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Some advice please

  1. #1
    Fatima762's Avatar Limited Member
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    Some advice please

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    Salam alikum,

    Can you please give me some sound Islamic advice on something.

    Islamically, how should we handle everyday conflicts?

    I'll give an example.

    I live in England. I was in KFC and the queue was taking a while. When my husband and I were being served, the black woman behind me started coughing obnoxiously like trying to scare me and my husband out of the queue or something. We ignored it. Then when I went to use some sanitiser she started saying racially abusive things like "these f**#king asians" I think towards us and the poor kfc server guy who was doing his best.

    Please give me some advice because I feel one day I will either get knocked out or will get arrested for knocking someone out. I get angry and prideful and it's very difficult for me to just simply away from such injustice.

    Another example.

    I was getting some groceries and the self check out machine stopped working. A worker tried to fix it but couldn't and then said he'd do my groceries manually. Insert 3 people in their early 20's, you can tell they had a drink but they weren't completely drunk, they come into the store obnoxiously laughing loudly etc.

    When the machine broke one of them was behind me tutting and making bad faces like it was my fault the machine broke lol. I didn't say anything. When the worker took my groceries and told me he'd do them manually for me she asked to use the machine oblivious to what happened lol. Like who does that? She is more important than me and should be served before me apparently. I simply said to her the machine is broken. She makes a face.

    Get this, her male friend, this 6 foot white guy says "I didn't know she worked here" and starts bursting out laughing. I said to him "What's with the attitude, we're all waiting". He starts laughing with his other female friend. I turned around again and said "you getting brave after having a drink?" And I think this giant got kinda scared cos he was like "ahh no," in a pathetic whimpering voice. Its pathetic because he just tried to humiliate me for no reason in a store full of people and now he was acting like a little wimp. I was acting tough but I was shaking. Angry but also scared as I didn't know what his reaction would be and it was 3 against 1. But I couldn't take it.

    Please offer me some advice. I'm relatively new to practising and have more to lose then I used to so can't afford to get into trouble.

    Jzk.
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    Flos's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Some advice please

    format_quote Originally Posted by Fatima762 View Post
    Salam alikum,

    Can you please give me some sound Islamic advice on something.

    Islamically, how should we handle everyday conflicts?

    I'll give an example.

    I live in England. I was in KFC and the queue was taking a while. When my husband and I were being served, the black woman behind me started coughing obnoxiously like trying to scare me and my husband out of the queue or something. We ignored it. Then when I went to use some sanitiser she started saying racially abusive things like "these f**#king asians" I think towards us and the poor kfc server guy who was doing his best.

    Please give me some advice because I feel one day I will either get knocked out or will get arrested for knocking someone out. I get angry and prideful and it's very difficult for me to just simply away from such injustice.

    Another example.

    I was getting some groceries and the self check out machine stopped working. A worker tried to fix it but couldn't and then said he'd do my groceries manually. Insert 3 people in their early 20's, you can tell they had a drink but they weren't completely drunk, they come into the store obnoxiously laughing loudly etc.

    When the machine broke one of them was behind me tutting and making bad faces like it was my fault the machine broke lol. I didn't say anything. When the worker took my groceries and told me he'd do them manually for me she asked to use the machine oblivious to what happened lol. Like who does that? She is more important than me and should be served before me apparently. I simply said to her the machine is broken. She makes a face.

    Get this, her male friend, this 6 foot white guy says "I didn't know she worked here" and starts bursting out laughing. I said to him "What's with the attitude, we're all waiting". He starts laughing with his other female friend. I turned around again and said "you getting brave after having a drink?" And I think this giant got kinda scared cos he was like "ahh no," in a pathetic whimpering voice. Its pathetic because he just tried to humiliate me for no reason in a store full of people and now he was acting like a little wimp. I was acting tough but I was shaking. Angry but also scared as I didn't know what his reaction would be and it was 3 against 1. But I couldn't take it.

    Please offer me some advice. I'm relatively new to practising and have more to lose then I used to so can't afford to get into trouble.

    Jzk.
    Oh dear sister, I'm so sorry to hear all of that.

    One thing - you know that pride and arrogance is shaytan's character. When shaytan decided to disobey Allah and not to bow Adam for racist reasons, Allah told him to leave humiliated. So those who think they're over someone, they get humiliated before Allah.

    I can only imagine how hard it is...

    I could just tell you that our Prophet SAWS was slandered, humiliated, ridiculed a lot by enemies of Islam but he never responded. He even acted more nicely.
    I believe it's hard to follow his AS example in real life, but if you can, try your best, at least to remember him. His behavior and character was a major attraction to Islam.

    P.S. I can't believe black people act like that. Shouldn't they be more tolerant and understanding? Especially in the west
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    Some advice please

    Don't rush your salat for anything, as you are standing in front of The One who is in charge of whatever you are rushing for!
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  4. #3
    Karl's Avatar
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    Re: Some advice please

    It is written in the Noble Quran that you are not to live amongst the kuffar. So Muslims living in kuffar countries are living in sin and that is why you are getting a hard time from the locals. Perhaps Allah is giving you these negative experiences so that you will want to leave and return to your own Muslim nation. Birds of a feather flock together.
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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Some advice please

    Peace be with you Fatima and welcome to the forum;

    I am so sorry you have to put up with this kind of abuse, and sadly, it probably won't be the last time. The only person you can control is yourself. If others choose to be abusive, that is their problem, you are not like them.

    First you have to try and control your anger, and search for your own peace. If anger makes you feel like shouting back, then find an alternate way to respond. If you have to say anything, then say it slowly and quietly. The slower and quieter you are, will first help to calm yourself down, and also they will have less to react too.

    The prophet; pbuh, said, if you are angry standing up, then sit down. If you are angry sitting down then lie down. The stronger man is not the one with the greater physical strength, but the one who controls his anger.

    I have been doing some night time voluntary work for the last fourteen years. I have lost count of the number of times we have walked in the middle of angry drunken fights during the night. I pray for the wisdom, the strength and the peace to do God's will. Somehow I manage to find peace amongst all the anger and violence, and I give thanks for that.

    May Allah bless you on your journey,
    Eric
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    Some advice please

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.
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    RevertTayra's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: Some advice please

    format_quote Originally Posted by Karl View Post
    It is written in the Noble Quran that you are not to live amongst the kuffar. So Muslims living in kuffar countries are living in sin and that is why you are getting a hard time from the locals. Perhaps Allah is giving you these negative experiences so that you will want to leave and return to your own Muslim nation. Birds of a feather flock together.
    And there's Muslim country nowadays in the world? I doubt that...
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    Moizraza's Avatar Limited Member
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    Re: Some advice please

    Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

    I think one things is missing on this thread
    Ayatul Kursi is the most reading ayat of the Quran, mostly people reading in daily life, Ayatul Kursi is the 255th verse from Surah Al Baqarah. It has been placed in the 3rd Para (تِلْكَ الرُّسُلُ) of the Holy Quran

    See attachment or download on the link below
    Last edited by AabiruSabeel; 05-24-2022 at 05:06 PM. Reason: Advertising links removed
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