Would you agree to move in together with your husband's family?

What's the Islamic point of view about joint family ? I am surprised to hear a live ans today on TV that each son is supposed to live seperately after marriage .

Imam said , each couple should have separate living system . It will help the privacy and maintian the peace .

I understand , if son lives in same building but in different flat , then it's easy for him to take care of parents. But what he does not live close to them ? Old parent will have to live a lonely life .

Anyone heard about any such fatwa about joint family ?

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

What's the Islamic point of view about joint family ? I am surprised to hear a live ans today on TV that each son is supposed to live seperately after marriage .

Imam said , each couple should have separate living system . It will help the privacy and maintian the peace .

I understand , if son lives in same building but in different flat , then it's easy for him to take care of parents. But what he does not live close to them ? Old parent will have to live a lonely life .

Anyone heard about any such fatwa about joint family ?

Actually in traditional Pakistani culture, such wives who try to force her husband to move out from his parents house are also called with bad names. We have a whole bunch of names in Urdu for such wives.

In the end, Islamically, a wife can choose to live in her own separate house but she has no right to force her husband to stop living at his parent's house, provided he gives her food, her needs, and sexual needs once in 4 months.

format_quote Originally Posted by mad_scientist

We have a whole bunch of names in Urdu for such wives. .

hmm , here in Bangladesh , sons get the bad names like stryon means servant of wife ( Jaru ka golam in urdu ?? ) , Bouer bhera ( pet sheep of wife ) haha and many more .

sexual needs once in 4 months.

any hadith ??

Wr Wb

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

yes I agree. I request sisters those who don't want to live with in-laws to tell this before marriage and Not the after .

It is wise to discuss this before marriage and not after. But I think it's the husband that needs to inform the sister about this. How am I supposed to know that he would want us to live with his parents after marriage?

Like If I meet the potential spouse then rather than getting to know him on the so-called dates am I supposed to point at his parents and denounce "I don't want to live with my in-laws after marriage" and from there explain... It's his responsibility to inform me.

My friend is the only child of her parent . Her condition for marriage is she will stay near to her parent's home . Any proposal comes and that's the first thing she tells .

That's good The same way the husband should inform his future wife

So sisters , pl. pl. don't create unrest in the family on this issue after marriage .

Try to respect in-laws ( I know we can't love mother in law exactly the same way as we love our mom ) but we can at least try to show respect and make sure that they get the care and can pass their last days in peace .

Showing respect absolutely but wanting peace and privary is a human right and not a sign of disrespectfulness.

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimsister1

Hope ur all in gud health, im atcually quiet suprised at the replies on this thread, i have been married now for 18 months and i live with my inlaws, ok it is only parents inlaw but still... i class this as my home now n im comfortable as well, Alhumdolilah. Befor marrige my now mother inlaw kept asking my husband to me n telling him that if he wants to move out it would be fine with them, my husband did ask me a few times n i sed no. Iv always sed that id want to live with inlaws cuz @ the end of the day its the best way to get along with them and get too know them.. U have to think this is your family now and you have made the choice to marry ur husband, would u not want to get to know the the parents who have taught ur husband all the qualities he has? i love my inlaws n get along with them very well Alhumdolilah. You cannot jst dismiss not living with them, i dont mean to big myself up n im sorry if that is what it seems but honestly sisters its not bad at all. You have to put effort in jst like with evreythng else u do but trust me it is all worth it knowing that ur husband is happy with u for the way u look after his parents and how ur with them as well.

I'm very glad to hear that May Allah reward you for your kindness.

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimsister1

Hope ur all in gud health, im atcually quiet suprised at the replies on this thread, i have been married now for 18 months and i live with my inlaws, ok it is only parents inlaw but still...

Suprised why? I find the need of some privacy and independence essential to a newly-married couple.

Iv always sed that id want to live with inlaws cuz @ the end of the day its the best way to get along with them and get too know them.. U have to think this is your family now and you have made the choice to marry ur husband, would u not want to get to know the the parents who have taught ur husband all the qualities he has?

As you stated I have made the choice to marry my husband and not my in-laws. I would want to get to know them sure, but not necessarily live in the same house.

lol I did! bad move. good experience tho. alhamdulillah have my own place now.

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

hmm , here in Bangladesh , sons get the bad names like stryon means servant of wife ( Jaru ka golam in urdu ?? ) , Bouer bhera ( pet sheep of wife ) haha and many more .





any hadith ??

yea lol, joroo ka ghulam. ghar jamai. biwi ki unglion par nachna (dancing on wive's fingers/obeying her in everything)

Btw, i looked for it, I thought the requirement was 4 months as it is obvious from the Sunnah of Umar (ra), but I guess I was wrong. The correct view is that

"With regard to the comment made by some of the scholars, that the husband only has to have intercourse with his wife once every four months, this is a weak view, for which there is no clear saheeh (sound) evidence. The correct view is that he has to have intercourse with his wife as often as will satisfy her needs, because of the shar’i principles mentioned above. "

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/22026/sex%204%20months

format_quote Originally Posted by _muslim_

Showing respect absolutely but wanting peace and privary is a human right and not a sign of disrespectfulness.

many wives don't allow husband to visit his parent , to spend on them . But they freely spend for their parents , bro ,sisters . Also some crazy sisters are forcing husband to send parent to old home .

It's so shocking . Only few years back , we saw this scnene on TV , now we are seeing it's happening here ( Bangladesh ) . Fortunately still these type of selfish women and heartless sons are few .


May Allah guide us all.

No! and it really isn't normal.. so I am not sure what there is to tell before marriage.. I think the idea is quite outlandish and extremely uncomfortable!

that maybe true but i think lets not forget the responsibilities of the man in islam. he has to support his wife and give her a place of her own. to be honest id feel ashamed to have the husband taking help from his family just to support me like feed me and cloth obviously his family must give more of the money then if thats the case? nah id feel ashamed really i wouldn't be comfortable with it. i think this is more of a cultural thing. it has nothing to do with islam really

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

many wives don't allow husband to visit his parent , to spend on them . But they freely spend for their parents , bro ,sisters . Also some crazy sisters are forcing husband to send parent to old home .

It's so shocking . Only few years back , we saw this scnene on TV , now we are seeing it's happening here ( Bangladesh ) . Fortunately still these type of selfish women and heartless sons are few .


May Allah guide us all.

Ameen.
I' very sorry to hear that. SubhaanAllah, that's very wrong.

format_quote Originally Posted by muslimsister1

Muslim i do understand wer ur cmng frm wen u say u marry the husband but he also has a family which all come as a package, for example if your bro was to get married would u like it if ur sis inlw was to hve that atidue towards your fam? sorry if i seem harsh sister i dont mean to be... i personally jst cant get my hed round the fact that nowadays grls jst dismiss living with inlaws straight away, again im vary sorry if im offending anyone here.

Not at all, sis I really admire your attitude, masha'lLah. I would encourage my husband dearly to keep close to his parents, insha'lLah. I wouldn't ever want to cause any kind of split between them, but wanting your own accommodation is essential with regards to independency, privacy and comfort and those are essential needs especially to newly-weds. For instance I couldn't imagine myself at any level wearing a tank top or a short skirt/dress in front of my husband's father (just an example).

This all has nothing to do with respect, love or generally my relationship with them. Again I truly admire your attitude, masha'llah. May Allah reward you and guide us all.

It really depends on how i got on with them we lived with my mother for 3 years and it didn't work constant arguing and being reminded that its her home moaning about cooking being told to leave lol but when we moved my mum and husband started to get on better and now get on really well

Yeah, i would have to say no. I need my privacy. Well i know for sure it will be MAD AWKWARD!.. I wouldn't mind having a slumber party at my in laws house with his family, a little sleepover wouldn't hurt but moving in thats a NO NO.. i want to be able to walk around in my house with a tang top..lol.. what makes you think i can do that in my in laws house AWKWARD!!!...lool.

Sister Intisar May Allah protect your mother and your father and grant them both firdoos..Ameen

format_quote Originally Posted by Grofica

it depends on the culture. i mean in mexico or bosnia familys are VERY VERY family orintated and its not abnormal for the married couple to live with the husbands family...

in america we are like oh your 18... heres your cake ok so when do you move into your new appartment.. you have been 18 for like 2 min now... are you packed yet???? ha ha ha ha ha ha

and when i went to bosnia my husbands family was so welcoming. its a very unusal but warm hearted enviroment...

I come from a middle eastern culture and never heard of this live with your family thing, unless you are poor and can't get yourself together.. in which case everyone is at each other's throat which gives the individual the impetus to look for two jobs or whatever just to move out..

People naturally want their space and privacy, especially newly weds.. but even individual freedom.. what if I am accustomed all my life to hang in my father's house in shorts and a tank top and now have to move in with someone with male younger siblings in which my entire living style and arrangement imposes that I have to wear a hijab to brush my teeth and have breakfast.. I don't know how a marriage like that could survive..

Also I don't see why anyone would forbid anyone from visiting their family that is just cruel.. I think it would be a welcome break.. no one wants to hang in anyone's personal space 24/7 if the husband wishes to hang with his kin and sleep over, I don't see how a woman can refuse for her own personal sanity even...

my two cents anyway.. I think that practice is strange and antiquated and I hope it dissolves for the sanity of all involved and for the sanctity of the institution of marriage ..

format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye

I come from a middle eastern culture and never heard of this live with your family thing, unless you are poor and can't get yourself together.. in which case everyone is at each other's throat which gives the individual the impetus to look for two jobs or whatever just to move out..

Its more of a South Asian culture for you to stay with your parents after marriage, personally i don't see it as a bad thing but i was sort of raised with that sort of idea. Many of my cousin still live with there parents though they are married, it seems to work for them. Also mainly we are raised with the belief its our sole responsibility to take care of the parents and rarely do we let anything stop us from doing that. I think its not such an issue back in the south asia, usually the houses are big or the family own a whole flat so each son has a house to themselves. But back here in the UK its rather more difficult and families only adopt this sort of the sons living under one roof if they have the rooms and the space obviously.

format_quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye

People naturally want their space and privacy, especially newly weds.. but even individual freedom.. what if I am accustomed all my life to hang in my father's house in shorts and a tank top and now have to move in with someone with male younger siblings in which my entire living style and arrangement imposes that I have to wear a hijab to brush my teeth and have breakfast.. I don't know how a marriage like that could survive..

Also I don't see why anyone would forbid anyone from visiting their family that is just cruel.. I think it would be a welcome break.. no one wants to hang in anyone's personal space 24/7 if the husband wishes to hang with his kin and sleep over, I don't see how a woman can refuse for her own personal sanity even...

my two cents anyway.. I think that practice is strange and antiquated and I hope it dissolves for the sanity of all involved and for the sanctity of the institution of marriage ..

I agree to the point where everybody wants there space, i can't imagine having my mother-in law in my face 24/7 .... and its difficult for people who haven't been brought up in this way of close family ties to understand how you can live with your mother-in law for a few years but it is possible to be sane and live with your in laws. Yes it won't be happy days everyday You'll fight, You'll Argue, You'll Shout but then there is also love and unity aswell.