Is there a place for me in Islam as a lesbian woman

**greeneyedcat** · 12-14-2009

I've been interested in Islam for a long time and I'm finally reading the Quran and starting to really investigate. I like that Islam is really such a loving peaceful religion and gives women a lot of respect. I know that a lot of misunderstandings and negative things are actually because of cultural differences. I'm really interested in learning the rest of the story beyond what is in the Bible and learning to pray. However, I want to be in a place where I am accepted as who I am. I know that God doesn't have any problem with me, and I am at peace with who I am, but I keep running into homophobia in Islam. I'm afraid to reach out to study groups and mosques because I don't want to be rejected. Is there a place for me in Islam? I don't know about converting, but I would like to study and pray.

**جوري** · 12-14-2009

When You Find Out You Are a Gay

trick 1 - Is there a place for me in Islam as a lesbian woman

Satelliteblobcolurldatablobheaderimage2F 1 - Is there a place for me in Islam as a lesbian woman

My world was so confused as I kept asking myself why men marry women when in fact, they love men?
Editor's note: This is the true story of an ex-homosexual man. It is published here with the author's kind permission.

I was born in a devout Muslim family. All my family members keep the five daily prayers, fast in the month of Ramadan, and observe all the Islamic teachings and rituals. My parents performed Hajj in the 1970s. There are 14 of us in the family. I am the 11th and the last son of a 5-brother and 9-sister family. I am close to my sisters and my mother compared to my brothers. My father passed away when I was 10.

I felt attracted to guys when I was young. Maybe the feeling developed when I was 10 years old. At 14, I knew that I would not want to get married as I was not attracted to women. I thought of how I would face my brothers and sisters when they all would get married and I would stay single.
My world was so confused as I asked myself why men marry women when in fact they love men. Then I realized that it was only me who felt that way. I was never abused by anyone. I still have no clue why it affected me.

Same Sex Experience

Last March, while reading Qur'an after Fajr Prayer, I prayed in my heart that Allah gives me a female companion. I wanted to stop all thisSomehow, time passed by so fast and I had to face the reality that I will stay single forever. Luckily, some of my brothers and sisters got married when I was studying in the US. When I finished my degree, I stayed in Kuala Lumpur away from my family. Therefore, I could escape from the marriage questions.

My first SSE (Same-Sex Experience) started during college days. It continued after completing my studies when I settled back in Kuala Lumpur. It went further as my work took me to the Middle East. During these times, I still continued with my prayers. Sometimes, I felt so shy to face Allah during prayer as I just had sex earlier. Sometimes, I waited till the next day.

Although my career grew, I felt turbulence in life. My career did not go as smoothly as I wanted it to. My life was empty and my emotions were unstable as I kept changing partners. Then, I read a hadith about those committing sodomy.

Two years ago, I was out of work. I thought that was the worst time of my life when in fact it was the best time ever. I started reading the translation of the Qur'an. The imam in a mini mosque read hadiths (from the collection of Imam An-Nawawi) every morning after Fajr Prayer (Arabic for: Dawn Prayer). I now realize how these hadiths have shaped my life and my thinking.
I also read Prophet Muhammad's (peace and blessings be upon him) biography and the biographies of the 10 Companions who were promised Paradise. These stories moved me.
Even with all this, I still continued with my SSE, as bad habits die hard.

During my 6-month out-of-work period, Allah taught me how to surrender to Him. When I was hungry with no food to eat, Allah sent people offering me to eat with them. I did not have to ask Allah for this. He read me well. I was glad.
Surrendering to Allah is the turning point of my life. Reading the translation of the Qur'an has changed my perception of thinking and looking at this world. I read the book Road to Mecca by Muhammed Assad. I felt like a totally new Muslim.

Even with all this, I was still having SSE.

Words from Prophet Lut to his people kept me thinking. "Take my daughters for your wife. May you will find peace." I smiled sarcastically as I know these people were not interested in women, how could he offer his daughters? But then again, these are a prophet's words. There must be some truth in them.

Last March, while reading Qur'an after Fajr Prayer, I prayed in my heart that Allah gives me a female companion. I wanted to stop all this. I felt tired of my life, felt like every time I was climbing ladders to reach to the highest level of faith, I fell down when I had a SSE.

Getting Married
Satelliteblobcolurldatablobheaderimage2F 1 - Is there a place for me in Islam as a lesbian woman

Allah gave me a wife who fulfilled 9 out of 10 on my checklistWith my companion, I could channel my sexual desire according to Islam. Within a week, Allah sent someone who wanted to introduce me to her auntie. (I said in my heart: An auntie?) I said, "OK if I have the time." Then the lady was brought to me in the same evening. There was not much conversation except that she said that her favorite journey is from her house to the masjid. That was the last word we spoke before I adjourned to surau for my `Asr Prayer (Arabic for: Afternoon Prayer).

After the first meeting, we contacted each other via text messages. She asked me "Why didn't I get married?" I was a bit stunned and replied with all sorts of excuses. Then I resent to inform that in fact I did not get married because I was born homosexual. After a week of text messaging, I asked her if that it was OK to let my mom know about us and I found the right person. She said "OK." Within three months, we were married in a small ceremony.

Allah gave me a wife. She fulfilled 9 out of 10 on my checklist. I told her the one she did not fulfill is that she is a woman, not a man. She smiled. Allah offered me the qualities in her as if I spelled out my checklist. Allah knows me too well and knows what makes me happy.

During the three months that I knew her (before marriage), I did not feel attracted to her, I did not feel the arousal when I was with her. Nor does she toward me. I surrendered to Allah alone as I read in the Qur'an that He is the One Who showers the love feeling.
I prayed to Allah to shower us with love and make me feel aroused with her. True enough, Allah accepted my plea.

During the process of knowing my wife, I stumbled upon straight struggle Yahoo! groups based in the UK that cater for Muslims who face Same Sex Attraction (SSA) all over the world. I shared my life experience and my successful story with the groups. I am glad that I paved the way and encouraged some to take the first step to get married and counter the fear of first-night marriage.
In sha' Allah, my small contribution will lead to many successful heterosexual marriages in the future. Amen.

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...ture/ACELayout

**AlHoda** · 12-14-2009

No, i am speaking out of ignorant. There is no such thing as homosexuality in Islam. I don't think there is also homosexuality in Christianity or Judaism. Ask the islamic scholars, if you like. May Allah guide us both.

**Somaiyah** · 12-14-2009

Salam,
Homophobia is wrong, so is hating people. But the problem is that homosexuality is a sin in Islam, it's not right. But at the same time it's the act that is wrong, not the problems that you are dealing with. It's a test from Allah swt. It's a temptation hard to resist for some, just as keeping relationship inside marriage and not outside marriage. Also as a homosexual you would never be able to marry because marriage in Islam is between a man and a woman, and if you don't marry then that will be a sin too if you make love outside marriage. It's many parts in the same I mean. At the same time you can admit your problems, but I feel that saying that you are a Lesbian gives the thought to people (Muslims) that you also live as a Lesbian with another woman comitting these sins. But as long as you do not do it and you try to resist it and you ask Allah swt to help it, there's no problems in being or becoming a Muslim.

**Grofica** · 12-14-2009

http://www.islamawareness.net/Homosexuality/homo.html

The Quran forbids any sexual relationship other than in a marriage between a man and a woman. Many homosexual men and women claim that they are born with their sexual preferences and that they have no choice. Although this point is very much in dispute in the medical world, it has no support in the Quran. Even then, irrespective of the nature of homosexuality, this matter would not affect the laws spelled out clearly in the Quran .

but in all fairness the bible also says

"'If a man lies with a male, as with a woman, both of
them have committed an abomination: Leviticus 20:13

**greenshirt** · 12-15-2009

we would rather you die a lesbian muslimah than a lesbian non-muslim.

we ask what many christians ask- that if you are gay, you lower your gaze, stay celibate, and be chaste. that you not act upon your desires

trust me, i know its hard because im in the same position. but my love for my religion exceeds my love for anything else so i have made some sacrifices.

**CosmicPathos** · 12-16-2009

Without sounding harsh, I did not feel comfortable with the OP's original post. Only because I am trying to understand your train of thought. I will give an example of a rapist. I am in NO WAY comparing you with a rapist. But homosexuality and rape are sins in Islam, hence the analogy.

If a rapist wants to accept Islam as "who he is," is that acceptable? Again, as far as I know, homosexuality does not take one outside the fold of Islam but it was a grave sin. Major or minor, I am not so sure.

**Ali_008** · 12-16-2009

Its nice to know that you're getting closer and closer with Islam. May Allah keep you on the right track and guide you further.

There is no place for homosexuality in Islam. Not just in Islam, it is prohibited in all the major religions of the world. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah [The ummah of Lut (PBUH)] were destroyed because they were homosexuals.

Homosexuality is not defect, its just a disease and it can be overcome like the brother in the above posted article. Allah has guided you to research Islam and come to this forum and so ask for his guidance. Pray to Allah that he makes you a complete Muslimah.

Don't take this as a demotivation for you to end your journey with Islam. Its absolutely ok to be involved in issues which are against the teachings of Islam, what's abnormal is staying stuck to them without even trying to help yourself after knowing that Allah dislikes it. Consult a doctor for your problem and keep praying at the same time, inshAllah you'll start living a normal life.

**greeneyedcat** · 12-16-2009

I'm not sure I understand, but it seems like I would not be accepted in a Muslim community. Surely there must be some gay Muslims out there somewhere.

**ruk** · 12-19-2009

In the Name of Allah (The Glorified and Exalted),

Welcome to this site. You are welcome to learn more about Islam. The following websites are helpful:

1) http://thedeenshow.com/show.php
2) http://www.islamreligion.com/

Let me add the following to give you some foundational knowledge about Islamic theology:

Mankind has been placed in a world of trials and tribulations, in which obedience to Allah (God) is being tested. How did man come to this position? It involves a Covenant (contract) between Allah and man. When Adam (peace be upon him) was created, he was given the option of accepting the Amanah (the responsibility to fulfill the obligatory duties Decreed by Allah). Unlike the rest of creation, mankind have been given the freedom to choose whether to submit to Allah or be ungrateful. Man’s decision in accepting the Amanah, responsibility to fulfill the obligatory duties, is mentioned in the following verses of the Qur’an, “We did indeed offer the Trust [Amanah, i.e. the responsibility or obedience, to fulfill obligatory duties] to the heavens and the Earth and the Mountains [i.e. the Trust was offered to the rest of creation]; but they refused to undertake it, being afraid thereof: but man undertook it; He was indeed unjust and ignorant [i.e. he did not fully comprehend the difficulty thereof]; (With the result) that Allah has to punish the Hypocrites, men and women, and the unbelievers, men and women, and Allah turns in Mercy to the Believers, men and women: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” [33:72-73]. From these verses of the Qur’an, it is clear that the rest of the creation are in their position today, submission to Allah, because of their choice in not accepting the Amanah. Yet, man underestimated the difficulty of fulfilling the Amanah and chose to do so out of ignorance, seduced by the promise of a great reward if one succeeds.

The souls of the rest of mankind were created by being extracted from the backbone of Adam (peace be upon him). Therefore, the souls of the entire mankind, originating from the backbone of Adam (peace be upon him) have also accepted the Amanah and have already been created, but their placement in physical bodies on this Earth differentiates. The following hadith mention these points:

Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab:
…I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) say when he was questioned about it: “Allah created Adam, then passed His right hand over his back, and brought forth from it his offspring…” [Dawud: Book 40: Hadith 4686]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Souls are troops collected together and those who got along with each other (in the Heaven from whence they came) would have an affinity with one another (in this world); and those amongst them who opposed each other (in Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world).”
[Muslim no. 2638]

And Allah (The Glorified and Exalted) Knows Best.

**Grofica** · 12-19-2009

Originally Posted by greeneyedcat

I'm not sure I understand, but it seems like I would not be accepted in a Muslim community. Surely there must be some gay Muslims out there somewhere.

but as i posted above its a sin in christianity too. as another member said its a sin in almost every major relgion... its not that people wont accept you as a person... i mean it is wrong to hate people. but as the old saying goes

you can love the person but not their faults/sins.

**Italianguy** · 12-19-2009

Originally Posted by AlHoda

No, i am speaking out of ignorant. There is no such thing as homosexuality in Islam. I don't think there is also homosexuality in Christianity or Judaism. Ask the islamic scholars, if you like. May Allah guide us both.

Your right! There is no homosexualilty in Christianity either. I can even post numerous verses if need be.

**YusufNoor** · 12-19-2009

Originally Posted by greeneyedcat

I'm not sure I understand, but it seems like I would not be accepted in a Muslim community. Surely there must be some gay Muslims out there somewhere.

yes, but they are VERY VERY quiet. Islam has punishments for sex outside of marriage FOR ANYONE! DEATH is a punishment for anyone who's ever been married or for homosexual acts.

that is it. we don't change Islam.

so what we need to look at is what do you mean by lesbian?

do you have an aversion to men?
do you just find women the more attractive sex?
or would rather be a man?

you see, IF you don't practice homosexuality, you are on safer grounds. IF you intend to fulfill whatever sexual desire you have, you would be a MAJOR sinner as would ANYONE else who decided that they could have sex with whoever and where ever or with whatever.

you see, in Islam, Allah DOESN'T make mistakes as it seems like in so many other religions. so by feeling a desire outside of those intended Rabbil Alameen [the Creator, Cherisher, Sustainer and Healer of all that exisits], you are being tested. we ALL have tests. 50% of your Din [religious way of life] is entailed in bring married.

unlike Christianity, we don't believe that God goofed when He made man so that in order to "pay" for "our sins", He had to die. Allah Subhannahu wa Ta'Aala KNEW EXACTLY what was going to happen! Repentance was the difference between Adam and Shaytan. we sin, we ask Allah to correct us and to forgive us.

life is SHORT! go to the ocean shore and take a sewing pin and dip it into the water. raise it up to your eyes. the water that you see drip off of it, compared to the seas covering 3/4 of the earth is similar to amount of time given to us in THIS life as compared to the next!

so if you really wanted to study Islam, you would have to give any form of unapproved sex. as you study the religion, you would then have to figure out if you are gay because you feel that you have flaws, or if you feel that God "made a mistake" with you. you can't study about the Creator and reject His Laws at the same time. you COULD take time to understand that BUT many, many, Muslims would have a problem accepting you. they have little or no experience with the issue. most would just prefer to separate your head from your shoulders.

my advise would be to tread lightly and if you are sincere, ask Allah to help you and guide you.

there is more beauty in Islam than you can imagine. the reward is phenomenal. BUT is does require sacrifice!

i hope this helps somewhat.

**Insecured soul** · 12-19-2009

Does anyone know what is the real cause of this problem when a person has a body of female she gets attracted to female? and the same thing with gays? i think the problem lies only in the brain

Is there not a way to work it out?

**CosmicPathos** · 12-19-2009

Originally Posted by Adib Shaikh

Does anyone know what is the real cause of this problem when a person has a body of female she gets attracted to female? and the same thing with gays? i think the problem lies only in the brain

Is there not a way to work it out?

Its all in one's head. There is no gene that has been found and will never be found. God willing.

**desert winds** · 12-19-2009

Originally Posted by greeneyedcat

I've been interested in Islam for a long time and I'm finally reading the Quran and starting to really investigate. I like that Islam is really such a loving peaceful religion and gives women a lot of respect. I know that a lot of misunderstandings and negative things are actually because of cultural differences. I'm really interested in learning the rest of the story beyond what is in the Bible and learning to pray. However, I want to be in a place where I am accepted as who I am. I know that God doesn't have any problem with me, and I am at peace with who I am, but I keep running into homophobia in Islam. I'm afraid to reach out to study groups and mosques because I don't want to be rejected. Is there a place for me in Islam? I don't know about converting, but I would like to study and pray.

heres what i think-
at the moment you are convinced your a lesbian-
God is trying to guide you-
when you embrace Islam God will open you reyes and heart and you will realise you never were a lesbian- it was a trick of the mind-

**Italianguy** · 12-20-2009

God did not make mistakes.....ever. So for one to think one has flaws because of God, is wrong.

I hear plenty of Gays say they love God or they pray...why?

If yuo are consentrateing on a problem such as this, then you are not consentrating on God (Allah) and or the Bible or for a Muslim such as yourself, the Qur'an.

These books answer every question you have....EVERY question. And these books are NOT subject to your own interpretation, at all. I'm sure that this subject is in the Qur'an somewhere? Someone, qoute the Qur'an please.

Do not listen to those who would steer you away from God, to help you feel better about what you are doing.

You are not alone though. There are plenty of Muslims, even on this forum that can help you with this.They are AWESOME

here and very informative.

Continue your studies of Isalm, the more you consentrate your energiy on that, the more your thoughts will become what God wants....and not what you want or desire.

Satan can work on you as much as he wants. But when you give your life to God he can do you no harm. Ignore Satan's desire and let God give you your thoughts of desire to guide you in the right path.

God be with you!

Please take no offense to what i say, just trying to help.

**abu salaahudeen** · 12-20-2009

when embracing islam we are pledging to Him that we will becoming subserviant to his commands even if it goes against some of our desires.

Because we feel something that does not make it the be alll and end all rather we are commanded supress the desires that are inspired by satan

god defines what is right and what is wrong so you should look to what god would like from you. The spark of islamis inside you hence you are looking to the quran for guidance

keep trying don't give up . . .

**Pomak** · 12-20-2009

Originally Posted by greeneyedcat

I'm not sure I understand, but it seems like I would not be accepted in a Muslim community. Surely there must be some gay Muslims out there somewhere.

There are but those that are still Muslim are those that fight the "urges" or 'fail' to fight them but still know its a sin and then repent to God. Those that do not consider it a sin are not considered Muslim by the majority of scholars because they are denying something that is made clear in the quran.

Allahu Alam

**linuses** · 12-21-2009

Originally Posted by greeneyedcat

Is there a place for me in Islam? I don't know about converting, but I would like to study and pray.

Yes there is. Just remember that being a lesbian is secondary to what really matters most - and that is facing your Creator on the day of resurrection. whether you lived a life of a lesbian, gay, or whatever, at the end of your life, we will all be accounted for our actions on the day of judgment. it will be very sad if we have known the truth and not accepting it just because of our sexual preferences. these issues comes next only to our main concern which is the next life.