Can I...

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lonely Gal
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Sis i hope ur feeling stronger today. I know how u feel when some days it just gets too much and non-stop tears, looking at what is life and how different u thort it would be..
 
Lonely Gal said:
Sis i hope ur feeling stronger today. I know how u feel when some days it just gets too much and non-stop tears, looking at what is life and how different u thort it would be..
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May Allah (swt) bless you in abundance sis and calm your heart. May He reward you with nothing less than Jannah and a pure sweet sakeenah for all that you've had to deal with. Ameen!
 
Ushae said:
Right Path I am very sorry you are in the same dilemma as Lonely Gal, it seems this kind of marriage ios far more comon than I originally thought.

Is your relaionship similar to Lonely Gal's, in that she has difficulty communicating and getting along with her husband ? Or is it something different, language, attraction, commitment ?

Inshallah all things will come to you both in good time,
Usman
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it is quite similar i dont suspect him but i have communication and all other stuff i can relate to and a lot of other things went on before i got married which hasnt help the situation
 
Thankyou all for your duas for me and lonely girl.......... No my situation is different apart from the fact that we both have cheating husbands!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to ask a question and would appreciate your comment on this.

When i get upset at my situation, i sometimes end up screaming swearing and wishing bad upon my husband.... Then when all my feelings are vented and i calm down i repent and am sorry but this happens tooo much. What should i do. I don't want Allah(swt) to be naraaz with me. I do it but then say i won't do it again but still do it?

Have i confused you. Please please give me your view/opinion/advice on this?:thankyou:
right path said:
it is quite similar i dont suspect him but i have communication and all other stuff i can relate to and a lot of other things went on before i got married which hasnt help the situation
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ur not the only one.. i do the same.. i keep telling me self that wen im gettin angry to read some dua or jus the kalma to refrain from going mad and swearing etc, sometimes tho in the moment i forget and go off on one. I feel very bad wen this happens but just cant seem to help it.
 
Zahida said:
Thankyou all for your duas for me and lonely girl.......... No my situation is different apart from the fact that we both have cheating husbands!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to ask a question and would appreciate your comment on this.

When i get upset at my situation, i sometimes end up screaming swearing and wishing bad upon my husband.... Then when all my feelings are vented and i calm down i repent and am sorry but this happens tooo much. What should i do. I don't want Allah(swt) to be naraaz with me. I do it but then say i won't do it again but still do it?

Have i confused you. Please please give me your view/opinion/advice on this?:thankyou:
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Hadith 3643, Al Timidi: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "If anyone drinks wine Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he repeats the offence Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he again repeats the offence Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he repeats it a fourth time Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, and if he repents Allah will not forgive him, but will give him to drink of the river of the fluid flowing from the inhabitants of Hell."

The above extract is taken from a Hadith. It basically informs us that when you sin, and ask Allah for forgiveness he will forgive, as he is All-Merciful. The context is different (wine) but the practice is similar to most sins. If you repeat your sins 'knowingly', Allah will forgive you upto a certain point. However if you commit your sins without realising it and repent, he will always forgive you.

=)
Hope that helps
 
Lonely Gal said:
ur not the only one.. i do the same.. i keep telling me self that wen im gettin angry to read some dua or jus the kalma to refrain from going mad and swearing etc, sometimes tho in the moment i forget and go off on one. I feel very bad wen this happens but just cant seem to help it.
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Tell me something, when you read the Kalma, do you understand what you are saying ? I mean do you understand teh translation of the arabic in english ? Kalma does help quell anger, but it is ten times more effective if you are 'aware' of what you are saying, if you understood what I'm saying.

Sister, please don't fall into the trap many muslims (men and women) fall into. Do no allow external pressure to change the person you are. If you are naturally quiet, patient and caring person then don't allow domestic issues change your character. Your characer defines who you are in this life and the next. Perhaps your husband hasn't seen this side of you yet ? Maybe you simply haven't shown him how you really are ?
 
:sl::sl: Brother Thankyou for that. Most of the time i am like this through anger and hurt, but when i calm down i realise that what i have done i repent, most of the time i do not know what i am saying or doing because i cannot see beyond my pain and hurt. I do start to read the "kalimah" when i get these feelings and after a few minutes i am ok.

I also like what you are saying about not allowing domestic pressure to change our character............ but brother i believe that circumstances do change people some for better some for worse............. When my sis passed away my niece went religion way other niece went totally off the rails so you see it also depends on circumstances. They were both going through the same thing and same blood but reacted differently........

I believe men are stronger when it comes to making decisions because women think more with their hearts than their minds, and consider more things like finance, children, family, etc etc before making a break and when you have been married for a long time it is harder...........

" And my affair I leave to Allah............ Verily He is the All-Seer of His Slaves.......... (Surah Al-Mumin)

Bless you brother for your kind words support and advice on such delicate situations............................
 
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There's no need for thanks! I'm simply trying to help as best as I can. There are many villains and tyrants in the world who are cruel and malicious because of the way they were raised and the experiences they have 'suffered'. Yet I must stress to you that the people they have become today is based solely on their choice. Allah has given each and everyone of us the right to choose many aspects of our lives.

Don't change your character if it was good to begin with. Why should a good woman become spiteful because of the actions of a single man ? Your anger and depression affects more people than you can see before you, perhaps your relatives/children/parents. People do(whether you see it or not) feel sorry and it in turn affects their moods. See where I am coming from here ? The greater good..lesser of two evils...

Stay happy no matter what !
Fee Iman Allah
Usman
 
I will give you an example...my mother went through a period of incredible depression becuase my father unlawfully had a second wife. She cried almost every night. If affected me very deeply at the time and has changed my outlook on life.

Would you want your children/loved ones to suffer a similar experience when they see you ?
 
My duas are with you ......... You sound like a very wise person who has also seen and been through Allah Almighty's test in life,............
I sometimes wish i had a magic wand to rid people of their pains maybe because i am hurt and sad myself i become very emotional when i hear of other peoples troubles...........:statisfie
Ushae said:
I will give you an example...my mother went through a period of incredible depression becuase my father unlawfully had a second wife. She cried almost every night. If affected me very deeply at the time and has changed my outlook on life.

Would you want your children/loved ones to suffer a similar experience when they see you ?
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Things that happen toa person in life, will change them. it simply cant be any other way. People take things different and I dont see how one can remain the same if they are going tru summat like this.
I agree women take things are lot more to heart and it affects them awhole deal more, mentally and physically.
 
Lonely Gal said:
Things that happen toa person in life, will change them. it simply cant be any other way. People take things different and I dont see how one can remain the same if they are going tru summat like this.
I agree women take things are lot more to heart and it affects them awhole deal more, mentally and physically.
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I've remained the same =)
It's a measure of one's willpower, those who lack the will allow horrible things like these to change them, they become spiteful, paranoid, have a dull outlook on life and treat people differently. Do not be disheartened.

Life is great, Allah has given us sustenance, it's the people in life that aren't so great.

RE: Zahida, I'm not a full member yet, my apologies.
 
its great to hear that u av been able to stay the same and not let circumstance change u
 
salaam
After reading all the posts it seems like the time has come where marriages will break like pearls from necklace.Everywhere i see same story,same saddness. Hey tell u what i am in same situation like rest of u dear sisters. dont worry i feel crap whole time, but i get for sake of my kids , i make i sure as much as i can and sometimes i cry loads. but i know dear god is always watching me and im always seeking his attention.
but i hope Allah improves ur situation inshallah.
 
Lonely Gal said:
its great to hear that u av been able to stay the same and not let circumstance change u
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Lets hope you and the others here can do the same. Men and Women are equals in their own regard, the Prophet(pbuh) himself said this.

Lonely Gal, I can only give this last piece of advise. If the Isthikahara was accurate, you (assuming it was accurate) know what to do next, Allah has already shown you. Don't waste your life and future in misery and sadness, I know you don't want to, nor do you need to on anybody's behalf. It's your life. Allah gave you the right to choose. Exercise that right.

Fee Iman Allah
Good Night
Usman
 
:sl: Sorry sister to hear of your troubles very similar yet everyone unalike........ But please you must stay strong..........

Everyones situations are different......... I know it is painfull for the person going through that situation........ we can sympathise, support and comfort each other butonly Allah can ease our pains......... InshAllah.

I like that you are always seeking Allahs' attention and InshAllah he will show us his mercy Ameen. Praying for you.:w:
reema said:
salaam
After reading all the posts it seems like the time has come where marriages will break like pearls from necklace.Everywhere i see same story,same saddness. Hey tell u what i am in same situation like rest of u dear sisters. dont worry i feel crap whole time, but i get for sake of my kids , i make i sure as much as i can and sometimes i cry loads. but i know dear god is always watching me and im always seeking his attention.
but i hope Allah improves ur situation inshallah.
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:sl:Hey there lonely gal!!!!!!!!! hope you are good????????

I agree with Ushae........... You have been given the opportunity by Allah to change your circumstances take that opportunity.......before it your situation ruins you for the person that you are................

Thinking/praying for you.........:w:
 
Slaam, hows u doin sis.. Im ok..
In fact im very confused about life...
How do I know that the dream I had was the truth... was it something I want deep down so that's why i dreamt it?
How do I make this decision?
How do I approach it?
Do any of u guys know about dreams?
Last night I dreamt my dad crying - what does this mean?
Also I had a dream that my husbands brother was speaking to me and said hes like that... strange.. am confused...
 

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