From the Samoosa run to the Wedding:

THESE ARE THE “DAZE” OF OUR LIVES

By
Maulana Khalid Dhorat

One of the biggest paradoxes of being invited to a wedding reception nowadays is that the occasion is supposed to honour the sacred moment when two total strangers meet as husband and wife for the first time. The occasion is meant to celebrate fresh beginnings and the thrill of getting to know different families. The paradox in this, however, is that the boy and girl may have been dating for many years already, the two families already know each other, and so the wedding reception is just to formalize that relationship. The “beginning” started many months ago already! Worst still is the waleemah reception which is normally held after the couple is expected to have shared some intimate moments with each other in private. The couple may have already spent endless time with each already, some in total seclusion, and so the waleemah would be regarded as a total bluff.

How does one reach his/her wedding day nowadays? Either you will end up marrying the person you sinfully dated (who was destined to be your partner even without dating), or you would go “window shopping.” If you broke up with your girlfriend whom you dated for ten years, or decided to do things Islamically by not dating at all, then you will arrange to see prospective brides at their homes. Nowadays, the correct way will always be a second option. When making an appointment, the boy’s party will many a time not make adequate enquiries about the girl or her family, and the visit will just be another free meal for the boy and another frustrating ordeal for the girl. Maybe girls should only serve bananas and bajias for the first visit, and the more serious ones will get samoosas and masala tea second time round! Many boys don’t even have the decency of informing the girl’s party thereafter that they are not interested, which results in the girl having to unduly refuse others who wants to come and see her.

In any case, when a suitable partner is found, the time between the engagement and the wedding is nothing but a “daze”. It seems that there is very little in this period that we do which can be justified in Islam. Being engaged is not license to see each other, or go out to the malls, movies or restaurants with each other. Although the partners will lavish each other with all kinds of expensive and exotic gifts, take advantage of these as these may come to an abrupt end after you marry! This leads me to my next point: admit it or not, but this dating phase is the most fake phase of your life. It’s a phase of impressing and being at your best so you do not lose the catch. People with the most evil of habits like drug addiction and womanizing, or those suffering with chronic diseases, will be able perfectly conceal these facts from you. The idea of “dating in order to get to know each other” is the biggest deception ever. Statistics reflect that a far greater percentage of love marriages end up in divorce compared to traditionally arranged marriages.

During this “half-married” stage, Muslims then organize elaborate engagement parties, bachelor parties where one celebrates the last of one’s wild days of being allowed to freely consort with any woman he fancies, mendhi nights, a week of exotic dishes and late nights before the wedding day etc. Some of these occasions involve music, hiring of DJs, dancing on a specially designed platform, and a whole array of forbidden pleasures that one begs to ask the question: “Do I want to my marriage to be blessed, or I’m trying my utmost to ruin it by indulging in all the wrong things?” Marriage is a lifelong commitment wherein the Almighty needs to be pleased in order to ensure a stable and happy union, but our actions actually attract the opposite effect.

It’s sad to observe, but elderly men with white beards and women who normally adorn the hiijab, suddenly come to “life” and start dancing to the accompaniment of the music and the disco lights in many of these pre-marriage occasions. They completely forget their modesty and piety, and lose all sense of God-consciousness. Many thousands of rands are squandered even before the many more thousands that will be wasted on the wedding day itself. In order to preserve their so called dignity and status in society, some will even fall into huge debt. Families seem to expand all their efforts and resource into planning a one-day affair, rather than preparing their children for lifelong commitment.

Eventually D-Day (Disaster Day) arrives, a day which witnesses the accumulation of everything that’s not supposed to take place in this most significant chapter in one’s life. Apart from the hurried solemnization of the nikah in the Masjid where the old-fashioned Maulana delivers a boring talk on the responsibilities of husband and wife, everyone rushes to the Hollywood or Bollywood themed hall where all the excitement is taking place. As the professional videographer s