Frustrations in getting married

Basically everyone wants to have life-partner and establish a family. But they realized people have a conception, to get a spouse, a woman must attractive, a man must have success life and rich, and both of them must communicative or able to talk.

Unfortunately not every person is 'lucky'. There are women (and also men) who physically not beautiful, there are men who born in poor families and life in poverty, there are many people who not able to speak like an extrovert persons.

It makes those 'unlucky' people have low confidence and underestimate themselves. They regard themselves as not worthy for their potential spouse. And they are afraid, when they meet a potential spouse, this potential spouse will reject them.

"Fear of Rejection" feeling is the main factor that makes people not able to get married.

No wonder if we can find unmarried men who never try to find a woman, or unmarried women who always lock themselves in their rooms and afraid to meet any man, although those men and women actually are expecting a marriage. Sometime happened, someone wants to 'matched' those 'unlucky' people, but one or even both refuse this help, and they miss the opportunity.

format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77

I swear it is like a hundred times harder for a man to get married than a woman

Totally wrong. Men are easier to get married than women.

Men are in position that find women. When a man find a woman but this woman reject him, or another man had comes earlier, he can try to find another woman. But women are in position that be found by men. If a woman wait for a man but no man comes to her, she can't do anything.

If a man doesn't get a woman this year, he can try to find again in next year. Age is not too detrimental for men. He is still attractive. But for women ?. We know what will happen to them when they are growing older.

If a man still unmarried in his 40's age, people regard him as free man who wants to enjoy his freedom. But if a woman still unmarried in her 40's age, ..... do you know what people say about her ?.

Sad, life is hundred times harder for women.

format_quote Originally Posted by WRITER

I think one reason religious ppl find it difficult to get married is because men are ON Mars and women are ON Venus so they don't meet easily.

is it as difficult for non-religious ppl to get married too? I've seen many non-religious ppl getting married rather quiclkly.

This is true but how do religious people meet each other? I don't mingle with girls and I don't want to marry a girl that has lots of "close" guy friends.

These are the things I've done but nothing is working:
1. Put a profile of myself up at the masjid - they have a marriage section.
2. singlemuslim.com and other matchmaking websites. I used to think "Yeah this is the way forward" but no, I've sent messages to so many profiles something like...

"Salams, I liked your profile particularly what you said about blah blah. Please have a look at mine when you get a chance".

I've noticed that when I narrow the search down to girls that pray regularly and wear a hijab they generally hide their pictures. Which is fair enough. But either way I hardly get any responses/interest (out of 50 or so messages I sent) and the thing which kills me is I don't know why! I think the human element is important and that people should meet each other even if it is for a minute or 2 (with Mahrams).

3. Elders are looking for someone for me with a picture and some basic bio-data. Likewise with the above I have a feeling that I'm just constantly being rejected. I know I'm not ugly so I don't know what it is.

I come from a family with lots of sisters so I do respect women and I would never fornicate or date with a woman regardless of how tempting it is because it is haram and also because I wouldn't want that to happen to my sisters. I know it's wrong to say/feel like this but all the rejections I have had over the months has made me frustrated and I know there's this hatred building up inside me against some women.

format_quote Originally Posted by jimbo123

I've noticed that when I narrow the search down to girls that pray regularly and wear a hijab they generally hide their pictures.

Is beauty important ?.

Hmm. When I was a Christian marriage was not an option for me because I was either too religious or not pretty enough here in the West. It's strange to me because I always hear men complain of how they want a woman who can cook, a woman who is loyal, supportive and sticks to her faith. Or they say they want a woman who looks more natural and and who is more humble... Then when they find one like that they stay away and go for the pretty women who are quite the opposite of that. It's really quite confusing. So I don't think about it too much. If it's meant for me to get married, then it will happen. If not, then, it's just not meant for me. Allah knows.

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto

Is beauty important ?.

The point I was trying to make is that it's annoying to be rejected so many times and not know what they look like. Then the one person that does reply will give me picture after messaging me a few times but I might not be attracted to her and then it becomes kind of awkward.

In answer to your question, I am not asking to marry the most beautiful supermodel but I do want there to be some level of attraction. Isn't it a sunnah that you should see the person you intend to marry?

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto

Is beauty important ?.

Of course beauty is important... Why is this question even asked anymore?

Sisters dont need a job , to start looking.

but its niether easy for either gender, we each have our own set of problems.

And some sisters can just rely on their beauty, leave school no qualifications, and end up with a doctor

format_quote Originally Posted by Tyrion

Of course beauty is important... Why is this question even asked anymore?

Beauty is important to makes someone easier to get life-partner. But only in this stage. In marriage, beauty is not the main factor that makes someone feel happy with his/her partner. Maybe you have heard cases which a husband divorced his beautiful wife then married another woman who absolutely not beautiful. Or other cases which the husband who has beautiful wife made an affair with woman who not beautiful. If a man has two choices, live with a not-beautiful wife who treat and serve him nicely, or live with beautiful wife who disrespect him. except those who abnormal, every man will choose the first choice.

A wife who can makes the husband happy is wife who always respect to her husband and treat him nicely, no matter if she is beautiful or not beautiful. That's why if you look around you can find a handsome man who married a woman who physically not beautiful.

It's OK if you want to marry a beautiful woman, and is good if you can marry a woman like this. Because beautiful women are very selective in choosing their life partner. There is competition to get a woman like this. If you want to get a beautiful woman, you must be handsome, or rich, or have impressive personality. Are you ready for the competition ?. Remember, other competitors are also handsome, rich, or have impressive personality.

Actually, beauty is not something that can exist longer. So, if you marry a beautiful woman, love her totally, not only her beauty. If you love her beauty only, not so long your love to her will be lost.

And why I asked that question and used smile smiley ?

Bro, I was the handsome man and I married a beautiful woman. Of course I know how is life as beautiful person, and how is life with beautiful person.

format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77

I disagree it takes years just for a man to become capable of marriage, getting qualifications, finding a job, becoming financially stable, having his own means of accomodation and at the same being able to look after parents - average youngest age is atleast 23. Whereas women do not have to support anyone - not even themselves, so they can get married even after high school at the age of 16.

I didn't talk about finding a job to prepare stable financial before a man can get married. But I talked about men and women who have ready to marry. And in fact men are ready to marry in age that older than women.

For a woman its family and elders that look for proposals - its not just a case of sitting at home and expecting someone to knock on your door without even sending the word out

They look for proposal, but not send a proposal. They only thing that the woman's family can do is promote her. But if no one interested to this 'promotion', what they can do ?. Send marriage proposal ?. Marriage proposal from woman to a man is considered as inappropriate in many cultures, even in the West.

Is physical beauty the only attraction for woman and for man ?

format_quote Originally Posted by Yanoorah

I told my mom when I get married if I ever do, I'm taking you & dad with me. Or else I'm not getting married..point blank period.^-^

format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77

and what if he's living with his parents? lol

One BIG happy family!!! lol