the Halal way to get married

I dont have much to add to this thread, inshallah i'll let someone else take over, but i think you should still go with tradition. I don't see why that should be a problem, just make sure it doesn't contradict the quran and sunnah and isnt overally extravagant, etc.

btw, whats the difference between the wedding and walima? they sound exactly the same

Guys can't wear mehndi on their hands, so what about a lil party for the grooms side, pre-wedding?
No music. Unfortunately, in every single wedding I've been to this year, they've played music!
Umm, it's a kind of trend now to have wedding and walimah together, where the groom and bride's side pay towards the cost of hiring hall, catering etc...
Not everyone does so, mind you, but it does work out to be alot cheaper.
With regards to wedding/walimah, will you be able to segregate the genders? At least it won't encourage free mixing.

How should an Islamic wedding party be?
I am a new muslim and my parents are christian, they agree to take part in a islamic wedding but what are the steps we need to go about it? they are having it at their house and agreed to the food and becerage requirments fr the party following the ceremony. We are trying to have it so that everyone is comfortable. but I have no idea what to do before during or after and want to make sure everything is in place so that later I don't have to find out that it is void because of a step not taken. I thought we were already married but I found out that we did not do it right.I need to know .

Praise be to Allaah.

For information on the steps involved in a correct marriage contract, please see Question no. 2127.

With regard to having a wedding party in the Islamic manner, you have to keep away from the things which are forbidden in sharee’ah but which many people do not pay attention to during celebrations, such as the following:

With regard to the woman: going to a male, non-mahram hairdresser to have her hair done; or adorning herself in ways that are haraam, such as thinning the eyebrows by plucking them, or wearing tattoos, or wearing hair extensions, or other kinds of haraam things, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who plucks eyebrows and the one who has that done, the one who adds hair extensions and the one who asks to have that done; imitating the kuffaar in their dress, because usually the wedding dress shows many of the woman's charms and her body, in such a way that the dress is very revealing - we seek refuge with Allaah – and also a great deal of money is wasted on the dress.

Among the haraam actions that have to do with the man are: shaving his beard for the wedding night, which is done on the grounds that this makes him look more handsome, but this is something which is haraam according to sharee’ah; letting one's clothes hang below the ankle (isbaal).

There follows a list of haraam things which both men and women should avoid in the wedding party:

1- Mixing of men with women, and things that are involved in that, such as greeting and shaking hands with one another, and men and women dancing together, because all of that is haraam and is a very serious matter.

2- Taking pictures, whether men do that amongst themselves or women do that amongst themselves.

3- Drinking alcohol or eating pork.

4- Letting the husband come in to where the women are in order to take his wife.

5- Women wearing revealing, tight or short clothes amongst themselves, because this is haraam – so how about wearing such things in front of men?

6- People should avoid spending extravagantly or going to extremes in showing off in wedding parties, because that may wipe out the blessing.

7- The husband and wife exchanging rings and thus imitating the kuffaar, thinking that this will increase the husband’s love for his wife and vice versa.

Finally, both partners should know that the more the teachings of Islam are followed in the wedding party, the more blessed their marriage will be, the more love and harmony there will be between them, and the less problems they will encounter in their married life. For if the married life is based from the outset on haraam things which go against the commands of Allaah, how can they expect the marriage to be successful after that? There have been many marriages in which there were things that went against the commands of Allaah, and they did not last. Fear Allaah with regard to this party and keep it free of things that are forbidden in Islam. May Allaah bless you both. We ask Allaah to give you and your husband strength. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

And Allaah knows best.
Source
Conditions of nikaah
There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)
Source
And then the rest of the article goes on about how the walee should be.
Hope these articles have helped slightly.

format_quote Originally Posted by confused

well, my family want a wedding (where the bride pays, has a lil get together, and we have the nikkah) then the walima a week later( where groom pays, and its just a party), i would go with tradition if it is the right thing, but dont want to if its wrong. just want to start married life on the right foot, and not displease Allah ta'ala

cant you somehow agree for the nikkah and walima to take place on the same day? or atleast have the nikkah on one day (invite some people over, close family, etc serve tea, sweets...so something simple) then a week later (or however you want it) have the big walima thing.

a few Hadeeths on Marriage from Bukhari:

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 10:

Narrated Anas bin Malik:

'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf came (from Mecca to Medina) and the Prophet made a bond of brotherhood between him and Sad bin Ar-Rabi' Al-Ansari. Al-Ansari had two wives, so he suggested that 'Abdur-Rahman take half, his wives and property. 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "May Allah bless you with your wives and property. Kindly show me the market." So 'Abdur-Rahman went to the market and gained (in bargains) some dried yoghurt and some butter. After a few days the Prophet saw Abdur-Rahman with some yellow stains on his clothes and asked him, "What is that, O 'Abdur-Rahman?" He replied, "I had married an Ansari woman." The Prophet asked, "How much Mahr did you give her?" He replied, "The weight of one (date) stone of gold." The Prophet said, "Offer a banquet, even with one sheep."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 24:

Narrated Sahl bin Sad As-Sa'idi:

A woman came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)." Allah's Apostle looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, "O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me." The Prophet said, "Have you got anything to offer?" The man said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle!" The Prophet said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something." The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything." Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring." He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Apostle! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet)." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her." Allah's Apostle said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked." So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Apostle saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet said, "How much of the Quran do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 78:

Narrated Anas:

Abdur Rahman bin 'Auf married a woman and gave her gold equal to the weight of a date stone (as Mahr). When the Prophet noticed the signs of cheerfulness of the marriage (on his face) and asked him about it, he said, "I have married a woman and gave (her) gold equal to a date stone in weight (as Mahr)."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 80:

Narrated Sahl bin Sad:

The Prophet said to a man, "Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 100:

Narrated Thabit:

The marriage of Zainab bint Jahash was mentioned in the presence of Anas and he said, "I did not see the Prophet giving a better banquet on marrying any of his wives than the one he gave on marrying Zainab. He then gave a banquet with one sheep."

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 101:

Narrated Safiyya bint Shaiba:

The Prophet gave a banquet with two Mudds of barley on marrying some of his wives. (1 Mudd= 1 3/4 of a kilogram) .

Volume 7, Book 62, Number 106:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Apostle .

from Muslim;

Book 008, Number 3350:

Sufyan reported: I said to Zuhri: Abu Bakr, what does this hadith mean:" The worst kind of food is at a wedding feast of the rich"? He laughed and said: The food served in the feast given by the rich is not worst (in itself). Sufyan said: My father was rich, so I felt disturbed when I heard this hadith, so I asked Zuhri who said: I heard from 'Abd al-Rahman al-Alraj that he heard Abu Huraira (Allah he pleased with him) say: The worst kind of food is that served at the wedding feast. The rest of the hadith is the same.

Book 008, Number 3465:

'Abdullah b. Amr reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.

from Maliks' Muwatta:

Book 28, Number 28.21.48:

Yahya related to me from Malik that Yahya ibn Said said, "I have heard that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, held a wedding feast in which there was neither meat nor bread."

Book 28, Number 28.21.51:

Yahya related to me from Malik that Ishaq ibn Abdullah ibn Abi Talha heard Anas ibn Malik say that a certain tailor invited the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to eat some food which he had prepared.

Anas said, "I went with the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to eat the food. He served barley bread and a soup with pumpkin in it. I saw the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, going after the pumpkin around the dish, so I have always liked pumpkin since that day."

To be honest i see weddings as a BIG waste of money!

just have follow the sunnah and have a nikkah at the masjid bro, and have a valima where you call some people to ur house and have a meal together thats all id have whether my family liked it or not.

Weddings usually have music, mixing of men and women etc etc, plus your wife would be seen by so many other men on a stage? i personally would never let that happen let other people see my beautiful wife? lol pfft never.. that mehndi thing is cultural its not even in Islam!

i dont have a wife btw.

Use your money for something else like go do umrah after ur nikkah? inshallah that would be awesome way to start ur marriage

May Allah give you a sucessful marriage btw bro Inshallah.

I remember going to a 'revert wedding' few years back and mashallah it was really nice! They did the nikkah and the wedding in the mosque and bought the food with them. No music and no aunities gossiping at the back. Simple but at the same beautiful

^ mashallah just the way it should be!