Not being able to marry the one i truly love

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Sari

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I truly love this boy, and he truly loves me. We are good people who did not seek this, we fell in love while in the company of friends and family over long periods of time.

For several reasons, he is a much younger boy for starters, we do not feel we would be able to marry, we do not feel we will be allowed to marry without hurting so many people and going through very hard times. We are both making dua that we can somehow marry eachother, but it seems so unlikely.
It is killing us inside and we are trying to seperate ourselves from eachother against our actual will, it hurts so much as we truly love and care for eachother and would live with utmost love and respect with eachother as husband and wife for the rest of our lives and be good Muslims. It kills us both inside that we will have to marry other people who we will not truly love, and have to live with unhappiness for our whole lives.

My question is..how will Allah see this, will it not matter once we're married to other people, or will he reward us in some way for sacrificing our love and happiness to not cause bad situations and hurt to other people? Will we get to be with eachother in the afterlife?
 
I can't get into all the reasons, but the first and main one is that he is much younger than me, and the rest are related to that reason and other seperate reasons, all of which like i said, would create bad situations and hurt for lots of people, including my family. I even built up strength to deal with it and started to tackle one of the problems, it straight away backfired and really horrible things happened, and this was just one of the problems and the tip of the iceberg.
It really kills me inside..
 
oh much younger, dont know your exact situation but age if you are both happy with it is something minor, Allah knows.

Sister, never underestimate the power of Dua, dua can change anything and dont give up hope, make dua for this if it is khair for u and have full faith in Allah and ways can be opened that you never imagined :)
 
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Almost finished writing about something like this.

Sister i promise you Believe me when i say things always work out for the best.

Don't fret and don't go into overkill. You survived before he came along and you will again.

And i do know what im talking about...
 
I do make dua, but now i think if i really can't have it then what is the point in making dua and prolonging the hope and hurt, which is why we're trying to seperate but it is proving almost impossible, we're naturally dependant on eachother now without even realising.

I know i survived without him before, but that is because i never knew him, i never knew these feelings and wanting and vision of our life together. Once you have someone, and then to lose that someone without a good reason and without any shred of wanting to lose them out of your own will, it kills you inside..
 
you are stronger than u think....if age is the only issue, do u mind me asking what ages u are that so bad? if age is the only issue then pray istikhara and both of u go forward inshaAllah...?
 
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Sari said:
I do make dua, but now i think if i really can't have it then what is the point in making dua and prolonging the hope and hurt, which is why we're trying to seperate but it is proving almost impossible, we're naturally dependant on eachother now without even realising.

I know i survived without him before, but that is because i never knew him, i never knew these feelings and wanting and vision of our life together. Once you have someone, and then to lose that someone without a good reason and without any shred of wanting to lose them out of your own will, it kills you inside..
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Sister i dont want to go into it but i know far more about this sort of situation then you know.

Like i said ive almost finished writing about it.
 
Age is not the only issue, like i said. It is the main issue and has caused all the other seperate issues really, if i think about it. I don't really want to mention the ages as it embarasses me and i don't feel people would ever understand, i know would feel judgmental before i had this experience myself.

Abu Sukkar, what do you mean when you say you know far more about this situation? What exact situation? I don't doubt you do, but my specific situation and the problems i have left unsaid will be unique to my own situation.
 
Sari said:
Abu Sukkar, what do you mean when you say you know far more about this situation? What exact situation? I don't doubt you do, but my specific situation and the problems i have left unsaid will be unique to my own situation.
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I mean that this is not a new situation and maybe in a few years you will find yourself sitting her counseling someone on the same issue.

If you let this eat away at you it will cripple you.
Things happen for the best.

Please don't go through the rest of your life wondering 'if only'

What this will lead to whoever you end up with will always come second.

When you have an argument you will think
'****** would never have treated me this way,
****** would never say that,
****** would make everyday special,
****** understood me....

This will not be fair on your partner or you.

I know it ruddy hurts now.
I know all of this is bouncing off you and your mind is not wanting to accept this.
Maybe your thinking 'if you lot knew ***** like i do you would know why i am feeling this way'


Walahi time is a great healer.

Have you ever watched horse racing? Mum loves horses so i like watching it with her. Horses wear blinkers to stop them looking at the sides they look right ahead. This is like us. We see a thing and we want it soooooooooooooooooooo bad we will move mountains to get it. We will make excuses like 'So and so don't know what they talking about', 'My parents they holding me back' etc but there are sooo many factors to consider.

Successful marriages are built within the framework of Islam. The minute you step foot outside and consider something that is not halal then its difficult to
be happy in the long term'
(I'm not saying you have done haram I'm talking generally.)


Il stop talking now i know i go off onto one...
 
Abu Sukkar said:
Like i said ive almost finished writing about it.
Click to expand...


Ok done. Had to rush it abit!


Your Nothing but Gold Purified...



You think it will never end
You think nobody will ever feel this way
The sorrow eats at you so much that hunger is a distant memory

Different reasons but the heartache is always the same
Be it love, be it loss, be it regret be it grief

The tears fall but you don’t let anyone see
The pain is real but nobody knows.


Yours was the world and now it’s gone

Yours was a destiny written in the stars but now its come crashing in.

Yours was happiness but now it’s for someone else



This story has been told a million times before
Just the characters that differ
Today you are the victim


Yours is a Lord All Knowing All Wise
Yours is a Lord who never sleeps
Yours is a Lord closer to you then yourself
Then why is it you hide yourself away?


Know that you may like a thing that is harmful to you
Know that you may dislike a thing that is better for you
You know not, but Allah He knows best



Ask the mother of Musa how it felt sailing her baby down the sea
Trust in Allah the only thing keeping her life afloat

Ask Umm Salim about the pain of death
The sweetness of patience
And the reward she obtained
What mother looks to bury her child?
But in its place she was given a prince among men
A Martyr of the highest order


Ask Umm Salamah when she asked who she could be given better then Abu Salamah what was the reply?
Better then Umar!
Better then Abu Bakr!
She lost greatest yet obtained the essence of perfection!

Ask our mother Khadijah the reward for patience
Was it anything short of a palace in Paradise?

Ask our mother Aisha who aided her from the accusing tongue and gave mention of her in the Book of Books.
Her chastity forever protected and her status cemented in our hearts.

Know that our Beloved lost his uncle
The shield of Allah’s Deen
But a woman sought him out.
Lost her father, her husband and her brother
But she did not care
‘As long as our Messenger is safe I will carry any burden’ she said
A crutch for each other they were
Need I say more?

Tell me the story of Khidr.
Tell me how a family wept for their loss not knowing the calamity that would have awaited them
Faces of relief they will wear when they find the truth.

Know that Allah He loved you from the moment you came to being
Far more then any man can love you
Far more then any man can care for you
Your Lord was there morning, noon and night
Watching over you

Heartache is a pain and forgetting is the cure
Live not a life of regret
Rather live the life worthy of a Muslim
Thank Allah for a diamond is only formed by pressing
Thank Allah for gold is only purified in heat
Thank Allah for oil is only found when digging deep.

You will never lose what is halal and pure except that it’s bettered
You will never lose that what is haram and filthy except that you know a castle can never be build on sand.

What is for you now the world’s end tomorrow will be your silver lining

Without poverty there is no zakat
Without calamities no reducing of sins
Without the downs we recognize not the ups



My promise to you is simple

You will smile again
The love will return

And Allah will always be there…​
 
I know, i really don't want to live a life of "what ifs" and "so and so would have have been better than this" which is why i'm so worried and feeling hurt.

I'm not saying i will get married to someone else and hold on to my feelings of love for that other person, what i'm trying to say is that we love eachother truly and due to other factors and due to thinking of others, we are sacrificing our love painfully. We will inshallah marry other people and feel love for them (even if it won't be the amazing true love we felt for eachother) and not think of eachother anymore in that way, but Allah knows we loved eachother truly and gave it up for the good of others and married other people and lived good lives to keep other people happy, so would he maybe reward us and let us be together in the hereafter, seen as the hereafter is the life we should be preparing for and not seeking happiness and joy in this life all the time.

To be honest i ask as i don't know how, in the hereafter, people's partners will be decided or anything like that.
 
I'd really rather not as there's no need for it, i've said what i feel comfortable with saying and what is needed to say to get the advice i need. There's no need to reveal the ages as i'm not asking if our ages are okay or wanting any judgements about it, we already know our situation and are hurting enough.
 
I agree, it's a lovely poem, i did read all of it but was then distracted with replying so forgot to say.
 
Ukthi honestly if you both love each other and you both want to get married then get married, age shouldn't be a issue, May Allah make it easy for you both ameen.
 
The following fatwa issued by the outstanding Muslim scholar, Sheikh ibn Jibreen:



There is no doubt that reward in the Hereafter encompasses both men and women. This is based on the following Qur'anic verses:

( Lo! I suffer not the work of any worker, male or female, to be lost)
 (Al `Imran 3: 195)

(Whosoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true believer, We will give a good life. ) (An-Nahl 16: 97)

(And whoever does righteous good deeds, being a male or a female, and is a true believer, such will enter Paradise. ) (An-Nisa 4: 124)

(Verily, the Muslims, men and women, the believers, men and women... Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward. ) (Al-Ahzab 33: 35)

Allah mentions them entering into Paradise together, saying:

(They and their wives will be in pleasant shade. ) (Ya Sin 36: 56)

(Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness. ) (Az-Zukhruf 43: 70)

Allah also mentions that He will recreate women in Paradise in the following verse:

( Lo! We have created them a (new) creation. And made them virgins… ) (Al-Waqi`ah 56: 35-36)
That is, Allah will recreate the elderly women and make them virgins; the same will be done for old men, Allah will make them youth.

It is also mentioned in the Hadith that the women of this worldly life have a superiority over Al-hur Al-`In due to the acts of worship and obedience that they performed in this world. Therefore, the believing women will enter Paradise just like the believing men. If a woman had a number of husbands, she, upon entering Paradise with them, would choose among them the one with the best character and behavior.
 
Sari said:
I'd really rather not as there's no need for it, i've said what i feel comfortable with saying and what is needed to say to get the advice i need. There's no need to reveal the ages as i'm not asking if our ages are okay or wanting any judgements about it, we already know our situation and are hurting enough.
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oh my intention was not to judge about ur age difference sister, but rather to ask if it really IS a difference that cant be over looked. Remember the age difference between Khadija radhiallahu anha and Muhammed :arabic5: and also Muhammed :arabic5: and Aisha radhiallahu anha...im not gonna pretend age doesnt matter in this society because it does BUT if its age and that is the only issue then that is something minor inshaAllah
 
If it was that simple, then ofcourse we would get married. Age is not an issue for us, it is for others and it creates lots of other seperate problems and there are lots of even more problems. We would not be going through this hurtfull time if it was simple, but there are just so many problems, i feel i would be finished from all the worrying, hurt and hardship i would have to go through before we could get married.
 

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