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Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise --Maryam Amir-Ebrahimi

    “Why are you majoring in that field?” I asked a sister in college. She sighed, “To be honest, I just want to get married. I don’t really care about what I’m studying right now. I’m just waiting to get hitched so I can be a wife and a mother.”

    “It’s awesome that she wants to be a wife and a mother, but why would she put her life on hold?” I wondered. Why would a skilled, passionate young woman create barriers to striving for self-improvement and her ability to be socially transformative when she doesn’t yet have the responsibilities of wifehood or motherhood? Being a wife and a mom are great blessings, but before it actually happens, why exchange tangible opportunities, just waiting for marriage to simply come along—if it came along? I didn’t have to look far to find out.

    “I’m already twenty-six,” another sister lamented. “I’m expired. My parents are going crazy. They think I’m never going to get married and they pressure me about it daily. My mom’s friends keep calling her and telling her I’m not getting any younger. She keeps crying over it and says she’ll never be a grandma. It’s not like I don’t want to get married; I’ve been ready since college! I just can’t find the right guy,” she cried.

    Why, as a general community, are we not putting the same pressure on women to encourage them to continue to seek Islamic knowledge? Higher education? To make objectives in their lives which will carry over and aid them in their future familial lives, if such is what is meant for them? Perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with the idea that women need to get married and become mothers and that if they don’t, they have not reached true success.

    We all know the honorable and weighty status of wifehood and motherhood in Islam. We all know that marriage completes half your deen1 and that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us about the mother, “[…] Paradise is at her feet.”2

    But getting married and becoming a mother is not the only way to get into Paradise. And not every grown woman is a wife and/or mother, nor will ever be. Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.

    Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”3

    Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.

    Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.

    However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.”

    The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.

    Islam gave women scholarship. Our history is filled with women who have dedicated their lives to teaching Islamic sciences. Have you ever heard of Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr? She was a scholar who was born around the year 522. Her father, Sa`d al Khayr, was also a scholar. He held several classes and was “most particular about [his daughters] attending hadith classes, traveling with them extensively and repeatedly to different teachers. He also taught them himself.”4 Fatimah studied the works of the great al-Tabarani with the lead narrator of his works in her time. You know who that lead narrator was? The lead narrator of Fatimah’s time was not named Abu someone (the father of someone, indicating that he was a male). The leading scholar of her time was a woman. Her name was Fatimah al-Juzadniyyah and she is the scholar who men and women alike would study under because in that era, she was the greatest and most knowledgeable in some of the classical texts.5 Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr eventually married and moved to Damascus and eventually to Cairo and she continued to teach. Many scholars travelled specifically to her city so they could study under her.6

    Fatimah was brought up in a family that valued the education and knowledge of a woman to the point that her father was the one who would ensure she studied with scholars from a young age. Before marriage, she was not told to sit around and be inactive in the community out of fear that some men would find an educated woman unattractive or intimidating and would not want to marry her. She was not going through the motions of studying random things in college because she was stalling until she got married. She sought scholarship and Allah (swt) blessed her with a husband who was of her ranking, who understood her qualifications and drive, and who supported her efforts to continue teaching this religion even after marriage. She left a legacy we unfortunately have most likely never heard about because we rarely hear about the over eight thousand female scholars of hadith who are part of our history.7

    Why do we never hear about Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr and the thousands of female scholars who were like her? I think that one of the reasons—and it’s just a personal theory—that as a community, we are so focused on grooming our women to be wives and mothers that we lose sight of the fact that this is not even our number one role.

    Servitude to Allah (swt) is our number one role. We need to use what He has given us, the means that we have at the moment we have, to worship Him in the best of ways.

    Islamic history is filled with examples of women who were wives and mothers, who focused completely on their tasks of being wives and/or mothers, and produced the likes of Imam Ahmed rahimahu allah (may God have mercy on him).8 We take those examples as a community and we reiterate the noble status of such incredible women.

    But we also have examples of people who were not only wives and not only mothers, but those who were both of those, one of those, or none of those, and still were able to use the passions, talents and skills Allah (swt) blessed them with to worship Him through serving His creation, through calling His creation back to His Deen and leaving legacies for the generations to come. Some of these women were wives and mothers and dedicated their lives to focusing on their families completely and some of them continued to serve the greater society at large.

    Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein, or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to being a man, or considered that, given aptitude and opportunity, she had no duties to the wider society, outside of the domain of family life.”9

    Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large. They are loving worshipping Allah (swt) through investing in their abilities and using those for the greater good. Perhaps we can all take from their example.

    God, in His Wisdom, has created each one of us differently and in different circumstances. Some recognize this, love any stage they are in, and develop their abilities to the fullest. Let us, too, use the time and abilities God has given us to maximize our worship to Him and work for the betterment of society and humanity as a whole. If wifehood or motherhood comes in the process, then at least we were using all of our ability to worship Him before it came and can continue to use the training and stamina we gained before marriage to worship Him with excellence once it comes along.

    If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).

    Allah (swt) created us to worship Him. That is our number one role. Now, let us do our part and figure out how best we can fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.

    http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationsh...s-to-paradise/
    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    70:28 Lo! the doom of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    Great article .. Jazaki Allah khyran..

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise



    JazaakiAllah khayr for this excellent article. While wifehood and motherhood are the norm, and what most sisters want deep inside their hearts, and pray for, for some sisters, the chances of that happening are very slim save a miracle like that which Allah bestowed on Zakariyya alayhissalaam.

    Many sisters, though, would be content with that, and at peace with it, and with whatever Allah has decreed for them. The suffering though, is not inflicted by Allah, but by humans:

    format_quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
    If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).
    format_quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
    The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.
    Pressure is one thing which comes from wishing to see you married, and can be understandable, but the associated community gossip, why aren't they married, they must be too fussy etc, and the parents are seen as failures, can be hurtful.

    While one can blind one's eye and close one's ears to people in the community that can't keep their tongues still, for some sisters, the biggest problem can sometimes be that of families, their own parents in fact, who cannot internally cannot come to terms with and accept Allah's decree and thus lash out and blame their spouse and their unmarried children for the fact that they aren't married.

    These are just some of the problems that some sisters face, which may not be obvious to others, and may not even enter the minds of others. Perhaps for them, sabr in a situation like this, is also one of the ways to paradise. Allahu a'3lam.

    There's a recent thread called You're Single, not Dead, which I felt was looking at things very simplistically and through rose tinted glasses. Living without a prince charming, or waiting for him, is so not even the tip of the iceberg.
    Last edited by Insaanah; 03-28-2012 at 05:41 PM.
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    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    Assalamu-alaikum,

    JazakAllah for sharing this excellent article.



    I think we should try to understand both sides of this situation.


    Indeed, there are homes that place a lot of pressure on sisters (and brothers) to seek partners in life.

    And standing in our shoes (the ones seeking marriage) - this often results in despondency, frustration and resentment of this type of attention.

    However standing in the shoes of our loved ones - our parents, siblings, family members and friends - I do believe that in the majority of cases, they truly want to see us happy and what they regard as being best for us.

    Any parent wants to see their daughter/ son married and starting a family for themselves.
    And when this does not happen - they worry......and are unhappy on OUR behalf.
    This is natural, and they do mean well.


    Unfortunately, sometimes the manner in which this is done, leaves the receiver feeling worse than before.
    Add to this, the frequency of questioning - at family functions, bumping into long-lost friends, work collegues, etc........and its no wonder that the single person is left wishing that this topic is never raised again.


    The article mentions:

    The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.

    I think we should realise that it is not entirely a 'social pressure' to get married.
    This pressure also stems from the knowledge of the great sunnah of marriage, and the many, many benefits of marriage to both man, woman and society.


    And while the article is correct in saying: "Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise".......we still should be striving ernestly (through halaal means and plenty of duaa) towards completing half our deen through marriage.


    Although the pressure from society does add to our woes, alot of this pain does emit from ourselves as well.

    Alhamdulillah, we may show patience and acceptance of Allahs decree for our lives (one that may not include marriage).......but in the deep recesses of our hearts, many will still yearn for the companionship, love and bonding - that can only be expierenced through marriage.
    This is a normal human desire that Allah has instilled within men and women.


    Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.

    Alhamdulillah - at the end of the day, no matter how our lives may unfold - marriage or no marriage...... children or no children - in the face of all our efforts and duaas.....then we should be content in saying that this is Allah (subhanawataaálas) plan for me.
    And this is the best plan, even if I cannot understand it.


    We may try to convery this message to our families and all those around us.

    But do not always expect them to accept it the same.
    We are not all at the same level of imaans to view life in this way.

    And as mentioned, most concerned members in our families do mean well.

    So the next time someone asks: 'When are you getting married?' - Ask them: 'Do you perhaps know someone that you can introduce me to?' : )

    We should avoid being over-sensitive about the situation (and yes, this may be hard) - but rather try to use the opportunity to let everryone know that you are indeed looking for a partner, and you would greatly appreciate their help and referrals. : )



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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    Nice article. Thank you so much for sharing. I never could fathom why a lady would attend college or choose a certain major to "find a man". I've seen it, but it always seemed like the wrong reasons to me...

    In the rural area where I live, if a man is not married by the time he is 25, he MUST be a homosexual or something...

    I didn't get married until I was 30. Why did I wait so long? I couldn't find anyone that would tolerate me, that's why.

    I thank God I listened to his will and waited. I am truly blessed with a wonderful woman whom I adore. For some reason, she adores me as well...go figure, it takes all kinds.

    15 years of wedded bliss!

    Oh...one more thing. I was 34 and she 37 when we had our first and only child. By the time you believe your life is stable enough to be a proper, well-adjusted, financially secure parent, you have no hope in keeping up with them!

    Okay, enough rambling. My point is she waited, too. It is much better to do it God's way. Better to wait and get it right than to take your own path merely for the sake of being a wife and mother. You'll know, God willing, when it is right.

    Peace.
    Last edited by GodIsAll; 03-29-2012 at 02:37 PM.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by GodIsAll View Post
    Nice article. Thank you so much for sharing. I never could fathom why a lady would attend college or choose a certain major to "find a man". I've seen it, but it always seemed like the wrong reasons to me...

    In the rural area where I live, if a man is not married by the time he is 25, he MUST be a homosexual or something...

    I didn't get married until I was 30. Why did I wait so long? I couldn't find anyone that would tolerate me, that's why.

    I thank God I listened to his will and waited. I am truly blessed with a wonderful woman whom I adore. For some reason, she adores me as well...go figure, it takes all kinds.

    15 years of wedded bliss!

    Oh...one more thing. I was 34 and she 37 when we had our first and only child. By the time you believe your life is stable enough to be a proper, well-adjusted, financially secure parent, you have no hope in keeping up with them!

    Okay, enough rambling. My point is she waited, too. It is much better to do it God's way. Better to wait and get it right than to take your own path than merely for the sake of being a wife and mother. You'll know, God willing, when it is right.

    Peace.
    Masha"Allah that is what I call patience. May Allah bless your marriage and family.
    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    Thank you. It is blessed.
    My lovely and adoring wife is better than I
    deserve (although she argues this). God is good.
    My son: lively, entertaing and a ray of sunshine in my life. God is good.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.
    I think this is a general thing with youth, across all races, creeds and gender. A lot of people don't really think about 'helping the community'. They're just going through the motions of life. I.e. study till you pass uni and then find out what to do after. Not many people have aspirations or the grand thought of shaping their lives in such a way that they help the community.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    What's wrong if a girl just wants to be a wife and a mother?
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto View Post
    What's wrong if a girl just wants to be a wife and a mother?
    she goes and writes in the threads about just wives and mothers... this is obviously an orphan article...

    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by لميس View Post
    she goes and writes in the threads about just wives and mothers... this is obviously an orphan article...


    I think the article is about pressure to get married. But "contribute the society", and "helping the community" in bro Alpha Dude post made me thinking if a woman does not active contribute the society and helping the community because she is focus to her duty at housewife and mother?
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    We can't all be housewives, just like we all can't be doctors. That's how life is. A building doesn't consist of bricks alone. It's made of so many different components to become complete. The same goes for society. We need women fulfilling different roles, being able to offer different things. So it doesn't matter what your role in life is. As long as you do what you do with honesty and compassion, for the sake of Allah, every individual has something valuable to offer, and make society a better place.

    I personally want to see more women offering 'decorating/handyman' services, so that sisters can have jobs done without worrying about having non-mahrams in the house. That would be truly valuable in helping the ummah.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto View Post


    I think the article is about pressure to get married. But "contribute the society", and "helping the community" in bro Alpha Dude post made me thinking if a woman does not active contribute the society and helping the community because she is focus to her duty at housewife and mother?
    I think what he's saying is most people don't think about their role in society as a whole and just go through the motions of life... whether they become mothers or doctors they focus on the mill going through the motions being rearing kids or seeing patients and making money or baking bread but not how this extends to their neighbors, community, society etc.. that the service they provide to their immediate family or paying customers (and yes they call patients customers now in major university hospitals) is sufficient a role.. in fact it isn't.. and God knows if you donate to one of those organizations all the money goes to Sally struthers and the starving children remain starving while she gets fatter and fatter.. and well there's no hope for you to get that cleft palate repaired because you don't have healthcare insurance .. I am using house wives and doctors as an example for society at large.. so that is all that is left is for us to take our morality from Hollywood and wait for those 'stars' to donate to the homosexual organization of choice...

    of course I am being philosophical because I have a headache..

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    Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude View Post
    I think this is a general thing with youth, across all races, creeds and gender. A lot of people don't really think about 'helping the community'. They're just going through the motions of life. I.e. study till you pass uni and then find out what to do after. Not many people have aspirations or the grand thought of shaping their lives in such a way that they help the community.
    Being a wife and mother IS the best way to contribute to society and help the community, that's what women don't think about. A community is made up of what? children and families. So, if you want to help a community and better it, you begin from home, because that is where it all begins.

    Childbearing used to begin at 15-18 years of age for women on average, it is until recently that women start having kids at 30, that is why there is pressure in some cultures, because they understand this. Yes being 26 and not married and childless IS a problem, childbearing should be done early this way the woman still has good energy and is young still to teach her children and raise them well in her later 20's and early 30's. This is how it was done even 50 years ago, now....look around. Rather than waiting "for the right one" a woman should look within herself to see what SHE can change, not hold unrealistic expectations (because, lets face it, this is one of the bigger problems and why marriage gets delayed). Same goes for men.

    Allah has made it very easy for women to reach Janna. It's under her husband's feet, she gets as much "credit" as a man does by praying in her home and the list really goes on and on. So if a woman wants to go out and "make a difference in the world" with some materialistic career, she is diluted if she thinks it will get her closer to Jannah than marriage will. Yes women have a right to get education, women can do many many things, but their first and most important obligation is the home and raising children.

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn View Post
    to reach Janna. It's under her husband's feet,
    ??????????????
    format_quote Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn View Post
    she is diluted if
    ???

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn View Post
    Being a wife and mother IS the best way to contribute to society and help the community, that's what women don't think about. A community is made up of what? children and families. So, if you want to help a community and better it, you begin from home, because that is where it all begins.

    Childbearing used to begin at 15-18 years of age for women on average, it is until recently that women start having kids at 30, that is why there is pressure in some cultures, because they understand this. Yes being 26 and not married and childless IS a problem, childbearing should be done early this way the woman still has good energy and is young still to teach her children and raise them well in her later 20's and early 30's. This is how it was done even 50 years ago, now....look around. Rather than waiting "for the right one" a woman should look within herself to see what SHE can change, not hold unrealistic expectations (because, lets face it, this is one of the bigger problems and why marriage gets delayed). Same goes for men.

    Allah has made it very easy for women to reach Janna. It's under her husband's feet, she gets as much "credit" as a man does by praying in her home and the list really goes on and on. So if a woman wants to go out and "make a difference in the world" with some materialistic career, she is diluted if she thinks it will get her closer to Jannah than marriage will. Yes women have a right to get education, women can do many many things, but their first and most important obligation is the home and raising children.

    -
    cOsMiC
    Being a wife and a mother IS ONE of the best ways to contribute to society. Jannah is not under the feet of a husband, but rather that of the mother. However, Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:(1) “When a woman prays her five (prayers), (2)fasts her month (Ramadan),(3) preserves her chastity, and (4)obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgement), “Enter Jannah from any of its (eight) gates.”

    I can not for the likes of me understand why people emphasis the fourth part and not the first, the second, or the third condition. If a woman has taken care of the first three ( which is between her and Allah), then understanding and obeying her husband should never be a problem. And when it comes to raising children, last time I check it was a primary obligation on both parents. Why the emphasis is overwhelming more on the mother, that too, I can not understand.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
    I can not understand.
    What I personally can't understand is how one is able to raise upright children at all if mired in ignorance of both religion and basic education?--how does one pass a solid foundation if one is missing it. They'll bring into the world nothing more than a litter with maybe the energy to chase them around but no hope of raising a generation any better than the one preceding-- Jannah doesn't belong to a woman for being under her 'husbands feet' nor is a woman 'diluted'--but I won't delve into this further as my sole desire is to highlight what's wrong with the picture not single someone out..

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    I think what he's saying is most people don't think about their role in society as a whole and just go through the motions of life...
    Yes, that is what I meant. The author is saying that she talked to one woman who didn't have a goal to help the community and from that extrapolated that most women don't have such goals (because of xyz reason) but I'm saying it's not just women but there are many men of that age who are also just as nonchalent in that respect.

    At that age, I couldn't care less about community work etc. I was ignorant and just going through the stages of life as is the general pattern for young adults (finish school, gain degree, find job, get settled). People aren't programmed to selflessly help the community around them.

    Saying that though, strangely what I've noticed in young sisters of university age is that they are in fact more willing to help out the community than brothers. I can remember reading somewhere a sister was saying in her community whenever there was some kind of fundraising event or something of that nature, the brothers were always outnumbered and generally even sisters seem to be more forthcoming.

    Although, I do see where the author is coming from. There are people who stifle the education of women and don't allow them to gain knowledge/understanding.

    Cosmic, I think we need to avoid the two extremes here. People have different needs due to different circumstances and have been raised in different ways so what works for some won't work for others and as Dying Rose said, it's not practical for everyone in the world to do the same thing.

    Personally, a woman not marrying because of some overly ambitious fixation on finding success in her career alone above all else, I dislike as it shows such a woman has her priorities mixed up. Think about it - marriage if half the deen right - it's a huge struggle and a person who signs up to it is going to be put through tremendous trials. On the day of judgement, the selflessness, patience, charity, kindness, service etc etc that a person would have had to do/show in order to be a spouse/parent/son or daughter in law would be worth a lot of good deeds. Any person willing to forgo this major bonanza opportunity to strike it rich for the sake of worldy success needs to check their perspectives on life and the hereafter.

    Although, if a woman has noble ambitions like not marrying for the sake of selflessly helping the Ummah in whatever halal capacity, then MashaAllah, I'd consider such an endeavour praiseworthy and may even encourage it (depending on the circumstance).

    People can do as they please as long as it's not haram. Work, but don't put marriage off as though it's a bad thing.
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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude View Post
    Think about it - marriage if half the deen right
    We weren't created for hermitage we're social animals and in a very basic way want to matter to someone, have them belong to us and us to them.. nobody no matter how well off in their career will tell you otherwise. Schizoid Personality Disorder are the only ones who truly enjoy being alone and are a bit eccentric makeup a very very small percent of any population and tend to be men. So I don't subscribe to the notion that someone would favor their career over their personal life. Unfortunately however having a successful personal relationship isn't always possible or successful and that's a very sad thing. The article is meant to be conciliatory to people who are already greatly shunned and branded by society-- there has to be something wrong? You're a horrible person, or ugly or a biatch or too picky or something.. it can't just be that crap happened to you or that no one compatible came along.. People can't accept that calamities happen it forces them to re-consider the human condition and their own misgivings.. But labels, backtalk and frank backbiting is easier to dispense with than face up to the fact that none of us are immune from succumbing to some miserable life circumstance ..

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    Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

    The article is meant to be conciliatory to people who are already greatly shunned and branded by society-- there has to be something wrong? You're a horrible person, or ugly or a biatch or too picky or something.. it can't just be that crap happened to you or that no one compatible came along.. People can't accept that calamities happen it forces them to re-consider the human condition and their own misgivings.. But labels, backtalk and frank backbiting is easier to dispense with than face up to the fact that none of us are immune from succumbing to some miserable life circumstance ..
    Oh, I do agree with that. Although, there are people out there who put career over marriage for no reason but to find some kind success. In which case, I think their measure of success is corrupt.

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