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Thread: Certain death?

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    Certain death?

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    So mother insists on me marrying a girl in local area or western area. My mother says she suffered alot and had to go to school because my father lost his job and she eneded up getting a job. She said the whole ordeal was not good for her and very hard and we were mistreated when young. However I on the other hand want to marry a girl who is simple not caring if she is educated or rich but just religious and beautiful. However she says when you will die, what will your wife do or what will your kids do? They will be on streets and you are selfish because you want to marry a woman who is poor. This she emphasizes on the fact I have heart issues. She keeps saying this as if it is certain I'm going to die soon. She also said that if you want to screw your life and be selfish and **** your life then go ahead.

    I'm thinking from an Islamic perspective and I am hoping Allah wouldn't destroy me and my family like that for me to die and my family on streets. I don't want to marry girls from here because they are unchaste, racist, promiscuous, and materialistic. If I marry a simple girl from back home she will appreciate every single thing I do for her.

    I also had no parents had home to teach me islam or anything. I was at the mercy of society as I had no parents at home. I was upset and lonely. I do not want my child to go through that. That's why im going to school passes my admission exam. But why am I even going to school if im supposed to marry an educated woman or why should I even get married if im certain to die early??

    No one knows when they will die but they way my family speak about it, its like they are certain im going to die soon. Its stressful and demoralizing.

    Im sick of this nonsense. Im following islam, yet every where there are fake people, money minded people, staying away from zina, why am I following islam when Allah doesn't acknowledge me? Or show me any sign of me being loved? I have to constantly fight to get married.
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    So mother insists on me marrying a girl in local area or western area. My mother says she suffered alot and had to go to school because my father lost his job and she eneded up getting a job. She said the whole ordeal was not good for her and very hard and we were mistreated when young. However I on the other hand want to marry a girl who is simple not caring if she is educated or rich but just religious and beautiful. However she says when you will die, what will your wife do or what will your kids do? They will be on streets and you are selfish because you want to marry a woman who is poor. This she emphasizes on the fact I have heart issues. She keeps saying this as if it is certain I'm going to die soon. She also said that if you want to screw your life and be selfish and **** your life then go ahead.

    I'm thinking from an Islamic perspective and I am hoping Allah wouldn't destroy me and my family like that for me to die and my family on streets. I don't want to marry girls from here because they are unchaste, racist, promiscuous, and materialistic. If I marry a simple girl from back home she will appreciate every single thing I do for her.

    I also had no parents had home to teach me islam or anything. I was at the mercy of society as I had no parents at home. I was upset and lonely. I do not want my child to go through that. That's why im going to school passes my admission exam. But why am I even going to school if im supposed to marry an educated woman or why should I even get married if im certain to die early??

    No one knows when they will die but they way my family speak about it, its like they are certain im going to die soon. Its stressful and demoralizing.

    Im sick of this nonsense. Im following islam, yet every where there are fake people, money minded people, staying away from zina, why am I following islam when Allah doesn't acknowledge me? Or show me any sign of me being loved? I have to constantly fight to get married.
    No, you must hang in there, and keep praying to Allah; don't give up, Bro! And meanwhile, you're in my Du'aa.
    Certain death?

    Allahu Akbar!
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    Re: Certain death?

    I just wish I would be appreciated not necessarily by people but by Allah since I know people are fake. Even my doctor said im stabilized and should be good to live life and pursue my dreams yet my family still keep telling me there is a strong chance of me dying
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    I just wish I would be appreciated not necessarily by people but by Allah since I know people are fake. Even my doctor said im stabilized and should be good to live life and pursue my dreams yet my family still keep telling me there is a strong chance of me dying
    Bro: Allah will help you; But you'll also get help from people here on this forum.
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    Certain death?

    Allahu Akbar!
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    Re: Certain death?

    Can you give advice on my situation or tell me if my mother has a point or what should I do?
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    Can you give advice on my situation or tell me if my mother has a point or what should I do?
    No, my Brother: I don't believe that your Mother has a point at all; it's entirely your choice: I think you should go ahead and marry this girl.
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    Certain death?

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    Re: Certain death?

    Jazakallah Khayran. So I shouldn't worry about there being a chance of me dying soon? I should hope that Allah won't destroy me or my family?
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    Jazakallah Khayran. So I shouldn't worry about there being a chance of me dying soon? I should hope that Allah won't destroy me or my family?
    No, Brother: you certainly shouldn't worry about those things: ALLAH will guide you and Bless you: just keep your prayers going.
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    Certain death?

    Allahu Akbar!
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    Re: Certain death?

    Keep tawakkul& this is what's your trial
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    Re: Certain death?

    Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

    So I shouldn't worry about there being a chance of me dying soon?
    The thing is, when you get to fifty, you will have had thirty years of worrying that you are going to die soon. At the age of fifty you can then look back and say, why did I worry for the last thirty years? No one can know the future, worry just robs of the peace you should have today.

    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery, Allah grant me the peace and serenity to live this day and every day, knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.

    May Allah bless you on your journey.
    Eric
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    Certain death?

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    If I marry a simple girl from back home she will appreciate every single thing I do for her.
    you dont know that.I dont know where back home is for you but even in saudi arabia there are unchaste,racist,promiscous and materialistic girls.And even a chaste and good one you dont know how she will turn out to be living in the west.Why would she even leave her family and muslim country and her relaxed life to live in a society where she will be constantly discriminated and among fitnah? If i was a girl i wouldnt do that,unless i wanted a better life.Try to marry a rich arab girl,lool you wont leave her country even if you were made of gold.So poor girls who will accept,they will be a little materialistic aswell.And that is okay,everybody is materialistic.We all want a security in life.Thats why i agree with your mother on this.There is nothing wrong in marrying a local girl if she is good muslim.If she is educated thats even better.Who said that education is only for men? We want our wives to educate our children,an educated wife has more to teach,and if she is local she knows the society there and how it works.She can be a big help for you too,be your right arm.And if you die before her she will be way more prepared to survive without you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    But why am I even going to school if im supposed to marry an educated woman or why should I even get married if im certain to die early??
    Because seeking knowledge is your duty as a muslim and marrying is completing half of the deen

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    why am I following islam when Allah doesn't acknowledge me? Or show me any sign of me being loved? I have to constantly fight to get married.
    Tbh this makes no sense.The prophet saws married at 25 years old with khadija who was 40 years old. Would you marry a woman who was married before and is 15 years older than you? While you also have no money and have to supported by her?
    I dont see how Allah doesnt acknowledge you if you are not getting married to a chaste uneducated girl from back home who is a good muslim and would appreaciate every single thing you do for her.It really makes no sense.You live in a western country,you can go to school,you have a muslim family,i suppose you have a roof over your head too,maybe your own room,so many opportunities,and you say Allah doesnt acknowledge you? Look at how much he has given you.
    There are people out there who dream to have what you have.You dont know how it is to have a family who hate islam,and you have to struggle all alone in a foreign country,not knowing anybody to even ask,let alone have choices to marry a muslim girl,be it good or bad,or the syrian brothers who lost everything and scattered everywhere as refugees,parents sisters brothers all dead,muslims in china being tortured and killed,muslims in africa dieing of hunger.You dont have these problems,your problem is to marry an uneducated girl from back home.It doesnt seem a problem so big that you should say Allah doesnt acknowledge you,and even if it was we know that we will be tested in this dunya so these things are supposed to happen.But Allah is so merciful that He removes our sins through tests and gives huge reward to the patient.So elhamdulillah,keep trying and make duaa and dont let shaytan deceive you.
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    Re: Certain death?

    She also said that if you want to screw your life and be selfish and **** your life then go ahead.
    It shouldn't really matter whether the lady is educated or not. Just think about her piety. Someone who is smart and religiously experienced in life will know what choices to make. If you end up dying sometime throughout your marriage, inshaAllah your wife will tie her camels and put her trust in Allah. There are ways to get on, it may not be easy sometimes but as long as she has her faith in Allah, she will win all in the end. Why? Because she has the right mindset.

    You're not selfish for the decision you want to make. But here is another thing: You should still tell your potentials about your heart problem before marrying them. Its not just because of the money. I've noticed many parents are always worrying about money money moneyyyyy. They want me to waste half my life on studying and going into med school (when its not my passion) so that I can become an extremely rich "successful" person and make a lot of money and work while being married. I am satisfied with the 2 year program I am going into because it can be my backup job incase something goes wrong. It has a decent salary which is around the national average. Yet they still say "what if your husband dies". It's really dumb because my dad himself used to make around the same amount and he has a family with four kids including myself. They think that we are living in poor conditions when we are living in a nice house and neighborhood like most families. Money is just really important to some parents for some reason.

    But you should still tell your potentials because it's hard to lose someone you love so early. Some people may not want to be with you knowing you have a heart issue (Which is not something to feel bad about) since they won't want to deal with the pain of knowing that their loved one may die early.

    Actually my brother wanted to marry one of his patients from the eye clinic he works at. She has sickle cell anemia, meaning that she could possibly die in her 40's or 50's. His friends and my parents tried talking him out of it. I did tell him that it might be hard on him, and he may have trouble remarrying as well. Yeah but he still didn't care and he wanted to go on with it even though he just met her once at his work.

    So if your potential knows and agrees to marry you, there really is no problem.

    Just aim for piety and attraction, those are the two most important things
    If I marry a simple girl from back home she will appreciate every single thing I do for her.
    They will be on streets and you are selfish because you want to marry a woman who is poor.
    Here is one problem though. Are you specifically trying to marry poor women just because you think they will appreciate you a lot more than other women? That's a horrible mentality if thats what you mean. Your expectations will be shattered.

    Marrying a woman from back home (your desi right?) can be an option, nothing is wrong with being open to women from any country, but there is another thing you need to keep in mind. You can find a good potential anywheere, just harder to find in some areas. But marrying a cultured woman doesn't automatically mean she'll be a good pious wife. She may be cultured and more conservative without being a great Muslim.

    Being poor or being cultured does not = piety

    Just saying that even though you may marry someone from back home, don't let your guard down thinking that all these women are angelic and simple. People who have experienced trauma from past abuse can be taken advantage of in their vulnerable states when putting their hopes and trust in someone who might seem like "the one"

    With that being said, go for whoever you want. Just make sure to check their deen + mentality and let them know about your heart issues
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    Re: Certain death?

    Of course I will tell mt potentials. Im not the kind of person to hide or lie. And also its not fair that I'm trying to be chaste staying away from haram, yet marriage is difficult for me. I don't deserve to have a bad woman. There so many horrible guys who mess around yet somehow are able to get good women.

    I really hope and pray I do not a get a bad girl. I already suffered so much
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    Of course I will tell mt potentials. Im not the kind of person to hide or lie. And also its not fair that I'm trying to be chaste staying away from haram, yet marriage is difficult for me. I don't deserve to have a bad woman. There so many horrible guys who mess around yet somehow are able to get good women.

    I really hope and pray I do not a get a bad girl. I already suffered so much
    Yeah, you know some people get it easier than others. Just keep praying to find a pious spouse and try not be get to hung up over it inshaAllah, it isn't good for your mental health. We will get tested in different ways, and no one should ever abuse you, but it may happen unfortunately. Try not to let your past affect your hopes. May Allah grant you a beautiful and pious spouse
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    Re: Certain death?

    السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
    Brother, you have every right to marry the woman of ur choice. Whats stopping you then? If its cuz of family, then dont listen to them , go ahead and marry. Please tell if it is other reason.
    Do u have any friend who is really pious? Ask from him if he knows any girl with qualities u want. Or any relatives from other countries? I know in US its hard to find a pious woman. But try every way u can. Do u get up for tahajjud brother? If not, please start it.
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    Re: Certain death?

    Am sharing a site, mm.... Not exactly site. You have to fill the form but for that i guess u need to register on instagram.
    U will see the word"salafi" but it is not a sect, its just those who follow the salafs and swaliheen( first three genrations and righteous after that)

    https://instagram.com/salafimatrimon...d=jfu1gndnwgyg

    Login • Instagram
    Welcome back to Instagram. Sign in to check out what your friends, family & interests have been capturing & sharing around the world....
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    Re: Certain death?

    Jazakallah Khayran Sister...how may I use this site? I do not have Instagram

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'm sad because everyone is making it hard for me. Does Allah want me to commit zina? Why does he prevent me from marriage?
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    Re: Certain death?

    Make an account on instagram and theres a form on their profile, fill that. And they will share the form on insta.
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post

    I'm sad because everyone is making it hard for me. Does Allah want me to commit zina? Why does he prevent me from marriage?
    Everyone who? Family? Again i am saying that is no reason to stop. Go ahead and marry. Have u tried other ways as well or just the online sites?
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    Re: Certain death?

    Quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    I'm sad because everyone is making it hard for me. Does Allah want me to commit zina? Why does he prevent me from marriage?
    It is not fair to say that for Allah,and you have no reason to even think of zinnah.This is not so tragic as you are making it seem.As i said there are millions of people who would wish to be in your place.You live in a western country with muslim parents,you can afford to go to school,you are young,and a lot more blessings.If marriage is hard for us,imagine how hard it must be for people like us who have no muslim parents or have no contacts or time.Yet we dont complaing cuz things dont work like that.Allah wont send a girl knocking us on the door saying hi you are a really nice guy i wanna marry you.You improve yourself and your relationship with Allah and always keep searching and searching and searching and when you find the right one Allah will make it super easy.And we should keep searching and searching.Try everything.There are sisters in this forum who are from western countries and they are very religious,why didnt you try here too? Make a thread,talk about yourself,maybe one is interested or know other people who might be interested.
    If you didnt try everything then you shouldnt say that again.Keep in mind the prophet saws was the most beloved to Allah and he married 25 years old at that time when people married very young.Today even 30 years old is not late for a man,so relax and search,dont make it hard on yourself.
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