Heheh, funny I was about to mention your name, Imraan - grin -. Lo and behold there you are, replying to this post. That being said, for the OP. Brother before you go ahead and seek out marriage look for brother Imraan's post when his marriage went into disaster. You will find his post here easily, read everything from page 1 to last page. Don't miss any of the details. There are great resources of essential advices about how to seek for a partner and what happens if you picked out the wrong one. Take all the advices in that post to heart and apply them. After you read Imraan's post and his failed marriage from page to 1 to last and got all the advices you need then continue on with paragraph two of this reply.
Don't be scared of offending women. If she generalizes your gender in a negative way such as, "All men are like this!" or "Male chauvinistic pig!" or "Typical male behavior!" or even throw the word "sexist" in any of her sentence, simply smile and leave. Don't even bother debate or proof your case. It is already a lost case. SHE IS UNFIT with any man, let a long with you and she WILL destroy you. if your method of questioning doesn't match her style or believe, that means she is not the right person for you. As for finding a partner, I am extremely against websites. But that is me. I maybe old now in my thinking, who knows. Only Allah knows. My suggestion find a good mosque and ask their help there.
I guess you'll just have to keep searching through friends as well. Maybe you can find men at the masjid who have connections
Sunnahmatch is also a really good website for those who want to get married the permissible way with meetings including the wali, etc..I think you may find more serious Muslims on here
Heheh, funny I was about to mention your name, Imraan - grin -. Lo and behold there you are, replying to this post. That being said, for the OP. Brother before you go ahead and seek out marriage look for brother Imraan's post when his marriage went into disaster. You will find his post here easily, read everything from page 1 to last page. Don't miss any of the details. There are great resources of essential advices about how to seek for a partner and what happens if you picked out the wrong one. Take all the advices in that post to heart and apply them. After you read Imraan's post and his failed marriage from page to 1 to last and got all the advices you need then continue on with paragraph two of this reply.
Don't be scared of offending women. If she generalizes your gender in a negative way such as, "All men are like this!" or "Male chauvinistic pig!" or "Typical male behavior!" or even throw the word "sexist" in any of her sentence, simply smile and leave. Don't even bother debate or proof your case. It is already a lost case. SHE IS UNFIT with any man, let a long with you and she WILL destroy you. if your method of questioning doesn't match her style or believe, that means she is not the right person for you. As for finding a partner, I am extremely against websites. But that is me. I maybe old now in my thinking, who knows. Only Allah knows. My suggestion find a good mosque and ask their help there.
Yes do read my post brother, whatever you do, do not deviate too much. Stick to Sunnah all the way and put faith in it so that you find a god fearing righteous spouse. Take this opportunity to evaluate where you are with your own deen too. When you find a god fearing pious woman, most likely she will be looking be looking for a god fearing pious man.
There have been many posts on how to conduct your search on marriage apps / social media, take the advice, respect their space on the platform and respect yours too.
You should be basing the sanctity of your marriage in line with sunnah, insh Allah you will have a eternal fulfilling marriage... Insh Allah. So it is important to set the foundations right first. I realise that you are starting out looking to get married so finding someone and then getting married is the first hurdle. After which we all hope we are treated fairly so as long as we treat our better half fairly too. Reciprocity comes to mind. Give and take.
I would suggest treading carefully on marriage apps, mahrams involved from the start etc, use it as Introduction only and get families involved asap. Focus more on marriage bureau's within masjid, women normally have mahrams present with them when they attend.
Not really sure what your values are like. I.e. Liberal or traditional etc. I say this because your values somewhat determine how much you can conform to sunnah. I'm not judging, just saying it how it is.
Pray everyday and have faith.... You'll get there insh Allah.
Your opportunity can come at any time. Be willing and do your utmost to stay on the straight and narrow. Read my post and you'll see why I am saying all this.
I'm from Birmingham. Online doesn't work because most people are failing to get married and marriage sites have been around now for well over a decade. Mosques and the general community has failed to find solutions to this problem. The muslim community doesn't exist anymore, we are all disconnected from one another. Nobody calls or visits each other, so when you have no one else to help you, then you don't really have many options especially in a gender segregated muslim community, in which men and women don't socialise.
If family, relatives, neighbours don't help you find someone and also no free mixing takes place between the genders, then you're chances of finding a spouse are pretty much dead, unless you're one of a tiny minority of fortunate people who has either met someone online or just bumped into someone in the real world.
I don't have any friends, muslim men once married tend to dissapear and no longer keep in touch with you, so I really don't have anyone to help me find someone.
The men at the masjid don't care, most men these days take no responsibility for the problems facing their local community.
As for what do I look for in a spouse, some chemistry, humble, sincere, religiously inclined young muslima with good character.
Hey, ive also been struggling to find a spouse. I have been trying apps and know of people that have used them have got married. I agree with what you said nobody hardly follows the islamic ways of finding a spouse. I think we have to pray and maybe pray Tahujjud only Allah can help us. I have been talking to a guy from Bangla but im not sure about marrying a different ethnicity.
@Imran
i will read your pose maybe that will help me too.
I was just talking with my brother about what
@kingfisher1
just said and he agrees 100% with him. I am not married, my older brother is not married and my twin brother is not married. We are all in our 40's and single. Marriage is too complicated and too dangerous for a man if it fails. Marriage is ultra complicated and the interference of mother and father in-law and how society dictate how a father should raise his children and he cannot be a husband anymore, he have literally have to be submissive and obedient to his wife makes current marriage a dead institution. The current dajjal marriage is a failed marriage system. So the alternative now is Zina and sexual revolution. The system that feminist applied to non-Muslim world may become the reality to Muslim world. Expect as years pass by, homosexuality and lesbianism, child prostitution, prostitution, beastailty and zina will be the norm if not already the norm in Muslim world. It doesn't help, like my brother said, that traditional marriage is a failed marriage system. We no longer follow the prophet and his sahaba in how we get married. We need the person to be smart, book smart, have high education, having chink chank worth of dime in his pocket, power and fame and beauty is the hallmark. Having a falaah (a farmer) to want to get married to a non-farmer woman who is educated with high standard is unheard of. NO WAY! Yet, in sight of Allah there is nothing wrong and perhaps you don't know...Allah would have put great barakaah in such marriage. Allah does not look in IQ and education to determine your worth in afterlife. But we do here. What if a boy is born slow or not smart. He had no choice, Allah created his brain this way. You want that boy to feel resentment and hate Allah (Authobillah) or question Allah (Authobillah) why he created him like that. What sort of evil and dark energy you guys are going to produce this way. Even if he didn't or she didn't. They will believe in this new world that only poor marries poor and rich marries rich. High standard marries high standard. Low standard marries low standard. Alright. Let us separate society more into even more sectors. Let the white marry only white and black marry only black. Asian marry only Asian. Let us even go further. Only Arabs who are black marry Arabs who are black and only Arabs who are brown marry only Arabs who are brown. Ok, let us go even further. Only blue eye people marry blue eye people. No, I want red haired people only to marry red haired people. Alright, let us go even further. Only tall people who are only Arabs who are only white and who only have blue eyes and only have red hairs who have fine hairs and only have soft voice and only smooth skin marry that same type of people. Want me to go on? And even if you did that, is that Islam? No, that seems Jewish to me more than Islam. So you call yourself practicing Muslim when you practice everything against Islam? Who are you lying too?
Well, as funny as the above sentence is...THIS IS EXACTLY HOW COMPLICATED MARRIAGE have reached. So...I am guessing that in the future if this keeps going on this is what will happen to Muslim society worldwide:
A) Marriage and practicing marriage is extinct.
B) It seems majority of people find women getting married requiring the consent of Walli is oppressive to her. When marriage become extinct, so is walli become extinct. Women can pick and choose whoever she wishes. What end up happening is domestic violence, rape, child out of wedlock and women failing in relationship will become the hallmark. She will become the non-stop attack on men, saying men are immature, they cannot handle responsibilities, where are all the good men, articles and blogs and TV shows bashing men will become the norm. We are moving toward the same society that we have in America. Which in the end, it will become rare for any women to get married. Single mothers will become the norm.
C) When single mothers become norm, lineage is destroyed. When lineage is destroyed so is spreading Islam is destroyed with it. New generation of children will not take Islam seriously, half wouldn't even know how to pray correctly, other half wouldn't know how to recite Qura'an correctly and the other half wouldn't even know the meaning of shahada.
D) Newer generation will just become worse than others and Jahhillya will return full force in Muslim society.
E) Violence, suicide rate, guns and shootings and drug usage, dancing women, songs and sexual revolution in Muslim world WILL become the norm.
May I ask, how far the above is from the current reality we are now? Just curious. Well, that being said this is the direction we are going when marriage and it's current stage become impossible to achieve. You can try to change the nature of human male as much as you want, it will not work. Had it worked, Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) would have enforced that a man is ONLY allowed to marry one wife. Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) would have not pushed for marriage, as he did. In fact, if the nature of man is equal to a woman, inheritance of a man and woman would be the same. NO WAY would Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) put the shoulder of maintenance and protection on a man at all. in fact, Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) would have given men the same sexual private part as women so that men enjoy the pleasure of birth and not feel resentful that women can have it when he have the same brain as her and same hormone. That would be oppressive to men if he couldn't conceive like women and Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) swore on himself that he will not oppress any of his creations. IN fact, if men and women are the same...homosexuality is the norm not heterosexuality's. All prophets would have been female. Wouldn't you all agree? But all that didn't happen. Men are created different than women. It is seems we cannot understand this, but I will repeat it again. Men and women are different. They have different hormones. Different chromosomes. Different desires. Different needs. Different brain patterns. Women have two sides light up, a man have one side light up. Women excel in education better than men do. Men are stronger than women. Women have higher voice pitch than men do. I mean...are these not so duh obvious that I have to teach you guys something that is....uuuh....duuh? So why I am here? I am here, because when we complicate marriage so much so...we are oppressing both sexes and we are trying to make it hard for a man to fulfill his desires in halaal way. When you do that, HE WILL SEEK TO FULFILL HIS DESIRES NO MATTER WHAT. To him....sex is like consuming food. He needs it. He will masturbate. He will watch pornography to fulfill it. In the end he fulfilled his desires. Or, he may see haraam relationship (Zina), girlfriend...and he will have sexual conquest that way. The girl gets pregnant and the above scenario is open for you. Now multiply that disaster by millons and thousands and society collapsed. Is that what Muslim community wants. Wil you can have what you sowed for. Just don't weep when hellfire is in front of you, ok?
Ask family members to spread the word insha Allah in your local community. Usually you can find aunties within the community who have this job for a living. Some do it free for the sake of Allah swt and others charge.
Keep making lots of dua and insha Allah you will find someone.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
Xboxisdead comes across as a seriously misogynistic person..
I will note that having extreme views on any subject isn't good, but there is truth to what he says. If there are specific points you don't agree with, maybe you can point them out to get clarification on his views.
No, I want red haired people only to marry red haired people. Alright, let us go even further. Only tall people who are only Arabs who are only white and who only have blue eyes and only have red hairs who have fine hairs and only have soft voice and only smooth skin marry that same type of people. Want me to go on?
looool...though it aint so extreme,you are right,and i see your point.The families are all to blame that they dont educate themselves and the children in the proper way,or that they have allowed islam to be their culture not their religion.If they really care about islam they would have learnt everything what islam says about marriage and would have known you should accept the one who proposes to your daughter if he is of good character and good iman,otherwise they would be fitnah on earth.And then they blame it all on the ummah,and the society,when they themselves are part of the ummah spreading fitnah.
Arabs are starting to suffer from what jews suffer.The feeling of being superior and that islam belong to them,so everybody else is seen as an outsider,or us converts are seen as if we lack faith and we can never be full muslims.
@Muslimah
I do have relatives back home who I have no communication with, I don't like inbreeding with cousins. I don't like marrying someone from a poor country because they will marry me for getting a british passport and access to greater wealth and I don't want to be used as a passport/wealth mule. As far as I know, no woman in Pakistan has fallen in love with me and will marry me for the right reasons
@BeTheChange
I've tried central mosque and they are very unprofessional and a waste of time. Family don't care about me, aunties don't care either. The social fabric of british society has been destroyed and nobody cares about each other so I'm all alone. Smartphone addiction has destroyed pretty much all natural bonds between people, nobody greets each other anymore or makes and effort to visit each other and build real friendships/relationships.
The only natural creatures left are the birds and squirrels in the parks. I wonder what would happen if they too started using smartphones and the internet
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That being said, for the OP. Brother before you go ahead and seek out marriage look for brother Imraan's post when his marriage went into disaster. You will find his post here easily, read everything from page 1 to last page. Don't miss any of the details. There are great resources of essential advices about how to seek for a partner and what happens if you picked out the wrong one. Take all the advices in that post to heart and apply them. After you read Imraan's post and his failed marriage from page to 1 to last and got all the advices you need then continue on with paragraph two of this reply.
Re: Searching for a spouse
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