Assalamallaikum,
I appologize for the length of the query, but I want all the details to be mentioned for a proper analysis.
I have been engaged for the past 8 months and my marriage is planned in another 3 months time. Mine was a pure arranged marriage, and I met my fiance twice only before our engagement took place. My fiance looked happy on her day of engagement. My fiance is although not a very religious girl, but does all the necessary obligations like praying, fasting and sometimes attending religious gatherings.
I live in a different country, so I used to call my fiance over the phone to get to know her better and for her to know me better. Initially I could sense that there was something wrong as she would at times not pick up my call or cut the call. I thought that she might be busy. But when she used to talk, she talked normally.
However, after 6 months of our engagement, she became very friendly with me and opened up discussing everything about herself, her past, her nature and then shocked me by telling that for the first 6 months she hated me and used to cut my phones on purpose. But then she started liking me as a person and considered me a good friend for being patient with her. She also said that her family had forced her into marriage and she does not want to marry, but she will marry because she does not want to hurt her parents. She used to often tell me that she does not want to marry, and when I used to ask her whether we should call of the engagement, she used to refuse saying that that would land her in trouble and her parents will disown her, and she is only telling me all this not to call of the wedding but to hear her out as a friend. At the same time, she used to say that there is something she wants to tell me that will make me hate her, but will tell me when she has the courage and trusts me enough.
1 week back she told me that thing and said that the entire reason for her not wanting to marry was that she liked someone else. The guy was her classmate and a very good friend of hers and had proposed to her before we met and got engaged, but she had not taken it seriously because he is 2 yrs younger to her. But as soon as she got engaged, she realized her feelings for that guy and told her parents, but they rediculed her and said to concentrate on her future marriage and forget the other guy, which she did not. She had however not mentioned about her feelings to the other guy, though she used to call him on phone as they were friends.
Even though she has told me this and this did depress me deeply, I have excepted this and have told her that these things happen and if she sincerely wants to get married, she will have to forget the guy and I will still except her as my future wife, as I deeply love her. She is very confused now as she says that I am a much better person than the other guy, but she says that she does not have any feelings for me and does not know whether she can except me as her husband. However, at the same time she does not want to call of the engagement yet, and has asked for 15 days time to think about it, and has also asked me to leave everything on Allah. She has also said that she has talked to the other guy about her feelings and they have decided not to talk again untill she is clear what she wants in life.
The problem is, I have been patiently waiting for the past 8 months for her to start liking me and am very depressed now because I do not know now whether she will marry me or not. I feel very sad when I think about loosing her. I also get confused why she is taking so much time to decide whether she wants to marry or not, when she clearly says that she does not have any feelings for me. I do not want to call of the engagement unless she very clearly says that she wants to call it off. But all this wait and watch game is not taking the toll on my everyday life and I do not know what to do. I want to know whether I should wait for her or call of the engagement myself, because she has told me many times that she does not want me to call off, but to hear her out as a friend. She has asked me to wait for another 15 days for the decision. I do not know what I should do that can bring peace of mind to both her and me.
I appologize for the length of the query, but I want all the details to be mentioned for a proper analysis.
I have been engaged for the past 8 months and my marriage is planned in another 3 months time. Mine was a pure arranged marriage, and I met my fiance twice only before our engagement took place. My fiance looked happy on her day of engagement. My fiance is although not a very religious girl, but does all the necessary obligations like praying, fasting and sometimes attending religious gatherings.
I live in a different country, so I used to call my fiance over the phone to get to know her better and for her to know me better. Initially I could sense that there was something wrong as she would at times not pick up my call or cut the call. I thought that she might be busy. But when she used to talk, she talked normally.
However, after 6 months of our engagement, she became very friendly with me and opened up discussing everything about herself, her past, her nature and then shocked me by telling that for the first 6 months she hated me and used to cut my phones on purpose. But then she started liking me as a person and considered me a good friend for being patient with her. She also said that her family had forced her into marriage and she does not want to marry, but she will marry because she does not want to hurt her parents. She used to often tell me that she does not want to marry, and when I used to ask her whether we should call of the engagement, she used to refuse saying that that would land her in trouble and her parents will disown her, and she is only telling me all this not to call of the wedding but to hear her out as a friend. At the same time, she used to say that there is something she wants to tell me that will make me hate her, but will tell me when she has the courage and trusts me enough.
1 week back she told me that thing and said that the entire reason for her not wanting to marry was that she liked someone else. The guy was her classmate and a very good friend of hers and had proposed to her before we met and got engaged, but she had not taken it seriously because he is 2 yrs younger to her. But as soon as she got engaged, she realized her feelings for that guy and told her parents, but they rediculed her and said to concentrate on her future marriage and forget the other guy, which she did not. She had however not mentioned about her feelings to the other guy, though she used to call him on phone as they were friends.
Even though she has told me this and this did depress me deeply, I have excepted this and have told her that these things happen and if she sincerely wants to get married, she will have to forget the guy and I will still except her as my future wife, as I deeply love her. She is very confused now as she says that I am a much better person than the other guy, but she says that she does not have any feelings for me and does not know whether she can except me as her husband. However, at the same time she does not want to call of the engagement yet, and has asked for 15 days time to think about it, and has also asked me to leave everything on Allah. She has also said that she has talked to the other guy about her feelings and they have decided not to talk again untill she is clear what she wants in life.
The problem is, I have been patiently waiting for the past 8 months for her to start liking me and am very depressed now because I do not know now whether she will marry me or not. I feel very sad when I think about loosing her. I also get confused why she is taking so much time to decide whether she wants to marry or not, when she clearly says that she does not have any feelings for me. I do not want to call of the engagement unless she very clearly says that she wants to call it off. But all this wait and watch game is not taking the toll on my everyday life and I do not know what to do. I want to know whether I should wait for her or call of the engagement myself, because she has told me many times that she does not want me to call off, but to hear her out as a friend. She has asked me to wait for another 15 days for the decision. I do not know what I should do that can bring peace of mind to both her and me.
