My Marriage is Nullified

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum,

Doesn't a wet-nurse's statement have to be verified at least? Witnesses? What is someone is being malicious and there are no witnesses?

What about the children? Rights of inheritence? Sorry, it's too much to take in. I think I'm in shock. imsad

 

[islamlover_girl]

remember that you are leaving your dear husband for the sake of Allah ,so you will get great thawab in shaa Allah, keep patient dear to get best thawab and forgiveness for sins,may Allah make it easy for you.

 

[Maysan]

Hey sis,

I just spoke to my mum. She is sitting beside me right now. She knows quite a bit about a lot of stuff.

She told me that after some research she found out from reliable sources that in order for people to be considered brother and sister through a wetnurse, the children need to have breastfed from the wetnurse at the same time or within a certain time frame of eachother.

Please look into this and in the interim, my mum is going to consult some of her sources.

Please look into all options.

Thank you so much for trying to help me, I'm sorry I was not able to post earlier as I was helping my younger daughters with their schoolwork as they have examinations soon.

Please can you ask your mother to present her sources-if there're things Allah(swt) or Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) decreed, I would be very grateful.

My husband is almost four years, well, three years eleven months older to me, & he was breastfed for three years, I was breastfed by this woman for 2 years-right from when I was born, so the gap is eleven months.

We were certainly not breastfed at the same time, but I was fed after 11 months.

Can you present me what authentic hadiths or tafseer says on the issue please? I'd be extremely glad if we're not divorced & thank you again for taking so much trouble for me.

 

[Maysan]

dear sister
check the ages of both yourself and your husband, when the wet nurse fed you as the ruling of the nikah being nullified only applies if the child was two years (or two and a half years) when if was given milk. Below is the fatwa. if any one of you were above that age when you were fed the milk, nikah will not be broken.


Fatwa # 9838 from Germany Date: Wednesday, November 12th 2003

Category
Child Upbringing (Tarbiyyah)
Title
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed

Question
1)How long is the term for breastfeeding? Is it 2 years or 2 and a half years because in one place in the Quran it says 2 and in another it says 2 and a half. 2)Will their be any sin on the mother if she stops breastfeeding before that time prescribed by Allah (that is if she does not have a proper valid reason and just wants to stop without any illness or anything)? Jazakallah khair!

Answer
1. 2 years. There is difference of opinion however the prefered view is 2 years. (Bahisti Zewar, Ahsanul Fatawa)

2. If the child is eating solids before 2 years and the mother feels that there would be no harm in weaning him before 2 years then she has the full right to do so. (Shaami, Bahisti Zewar)

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Ml. Husain Kadodia
FATWA DEPT.

CHECKED & APPROVED: Ml. Imraan Vawda

may allah make it easy for you

Thank you so much brother, but I'm afraid we were both breastfed from birth by this woman, my husband for 3 years & myself for 2 years, so this does not apply. imsad

We were under that age, infact we were breastfed from birth, although not simultaneously.

 

[Maysan]

This is so sad. I feel hurt for you sis. But if it is a custom in your country to have wet-nurses then there must be so many men and women who have been suckled by the same wet-nurse and gone on to marry unknowingly. Surely there are no records. So it may not be as straight forward as you've been told as neither of you knew. I advise you to seek further advice. Maybe not knowingly prior to marriage has a different outcome, inshaAllah, inshaAllah. *hugz*

Another thing.. There are things like niyyah and willingness to do things which affect an action, and also a person cannot be held responsible for which he does not know. I will ask a shaykh for you inshaAllah.

Thank you so much sister, it is a custom in Yemen only amongst the elite, & its a fading custom now.

My husband came from a very wealthy family, & amongst such families, keeping wet nurses was a status symbol then, even if the mother was alive & healthy.

In my case, my mother had died in childbirth, common in Yemen then, which is why a wetnurse was appointed for me.

Yemenis did(& still do) have many children, so generally in not very wealthy families, if the mother passes away, there's always an aunt who can be a wetnurse, but in my case, I didn't have any aunts who had kids then, so my father & grandfather appointed a wetnurse.I have elder brothers, who were all breastfed by my mother.

I had hoped that not knowing prior can have different outcomes, but I cannot find any hadith or scholar ruling to that effect.

I will be very grateful indeed if you could ask a shaykh on my behalf.

 

[Maysan]

We were studying this in class just the other day and the scholar kept stressing how important it was that these things are kept a track of, meaning who suckles who etc in order to avoid these sad mistakes.

Also he pointed out that if this ever did happen then one should hasten to correct their mistake. If it is made clear that they indeed are siblings due to suckling and remain married they actually leave the fold of Islaam and become non muslims since they are clearly going against a very clear verse of the Qur'aan, so the issue is very serious indeed.

Put your trust in Allah and Allah will never abandon you sister. He has blessed you with Eemaan and this is only a test from Him, do you love Allah or your husband most?

I am sorry to say that this does not have anything to do with math-habs. If you are sure that this person has been suckled as many times a you say and that you have been suckled by the same lady then the matter is clear. Let not Shaytaan trick you by getting a false fatwa from a fake scholar.

May Allah make it easy for you and your family.

Thank you so much brother, I love Allah(swt) the most, but I am also a human being, I love my husband & its difficult to break up with someone I love so much. Its difficult for my husband also.

 

[Maysan]

Thank you so much brother, but I can't even think & don't want to think of another husband right now-perhaps never.

 

[CosmicPathos]

assalam alaikum,

I am sorry to hear about this tragedy. but whatever happens, it happens. We can believe it is from Allah or we can choose to disbelieve. I pray that you be among those who choose to remain steadfast.

That being said, as much as sorrowful this tragedy is, I felt that we all should be reminded that everyone of us goes throw similar or more severe tragedies in one way or another. We all are living with it, inshAllah so should you and accept it as a Divine decree and happily live with it.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Thank you so much brother, I love Allah(swt) the most, but I am also a human being, I love my husband & its difficult to break up with someone I love so much. Its difficult for my husband also.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, Allah only tests those who he wants good for and those he wants the closest to him. Lucky you!

He tests them with great tests to see how they will react. Will they go further away from him or will they remain steadfast and go even closer to him!

As long as you accept that it is the decree of Allah and never say 'why' as many people would in your position.

Remember if you pass this great test with patience accepting the decree of Allah then Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is Paradise so your reward for patience through this great trial can only be Jannah! Inshallah!

Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people. (Surah Yusuf 12:87)

In summary, here is a list of what you can do to counteract the effects of stress:

1. Increase dhikr (remembrance of Allah): "Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the remembrance of Allah: for without doubt in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find satisfaction (Qur'an, 13:28)."

2. Increase prayers: "O you who believe! Seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely, Allah is with the patient (Qur'an, 2:153). "Regardless of the type of meditation, recent studies have verified the physiological effects of meditation. Most of those mediations consist in focusing on something, repeating some words and breathing (Greenberg, p.142, 143).

3. Perform ablutions: The most important component of relaxation is what Hans Loehr calls "the rituals of success." These rituals may be as simple as making ablution; yet, they must be performed properly for it is not enough to pass water on the body parts - those parts must be massed.

4. Ask for forgiveness: Even if a person has not done anything wrong, he must insure the forgiveness of Allah. "Then I said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord; surely, He is the most Forgiving'" (Qur'an, 71:10).

5. Recite the Qur'an: The Prophet (SAW) said, "… Qur'an is a remedy for illnesses of the mind" (Bukhari). "The echo of sound has a medical effect and is now widely utilized," says Dr. Greenberg. "The recitation of or listening to the Qur'an has an effect on the body, the heart and the mind! It is said that the letter Alif echoes to the heart and the letter Ya' to the pineal gland in the brain.

Dr Ahmed El Kadi of Akber Clinic (Panama City, FL) conducted and published the effects of listening to Qur'anic recitation on physiological parameters (i.e., the heart, blood pressure, and muscle tension), and reported improvement in all factors, irrespective of whether the listener was a Muslim or a non-Muslim, Arab or non-Arab. Obviously, it can be postulated that those who understand and enjoy the recitation with a belief in it will get maximum benefits," writes Dr Athar.

6. Make the hereafter one's main concern: "Whoever has the hereafter as his main concern, Allah will fill his heart with a feeling of richness and independence; he will be focused and feel content, and this world will come to him in spite of it. Whoever has this world as his main concern, Allah will cause him to feel constant fear of poverty; he will be distracted and unfocused, and he will have nothing of this world except what was already predestined for him," said the Prophet (SAW). One of the greatest causes of stress is money - how to pay the loans, whether one's job will be lost, what will happen to the family if the father dies, etc.

7. Think positively: Muslims should forget about the bad things of the past and think of good things, always having hope that he can be better. Trying to change the past is a foolish and crazy waste of time, "for saying 'if only…'opens the way to Shaytan" said the Prophet (SAW). The Prophet (SAW) also said, " Know that victory (achievement) comes through patience, and that ease comes through hardship."

Muslims understand that there's no reason for panic in the case of crisis - no reason to be distressed or worried for we know that after hardship come ease!

8. Do not waste time on thoughts of fear or stress: "The search of time is one of the most frequent causes of stress" (Seyle, p.102). Laziness is the mother of all evils, and the Prophet (SAW) used to seek refuge in Allah from it. Understanding that this life is short and time precious, Muslims should try to work hard and pursue worthy knowledge (Munajjid).

In conclusion, a surprisingly effective remedy for stress is to "remember death". The Prophet (SAW) said, "Remember frequently the one who will destroy all your pleasures - death! For there is no one who remembers death when in straitened circumstances, but his situation will become easier…"

Here is a short and beneficial clip:

Don't be sad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48KOjsZwKso


Here are some very useful articles for you:


Overcoming tests from Allah



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?50894-Overcoming-tests-from-Allah



25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)



http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...90404-10-steps-increasing-our-iman-faith.html



Signs of Weak Iman and How to Increase It



http://www.missionislam.com/knowledge/weakimanfix.htm



Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship...-rewarding-good-deeds-all-us-do-everyday.html



VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!


http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)


My Daily Ibadah(worship) check


http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-purification-soul/134289943-my-daily-ibadah-worship-check.html


A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698



The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243



The State of the People of Paradise in this World



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125


Major Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://www.inter-islam.org/faith/Majorsigns.html


Signs before the Day of Judgement


http://etori.tripod.com/dajjalsystem/judgement.html



The Life of this World and the Hereafter


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51739


Beautiful Description of Paradise in Islam


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51707


Practising az-Zuhd in the Dunya


http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51738



Everything about Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh)



http://www.mohammad-pbuh.com/

(THE SEALED NECTAR)Memoirs of the Noble Prophet [pbuh]
http://www.witness-pioneer.org/vil/Books/SM_tsn/index.htm

 

[nightingale]

Subhan Allah... I dont know how to console you sister, be patient, Allah has better plans.

May Allah make everything easy for you.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Thank you sister Umm ul-Shaheed, support from Muslims, especially Muslim sisters means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, some Muslim sisters I know in real life have been pretty unsupportive. One of my closest friends, a practicing Muslimah told me to simply forget everything & stay married, she says that what matters is the mutual love between myself & my husband, & our children-all of which is important. But I kno0w, & my husband knows, that Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s words & commands, along with Allah(swt)'s words are the most important, for this life & the Afterlife.

so she thinks incest is better for you? dont even listen to such people.

Also, I am a primary school teacher, & the other teachers are mostly Western Christians, who I know will laugh if I tell them why I divorced, they'll claim that we had marriage problems & this is an excuse, or maybe even make unpleasant comments about Islam, I know quite a few harbour anti Islam & anti immigrant sentiments.

people are stupid and unfortunately have nothing better to do except pass news and speak about people...seriously as painful as it is, just ignore it and try not to pay attention. the sins are on them.

My children, of course are devastated, although I brought them up to believe in Islam unquestioningly, & follow all of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)'s commands, two of my daughters & one of my son is asking us to still stay married. imsad

as a mother, you are a role model for your children as im sure you already know this so when you do separate from your husband you are setting an example for your children as to what to do in a situation where the obedience of allah takes precedence so you could look at it that way...so in other words what you do will be productive then what you dont do... stay strong and keep reminding them of the reward of giving up something for the sake of allah.

also, you need to reassure your children and try your best to help them though this not only emotionally but spiritually as well...tell them that Allah gives and takes and all the rest of it.

 

[KittenLover]

I feel for you, but you found out cos Allah wanted you to find out, if he wanted he could've kept it hidden from the two of you but he never. so maybe this is a test for the two of you.

Indeed we are all tested in this life with hardships, some of us bear tougher hardships than others, but the tougher the test, the greater the reward.

who knows the future and why things happen, for they happen for a purpose, look at the story of Musa when he was with that man and the man did actions that musa thought were unfair but after Musa learnt the wisdom behind them.

 

[sevgi]

Ok, my mum did some research and unfortunately he is your brother. But, she said she has heard sheiks saying that if you married the person without knowing and you now have children, it is ok to remain married.

She isnt sure and said you have to speak to as many sheiks etc and get as many opinions as you can on this.

 

[CosmicPathos]

Ok, my mum did some research and unfortunately he is your brother. But, she said she has heard sheiks saying that if you married the person without knowing and you now have children, it is ok to remain married.

She isnt sure and said you have to speak to as many sheiks etc and get as many opinions as you can on this.

That sounds fine and all that. But if one believes in what Allah said, how can one remain as a spouse with her brother? Does not sound too good.

 

[zakirs]

I am very sorry sister for what you are going through.I am not wise enough to suggest you. You are much wiser and elder than me.But i hope you go through this test.May Allah be with you all through the test

 

[touba]

Assalam Alaikum wa rahamatullah wa barakatuh,

I was a happily married woman for the many years, but my marriage has been nullified.

I was brought up in a Muslim nation-(then)North Yemen but now live in the West, I and my husband, indeed all our family, are practicing Muslims.

My mother passed away right after I was born,common in Yemen then, so I was suckled by a wetnurse for some time.

My family migrated from Yemen many decades back, my father arranged my marriage with my husband when I was 19, he was 23. We fell in love after marriage & have 5 children-3 daughters & 2 sons.

Recently we went to Yemen, my husband met his entire family & his wetnurse(my husband's family is very wealthy, & wealthy North Yemeni families then kept wetnurses).

She was chatting with us, when I told her my father's name & my birthplace, she realised that she's also my wetnurse.

Now according to Prophet Muhammad's(pbuh) words, we should be divorced.

Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 48, Number 828:
Narrated 'Uqba bin Al-Harith:

I married a woman and later on a woman came and said, "I suckled you both." So, I went to the Prophet (to ask him about it). He said, "How can you (keep her as a wife) when it has been said (that you were foster brother and sister)? Leave (divorce) her.

I love my husband very much & I didn't want to divorce him, neither did he, our children too would be shattered if we divorced, also my son is marrying a very nice British girl who reverted to Islam after seeing how beautiful Islamic families & the Prophet's sunnah are(her parents are divorced), I didn't want to face a divorce for all these reasons.

I feel that this doesn't matter, then I find it blasphemous, as Prophet Muhammad(pbuh) clearly mandated a divorce.

I have spoken to one British Sheikh & another Sheikh online, both say that we are divorced.

They said that, the marriage would be nullified if we were suckled more than 5 full times each, & we've been suckled many more times than that, I for two years & my husband for nearly three years.

Jazakillah khair.

Sister I really feel how your pain is but please thats not a small thing and you should contact a famous scholar because there is a 5 children there they will break up and they will have complexcity in the future even now to know that their papa and mama are brother and sister and they will really face serious problems especially in the society think good and make sure everything will be safe again ask a famous scholar please , Allah SWT will help you INSHALLAH AMEEN

 

[Muslim Woman]

I do not know about other madhabs.

sis , I am really sorry . But how come , after so many years , family members still recognise a wet nurse ? Also , a professional remembers all the names by whom she was hired ??


PL. make sure that there is no mistake about the matter. Till then , stay away from ur husband .


Lesson to learn from other Muslims to be very careful about this issue.

Anyway , what other madhabs say about this ?

 

[Banu_Hashim]

imsad


I cannot express my sadness enough for you. My sister in Islam, I sincerely hope you find the strength to move on and be a strong mother for your children. I will inshaAllah make du'aa for you that Allah (azza wa jal) makes this time easy for you and rewards you for listening to his commands and the commands of his Messenger (sallalAllahu alayhi was sallam) in this life and in the hereafter. Ameen, Thumma Ameen.

As said, please speak to as many scholars as possible and explain your situation in it's entirety. There may be an exceptional circumstances case, Allahu Alim. Speak to an Islamic judge (Qaadhi) preferably.

Once again you are in our du'aas inshaAllah. Keep strong!

Fee Amaanillah.

 

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum sister Mayson,

I forwarded your post to Shaykh Al-Amry and received the following reply:

Wa alaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah wa barakaatuh

If what the lady said is correct and the number of times of breastfeeding were at least five ;then, they can not stay together and their marriage is nullified because her husband is her brother now and she is his sister. And this is a test for them , but , their children are legitimate . And if they carry on living toghether as husband and wife this will be an incest.

Wassalaam alaikum wa rahmatullaah wa barakaatuh

I don't at all doubt the Shaykh's knowledge and I'm sure if there was any concession due to various circumstances he would have knowledge of it.

I pray from the depths of my heart that Allah gives you both the strength and patience to pass this test. Every single human being is tried. This is your and your husband's trial my dear sis Allah blessed you with many many happy years of marriage, children and love. Now is your test. Just as Ibrahim (as) was tried after being given a son. My dear sis, life is but a few years. Bow your heads in patience to the will of Allah and ask your children to do the same. InshaAllah bearing this pain with patience will unite you both as in the here-after as husband and wife forever. Ameen

 

[syilla]

subhanallah... may Allah make it easy for you ukhtee. just remember you are always in our dua. just be patient ukhtee..just remember how prophet ibrahim and prophet ismail was tested