Feeling jealousy

format_quote Originally Posted by Fti

I had a friend, we both had the same goals of earning money and traveling the world but recently she is getting married to a rich family and is going abroad while I am getting married to someone as the same financial status as me.. I am feeling jealoused even though I don't want to feel it. I can't help but think of it all day. I feel that I am left behind in life. I don't even feel like doing hard work to earn money anymore because it won't be able to reach the money she is going to have. I feel so behind so useless in my life. All of my friends are getting married to rich or getting success while I feel I will be struggling for the rest of my life. I know i shouldn't feel this way. I don't know what to do. How to be happy for them and even for myself.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Firstly just because we maybe in our current financial position now then it doesn't mean it wont improve and will just remain as it is. Allah gives to whomever he wills and he knows best what is best for each and every one of us. The main test in this life for us is whether we will be grateful for what we have or ungrateful:

Almighty Allah says: We already showed them the Way, whether they ˹choose to˺ be grateful or ungrateful. (Surah al-Insan 76:3)

The Prophet Sulaiman (As) said:

“…This is by the grace of my Lord! – to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful! And if any is grateful, truly his gratitude is (a gain) for his own soul; but if any is ungrateful, truly my Lord is free of all needs, Supreme in honour!” (Surah an-Naml 27:40)

“And remember! Your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): ‘If you are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you: but if you show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:7)

Abu Huraira (Ra) reported: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam)said, “Look at those below you and do not look at those above you, for it is the best way not to belittle the favors of Allah.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6490, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2963)

Also just because someone marries a "rich husband" then it doesn't mean that they will necessarily be any happier than someone who marries a husband with less wealth. Richness in wealth doesn't make the person any better as a partner nor does it mean they will treat their partner any better. Also just because certain couples may appear to be happy then it doesn't mean they actually are as we know not what goes on behind closed doors nor do we know what is in the hearts.

More importantly our measure of success is not how rich we become in this world in terms of monetary wealth but it is how grateful we are for what we have been given by Allah. Those are the people who are the richest in their hearts whilst many of those whom are rich in terms of monetary wealth tend to be the poorest in their hearts because they are neither grateful nor satisfied with what they have but they always want more:

Abu Dharr (Ra) reported: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), said, “O Abu Dharr, do you say an abundance of possessions is wealth?” I said yes. The Prophet said, “Do you say a lack of possessions is poverty?” I said yes. The Prophet repeated this three times, then he said, “Wealth is in the heart and poverty is in the heart. Whoever is wealthy in his heart will not be harmed no matter what happens in the world. Whoever is impoverished in his heart will not be satisfied no matter how much he has in the world. Verily, he will only be harmed by the greed of his own soul.” (Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 2/154)

Abu Huraira (Ra) reported: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Wealth is not in having many possessions. Rather, true wealth is the richness of the soul.” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6446, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1051)

Al Hasan Al Basri (Ra) said: “O youth! Seek the hereafter, for we often see people pursuing the hereafter and finding it as well as the Dunya (worldly wellbeing), but we have never seen anyone pursue the Dunya and gain the hereafter as well as the Dunya.”

We should certainly try our best in this world in terms of taking our share of whatever is destined for us. However our main focus should be on that which is more lasting - the Hereafter. If we were to compete with others in this worldly life then how long would the competition last? 60 to 70 years? Then what? Allah says:

”It will be, on the Day they see it, as though they had not remained [in the world] except for an afternoon or a morning thereof.” (79:46)

Once we have "won" the competition (in our own minds) then how does that actually benefit us? Is it really for what people will think of us? There is no real benefit except that the more wealth one has the bigger a trial it is and the more we will be accountable on the day of Judgement in terms of how we spent our wealth. Once you get your big house and flashy car the emptiness still remains and the void is left unfilled. Wouldn't we rather have a Palace in Jannah which we can create everyday by doing the following:

”Allah will build house in Jannah for whoever is diligent in observing 12 Sunnah rakat (as follows: 2 before Fajr, 4 rakat before and 2 after Dhur, 2 after the Maghrib, and 2 after Ishaa).” (Tirmidhi)

So if we were to invest more of our time, energy and efforts into our Hereafter then we would benefit from the fruits of our labours FOREVER! Not once has Allah told us to compete for this life. In fact the opposite:

“Rivalry in worldly increase distracts you (from the remembrance of Allah), till you come to the graves” (102: 1-2).

“Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward.” (64:15).

However he has told us to compete with one another in doing good deeds for the pleasure of Allah and for the Hereafter:

“… So for this let the competitors compete" (Al Mutaffifeen:26) and also, “.. So race to (all that is) good… (Al-Baqarah:148).

The Prophet (Sallallahu `alaihi wasallam) said: “Being laid-back is best in every matter except for good deeds" (Abu Daawood & Al-Haakim).

Rich people tend to be the unhappiest. This is a well known principle. This is because most of them are chasing the worldly life and are not satisfied with what they have. It is like chasing your own tail. You just go round and round in circles. Chasing the worldly life will only bring discontentment and misery.

So let us not compete for who has bigger houses or more success and money in this world but let us compete for the highest ranks in the next world for riches wont bring happiness in this world but our good deeds in this world will bring us happiness in this world and everlasting bliss in the Hereafter!

So let us begin NOW to compete NOT for this temporary existence but for eternity in the hereafter, for there will only be regret for those of us who wasted our precious few seconds in this life without doing much good:

Ibn Masood said: “I have never regretted anything as a day spent of my life without doing good deeds.”

May Allah enable us to be grateful for what we have and to put more worth and effort into the Hereafter than this worldly life. Ameen

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