem, for much good also comes from the PM facility. If you had access to my PMs, or the likes of HananD, you would consider it a blessing.

The problem is the illicit communication between people, particularly those of the opposite gender. The worse problem is that if people are stopped from PMing here, will end up in more permissive environment and communicate freely and with much more frivolity. We cannot just assess this type of thing in the spirit of "not in our backyard". There has to be a way to allow PM controlling between people where trust is not established, e.g., new users or unknown users. Further, if there is any evidence of Islamic breaches by any user, should not be tolerated, and such people should be banned from the forum.

This obviously raises the question of two consenting adults who involve themselves in illicit or frivolous PMs to each other. This is a difficult one to police. Which leads me to another matter- whether communication between consenting adults is policeable in Islam. I may have to return to this after some thought on the matter, but I suspect not. One of the Principles in Islam is personal accountability when it comes to communication. So, for example a love letter by a person to his/her illegal lover delivered by a third party is held accountable between the two stupid lovers. The deliverer is free from any liability. Food for thought, because "forbidding evil" is very often thrown around without much practical justification. And Islam is justifiably practical....

Finally, as long as perverts, smart alecs and rude people do not PM me, I am fine.

Was Salaam
Afroz
(That is a post from my Teacher and Friend,Sidi afroz ali from the Alghazzali centre in Sydney AUstralia)

Most people on these forums aren't kids, and shouldn't be treated as such.
(That has been posted by a brother i highly respect)

Personally I think (not that it matters to anyone anyway) that it is a terrible idea. Reminds me of the tree-chopping, grave-destroying, building-demolishing solution in Saudi Arabia to prevent people from associating partners to Allah.

Private messages being snooped around (i.e. monitored)! Totalitarian! Vendetta is against it!
(And another..)

Having posted all that,...in my honest opinion,it is ridiculous for Mod's to be Spying on members PM's.We are (Mostly) Adults on this forum,right?How about we get treated like adults?Trust us to be civil,if we cross the line,we'll answer to allah s.w.t and be punished for it.

Thats my opinion anyway,..the mods can do whatever they want.If the mod's on this forum feel as if they are responsible for the Members actions,then so be it.I dont agree with it though,we all answer for our sins,the mods are not responsible for what the members do.The mods are here to keep things under control,to make sure that there are no arguements,that no1 is threatening any1,that no1 is troubling one another.
But Spying on Members PMs , I just think its going overboard.

Wa'salaam.

-Zubair
Reply

Far7an
05-03-2006, 11:39 AM
:sl: SirZubair,

Jazaakallah khayr for your comments and feedback. You're not the only individual to voice concern over the issue of PMs, and something similar was asked to a shaykh on another board, his reply was.

We have 2 scenarios here:
1- a person who tries to see what's going on for no reason, just being noasy and maybe without others knowing that he knows what they're doing! If this is the case then it should be stopped.
The prophet sallallahu aliahi wasallam says: "Deeds depend on their intentions".

2- A person who needs to see what's going on for a reason such as being a moderator or so, in this case, you can do that even if they don't like it, or even if they don't allow it as long as your doing it for the sake of the website.
Now there's a third case where people just don't mind letting others see what's going on. And that's fine.
The next question was:

Shaikh,

What about the 4th scenario where we make it very clear to everyone that their activity is not secret to the moderators at all? Since participation in this forum is optional, is that an okay condition to place?
And the answer:

Yes, it's ok from their side since they gave the approval. But what about your side? Having their approval doesn't mean you can see their information even if there's no need to do so! You have to have a good cause!
The cause which we use it for, is to avoid fitnah which can be caused when PMs are sent between the two genders. And those are the only PMs we do view, those which are sent from a bro to a sis and vice versa. Besides, it's has been made clear to everyone that PMs are being monitored. There have been situations when a discussion between a brother and a sister has gone too far, and in need of intervention. We are instructed to 'Enjoin in what is good, and forbid the evil', we are in a position of authority and are capable of stopping some evil.
Reply

Ummu Sufyaan
12-20-2009, 10:08 AM
:sl:
i dont know if this has been added, but a good reminder to be precautions
http://islamtoday.com/show_detail_se...main_cat_id=39
Reply

cat eyes
12-21-2009, 05:27 PM
:sl: what i am most concerned about is the amount of reverts showing off there faces on utube and then so many brothers adding them i see so many dangers in that. they say that they are doing dawah but is it so difficult to put on an niqaab when doing dawah...people can easily take advantage of them because they don't know much about the deen but surely its common sense to cover your beauty. i have had met so many friends on there and even spoken to a girl who said she is going to meet one brother alone i told her no you cannot do that, there should be a mahram present. she did not even know what a wali or mahram mean't
Reply

peacepro
02-01-2011, 12:08 PM
“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”
[al-Ahzaab 33:32].
Reply

onlyfaith
02-17-2011, 12:04 PM
Great reminders. An important thread. JazakAllah
Reply

Marina-Aisha
11-25-2011, 12:43 PM
omg i did not know this, couple days a go i posted something it got removed..now i know why thanx :)
Reply

esperanza
11-25-2011, 01:54 PM
thought this would be useful as a warning about ho
#1
esperanza
revert of many years



Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: middle east
Gender: Female Posts: 1,101

ghosts of the interent


found this post ,warning girls to be careful talking to men ,on the interent even innocently ,as in time it can easily become more seroius ,epecially if your vulnerable

thought its suitable to post here



The Deceptive Ghosts of the Internet
Thursday 20-10-2011

In the present age, Allaah The Almighty has enabled us to achieve great development in the ways and means of communication for the exchange of information and ideas, especially through the internet. The creation of internet forums and social networking sites has allowed the internet to enter almost every home. As a result, many virtuous sisters have explored this amazing and wonderful world. Unfortunately, some men take advantage of the heedlessness of some women and exploit their emotions in matters that do not please Allaah The Almighty through forums, chat rooms, instant messaging, and so on.

It has been observed that women are especially vulnerable to the guiles of men in the virtual world; if a man throws a bait, a woman usually falls for it without much ado. Over a period of time, she discovers that she has become prey to an internet ghost whom she neither knows nor sees, but she finds herself in love with him and feels that she cannot live without him. She wishes to speak with one of these virtual 'ghosts' all the time, whereas in the past, the same woman might have considered talking to an unknown male stranger a grave major sin.
She might not have expected that one day she would become emotionally attached to a strange man even though she is a virtuous, pure woman. Sometimes, this 'ghost' — or perhaps a better word would be 'wolf' — may be a wicked and evil minded individual who has devilish ways, while the poor sister who is involved in this unfortunate affair may think everything that glitters is gold and be unaware of his real character and inclinations. She may become over-confident or complacent about herself saying that she knows herself and can control herself. When a woman says these words, one should know that she is in great danger.
It has been observed on internet forums that one of the means of men being able to prey on a woman is to frequently reply to the postings of a certain female member with words of praise, especially if this sister is particularly voluble. There are very few people who are capable of resisting their emotions and preventing their hearts from softening when someone follows the topics of their interest carefully and replies to their posts in a laudatory manner.
O virtuous sister, beware of this! Do not be deceived by the ghosts of the internet.
Sometimes, this wicked ghost posts a fabricated problem and embellishes his topic with eye-catching sentences; such as, “I want someone to share my concerns”. Then, he asks this poor girl, who does not know what is being prepared for her, to find a solution for his problem. She occupies herself with the problem and falls into the trap without perceiving this fact. The matter may go further by adding him as a new contact on her messenger. Instead of being a means of acquiring good deeds, the instant messenger program is turned into a means of evil.
A sister may add a stranger out of curiosity in order to know him better or to know what he wants. Some sisters may add strange men under the pretext that she seeks an innocent friendship and that chatting over the internet is like normal speech. However, chances are that regular chatting may develop further to become severe sins and misdeeds that only Allaah The Almighty knows about.
Sister! O you who are the one who raises the future generations of Muslim men and women; O you who is a protected pearl; beware of Allaah The Almighty and beware of following the devil’s footsteps! The devil does not directly lead a person to sin; rather, he leads him step by step and then lets him fall into sin. Moreover, he may induce the person to justify and rationalize the sin. Beware of minor sins as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Beware of minor sins, their example is like a people who camped at the foot of a valley, and one man brought a stick, another man brought a stick, and so on, until they managed to bake their bread (by burning these sticks). There are some insignificant sins which, once they accumulate and one is questioned about them, they lead to his doom.”t

Reply

AsheSkyler
12-07-2013, 04:17 PM
This is all very interesting. And I'll be sure to be more careful in my own replies. Due to many past fights over misunderstanding the intent of a post, I'm very prone to laughs and smiley faces now to show I'm not angry. I'll try to avoid that here. I'm an ol' married woman and I have no interesting in picking up another man!

Muslim or not, there is some good advice in there for all people, both online and in person. I can't tell you the number of people I've had sending lude propositions and requests, and even being forceful about it, for no other reason than the fact I hadn't already blocked them or told them to go away. I've recently ended a close friendship with somebody I thought I could trust to be nice until they started accusing me of things I didn't do and threatening to call social services to have my son taken away because "he was not receiving medical care", even though he's had all his checkups and vaccines. If you're as paranoid as me, never posting your picture or real name is a good way to make it really hard for the annoying stalkers to chase you into the real world. I've had a few friends that became too careless, and then they had to start being careful because somebody started following them around. Sometimes it seems like the only close friendships you can afford to have is with family, and even then sometimes you're taking a gamble with that.
Reply

ardianto
12-07-2013, 05:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by glo
A few years ago a young Muslim man owned and ran a halal grocery shop round the corner from our house. I guess he must have been in his early or mid-twenties - at least 10 years my junior.

Although we never used the shop much, we went there to buy Asian food and spices, or sweets for the children. Sometimes I would go with my husband and/or children, other times alone.
I remember him always being very friendly and chatty, and he was probably the first person to tell me a bit about the Muslim lifestyle. Once he had brought some breakfast, which his other had made, and he offered some to me (it was spicy!!

I never felt that our conduct was in any way inappropriate ( and I am very sensitive to men making inappropriate advances!) - but reading this thread and realising how strict Islam is on interaction between men and women, I am not so sure the Muslim community would have approved of us being alone and just chatting amicably together.

After a year or so he sold his shop.
Now he is married with a child. If I am in the park with my children and I see him there with his little boy, he may just acknowledge me with a brief hello, but if he is with his young wife or in male company, he will totally blank me.

To me that is very strange.
If we were aquaintances some years ago, why is it not okay to even just greet each other?
But not strange for person who grew up in Eastern culture like me.

I guess, when he was with his boy, you really look at him and want to greet him. So he greet you. But when he was with his wife or his male company, you feel bit hesitate to greet him. He knew it, so he totally blank you because actually he felt hesitate to greet you too.

There is difference between acquainted and know each other. I always friendly to my customers, and they are friendly to me too. But I am not dare to regard them as my friends because I never be acquainted 'officially' with them. My customers are just people who know each other with me. Different than those who ever really be acquainted with me, or those who related to my friends.

If I meet my female friend, of my friend's wife/sister, I will greet her first. But if I meet my customer, female or male, I will notice the situation before I decide to greet or pretend don't see her/him.

:)
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Abdullah101
12-14-2013, 07:00 PM
As in addition, I'd like to add looking at women lustfully is the same as adultery. It's a shame what this world has come to if you think about it. Women need to cover themselves, it's better for all. It's disgusting that parents would let children 8 years of age wear so short shorts, for example. It's almost like they're inviting perverts to rape their children.

It's sad how this world is deteriorating, people used to be much more classy in the 50s and such, I often wonder what happened to change that.
Sigh. Insha'Allah people will learn manners and proper etiquette one day again.
Reply

AsheSkyler
12-14-2013, 08:51 PM
Dressing modestly doesn't magically deter lustful gazes. I should know, I'm not flirty, I don't wear tight-clothing, low-cut shirts or short skirts (or dresses of any kind, I find them very immoral), I don't even wear makeup or do much more with my hair than a simple braid or ponytail, I don't wear flashy jewelry (or much jewelry at all because I have a small child that like dangly things), and I still get a lot of unwanted attention from men. A pervert will be a pervert regardless of how somebody is dressed or acts so long as a nearby person meets the criteria of their fetish. In my case, it's being female.
Reply

ardianto
12-15-2013, 06:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullah101
As in addition, I'd like to add looking at women lustfully is the same as adultery. It's a shame what this world has come to if you think about it.
If we see women as pretty dolls, indeed, we would see them with lustful gaze. But if we see them as human like our sisters, we would not see them this way, even we would focus to notice their personality and behavior.

Always remember, women are human like our sisters and our mothers.
Reply

BeTheChange
01-01-2014, 10:09 PM
I was listening to an islamic lecture and the sheikh mentioned that the eyes are the biggest weakness for men i.e they eyes cause them the most sins and for the women it is the ears because they easily fall for the sweetest words that their hear.

And Allah swa knows best.
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crimsontide06
01-02-2014, 02:48 AM
Can I add something. There is a difference in being respectful by not looking lustfully or flirting with someone...etc and being rude.

I am not sure about the middle east but here in the U.S If you go into a grocery store,wal-mart.. guess what? All of the cashiers are women, same for most banks,law firms,restaurants..etc. You cannot look off into another direction and be rude to someone.

If someone talks to you,in any setting, you must be respectful...unless it is obvious flirtation or trying to have a conversation so they can lead to the flirting..

As for handshaking..I understand it and personally do not like shaking hands with anyone(male or female) because I don't like germs.. but here hand shaking is a form of respect...Nobody gets "turned on" by shaking hands in a business setting...unless there is something seriously wrong with you.
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duraldo
04-13-2014, 03:31 AM
I wanted to show a brother what I bought the night before (it was a hat, I don't know what it is called, and the only way to describe it is it the style that 'is shaped like Meg's hat from Family Guy', if you're familiar with that show. It is worn during prayer, like a big version of the Yamakal (the hat's the Jewish males wear. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, but havn't heard from him back. Did I offend him by sending a picture of myself like this?

Oh and crimson, you would be surprised what weird things people get turned on, --- and, some people can find sexual desire out of it is they let Satan influence them so.
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Insaanah
03-14-2016, 08:44 PM
Before contacting a member of the opposite gender, think. Is it really necessary to say what I want to say? Is it very important? Is something adverse going to happen if it doesn't get said? If not, then it probably doesn't need to be said. Try and say what needs to be said in public, and avoid private contact as far as possible.

Also, it's easy to think, "brother, brother", but remember, the brother is a man, most likely a non-mahram. And vice versa for sisters.

Sometimes it's easy to get relaxed without realising we're doing it.

May Allah help us and guide us, ameen.
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Kiro
03-20-2016, 08:59 PM
I've not read all of it. But thanks.
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Serinity
03-21-2016, 04:16 AM
I've no interest in chatting up women. So Alhamdulillah.
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Indefinable
02-21-2017, 11:28 PM
Excellent thread and advice.

It is much appreciated.
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