Are parents super heroes?

Parents, God bless them, can only do so much. There is a point when a child has to stand on his or her own two feet and face the world.

format_quote Originally Posted by S<Chowdhury

There is no question of how much we love our parents and there is no question about there undying need to protect us from bad things whether we realise its bad or not.

But can they really protect us from everything?

I've touched this topic twice now in other replies yet there hasn't been a thread for it (that i knw of). Well in my opinion I would argue No they can't protect us from all the social pressures and issues whilst your a teen. Its a common misconception about how as parents especially Desi but its not restricted to them.

In my own personal experience as a teenager around the age of 15/16 and i will be open my relationship with my parents were strained to say the least. Both my parents are practising strict conservative Muslims and so was my family. They were not born in England so they were really "old-school" desi and really strict with me and my sister as children, both in terms of religion and discipline. But as i grew older in my teens i become curious about things that were wrong/sinful you could say, and began choosing bad options in life. For a while i was able to deceive my parents well, but you can only hide things from your parents for so long especially when your living at home with them and your mum does your laundry lmao.

My parents began to get worried naturally, so they came down hard on me, but i continued on regardless, no matter how hard my father could beat me and how loud my mother screamed at me, it got to the point of my Uncles involvement but them screaming and shouting at me, well it had the desired opposite effects, i ended up despising them even more for trying to control me, so i rebelled harder. I was met with even more stricter parenting tactics, it got to the point of nearly 24hr watch where i answered 21 Qs every hour, Where was I? Who was I with? etc...No parent can continue that over a long period nor can a teen keep answering the questions, it led my parents to desperation and me wanting to leave home.

I guess i "calmed down" as my parents say solely because of my father, he sat me down on numerous occasions , he was far more open minded. He tried to find the roots of my problems instead just punishing me, though at first i didn't want to listen at all, slowly he'd started to make me see sense, he was what i can recall the first Muslim adult to be totally be honest with me about issues.

Right now me and parents get on much better, but me and my mum rarely meet eye to eye. I still love them and with hindsight i feel guilty for putting them through it.

I guess my whole point is look my family were practising Muslim, from a early age they strived to keep me away from Haram things, taught me the Do's and Don't in life, and were very strict with me. You can follow the handbook to parenting to a T but always your child will experience some sort of bad social 'things' unless your home schooling them or you keep them away from there peers. But then your leaving them at a disadvantage by not letting them engage with peers. Parents are also now up against social networking and the internet in general.

Brothers and Sisters, I'm not saying every teen is the same, some respond well to strict parenting, others turn the other way, i guess you need to find a balance. Some Teens barely make a noise whilst others are not that quiet. I guess i personally believe though you can't protect them from every teen issue, but when they do come to that cross road, you've taught them well enough that they choose the right path, and hope for the best. You can't have success without failure, they need to learn by themselves sometimes.

Another point, though my problems was quite extreme, whilst going down this bad path, i met alot of muslim peers along the way both brothers and sisters, the reason i stopped was because my parents found out. Other parents are oblivious not because they are bad parents but teens can hide it very well, some soon grow out the phase but then some continue the lifestyle through into adulthood.

So its an interesting topic and one that does concern us all,

Another point a brother brought up is " a miss conception that Muslims generally think its ok to live in a kaafir society as long as you are practising your deen. But you just showed it that no matter what a Muslim does, living in a kaafir society WILL HAVE effects on him or his children"

Do you agree ?

IMHO, people have natural characteristics (genes or whatever) that lead them to a certain path. Parents should teach their kids what's right and wrong but they should explain to them why x is wrong. If a kid understands why something is wrong rather than just following it for the sake of it, then they will honor that rule. At the same time media and all that don't necessarily affect a child IMO. The most important thing is having friends who aren't into that stuff. And strict parenting is not really a good thing from what I've seen. When kids are punished for doing something bad they feel stressed out and guess what relieves that stress?..Those bad things

parents are not super hero's however a mothers duaa for her child to keep him out of harms way and to be a good muslim is very powerful. some parents dont even pray for there kids welfare... so no wonder they get in to all kinds of trouble thats the way i see it. i will say it again duaa is most powerful weapon to protect your kids simple as that!