What do you think about Polygamy?

Status
Not open for further replies.
jannat said:
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
Click to expand...

"Islam did not autlaw polygamy,but regalated and restricted it. It is neither required nor encouraged only permitted. Read (Edward Westernmark) In the history of human marrage.Because dozens of Muslims were martyred leaving behing widows and orphans."If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justify with the orphans,marry a woman of your choice,two or three or four: BUT IF YOU FEAR THAT YOU SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO DEAL JUSTLY WITH THEM WITH THEM , THEN MARRY ONLY ONE.

Polgamy was conceived by the Qur'an, was to be practiced for the BENEFIT OF WOMAN AND CHILDREN, AND NOT AS A MEANS OF SATIFYING MALES SENSUALITY AND WONTNNESS." (Islamic Fundamentalism).

Personally, I do think that it blocks the doors of the shaytan when it comes to commiting zina,in some cases.However, I don't think that it is outlawed for that reason. As stated above, I think it was outlawed for the benefit of woman and children.If the man wants another wife he is not allowed to if it's going to ruin the first marrage. It would also be helpful if the two helped eachother doing chores etc..


I have a colleague who has a father with two wives. Her family is very united and gets along very good. He father couldn't have children with his first wife so he marries another one. That way they can have their own child without having to pay thousands for some labs that people of today do to have their own child.
:sl:
 
Last edited:
salams...

well firstly i would be terrible jealous... but as long as he can be fair like having my own house and entertain my shopping needs :hiding: i guess i can control my jealousy...but i wouldn't know really know it untill the time really comes.

But truthfully, i will allow it...especially if it really makes him happy (but of course at the same time still loving me huhuhu :hiding) but in one condition - i will choose it for him. I can't trust his choices...lol :hiding: actually i think he need a pious muslimah to make him a better muslim not just anykind of girl.
 
I can see how polygamy could work in certain situations. However, the Mormon experience with it was a disaster and still is very troublesome. It definitely is not for everyone.
 
rabimansur said:
I can see how polygamy could work in certain situations. However, the Mormon experience with it was a disaster and still is very troublesome. It definitely is not for everyone.
Click to expand...

Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
 
Last edited:
hmm, don't do it, you're quite young, and there are so many muslim men out there who are good in their Islam and single, do you have to marry this guy?

it's not going to be so flowery after you do get married, being young means being naive in many ways, I don't mean to be harsh but the reality of this world is not so shiny.

I advise you to find another, it's not too hard, and it will be for the best.

now, any marriage can work but polygamy is not a woman's marriage, as in you'll never have him to yourself, not to mention it's supposed to be done under necessity not out of choice.
 
personallyyyyyy i would never be okay with it.. n yes i know its halal and hes gonna have many wives in jennah i know but so wat .. in this world im a very jealous person.. n i wont be able to handle it.. n when i start thinkin i dont think it would be pretty :P :D so in my case i would just get a divorce if he really wants her then by all means good luck... ! there r plenty fishes in the sea LOL JK :D but its kinda true :) salamz
 
^^^ owh...i totally have overlooked that she is considering marrying a married man.

huhuhu.... well to be a second wife is not easy. Is easy to say than done...is easy to say than to feel. Is easy to say you're okay with it...but the truth is if you aren't sure whether he'll be fair, you probably going to suffer after that. and why take the risks of jealousy or being treated unfairly.

Does the wife know about it? and did she accepted you?

But anyway thats your choice...
 
Assalamalaikum sister.

I think you need to take some of the advice thats given to you here. I think you are thinking with your heart and not your head. You have been in love with this guy since you were 16 and he obviously wasnt as in love with you as you were with him otherwise he wouldn't have got married. You say he is a very pious man but if this is true then why is he seeing you behind his wifes back? That doesnt sound very pious to me. You say he wants to imitate the life of the prophet (pbuh) but the prophet(pbuh) married his wives for good reasons and neccessity. What neccessity is there that he needs to marry you. Can his first wife not have children? Even this would be a reason.

Also what if he marries you and then favours you over his first wife due to the reason that you were in love with each other for such a long time beforehand? That wont be very pious and will make things difficult for him as he wont be treating you equally.
There are so many things you have to think of sister not just what your heart feels. You must be sensible because it will not always be like this all hearts and roses.
There are so many brothers in the world who are pious very pious but you have fixated yourself on him. To me this sounds like an obsession that you have had for 4 years and that is not healthy.

Please take the advice you are given from the people on this site and please dont ruin your life. You need to let go of this obsession and move on. Get married to someone else and get on with your life. Whenyou get married to someone new the love will come as you get to know each other and you will forget about this other guy. It will be a different kind of love a much better love than the one you have for this guy. I really hope inshallah you will be sensible about this and as someone else mentioned do pray istikhara for this.
All this going on and his wife is not even aware.
 
jannat said:
salam ppl
Ramazan Mubarak:D
Ifeel a man can never be equal to all his wives. I think in certain, necessary circumstances a 2nd wife might be needed, however, i feel men shud be happy with their first wife. Some of the reasons for 2nd, 3rd or 4 wives is due to desires, i just dont get it , why cant men just be happy with one.In the time of the prophet SAW, men married more than once for particular reasons, not for just desires. I personally feel some men marry for the wrong reasons and treat some of their wives incorrectly, creating injustice. That annoys me, im sorry.
I pray Allah swt bring justice for those, who have been treated injustly.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with you on this. Well said.
 
God help this "very very pious" man's wife. I feel for her.

How the hell do you people define piety? Every other day there's a new thread about a very very pious man/woman cheating on their spouse n thinking it's perfectly fine! It's getting scary...

OP, I think you should grow up first and then consider marriage. Now's obviously not the time.
 
Well, everybody has their own feelings about this matter. I personally don't want to marry a man who's already married because I don't want to infringe upon another woman's marriage. But if you love someone who's already married and he and his wife are okay with the second marriage, then go ahead. But do take into consideration the other wife's feelings.
 
Bismillah
assalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullah,
audhu billah minash shaytaanir rajiim

To begin: To be just between one anothers wives is to be just according to what on is capable and under control of, i.e. material things, house, etc. It has nothing to do with the heart. Innately, a man will have a pull towards a certain wife. As long as the same amount of time is spent with all of his wives and the wives interests are his primary concern than it would be considered 'just'. If he has an attachment in his heart for a specific wife of his-that is natural; however, he must not display favorites. That would cause discord.

Since the brother Muslim that she is interested is married - there should be absolutely no contact between the two (esp. if his wife does not know about it).

As noted above in a previous post, as far as the brother Muslim's wife 'affording the marriage'. I say 'What's the problem?" Did not our mother Khadijah (radiallaahu anha) make a proposition to the beloved (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam)? Was he (sallaallaahu alayhi wa sallam) able to afford marriage when asked by Khadijah's (radiallaahu anha) mediator? He could not afford it. What is the big deal of a woman being financially able? Naam, I do agree that a man, should be financially capable to provide for his wife as this is better. WAllaahu a'lam.

The sister is 20. I would not generally say that we are naive at a young age. I mean look at Ali (radiallaahu anhu) he was young but was not naive, look at Usama (radiallaahu anhu) when he was given permission to control the army amongst a myriad of elders. Look at our mother 'Aisha (radiallaahu anha) who was very staunch in her position and possessed a lot of knowledge. I mean countless others. Age has nothing to do with gauging our maturity level. A 50 year old can be just as naive as a 25 year old WAllaahu a'lam.

Lastly, I THINK as was provided for you sister: Make sure that you are on top of your deen and making your prayers, insha'Allaah.

Allaah (ta'ala) says in an interpretation of the meaning:

“And seek help in patience and prayer…” [al-Baqarah; 45]



Be sincere with Allaah (ta'ala) and He will be sincere with you, insh'Allaah.

I advise you to also keep your eyes wide open to the opportunities of other prospective Muslim brothers who you may come across. Remember there is a reason for everything and you may love something that is bad for you and hate something in which there is much good. Do not close yourself off to the blessings of Allaah (ta'ala).

"Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude." [al-Baqarah; 152]

Make istikhara and seek more counsel in the matter. Do not be hasty sister. May Allaah (ta'ala) guide you and bless you.

Jazakumullah Khayran brothers and sisters for all the replies in order to help our sister.




ma'salaama
 
Salam,
I find it no wrong with polygami at all, I would feel weird to call myself a Muslim and be against it since Islam permits it. But for me I don't think I would be able to handle it, to know that my future husband has another woman he is with from time to time too. That he hasn't all his time only for me, that he isn't only for me. It's very egoistic thoughts, I know. But it's something I can't help and I am very amazed about you who find it not troubling at all sister :)
 
J Aaliyah said:
Salam,
I find it no wrong with polygami at all, I would feel weird to call myself a Muslim and be against it since Islam permits it. But for me I don't think I would be able to handle it, to know that my future husband has another woman he is with from time to time too. That he hasn't all his time only for me, that he isn't only for me. It's very egoistic thoughts, I know. But it's something I can't help and I am very amazed about you who find it not troubling at all sister :)
Click to expand...

:wa:
I know that your post was not directed at me but read what I've written.

Well, it benefited in certain situations. For example, in communities of the past(there are still today) there were 40% man and 60% woman. So , what! those woman who got married are lucky and the rest have to stay single and starve. Especially during the time of warfare. When man died leaving woman for up to six children. Who would support them?

In poor areas, woman don't have time to think about jealousy or to what you're refearing to be "troublesome". Life and death situations, children ,necessities are way more important than our accomodates.
__________________
 
I know that I am young my dear brothers and sisters, but at this moment it doesnt matter how young you are , and i am confident that life would work if all three would be a helping hand.
I dont say that I dont care if he loves someone else, too
I just igonre that and take his wife as my best friend to make our life easier.
And i think by this way of living we get a lot of wisdom and gain prestige infront of Allah.
I proably would be jealous too, when we got married insha Allah and he cares for his other wife, too than just for me, but it is his love to me and how he is in his heart thta i do love, and as long as he shows me that he loves me like i need i think i can handle with himhaving another wife, too
If I didnt love this person this much I do, I guess I either wouldnt accept him having another wife and leave him right away.
 
I know, i definteley know that someday, even if i am married to someone other, i will always think of , why i couldnt marry him, or why i refused his life-living with his other wife. I will always think of this person, what wont make life easy for my husband and for me
 
dipdown80 said:
We have been so blinded by our faith that we cannot see the truth in front of our eyes. Polygamy is a trouble for both the husband and the wives. It takes the peace out of the smallest hole that you may have in your house. I always believe, Islam has unfairly tilted the norms towards men. if polygamy is allowed, why ain't polyandry also made legal. Pls comment.
Click to expand...



This isn't your faith, thus there is no need for false pretenses.
Take care of the B****** children that are born in your society firstly, and then question the logic behind polygamy.

Sir Michael, who plays Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore, had the child with his MISTRESS.
His WIFE knows he is raising a second family and he splits his time between their two homes .
Click to expand...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepag...is-mistress-gave-birth-to-a-second-child.html


but let me pose a rather crass Q to you.
If a woman takes on four husbands and gets her period, or pregnant or six weeks post pregnancy and one or all four have needs and would like to get amorous, but she isn't in the mood to satisfy one or any, what do you propose then? Also should there be a paternity test for which of them fathered the child with each pregnancy?

It is simple biology.. but from my understanding, in the west a woman can be as promiscuous with as many males as she wants, she can have as many ******* children as her womb can accommodate, and fathers are exempt from their paternal roles...


all the best
 
In this day and age most people forget the true meaning of polygamy and think its all about men satisfying their desires. No this isn't why polygamy is allowed, Its to cater those poor, unfortunate women who cannot cope by themselves
 
:wa:

humbleheart said:
Assalam alakum

.. I love a person who already has a wife .
Click to expand...

A man is allowed to take wife wife some conditions . But having any secret affair is haram .

How come u fall in love with a married man ? If he wants to take another wife , tell him to go in a halal way .

Don't meet him in private ever . Also , try to think that after ur marriage , if u find out that your husband is having any affair with other women , how would u feel ? :hmm:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar Threads

Back
Top