There was a moment of silence, everyone in my school gazed at me, thinking what the hell is going on?!
Oh my God!!! She has taken my hijab off! Now everyone will know that I have no hair, just pure, naked skin hiding underneath that black piece of cloth, which is supposed to be worn for religious reasons. Oh why, why, why today?
The adrenalin 'kicks in' and I run home in a state of complete panic, tightly gripping two things as if my life depends on it: my bag and my admired painting that has been graded an A star. I desperately try not to look back as I know it will slow me down and the villain will come to know where I live.
My heart pounds loudly in my chest and I feel as if my ribcage will burst.
My house comes into sight.....finally, a safe haven! BANG! BANG! BANG! I feel overwhelmed with a mixture of relief and frustration as I pound my fists on the door as hard as I can. A moment of silence, then my sister comes running downstairs thinking it is the police. I slam the door behind me and cannot hold my tears any longer.....they flood from my eyes like a waterfall. Inside I am screaming with monumental anger and humiliation.
From that day my life changes dramatically; it turns into a complete nightmare....a living hell. For years to come I am totally traumatised, the subject of brutal bullying (both physical and verbal) and horrific humiliation. I become known as the 'Baldy *****' and am treated with disdain. My situation feels so hopeless that I start to contemplate suicide; I truly believe that I have no other option. This is a genuine cry for help. I feel like a shadow of my former self as I begin to disengage myself from family and friends. I don't want anyone to feel sentimental towards me – I can't cope with it.
Don’t forget though that this is just the beginning of my story which it has taken a great deal of courage to write as it has brought back so many old, dark memories.
In my darkest hour, when I was at the point of committing suicide, something deep inside me forced me to consider the feelings of others close to me. Who would be affected by my suicide? Well of course my family but also (and most importantly) Allah. Yes - my Creator, my Lord, I know in my heart of hearts that He would never be able to forgive me any more than I would be able to forgive myself.
One day, in total desperation, I cried out to Allah for help; I was praying for His attention. Oh my God! The day came when something miraculous happened. I started off by praying five times (as is the daily custom of my religion) and confessed to all the sins I had committed in the past. I asked Allah to forgive my former feelings of hatred towards my family, and my weakness in allowing my peers to pressurise me into smoking, taking drugs and committing criminal offences.
Then it happened – the wonderful miracle that changed my life forever. It was as if I had finally turned a corner. This had taught me lesson, which I will never forget and I hope that this message goes out to all my other fellow non- Muslim/ Muslims brothers and sisters that there is a God out there, but you should be seeking for his help and also have faith in him.
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