Do Most Men Desire Multiple Wives?

To purely fulfil carnal desires? Yeah sure, who wouldn't.

But to have more than one wife. I think the definition of "wife" needs to be re-examined. This is someone who is not only the mother of my children, but my confidant, my closest friend, the person I share my most intimate feelings with, the person I make life decisions with and so much more. All these roles can't be split! There will be fitnah no doubt. In my humble opinion. For me, not realistic.

Edit: Though, it depends on the situation. There are extreme cases (a helpless single mother/widow) where I may consider. But then again the responsibility is huge and I don't want to present myself on the Day of Judgement and confess I did not treat my wive(s) equally. And it's too weird. waAllahu 'Alam.

Just a side note: Our mother 'Aisha (radhiAlllahu 'anha) got jealous. Of Khadijah (radhiAllahu 'anha). After she passed away! And she was one of the most righteous, scholarly women of our Ummah!

format_quote Originally Posted by Inquilaab

my confidant, my closest friend, the person I share my most intimate feelings with, the person I make life decisions with and so much more.

That should be Allah swt, and He is not a person. You can get good advice from all sorts of humans. Sometimes well wishing strangers, sometimes wife.

format_quote Originally Posted by Insanely.Krazii

I think majority of the men nowadays marry again just for the "fun" of having another new woman in their life. It's purely for their desires alone. Almost all men who marry again, chose a girl younger than their first wife... And that's not how polygamy is supposed to be at all. They just abuse the religion that way. The main and utmost purpose of polygamy is so the man can help and support other women (mainly widows..etc..) and because there are more women than men. Instead of going for the divorced or poor women, they go for the young pretty girls. And then, of course, they forget all about the first wife. In these times, it's very difficult for a man to be just and fair.

I've heard this before and doubt its true, have you got any proof for this statement?

format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

That should be Allah swt, and He is not a person. You can get good advice from all sorts of humans. Sometimes well wishing strangers, sometimes wife.

Well, I'm talking about a person.

Allah (swt)'s guidance is in the Qur'an; "Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think." [30:21]

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Al-Nabi ﷺ said, "Four (things) are from happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a good neighbour and an easy ride."

format_quote Originally Posted by Inquilaab

Well, I'm talking about a person.

Allah (swt)'s guidance is in the Qur'an; "Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think." [30:21]

That verse is very beautiful. But is it absolute? Allah swt certainly cannot be wrong because we know from extensive evidence that sometimes (make it many times) spouses do not have love and care for each others in their hearts and they want divorce. So certainly Allah swt is not talking about absolutes.

Yes, if you are lucky, you can find a spouse in whom you can confide and derive tranquility from without being emotionally abused or blackmailed. I do pray you find such a spouse.

format_quote Originally Posted by aadil77

I've heard this before and doubt its true, have you got any proof for this statement?

Yes, there is no evidence for that from Sunnah. On the contrary, the evidence suggests believers to marry young maidens. Is there any hadith which specifically suggests to marry old women? Although it is a very commendable and noteworthy act if someone does that by marrying older or infertile young women out of seeking pleasure for Allah. respect.

This above statement is interesting it places no value on a woman as an individual or a human being .. Do you findthe value in a Muslim woman her youth and ovaries otherwise she's an act of charity to some poor sap?

No, someone can find value in them as a human being, and I said respect for them. Actually, it is some sisters here on the forum who were saying that polygamy is supposed to be charity for "widows and divorcees with children," and that you cannot genuinely find 2 different people interesting at the same time.

well, sometimes they fall in love with or take a liking to another woman, and the kaafirs just chop and change - or commit adultery and keep them as mistresses while betraying their wives and living a lie.
the Muslim man may feel bad about divorcing a woman and leaving her stranded despite flaws or previous bad feelings, or he may keep her if only for the benefit of the children - so he can give his wife the option of staying on, which i see as better than just dumping her.

with men however, it is different - the term used for a man taking more than one wife is polygyny,
polygamy is a broad term which covers both - and i believe we should avoid it in order to avoid confusion.

the Prophet pbuh was going to divorce sauda (RA) but she gave up her night to Aisha (RA) so as to stay his wife.
And he (pbuh) kept her as a wife. The situation is not always black and white and out of a desire to keep loads,
it's sometimes for the benefit of the previous wife and/or children, and this is not always shown in the western lamestream media.
rather, complex situations are twisted out of context to show a greedy man wanting a harem when it is often really far from it.

i myself have seen people who have come to dislike aspects of their previous spouse, and have married, but not divorced their previous wife outright but left them the option of staying because they don't want to cause harm or stress, and also because they know it is better for the children to have both parents.

format_quote Originally Posted by Abz2000

show a greedy man wanting a harem when it is often really far from it.

and despite that they remain greedy, in the form of Tom Cruise or James Bond and Bond girls and that is actually rather acceptable and "normal."

Jabir ibnu abdillah reported that once he was on an expedition with the prophet , and when they were close to the city of madinah, he sped on his mount. The prophet (PBUH) asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, "I am recently married!"

The prophet (PBUH) asked, "to an older lady or a younger one?" (the arabic could also read: "to a widow or a virgin?"), to which he replied, "a widow."
The prophet (PBUH) said, "but why didn't you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?"

He said, "O messenger of allah! My father died a martyr at uhud, leaving behind daughters, so I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, but rather an older one who could take care of them and look after them."

The prophet(PBUH) replied, "You have made the correct choice"...

----- People completely neglect or ignore the last part of the Hadith.

It all comes down to the individual's circumstance and situation. If we really look at this hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) acknowledges both parties and does not only focus on the man's desires. At the end he tell's Jabir that he has made the correct choice. And IF that does not illustrate the Prophet (PBUH) approval of Jabir's decision to marry a widow, then I don't know what will. And isn't the Prophet's (Actions), such as marrying widows part of his Sunnah?

Mutual interest and compatibility are the key factors to marriage. But people will always take matters such as age, ethnicity, language, status etc... into consideration.

I truly do think that there are some sisters who would love to get married again. May Allah make it easy for them.

I personally know a brother who was having serious problems in his marriage and almost divorced quite a few times, and his wife would fix up and apologise every time so he just carried on for the sake of not complicating life especially for his son.
Then he met a sister who's faith and passion really attracted him to her and she also claimed to like him.
His wife found out and he made no attempt to hide it and made it clear that he liked the other sister who was older than himself, he didn't like her for supermodel looks or youth, but for what he perceived of her character and zeal to understand and defend Islam, something he didn't see in his wife.

As things progressed his wife began to lose her mind and neglect the kids, and he began to feel bad and reflected on the situation of the kids etc, so he decided to not dump her but the other sister who hadnt been married before wasn't ready to share a husband, so they decided to not break up the kids and he didn't get a divorce.

But the first wife noticed he was online with her a lot and didnt want him just upping and going so she eventually offered to be content if he remarried provided he didn't treat her like unwanted garbage while he gave all his attention to the other.
It was an awkward situation for the other sister so they decided to continue without proceeding towards a divorce or shared marriage, though he still liked her and she claimed to like him.
So It's not always a case of just wanting loads of women, rather the man knew it wouldn't be easy but was willing to do so just to avoid a complicated breakup due to kids being involved in the equation. and his wife now respects his wishes and doesn't pis* him off so much.
No two situations in life are the same so painting it with the same brush is not always the wise thing to do.