How should he tell her that he wants to marry her?

actually revert sisters are not so strict about their hijaab as their still getting used to the idea, so it shouldnt be such a problem to spot some.

It would be ideal for you as your family is still non muslim and so would hers be and she would be in exactly the same position as you.and apporaching her family with urs shouldnt be so bad.

difference is, in the asian culture, boys can marry anyone they want mostly, and revert girls are near the top of the list of preferences, ...i guess they love the idea of having a 'white' wife. :rolleyes:, and thus they are getting snatched up pretty fast :D

So u better get in there first!
 
Sahabiyaat said:
actually revert sisters are not so strict about their hijaab as their still getting used to the idea, so it shouldnt be such a problem to spot some.

It would be ideal for you as your family is still non muslim and so would hers be and she would be in exactly the same position as you.and apporaching her family with urs shouldnt be so bad.

difference is, in the asian culture, boys can marry anyone they want mostly, and revert girls are near the top of the list of preferences, ...i guess they love the idea of having a 'white' wife. :rolleyes:, and thus they are getting snatched up pretty fast :D

So u better get in there first!
Click to expand...

I'm not interested in a non-practicing sister.

I have noticed this phenomenon. "White convert sister takes shahadah today, is married tomorrow."

The worst part is white converts don't get looked at because the convert sisters wans an arab or desi brother to teach them the deen.

I reiterate: how can I beat them to the punch when I don't have any community connections?

I agree with your advice in theory but practically it won't be too effective and it is frustrating as all get out.

I even asked around my masjid about trying to find a wife (either convert or born muslim) and was told they look out for their own and keep it in their families first. That kinda grinds my gears (so to speak).
 
MashaAllah :) .the guy was pious, which is worth more than any amount of riyaals. i would have forgiven him the mahr for his piety.

May Allah make it easy for us all. Ameen.
 
convert said:
I'm not interested in a non-practicing sister.
Click to expand...

this does not mean that she has to be non practising, maybe she is just finding her footing in the new faith, just as you once did :)

I have noticed this phenomenon. "White convert sister takes shahadah today, is married tomorrow."
Click to expand...

ah the advantages of being a white female convert!

I even asked around my masjid about trying to find a wife (either convert or born muslim) and was told they look out for their own and keep it in their families first. That kinda grinds my gears (so to speak)
Click to expand...

darn it.

....the problem for them is the mixing of a muslim and non muslim family, and the associated arkwardness and difficulties. As i am told, when u marry, its like you marry the family more than the man.

I gta put it brutally.It luks like no uncle jee will be giving his daughter to you any time this millenium.discriminating racist people that we asians are.

get a tan, and deny ur a convert. :D..
 
convert said:
I have, and its hard to find such a sister. Especially given the fact that a great portion of us don't have the community support to know which uncles have daughters or not.

For example: I have been muslim for a few years now and I know no sisters. They have purdah pretty well done at my home masjid.
Click to expand...


akhi you do know that there is a sister on board looking to get married (see advise and support)
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/134280612-i-want-give-up-but-my-heart-wont-let-me.html


.. by no means am I suggesting you proposition her..
I am merely stating that, your chance will come insha'Allah, just like her chance will come.. make your intent known to Allah and leave the rest to Allah swt..
He'll find you, your special someone..




p.s. on gift giving through wali.. I thought that was common?

should get something respectful at first, like a book you loved (she'd know more about your interests)

second gift should always be a gaming system (nintendo DS) lol just kidding :p

:w:
 
Sahabiyaat said:
this does not mean that she has to be non practising, maybe she is just finding her footing in the new faith, just as you once did
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well, lets put it this way: if she has issues with the hijab she will most likely have issues with my beard (its kinda big)


Sahabiyaat said:
....the problem for them is the mixing of a muslim and non muslim family, and the associated arkwardness and difficulties. As i am told, when u marry, its like you marry the family more than the man.

I gta put it brutally.It luks like no uncle jee will be giving his daughter to you any time this millenium.discriminating racist people that we asians are.

get a tan, and deny ur a convert. :D..
Click to expand...

its ok, i realize that. my problem is to not let it carry over and make me bitter towards people for having that attitude.

for the longest time, people at my masjid assumed i was turkish (i guess i look like a turk). one uncle even took to calling me abu turki for while until he could remember my name

Gossamer skye said:
akhi you do know that there is a sister on board looking to get married (see advise and support)
Click to expand...

i do not know if i am fully comfortable with internet proposals but thank you for the advice
 
well what if you're about 18 have no degree (not yet), no job (not a proper one) and no house, how do convince a wali to let you marry his daughter?
 
aadil77 said:
well what if you're about 18 have no degree (not yet), no job (not a proper one) and no house, how do convince a wali to let you marry his daughter?
Click to expand...


you don't, unless you have some financial independence, which is one of the conditions that need to be met before you decide on marriage.. you should be able to support a family financially above all...

Times have changed unfortunately--
the best thing is to be forth coming and let the father and daughter know of your situation, see if she accepts you under these conditions while working on attaining all your afore mentioned..

:w:
 
Gossamer skye said:
you don't, unless you have some financial independence, which is one of the conditions that need to be met before you decide on marriage.. you should be able to support a family financially above all...

:w:
Click to expand...

Yh I thought so,

Don't want to go too off topic, but islamically do you have to be able to financially support her at the time of marriage or does it totally depend on what you've agreed on?
 
aadil77 said:
Yh I thought so,

Don't want to go too off topic, but islamically do you have to be able to financially support her at the time of marriage or does it totally depend on what you've agreed on?
Click to expand...

I think it is relative.. I am not a scholar... but some women are able to manage on $250 a month, and some can only manage at $2500 or $250,000 month .. so I think it depends on the woman? :-[

May Allah swt bless you with someone who is content with what you offer and makes mercy and kindness flourish between you!

:w:
 
Gossamer skye said:
I think it is relative.. I am not a scholar... but some women are able to manage on $250 a month, and some can only manage at $2500 or $250,000 month .. so I think it depends on the woman?
Click to expand...

May Allah protect me from the woman who demands $250K per month.

Ameen.
 
Gossamer skye said:
I think it is relative.. I am not a scholar... but some women are able to manage on $250 a month, and some can only manage at $2500 or $250,000 month .. so I think it depends on the woman? :-[

May Allah swt bless you with someone who is content with what you offer and makes mercy and kindness flourish between you!

:w:
Click to expand...

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I noticed a lot of the times the pushy parents get involved, and explore the materialism route never the deen route!!!. And the pushy parents dont really let the woman say what she wants, needs and desires.

So if i find one, i should give a gift, which i give to my dad to pass it on to her wali??:-[ What the main things to agree on to put in the marriage contract?

Its summer and everyones getting married ( including addil?) :X


FiAmaaniAllah
 
convert said:
May Allah protect me from the woman who demands $250K per month.

Ameen.
Click to expand...


May Allah bless you with $250k a month so that you can afford to help your ummah and support a lovely wife..

:w:
 
Gossamer skye said:
I think it is relative.. I am not a scholar... but some women are able to manage on $250 a month, and some can only manage at $2500 or $250,000 month .. so I think it depends on the woman? :-[

May Allah swt bless you with someone who is content with what you offer and makes mercy and kindness flourish between you!

:w:
Click to expand...

JazakhAllah, :D I never said I was getting married well not any time soon anyway, lol the biggest step for me is to first convince my mum about it - which could take a few years

And Jesus who In the world would need 250 grand to survive a month :ooh:, a woman like that would need a slap
 
Gossamer skye said:
May Allah bless you with $250k a month so that you can afford to help your ummah and support a lovely wife..

:w:
Click to expand...

More money, more problems. I'm happy with what I've got (its a better than average salary too). Besides, if a woman needs that type of money thats kinda a telltale sign of a materialistic woman... and she wouldn't make it past the q&a portion of the courtship phase.
 
Awww very cute!!!

indeed I regularly go through that website too, the moment I saw the question I recognised!!

JazakAlah!!

P.S this is my first post here!!! any ideas how to browse around? Its a very good forum:)
 
Umm ul-Shaheed said:
:sl:

You have to follow the proper channels as prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali.
Click to expand...


AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

I dont think parents do it by the propers channels of Islam.. I remmember the wali rejected alot of proposal because he wanted to be the one to find the spouse lol

You cant win her over, if the wali rejects. Lol what if you win her over, but the wali isnt..........*Doomed* :-[

FiAmaaniAllah
 

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