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Blaming parents

  1. #1
    h-n's Avatar Full Member
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    Blaming parents

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    Allah provides a fair test for all, and its about what you can do and achieve in life.

    1. I saw quite a number of cases were people were complaining that there parents were not there for them. Well there are people also complaining whom are in their 40s and 50s!!, They have got married and have children and still complain. I think they should have received the maturity to stop blaming their parents for whatever, if they problems are so bad then Allah himself will judge them on the Day of Judgement.

    2. There was a instance that a female in her 30s, did not have a father in her life, and complained about it and found him and wanted him in her life.

    - she is complaining about a ideal way of life, she is complaining about how things should be, but not all things work out perfectly. So wasting her life complaining about what could have been.

    -ok, she meets her father and embraces him, again she is going for an image of father/daughter relationship, I think she should have done more check up about her father who was not even married to her Mother. How can she trust him? In Islam, women are responsible for guarding themselves and this to me is not helping her.

    -to many people complain when they go to jail, a lack of parental support, no Prophet has ever said it was acceptable to blame your parents for your crimes, when they stole property, no criminal would have said it was a "good" thing they were stealing, so they know without parental support that there actions are wrong. They cannot blame anyone else on the Day of Judgement.

    -sometimes people have bad parents, and just as people have bad leaders, they can learn not to turn out like bad people.

    3. Prophet Joseph peace be upon him could have easily played the role of a victim, and someone else was in his position, its not hard to see that there are people who would be continually reminding his brothers that you chucked me in the Well etc. Its not about blaming people, and that is what Allah is pleased with.

    You cannot make your whole life about blaming other people, then what are you saying to Allah on the Day of Judgement?? That your life successes are only attributed to other people showering you with attention etc??

    Anyway, what do others think?? Do you think that it is unacceptable to blame your parents??

    NOTE. This thread is NOT about parental rights. This is solely about children NOT blaming parents and moving on with their lives.
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    PouringRain's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Blaming parents

    I believe that the underlying problem is that people have not learned to become whole, complete individuals who can stand on their own two feet and be comfortable in their own skin. Their happiness is dependent upon others, and because they have no inner peace and happiness, they look to others to blame. They blame their parents. They blame their spouse. They blame their boss. They even blame God.

    I agree that it is not right to blame ones parents. People need to take responsibility for their own happiness, and seek wholeness in their life.
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  4. #3
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    Re: Blaming parents


    this thread is abit confusing.
    but from what i understand:
    sometimes you cant really blame people, because certain others have affected their lives in one way or another and that affect never really leaves them...its tends to linger behind.
    Blaming parents

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.

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  5. #4
    Vigno's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Blaming parents

    Asalamu Alekum

    Well, parents as a matter of fact have a psychological effect on their children when they are young. So when the son grows up and becomes bad they tend to blame their parents for torturing them and never showing them kindness. It is indeed true that for example if there is a house full of screaming then the children are struck by nervous system problems and most probably they are the ones around us that we see screaming here and there meaninglessly. I myself grew up in a home that was filled with non stop fear and every action and word had better be a good one or the consequences would be devastating. For a long time of my life I was just filled with anger and hate, so did my siblings, and if it wasn't for Allah's will I would have ever been the same. So yes parents are to be blamed from one dimension but on the other, one MUST possess the ability to mutate if I shall say, and thereby erasing the screen of the past and start seeing one's self as a new page and quit complaints clinging onto the past. Maybe on the day of Judgment people will complain about their parents but I don't know if Allah will accept their complaints, Allah knows best.

    In brief, parents build the base of children (by Allah's will) along with the atmosphere around them, so what comes of the children after that COULD be the residue of their combined effect or if Allah wills (and all happens by His will), then the child turns out differently. So should one blame the parents or not? All are to hold the blame if you ask me. Who holds the greater portion? That's for Allah Subhanahu Wa Taalah to answer.
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    Re: Blaming parents

    Nurture does have an impact on an individual, but it alone is not the cause of how that individual becomes. You can not blame the parents for the sins of the son. I agree that it is common in society for people to point at the parents-- if the child is bad, he must have had bad parents; but, if a child is good, he must have had good parents. Unfortunately it is better in theory than in reality. It does not explain when a good child comes out of a bad home or a bad child comes out of a good home. It does not explain why some people rise up beyond their circumstances and becomes something greater than anyone would have ever imagined. so, while environment does play a role in development, it is not the sole cause of the outcome. There comes a time when an individual must stand on his own two feet and take responsibility for his own actions, thoughts, feelings, etc. We can not control the behaviors of others, we can only control our own reactions and attitudes to them. An individual can not continue to blame their parents, or anyone else, for all their problems and unhappiness in life.
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    Re: Blaming parents

    You cannot blame your parents for your own foul ups. Suppose someone is a serial killer, and once he's caught, the jury will not accept the "My father/mother were abusive/unattentive" defense. Or better yet, what will he tell God once he dies?
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  9. #7
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    Re: Blaming parents

    format_quote Originally Posted by h-n View Post
    Allah provides a fair test for all, and its about what you can do and achieve in life.

    1. I saw quite a number of cases were people were complaining that there parents were not there for them. Well there are people also complaining whom are in their 40s and 50s!!, They have got married and have children and still complain. I think they should have received the maturity to stop blaming their parents for whatever, if they problems are so bad then Allah himself will judge them on the Day of Judgement.

    2. There was a instance that a female in her 30s, did not have a father in her life, and complained about it and found him and wanted him in her life.

    - she is complaining about a ideal way of life, she is complaining about how things should be, but not all things work out perfectly. So wasting her life complaining about what could have been.

    -ok, she meets her father and embraces him, again she is going for an image of father/daughter relationship, I think she should have done more check up about her father who was not even married to her Mother. How can she trust him? In Islam, women are responsible for guarding themselves and this to me is not helping her.

    -to many people complain when they go to jail, a lack of parental support, no Prophet has ever said it was acceptable to blame your parents for your crimes, when they stole property, no criminal would have said it was a "good" thing they were stealing, so they know without parental support that there actions are wrong. They cannot blame anyone else on the Day of Judgement.

    -sometimes people have bad parents, and just as people have bad leaders, they can learn not to turn out like bad people.

    3. Prophet Joseph peace be upon him could have easily played the role of a victim, and someone else was in his position, its not hard to see that there are people who would be continually reminding his brothers that you chucked me in the Well etc. Its not about blaming people, and that is what Allah is pleased with.

    You cannot make your whole life about blaming other people, then what are you saying to Allah on the Day of Judgement?? That your life successes are only attributed to other people showering you with attention etc??

    Anyway, what do others think?? Do you think that it is unacceptable to blame your parents??

    NOTE. This thread is NOT about parental rights. This is solely about children NOT blaming parents and moving on with their lives.
    What there is doing of sins of my parents and Day of the Judgement?
    Blaming parents

    From Occupied Palestine:

    We have suffered too much for too long. We will not accept apartheid masked as peace. We will settle for no less than our freedom.



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  10. #8
    cat eyes's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Blaming parents

    parents do have an important role to raise there kids islamically..
    Blaming parents

    ae8iug 1 - Blaming parents


    wwwislamicboardcom - Blaming parents
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  11. #9
    sister herb's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Blaming parents

    format_quote Originally Posted by cat eyes View Post
    parents do have an important role to raise there kids islamically..
    Salam alaykum

    My parents are Christians.
    Blaming parents

    From Occupied Palestine:

    We have suffered too much for too long. We will not accept apartheid masked as peace. We will settle for no less than our freedom.



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