Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not?

No it doesn't matter. It's a cultural thing.

virgin is irrelevant, chaste is what matters. we have widowers and divorced women, you know.

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

islamica,
1. You just naturally assume that I speak without knowledge because I say something thta is different from what you think is true? Shame on you for being so vain!
2. Speaking with knowledge is not the same as speaking with sources. There's a whole science (usool fiqh) on how to derive a ruling from hadeeth and ayaath. It's not always as simple as it seems, and we shouldn't just follow any hadeeth we come across of.
3. As far as I know, past sins are not something that makes a person haram for marriage. And none of the things you quoted prove otherwise. What are your credentials for making fiqh and "claiming" that things are haram?

Good thing fiqh isn't a popularity contest.....

Asalaamu Alaikum,

All of the the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)'s marriages were with Non-virgins (except for Aisha(رضي الله عنه)) - this is including his first marriage with Khadija(رضي الله عنه), who was not a virgin, whilst the Prophet himself was.

Marrying a virgin is encouraged due to compatibility reasons (also, with a few exceptions, likely to have more children, which is again encouraged), but there's no general rule for or against it in Islam. So, if it's personally not important to you, then it shouldn't matter.

What should be more important to you is this advice that the Prophet gave;

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Do not marry only for a person’s looks, for their beauty might become a cause of moral decline. Do not marry for the sake of wealth, as this may become a source of sin. Marry rather on the grounds of religious devotion.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marrying women who are religiously committed, as he said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” [Al-Bhukari]

And there's various similar hadiths.

This is not to say that you should marry someone you're not attracted to, as that may cause the marriage to fail, and that's why it's not encouraged (compatibility, as mentioned before, is also pretty important). However, you should try to put a bit of extra emphasis on finding someone who's deen is good, as this would help both spouses maintain strong imaan and fulfill their duties to one another.

Deen should definitly be most important, and then the other stuff comes.

format_quote Originally Posted by islamica

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

Just so I'm not misunderstanding; are you saying that if someone fornicates, and then repents; that they can only marry someone who is similar to them (ie. they fornicated and then repented as well)?

As that's not right... but maybe you meant something else.

format_quote Originally Posted by islamica

we are talking about character. And obviously bad men/women would be those who go around fornicating, whether openly or privately, and then try to go find a virgin or someone "islamic" . Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

what you stated is true, that it really is up to the individual who they chose to marry and there is no stipulations of being it one way or the other. My post only answered the question that it does matter and islamically it is encouraged to go one way vs the other. and it's more than a cultural thing as some claim.

السلام عليكم

جزاك اللهُ خيراً‎ for clarifying.

Just to add; whether someone is a fornicator or not is something that you just simply can't know in all honesty. It's unwise to straight up ask them (and rude), as even if they did fornicate they don't have to confess (and could easily lie) + it's going to leave a bad impression of yourself to them. Only thing you can do is asses their character to know if they're muhsanaat (which includes moral behaviour etc.).

As alot of scholars state that the best thing to do before marrying a person is to find out as much information about them as possible. Such as the type of friends they hang around with, the places they go (ie. is it clubs or mosque etc.), and use this as one of the basis to assess whether you should marry them. They should likewise do the same for you, which is the best advice in this regards.

format_quote Originally Posted by islamica

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

here, here.

The fact that the person has repented only means that she might be forgiven by Allah. It however does not take away from the fact that she enjoyed (during times of jahiliyah) and had fun in past life (even though she feels guilty now, I am sure she always knew zina is haraam, even kaafirs have sense of shame, its fitra, so there is no excuse that ooh i did not know zina is wrong), and it is extremely hard to marry such a person knowing that with the help of Allah you succeeded in keeping away from that sin despite all the temptations a young man has to face at school and at work.

So if you feel okay with marrying a zani woman(or man if you are a female) who has repented, you have no right to call our preferences "cultural thing" and dismiss them. it is fitra, you only want for yourself what you have upheld yourself to, and there is totally NOTHING wrong with that.

w salam

format_quote Originally Posted by islamica

Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

even if they have repented, they are not the same. Allah might or might not forgive them, but as long as sharia is concerned, they and virgins who have not committed that sin (despite temptations) cannot be equal.

By non-virgins, I am referring to zaaniyahs. If someone is not a virgin cuz of previous marriage etc, there is no sin on her. Its then upto the man to want to marry such a woman. If he can afford multiple marriages, he should marry such women and provide them with family.

As long as she asked for forgiveness. Simple as that. I'm assuming she asked for forgiveness, so go on ahead and get married. ^_^