Where's the Washing Machine? - By Talal Sarwani

>There's a very interesting worldwide phenomena taking place among
>the Muslim youth of today. Everyone's favourite bit of Sunnah has
>become the advice of the Prophet (SA'AS) to get married ASAP.
>Alhamdulillah, the wisdom of that advice is nothing short of Divine,
>but the abuse of that advice is causing much trouble in the Ummah
>today. That trouble has manifested itself into the most hated of
>what is Halaal: Talaq (Divorce). Kids are getting married right,
>left and centre, lost in some romanticized version of what married
>life seems to be about, and the second they find themselves stuck in
>a mud of responsibility, it's time to flip out the cell phone and
>SMS your significant other: I divorce you I divorce you I divorce
>you...Indeed, it is a time of cowards.
>So I set out to investigate what was causing this desperate desire
>for the Great Hook-up. What did I find? Were the beards really
>growin' and the brows left un-threaded? Were the kufis being worn
>and the hijabs being tightened? Was the thawb and the 'abaya truly
>being donned? Was the scent of 'oud aromafying the surroundings?
>Read on, brothers and sisters, read on for the truth....The number
>one danger towards the one who is single, is to be around those who
>have newly become doubles. It's been referred to in the past as The
>Fever. The Fever is not just the feeling that one needs to get
>hitched; it's the malady that causes such feelings simply from
>having attended the hitching ceremonies of all-too-many people in an
>all-too-short amount of time. For proof of the existence of this
>syndrome, please go up to any brother (Though I claim to know their
>perspective as well, out of respect, I shall take the fifth as far
>as sisters are concerned) during the summer, especially during this
>Summer of a Thousand Weddings. You'll hear the usual talk of empty
>hearts needing companionship, of guys swooning over she who looked
>back and if you're around one after someone else's wedding, a
>feeling of slight dejection rather than complete happiness for his
>just betrothed brother and sister. The Fever is a powerful thing,
>taking over the life of he or she who is stung by it, causing him or
>her to find themselves raising their hands to Allah every night,
>asking for either the filling of their empty hearts or at the very
>least a respite from their feelings.
>So, brothas and sistas, if you find yourself in this most unwanted
>predicament, the prescription is as follows: Step 1: Lower your
>gaze Step 2: Pray for the feeling to go away Step 3: Lower your
>gaze Step 4: Don't talk to others about your predicament (you'll
>realize they're in the same hole, and then the both of you will
>wallow in each other's misery) Step 5: Lower your gaze Rinse. Spit.
>InshaAllah The Fever should soon subside and all will be back to
>normal. HOWEVER, say the ol' heart sparks at the just
>barely-sighted-glance of a certain someone, then be sure to follow
>the following steps. Now, keep in mind this is the ONLY acceptable
>follow-up to that "cue the chorus" moment. Consider this your final
>warning not to join certain committees of certain organizations,
>"accidentally" finding certain someones sitting there. BONUS: Step
>6: ISTIKHARA TIME!!!!!!!! Possible Step 7 for Brothers: Be a Man.
>Call her parents. Possible Step 7 for Sisters: Just sit there all
>coy and shy (I keed, I keed).
>This prescription is signed and endorsed by Shaykh (of the Polaroid
>Picture kind) Ishq ibn Al-Hubbatani, so you better believe it works.
> There is however a lot more that contributes to the I Think I Love
>You, Marry Me syndrome plaguing the Ummah today. The majority of
>these causes rests in the realm of what a brother once said: "Blame
>it on the Deen". The Romantic Islam As a preface to what follows,
>let me say that this topic includes far more than I can write about
>in this space, so I'm not gonna cover anything... I mean everything.
> There's literally an incredible amount of things that fall into
>The Romantic Islam, but I'll just touch upon these two of varying
>extremes, to give you just a taste of what I mean. I'm using the
>word romantic not in the sense of an ideal, but in the plain old
>Qais- The Majnu/Romeo and their Laila/Juliet sense. These are those
>bits (according to the very doubtable research done for this) of
>Islam that when people gain knowledge of them, at a certain time of
>their lives, in that certain state of mind, all havoc lets loose,
>the hearts open up in need, and the shaitaan is called in for
>You... complete... me... When Tom Cruise uttered those words to his
>love in Jerry McGuire, the heart of every woman in movie theaters
>around the world let out a collective sigh. If only they knew what
>Muslimahs had already known for centuries, or at least what they
>did, once, know. I'm referring to the oft-repeated hadith of the
>Lone Hearted: Narrated by Anas ®, who reported that the
>Prophet(SA'AS) said: When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of
>his religion... We are the creations of a Creator who knows our
>innards better than we know our names, so when we experience this
>wisdom that has been passed down to us, our hearts yell:
>SUBHANALLAH!!! I NEED to get married. Let's just face it, this
>hadith makes everyone feel good about things, and is among the
>greatest proliferators of Wandering Heart technology. Do note the
>"...", because you rarely ever hear the rest of the hadith: so let
>him fear Allah regarding the remaining half. 'Nuff said, yo. Fo
>schizzle. Sweet Nothings Ahem, the following is a very interesting
>tidbit. It's something I gleaned from a brother in whom the desire
>to be wed was gnawing at him from the inside. We were in a room
>with just pillows on the floor to chill on. It of course happened
>to be a time of someone else's wedding, which is why I just sat
>relaxing after a long night of partying with the
>So, this brother comes up to me, with a copy of Sahih Bukhari of all
>things, and he prompts me to read: Volume 2, Book 21, Number 258:
>Narrated 'Aisha ®: After offering the Sunnah of the Fajr prayer,
>the Prophet used to talk to me, if I happened to be awake; otherwise
>he would lie down till the Iqama call was proclaimed (for the Fajr
>prayer). "Alright", I thought, "so?” He plopped himself down onto
>the floor, and with a bleary-eyed look, said: "Wouldn't it be
>amazing to have someone to talk to when you wake up a little early
>for Fajr?” Let's just say he didn't take too kindly at me falling
>over from laughter nor my suggestion that he could always give me a
>call anytime he feels lonely at that hour. If you're in this state.
> Brothers and sisters please follow the prescription given to you
>above, and inshaAllah spare the rest of us from stomach-hurting
>hilarity. The End of This Alas, all great things come to an end, as
>must this column. I just barely touched upon what I really wanted to
>talk about, but my mind is not in a state of organization, so I
>leave you with this little conclusion.
>Realize that marriage isn't a joke or little fling you go through.
>It's a responsibility, where the third party in the trust between a
>husband and wife is Allah. All this talk of love and all that jazz
>is a distraction, so pay little attention to it. There is ONE person
>for whom you are meant, inshaAllah, so take care of your personal
>half of your deen, and Allah will provide you with the best of
>companionship. Take the Halaal way, and you'll feel it yourself.
>The second the Nikah is done, the man and woman are infused with a
>feeling of rahmah towards each other granted to them by Allah. It's
>akin to that sudden mercy felt by one who has just become a parent.
>It's not something you can understand beforehand. There's lots of
>things in Islam that stir the hearts, but they are there to convince
>you of the correctness of the Straight Path. Don't let the shaitaan
>lead you astray when he discovers the state of your heart and mind.
>Seek refuge and establish trust in Allah, for that is the only way
>to keep yourself on the Sirat-Al-Mustaqeem.
>Someone once questioned the hurried rush to marriage seen in the
>Ummah, and couldn't understand how they took that step when they
>didn't even have a way of supporting a family. "When you're capable
>of getting her the washing machine, then you're ready to begin a
>life together". So, I humbly bow out, going back to saving a little
>every two weeks, so that I can inshaAllah buy whatever washing
>machine her heart desires <-- sarcasm alert for the troublemakers
>among you If I offended anyone, forgive me, inshaAllah. Oh, and to
>those souls who recently have been, or soon will be paired back to
>those they were with in Fitra, our Du'as are with you. May Allah
>grant you all the best in the Dunya and the Hereafter.. Ameen,
>Ameen, Ya Rabbil 'Alameen.
>wa alaikum as salaam