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Why for him and not for me?

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    50cent's Avatar Full Member
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    Why for him and not for me?

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    Salaam

    I want to know why something/ someone is not written for you but Is written for someone else and breaks your heart. The most popular example I'm going to give is a relationship. A guy goes out with a girl, it's her first relationship, the guy loves her, does everything for her, bees the most sweetest guy ever, doesn't touch her in any lovey way as she's new to everything and he wants to do everything with her in marriage.... However, she ends up changing, she puts her friends first, she isn't sweet anymore, she shows less care to him, and ends up saying I can get better guys , I can get any guy as she knew she was very beautiful, i want to live my life and talk to other boys. I can get this and that guys, guys who are doing better than you ( rich, wealthy etc) yet she didn't care if he prays salah etc and ends up leaving him to get to know other guys with Intentions of marrying someone better. She now is married, Now this is killing the guy and broke his heart completely and wishes he met her later in life where she would be more mature and appreciate things more. So why wasn't this guy written for her when he knows noone would love her and treat her better than him, yet she married someone else and will appreciate that guy more. Why was it written for one guy and not the other? Why was it unfair?
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    format_quote Originally Posted by 50cent View Post
    Salaam

    I want to know why something/ someone is not written for you but Is written for someone else and breaks your heart. The most popular example I'm going to give is a relationship. A guy goes out with a girl, it's her first relationship, the guy loves her, does everything for her, bees the most sweetest guy ever, doesn't touch her in any lovey way as she's new to everything and he wants to do everything with her in marriage.... However, she ends up changing, she puts her friends first, she isn't sweet anymore, she shows less care to him, and ends up saying I can get better guys , I can get any guy as she knew she was very beautiful, i want to live my life and talk to other boys. I can get this and that guys, guys who are doing better than you ( rich, wealthy etc) yet she didn't care if he prays salah etc and ends up leaving him to get to know other guys with Intentions of marrying someone better. She now is married, Now this is killing the guy and broke his heart completely and wishes he met her later in life where she would be more mature and appreciate things more. So why wasn't this guy written for her when he knows noone would love her and treat her better than him, yet she married someone else and will appreciate that guy more. Why was it written for one guy and not the other? Why was it unfair?
    W/Salam Brother,

    Let's first look at the story told in Surah Kahf which we recite every Friday. Khizr PBUH killed a small kid in the village and Moses PBUH was upset about it. Later on Khizr PBUH told Moses that the parents of this kid were believers and this kid would have become a disbeliever and would have oppressed his parents so Allah decided to take the life of this kid and replaced that with someone who would be merciful and obedient to his parents. (Read verses 60-82 from Surah Kahf)


    When Allah tell us these stories in the Quran, it means that this is not a story in the past but this is something which will happen with us on daily basis and we need to take lessons from these stories and apply them in our lives. How does this apply in the life of your friend?

    This girl would have been a fitna for this guy. She may have caused him to be a disbeliever or treat his relatives in the worse way and the guy would have done all that because he seems to be in blind love with this girl. So, this guy should thank Allah for saving him from this trial and hopefully he will get someone better than her in his life very soon. The biggest blessing in this life is the pious spouse. It apperas this girl has little to do with religion.

    Surely Allah knows what we don't know and He always paves way for us to get to Jannah. We should also keep positive attitude in response and should not mourn over this broken relationship.

    May Allah bless this guy with a pious wife! Ameen!
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    format_quote Originally Posted by 50cent View Post
    Why was it unfair?
    I’d say you got away from one heck of a bad situation... be grateful and good things will come.

    ”If you are grateful, I will surely increase you in favour” - Quran 14/7
    | Likes 'Abdullah, Studentofdeed, Eric H liked this post
    Why for him and not for me?

    15noje9 1 - Why for him and not for me?
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    Subanallah...I am just in shock. Brother pm if you need someone to talk to. My life story is just like yours. But alhamdullah allah saved me from the wrong one. It's hard, trust me, but know and I mean sincerly have faith that what happened was good to you. The women I was with, was extremely abusive and shady. But if you like me behaved righteously and faithfully, that means it made Allah happy that he raised your rank so you may be someone who truly deserved you.

    LET ME TELL YOU. NO WOMEN IS PERFECT IF SHE IS ARROGANT AND THINKS SHE CAN BREAK OTHER PEOPLES HEART CASUALLY WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES! Even if she married you, she is not a good person and would certainly not be a good mother to your kids. It tells you what kind of person this is who easily gets bored and decives people. This is someone who definelty should not marry.
    The person who married her is either the same as her or unlucky. Dont wish bad on him. It's her that is oppressor.

    Know that in the quran there is a verse that says evil women for evil men and evil men for evil women. Good women for good men. Good men for good women. So know Allah SWT has in store for you someone MUCH better and he is AL WADOOD the most loving. You deserve someone much better. Allah and his rasool SAW said that when he takes something he will ALWAYS replace with something better. Stay strong brother and if you need someone to talk to, pm me
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    format_quote Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman View Post
    W/Salam Brother,

    Let's first look at the story told in Surah Kahf which we recite every Friday. Khizr PBUH killed a small kid in the village and Moses PBUH was upset about it. Later on Khizr PBUH told Moses that the parents of this kid were believers and this kid would have become a disbeliever and would have oppressed his parents so Allah decided to take the life of this kid and replaced that with someone who would be merciful and obedient to his parents. (Read verses 60-82 from Surah Kahf)


    When Allah tell us these stories in the Quran, it means that this is not a story in the past but this is something which will happen with us on daily basis and we need to take lessons from these stories and apply them in our lives. How does this apply in the life of your friend?

    This girl would have been a fitna for this guy. She may have caused him to be a disbeliever or treat his relatives in the worse way and the guy would have done all that because he seems to be in blind love with this girl. So, this guy should thank Allah for saving him from this trial and hopefully he will get someone better than her in his life very soon. The biggest blessing in this life is the pious spouse. It apperas this girl has little to do with religion.

    Surely Allah knows what we don't know and He always paves way for us to get to Jannah. We should also keep positive attitude in response and should not mourn over this broken relationship.

    May Allah bless this guy with a pious wife! Ameen!
    Jzk, can you please tell me other surahs in the Quran that have same message or similar examples
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    format_quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    Subanallah...I am just in shock. Brother pm if you need someone to talk to. My life story is just like yours. But alhamdullah allah saved me from the wrong one. It's hard, trust me, but know and I mean sincerly have faith that what happened was good to you. The women I was with, was extremely abusive and shady. But if you like me behaved righteously and faithfully, that means it made Allah happy that he raised your rank so you may be someone who truly deserved you.

    LET ME TELL YOU. NO WOMEN IS PERFECT IF SHE IS ARROGANT AND THINKS SHE CAN BREAK OTHER PEOPLES HEART CASUALLY WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES! Even if she married you, she is not a good person and would certainly not be a good mother to your kids. It tells you what kind of person this is who easily gets bored and decives people. This is someone who definelty should not marry.
    The person who married her is either the same as her or unlucky. Dont wish bad on him. It's her that is oppressor.

    Know that in the quran there is a verse that says evil women for evil men and evil men for evil women. Good women for good men. Good men for good women. So know Allah SWT has in store for you someone MUCH better and he is AL WADOOD the most loving. You deserve someone much better. Allah and his rasool SAW said that when he takes something he will ALWAYS replace with something better. Stay strong brother and if you need someone to talk to, pm me
    Jzk brother, I appreciate it
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    Re: Why for him and not for me?

    format_quote Originally Posted by 50cent View Post
    Jzk, can you please tell me other surahs in the Quran that have same message or similar examples
    Assalam O Alaikum Brother,

    It is a matter of reflection on Quran and its stories and you can relate many stories to our daily live issues. For example story of Adam and Eve has been repeated several times in Quran.

    First question one should ask that it is the same story and why is it repeated? Perhaps, it is something very important and Allah wants to make sure we reflect upon this. If we can understand this story alone, we can understand the purpose of our life and how can we please Allah (SWT). So let's reflect on this story together. I will start by quoting verses from Quran related to story of Adam and Eve and then give my interpretation of those verses inshallah. The beauty of Quran is that it relates to anyone with any situation. I will try to relate it to your situation and hope it will benefit us and our brothers and sisters on this forum.

    Allah The Almighty says in the Quran:

    And He taught Adam the names - all of them. Then He showed them to the angels and said, "Inform Me of the names of these, if you are truthful. "They said, "Exalted are You; we have no knowledge except what You have taught us. Indeed, it is You who is the Knowing, the Wise. "He said, "O Adam, inform them of their names." And when he had informed them of their names, He said, "Did I not tell you that I know the unseen [aspects] of the heavens and the earth? And I know what you reveal and what you have concealed. "And [mention] when We said to the angels, "Prostrate before Adam"; so they prostrated, except for Iblees. He refused and was arrogant and became of the disbelievers. And We said, "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise and eat therefrom in [ease and] abundance from wherever you will. But do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers. "But Satan caused them to slip out of it and removed them from that [condition] in which they had been. And We said, "Go down, [all of you], as enemies to one another, and you will have upon the earth a place of settlement and provision for a time. "Then Adam received from his Lord [some] words, and He accepted his repentance. Indeed, it is He who is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful. We said, "Go down from it, all of you. And when guidance comes to you from Me, whoever follows My guidance - there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve. And those who disbelieve and deny Our signs - those will be companions of the Fire; they will abide therein eternally." [ Chapter 2, Verses 31-39]
    And "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise and eat from wherever you will but do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers."

    But Satan whispered to them to make apparent to them that which was concealed from them of their private parts. He said, "Your Lord did not forbid you this tree except that you become angels or become of the immortal."

    And he swore [by Allah ] to them, "Indeed, I am to you from among the sincere advisors."

    So he made them fall, through deception. And when they tasted of the tree, their private parts became apparent to them, and they began to fasten together over themselves from the leaves of Paradise. And their Lord called to them, "Did I not forbid you from that tree and tell you that Satan is to you a clear enemy?"

    They said, "Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers."

    [ Allah ] said, "Descend, being to one another enemies. And for you on the earth is a place of settlement and enjoyment for a time."

    He said, "Therein you will live, and therein you will die, and from it you will be brought forth."

    [Chapter 7 : Verses 19-25]
    And [mention] when We said to the angles, "Prostrate to Adam," and they prostrated, except for Iblees. He said, "Should I prostrate to one You created from clay?"[Iblees] said, "Do You see this one whom You have honored above me? If You delay me until the Day of Resurrection, I will surely destroy his descendants, except for a few."[ Allah ] said, "Go, for whoever of them follows you, indeed Hell will be the recompense of you - an ample recompense.And incite [to senselessness] whoever you can among them with your voice and assault them with your horses and foot soldiers and become a partner in their wealth and their children and promise them." But Satan does not promise them except delusion.Indeed, over My [believing] servants there is for you no authority. And sufficient is your Lord as Disposer of affairs. [Chapter 17, Verses 61-65]
    Summary of my reflection points on story of Adam and Eve:

    Did Allah already know that Adam will eat from this tree? Of course He did.
    Did Allah forced Adam to eat from the tree? No, He did not. Adam was given a free will just like we have.
    Allah has also made it clear to Adam that Iblis was his enemy when Iblis refused to prostrate to Adam.
    Adam PBUH made a mistake but what did he do? He repented.
    What did Iblis do? He asked why Allah created Adam from clay and made Adam superior over him?
    He questioned Allah's wisdom and showed arrogance.
    Allah forgave Adam PBUH when he repented and outcaste Iblis for his arrogance.
    Allah also told Adam that human beings will receive guidance from God and whoever follows Allah's guidance will be successful and whoever does not follow Allah's guidance will be in hell fire forever.

    How does this apply to us and to your situation specifically:

    Why did Allah mention this story in Quran. Is it only for Adam and Eve or does this apply to us as well.

    Just like Allah knew that Adam will eat from the tree, Iblis will refuse to prostrate and that Adam will be thrown out of Jannah; Allah knows what is good and what is bad for us. Just like Allah warned Adam to keep away from a forbidden tree, Allah forbids us to stay away from certain things. This includes inter-mixing with opposite sex and having illegal relationships with them. When a man and a woman is together and there is no one else between them then hadith tell us that Satan is the third person present between them and invites them to do what Allah has forbidden just like Satan enticed Adam to eat from the forbidden tree.

    Starting a relationship with a girl without marriage is forbidden in Islam. I understand that people make mistakes but how do we react when we make mistakes is important. We can choose either the path of Iblis who questioned Allah's wisdom and refused to obey Allah's command or we can choose to be like Adam PBUH who made mistake but immediately realized that he should repent. Allah is telling us that if we choose the path of Adam PBUH then Allah will forgive us right away. Don't question Allah's wisdom. Rather put your trust in Allah, learn from your mistake and immediately repent and try to follow Quran. Keep away from what is forbidden and do what our creator has told us to do because indeed our success in both worlds is to obey Allah SWT.

    May Allah help us to understand Quran and help us to apply what we read in Quran in our lives! Ameen!
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