People you do not like by first impression by the face

**Simple_Person** · 03-13-2017

I am kind of lost in this. I have the feeling about it, but i am not sure where to place it.

There are people you will see in your life, you haven't even said hello or how are you doing. You don't know them and they don't know you..just by seeing their face ..you do not like them. I am sure many of us have experienced this also.

Why is this? Is this because they lack noor? Or is it from sheytan this feeling? Or is it maybe a psychological thing?

**Supernova** · 03-15-2017

Originally Posted by noraina

Wa alaykum assalam

This just reminded me of this hadith:

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)"
(Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al-Arwaah junood mujannadah).

Note, this is *not* an excuse for not liking someone for no reason, lol, we shouldn't always judge a book by its cover. Someone may seem a little 'unlikeable' at first, but I know a few people are come across as 'gruff' and 'harsh' initially but when you get to know them and earn their trust they're real gems ma'sha'Allah. Believe me, if we could tell who was right or not right from their face, people would have far less problems than they have right now.

Altho what I like about this above hadith is that I feel the same thing. Sometimes I have met someone who I have immediately just felt such a connection with, as if we did know each other from before and recognise that. It happens rarely, but it's beautiful when it does.

Of course, there are those which you never seem to get quite along with. It happens, altho we still must always ensure we are not judging someone or holding unnecessary grudges without reason.

"this is *not* an excuse for not liking someone for no reason" (This is getting worse by the day)
Simply could have been...
"This is inexcusable for detesting someone unjustly"

**Simple_Person** · 03-15-2017

Originally Posted by Scimitar

I wonder who you will answer God on the day of judgement when HE asks you "this man smiled at you, why did you not return the courtesy?" and you reply with "I had this bad feeling and his aura..." and you get stopped mid way thru your sentence while Allah summons an angel with hook and chain to take you away?????

Please do answer.

Scimi

Sometimes the question asked can better be answered with silence. I have tried my best and walked against a wall with you in this topic. What I say or not say is the same. My answer to your question is not saying anything because whatever I said even with the best words you didn't understand in the slightest. That was for me to abstain from discussion with you. As I only might do harm to you and to myself if I keep on trying to have a discussion THINKING that it is I who can make people understand things but that for sure is Allah(swt). Please know that I am not looking down on you as you might understand a lot of things that I don't have even the slightest clue to it. So again understanding comes from Allah(swt).

Peace

**Eric H** · 03-15-2017

Greetings and peace be with you all,

About 3 am last Saturday morning, I witnessed a guy being really offensive towards the Muslims in our local kebab shop. There had been a fight minutes earlier between them, and all I could see at that moment was a bunch of hooligans, the bystanders were also getting involved.

When I did my training to become a Street Pastor nine years ago, we were told, 'You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.' So if everyone of these guys matter to God, they should all matter to me as well. We spent over half an hour with them, the police came and went, but just by us being there and staying calm ourselves, things changed. The most angry guys ended up hugging and shaking hands with each other, and we could now see their kinder side.

Only by putting our trust in God, and by searching for the good in all people, even in the most angry of situations, can we start to see a change. But I think the only person I can change is me, I have to change my attitude towards others, in order to search for a good outcome.

Blessings,
Eric

**Finding MEMO** · 03-15-2017

Assalamu Alaikum all

Interesting perspective... especially the real life experiences.

I'm a Muslimah who does not wear the hijab but absolutely believes in the way of Islam.

There was a situation recently that made me crack up with disbelief.

I was approached by a middle person who informed me that another hijabi sister was offended by me!

Apparently I was giving her 'dirty looks'.

Firstly I did not know who it was, secondly I had zero recollection of actually having ever seen her?

I think women in hijab look amazing and beautiful. So if I had even looked at her that's exactly what I would of thought.

My first reaction was to apologise & just clear the misunderstanding like adults.
I was then informed by the middle person that due to this person's complicated personality it was best to avoid her.

I went from laughing to eventually just being annoyed. Sadly I'm sure I even looked forward to getting into a physical fight with her at some point.

My feelings were determined by how my life was treating me in that moment.
She was a stranger just passing me by...
I let my negativity be heightened by hers.

So let's all try to keep that saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' true to our hearts.

I like what brother Eric implied - 'we can't change others but we can change ourselves'.

At the end of the day we are nothing but humans who are decorated by flaws.

So please let's all just try to not assume someone has a bad 'aura' or weird 'vibe'.
Let's just be the best we can in the eyes of Allah swt because no one else matters.

**Simple_Person** · 03-15-2017

Originally Posted by Finding MEMO

Assalamu Alaikum all

Interesting perspective... especially the real life experiences.

I'm a Muslimah who does not wear the hijab but absolutely believes in the way of Islam.

There was a situation recently that made me crack up with disbelief.

I was approached by a middle person who informed me that another hijabi sister was offended by me!

Apparently I was giving her 'dirty looks'.

Firstly I did not know who it was, secondly I had zero recollection of actually having ever seen her?

I think women in hijab look amazing and beautiful. So if I had even looked at her that's exactly what I would of thought.

My first reaction was to apologise & just clear the misunderstanding like adults.
I was then informed by the middle person that due to this person's complicated personality it was best to avoid her.

I went from laughing to eventually just being annoyed. Sadly I'm sure I even looked forward to getting into a physical fight with her at some point.

My feelings were determined by how my life was treating me in that moment.
She was a stranger just passing me by...
I let my negativity be heightened by hers.

So let's all try to keep that saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover' true to our hearts.

I like what brother Eric implied - 'we can't change others but we can change ourselves'.

At the end of the day we are nothing but humans who are decorated by flaws.

So please let's all just try to not assume someone has a bad 'aura' or weird 'vibe'.
Let's just be the best we can in the eyes of Allah swt because no one else matters.

I was reading your comment and when i came to the bold red part.. i was like

..that escalated quickly.

..

I never imagined such a thing in your comment. I always expected on this forum..those nice sisters

are way more calmer than us brothers who sometimes act like neandertals when it comes to something that we do not agree

. Alhamdulillah that it never reached that stage in your case

. Do remind me..to not make you angry during discussions..because i can run very hard and thus you will not able to grab my throat and give me some punches

. Which could make you more angry as you have not give me those punches.

About human behavior, sometimes people imagine things that are not there. For example, a friend of mine and i we went to a shop and at the shop also work all kind of people. He often when he meets people for the first time starts a conversation with them. The second time we went to the same shop he greeted one of the employees that he started a conversation the previous time and to me it seemed like that employee was rather busy. While that friend of mine said..he doesn't like me..i said "bro, you cannot assume things. To me he seemed rather busy doing his work". But yeah what can you do if somebody is 100% convinced with what he is saying and not willing to reason..right?

So this is the same with many other people if you for example just look around an notice many people around you. Then you suddenly stop, go in ponder-mode and remember something that you had to do. A person who noticed that you looked around and suddenly went in to deep thought might suddenly think ...that person is thinking about me and what clothes i am wearing or how i look ..i am sure of it...

If find this behavior very often that people are in their own world. If something happens or somebody says something, they always think the attention of the whole world is on them.

Anyways, again, my arguments is not about those guys. They do not insult me with their look. They might even smile or have a neutral face. Just something that emanates from the faces alone i argue even not be light....like i earlier said..i cannot explain it in words. Brother Ardianto talked about the gaze, which could be plausible. Even if somebody might smile..their gaze might be the same if they have a neutral face.

**Finding MEMO** · 03-15-2017

Lol

People you do not like by first impression by the face

Just pointing out that we are ALL human.. me wanting to fight was a reflection on me. It was also a bad reaction based on negativity.
Not gonna sugar coat it in any other way.

I'm the only one responsible for MY actions.

I'm generally a very smiley person but when I'm in my own world - I'm pretty sure I don't look approachable at all!

Trying to work on that...

**Serinity** · 03-15-2017

That feeling when someone has irritated you soo much you muse at the thought of strangling them.. Such thoughts arise mostly because:

A) Has been bullied.

Allahu alam

**Finding MEMO** · 03-15-2017

Or no one enjoys being misunderstood...
So we very easily jump on that same band wagon.

On a side note... men are physically aggressive & women are verbally BUT some women can't express their anger so they too don't mind participating in dangerous crazy activities.

It's life.

**greenhill** · 03-15-2017

It is a hard topic, a complex one too.

As I have grown older, I realise that looks can be deceiving. So I try not to be negative about 'looks' that unsettles me. I try to pay more attention to their character and demeanour, to get better picture. Sometimes the socially awkward ones are quite the nicest people. I have been wrong on first impressions so many times that I have always reminded myself not to be too quick to judge. There was one guy in our group looking like a mafia thug, I was not really interested to 'get to know him', but he turned out to be one of the loveliest guys.

I have been accused of 'looking' arrogant. I was floored! What?

There you go... I guess it is natural to get those feelings ..

**Serinity** · 03-15-2017

People I hate the most are those who intentionally "deafen" themselves. They run into you, talk obnoxiously, and "kick" you. Yet when you confront them they said "I did nothing, what are you talking about?"

I have met such people, and I want them to taste pain. I've always had it in my thoughts to "teach" them what bullying means lol. By doing it to them lol.

There are people who needs to taste their own medicine, by being bullied themselves. They do a wrongdoing, and deny that they even did it. They deny it happened. Retaliation by way of example and showing them - is sometimes best.

And then you get looked at as the one at fault for "teaching" them. lol.

Allahu alam.

**Simple_Person** · 03-15-2017

Originally Posted by Serinity

People I hate the most are those who intentionally "deafen" themselves. They run into you, talk obnoxiously, and "kick" you. Yet when you confront them they said "I did nothing, what are you talking about?"

I have met such people, and I want them to taste pain. I've always had it in my thoughts to "teach" them what bullying means lol. By doing it to them lol.

There are people who needs to taste their own medicine, by being bullied themselves. They do a wrongdoing, and deny that they even did it. They deny it happened. Retaliation by way of example and showing them - is sometimes best.

And then you get looked at as the one at fault for "teaching" them. lol.

Allahu alam.

These people have their own struggles to fight. These people will listen step by step more to sheytan because of their arrogance and get their heart hardened. In the end rejecting their faith also. On the Day of Judgement many people will come and take their good deeds away if they have any. You can forgive them even though they might not have asked for it. They also might come to you in the future being humble and ask your forgiveness for the wrong doing they have done to you.

Right now i forgive everybody who has done injustice to me because of ignorance. The dishonest people who KNOW they are wrong, i do not forgive, till they become humble and honest and ask my forgiveness and also will forgive them.

**Eric H** · 03-15-2017

Greetings and peace be with you Serinity;

There are people who needs to taste their own medicine, by being bullied themselves.

There are so many things in this life that give us the right to be angry, but I do not have the time or the energy to be angry any more.

One night we were out on the streets, and two guys came walking towards us in an aggressive manner, I knew we would be hit if we stopped by. I said to my Street Pastor partner that we should walk away, but he said, have you seen those other lads climbing over a garden fence? When he pointed this out, I knew we had to stay, and take whatever happened, we did get hit, before the lads went off.

We reported this to the police, and they caught up with the lads, they asked us to make a formal statement, but I said, no, even though it was in my power to demand justice.

I did say to the police, that my ideal out come would be for the lads to meet up with us and talk, but afterwards, they should be allowed to walk away. It turned out that the most angry lad had never got on with his dad, then his dad got cancer, and they started to make up. Sadly his dad died shortly after, leaving a very angry lad, he needed help rather than a police record.

The solutions that bring us closer to God, are the ones when we can be kind and patient.

Blessings

Eric

**ardianto** · 03-15-2017

Question for all. Did you ever like someone by first impression by the face?.

If you say no, then there's only two possibilities. First, you are not normal. Second, you are blind.

It's normal if we like someone because beauty. But is better if we train ourselves to not judge someone by her/his beauty. Because probably then we would automatically dislike someone just because she/he is not beautiful.

**Simple_Person** · 03-25-2017

Oke a update regarding this topic. I have received some new information i never knew about and also one of the examples of people just by judging their face you just like them.

So i was watching this video and suddenly saw this guy. Just watching his face i liked him. Very inviting and feel a very warmth GENUINE expression emanating from his face. That you even have the feeling without even knowing this guy i could trust him. Although i think majority of us would feel the same with this guy, while mostly what i am implying is the negative aspect instead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m63Km6Q4JU&t=11m17s

The other thing a brother contacted me through PM, gave me this.

===========
Maybe Google
umar khattab firasah
Facial recognition, downes, disease
generalization association psychology confusion baby albert

See also:
http://islamqa.org/hanafi/darululoomtt/52161
===========

"Firasah". I have never heard it before and because he contacted me through PM instead commenting here, i will not reveal his name. May Allah(swt) reward him for sharing this.

Little albert experiment: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Albert_experiment
With this i agree that this indeed is a fact. As far as i can remember when i would have experienced it for the first time was maybe in my teenage years. Than maybe second/third time some where when i was i believe a young adult. So it wasn't that often. Brother @ardianto did mention that one could have remembered without knowing this earlier just like how the experiment with Little Albert went. As i might have seen the face of such people and the same stare is being repeated in some people. Although i am glad that i also have come to know about "Firasah" as that apparently does exist, however i would never say i have that ability. Allah gives that ability to certain people and i cannot say i have it, if i have it then i have it, but i have no evidence to proof to you guys or more importantly proof to even myself that i have it. As i do not stand out among people in general. The only thing as far as i can remember have had is i CAN NOT say nothing when injustice is done, to me or to someone else. As far as i can remember i got even very angry when injustice was being done. This is the only character trait that i can remember that i always had and i think dominated my other character traits. Strangely now i am thinking about this, when fights would ABOUT to happen in my teenage years between me and somebody else, i always cried instead of fighting..o_O!!??. I did fight sometimes, but that was when somebody would want to challenge/dominate me. Or hahaha even told people who were about to fight that i am gonna beat both of them if they would fight each other...in other words do not fight. What a strange kid i was..hahahaha..i bet you guys also had very awkward teenage experiences . However i believe that this is with majority of us even if the fitrah somehow is correct we will stand up and speak out against injustice. If justice is not given we get even obsessed about it till we get justice. So also about that i am mere a simple person.

Generalized anxiety disorder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genera...xiety_disorder
Although i wouldn't say that this for example might be what i am experiencing. Everybody has worries, but not "excessive, uncontrollable and often irrational worry" As i know but more importantly understand that Allah(swt) has my back and never will let me down. I mean just look to people who even KNOW Islam is the truth, but knowingly reject it. Allah(swt) even feeds them. So no i have no such worries as this disorder is saying.

Face perception: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face_perception

**Scottish Celt** · 03-25-2017

I take people for face value,even when people tell me they don't like or that person,i don't know them personally so its best to get to know them first,also the best way for me to suss them out before I know them is there appearance IF they were covered in certain tattoo's of their beliefs or certain ideologies,usually that the biggest give away for me,then I do judge on that tbh

**Mrciful_Servant** · 03-25-2017

Asalam u alaikum.......calm down everyone ...common this is not the way to discuss something

**Mrciful_Servant** · 03-25-2017

Allah knows best.....so let me give you an example not just by looks but only by first meeting ...so once I went to the market in our school ...there were a lot of people there....including some small boys....I asked them I was late if they would late me be first because I had to attend my class ...so few people let me through them with happiness...but there was that person I asked her nicely ...that sister I am getting late for my class would you let me go first as I m in a hurry.....she behaved so rudely and harshly towards me..although she was a senior....not to mention ...she looked so arrogant from her look ..but despite that I told myself that this is bad ....so u see the result ...i always used to see that girl in school from the very start and has never talked to her ...but I did not felt to like her....not that I hated her but I liked my seniors they were all nice to me ...but I did not like her..so did u see brothers and sisters ....now a days it's a huge sign that people would kinda know a bit what is in your heart and would judge you from that...

**Mrciful_Servant** · 03-25-2017

**piXie** · 03-25-2017

Originally Posted by Simple_Person

I am kind of lost in this. I have the feeling about it, but i am not sure where to place it.

There are people you will see in your life, you haven't even said hello or how are you doing. You don't know them and they don't know you..just by seeing their face ..you do not like them. I am sure many of us have experienced this also.

Why is this? Is this because they lack noor? Or is it from sheytan this feeling? Or is it maybe a psychological thing?

In General, our face is a mirror to what is in our heart. Goodness shows on a persons face and the same with evilness. To a certain extent - our traits and personality show on the face and in the way we conduct & carry ourselves. While there is truth in this and a person shouldn't completely ignore their feelings, we should also be aware that often we can misread or judge - and it can also be a reflection of our own negitivity.

This thread reminded me of the Hadith below;

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The souls are (like) an army joined (in the world of spirits) whichever souls knew each other (in that world) are attracted towards each other (in this world) and whichever remained distant and indifferent (there) are disinterested to each other (in this world)" (Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al-Arwaah junood mujannadah).

*****

*Commentary: "Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on the hadeeth: “Concerning the phrase ‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers…’ al-Khattaabi said: ‘This may refer to their similarity as regards good or evil, righteousness or corruption. Good people are inclined towards other good people, and evil people are similarly inclined towards other evil people. Souls feel affinity with others according to the nature in which they were created, good or evil. If souls’ natures are similar, they will get along, otherwise they will not be on good terms with one another. It could be that what is being referred to is the beginning of creation in the realm of the unseen when, it is reported, souls were created before bodies, and used to meet one another and express their pessimism about the future. When souls have entered bodies (come to the physical realm) they may recognize one another from the past, and may be on friendly terms or otherwise based on that past experience.”
...

"Al-Khattaabi and others said: this getting along with one another has to do with what Allaah decreed from the outset about the ultimate destiny of souls, whether they will be among the blessed [in Paradise] or the doomed [in Hell]. Souls are of two opposing kinds, and when they meet in this physical world, they will either love or hate one another depending on the way they were created. Good souls will be inclined towards other good souls, and evil souls will be inclined towards other evil souls. And Allaah knows best."

https://islamqa.info/en/3864

**Indefinable** · 03-25-2017

Originally Posted by Simple_Person

I am kind of lost in this. I have the feeling about it, but i am not sure where to place it.

There are people you will see in your life, you haven't even said hello or how are you doing. You don't know them and they don't know you..just by seeing their face ..you do not like them. I am sure many of us have experienced this also.

Why is this? Is this because they lack noor? Or is it from sheytan this feeling? Or is it maybe a psychological thing?

I'm not sure. Isn't it better to assume the best of everybody [unless they prove otherwise]...?