My sister is BAD

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That's why I support smooth beating the children on their butts by the parents (I dont know the english word). The state, police or whatever shouldn't have right to mess up in family issues, if they do that brings my big anger. Of course I dont say that parents should have right to beat their children, but punishments on kids' butt sometimes is the only way to straight him/her on the right path.

Blackpool, maybe Your sister is in some subculture? Emo, rap or something.
 
Amadeus85 said:
That's why I support smooth beating the children on their butts by the parents (I dont know the english word). The state, police or whatever shouldn't have right to mess up in family issues, if they do that brings my big anger. Of course I dont say that parents should have right to beat their children, but punishments on kids' butt sometimes is the only way to straight him/her on the right path.

Blackpool, maybe Your sister is in some subculture? Emo, rap or something.
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Here comes the pole!

what kinda movie have u been watching mate one with chuck norris in it?
 
It is very sad to hear that. I can't imagine what your parents must be going through right now.

When i was at school, my friend did exactly the same. I think she resort to social services afterwards.
You should not lock her up because currently she thinks you are her biggest enemy. She feels the need to fight you. Tell her the consequences, the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and loose morals.When she crosses the line, there has to be a consequence. There always is.

My friend made her mother very angery and afterwards no matter how hard she tried she never recieved the same love as she did before.
 
Blackpool said:
I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.
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It's not about being strict, it's about setting the boundaries and extending the consequences from the begining.
 
i feel sorry for your parents. there certainly does need to be stricter rules implemented concerning the authority of parents.

is there some kind of restraining order or something along you can get against the people she hangs around with. dont the authorities do some kind of investigating of claims before they decide who isnt allowed to discipline their children? that is seriously wrong. and isnt 15 years considered underage :?

have you tried speaking to her? i think kids relate to their siblings better then to their parents.

I dread having children and because of my sister I may become VERY strict with my child in fear of this sort of behaviour.
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you being VERY strict with your kids may also have the same affects as your sister your kids will hate you if you are too strict and wont take you seriously if you are too soft. its about being moderate and having a good authority (ie law) to back you up.
 
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there was a series on bbc last month called 'world strictest parents' on out of control teenagers being sent to countries around the world for this reason.
anyway the problem with the uk is that parents cant 'discipline' their kids without that threat of 'calling child care' when there is a difference between disciplining and abuse.

i know theyve tried some punishments but how about an extreme form of those punishment? like if shes not in the home by 11 at night lock the doors,let her stay out and in the freezing cold/ if shes not home to eat at a certain time, dont feed her the food

i know these may sound cruel but it sounds like shes at a point where she needs to know the reality of what her parents are doing for her and how blessed she is to have parents
 
Hello,

First of all I wanted to say the best of luck to you and your parents. I know you are in a difficult situtation right now. Went through the same thing with my little sister (19).
You kinda feel responsible for everything because your the oldest and your parents kinda expect it from u?? I did anyway. Just wanted to say you can only do your best, you are no miracle worker. :)

I agree with some of the members here. She won't listen to your parents. This is a difficult age, the age where they rebel and search for boundaries. These boundaries sometimes conflict with their own goals.
The key word in this situation is COMPROMISE. Tell your parents they shouldnt say no to everything she wants. That way she will feel there is no gain for her in obeying your parents. Their has to be some sort of win-win situation. Like for instance she wants to go to some party. In this case your parents could agree only when she accepts the conditions. The conditions could be 1. you or one of your parents drive her there to make sure she gets there in one piece and pick her up to make sure she leaves in one piece. 2. Curfew..dunno how its spelled. Like for instance the party is on weekends from 9 pm to 2 am. They could say she's gonna be picked up 11.30. This is an example of a good compromise. Without exepting these conditions shes not allowed to go. That way she will have the choice. Obey and go to a party. Or disagree and stay home.
To inform her about the use of alcohol and drugs and stuff you could take her to a rehabcentre. Just to talk to an addict there about the consequences this stuff had in their lives. Maybe a good conversation will open up her eyes. She needs to see where she is going with her behaviour and needs to make a choice for herself not become that kinda person and act on that.

I believe beating children is not a good thing to do in this situation. Whatever loyalty they have to the parents dies out. Without this loyalty they will feel no guilt when their doing something bad. And guilt is the brake on the vehicle called puberty. In this situation it is important to talk to your sister. Find out why she's acting this way. It seems like she is running away from something. Maybe something happened in the past between her and your parents?? There is something she finds in her group of friends that she lacks at home. It is important for you to be there for her. I can imagine she feels alone right now though she lives in a house full of people. Just because no one understands her.
Chores and taking away TV and such won't help I think. This way she will have even more time to think about what she will do next and how she's gonna get there. The change has to come from within. No punishment is gonna stop her. Her motivation to go out and do stuff is to big.

Finally I want to advise you to take care of the little ones as well. My little sister (12) had a lot of emotional stuff to take because of the 'warzone' at home. I noticed when my parents and my sister had a fight she would lock herself in her room and curle up in bed crying from all that. On other days she would just sleep at my aunts to get away from the situation at home. When you notice they are more quite then usual you know somethings up. In this situation its best to just talk to them and take them out to do fun stuff. Though this is between your parents and your sister, this effects them as well. Its even worse since the are so little.

You have some work cut out for you. U hang in there. This is a difficult thing to solve but not impossible. I was able to win my sisters trust after a while eventough I was the "goody two shoes" and she was seen as the black sheep of the family. She hated me for that. I had to fix our relationship first before I could talk to her in a normal way. Guess you have a headstart now. :) Now my sister and I get along well. Her behaviour is good, doesnt go out that much. Just busy with school and work now. And we never did get along well as we do now.

Take care and good luck
 
15-year-old girls are generally a horror. If your other sister escaped the worst of it, she's lucky.

She will make her mistakes. All your family can hope is to keep her alive, not pregnant, in school, and not addicted to drugs or alcohol (of course revealing those concerns is almost asking to have them realized).

Then in her 20's maybe something will begin to dawn on her. Then you'll have a chance to win her back.

Maybe I'm too jaded, but I've seen a bad case of this. The costs can be permanent, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
 
Blackpool said:
Previously my 15 yr old sister has rebelled against my parents and whenever my parents slapped her arse she went to school telling her teachers my parents were BEATING her. They then called in the social services. My parents are now afraid to touch her as they have a 6 and a 7yr old son and daughter. They're afraid of the social services taking them away. My 15 yr old sister has clicked onto this. One minute she's lovey dovey, the next she's the biggest brat you could meet. The law SUCKS.

Yesterday my parents let my 15 yr old sister out at 2pm to band practice with her mates, she has yet to return home and it's 11:30am the following day. She has done this once or twice before but not THIS bad. She is now on the missing person's list and my dad has to go to the police station to hand in a photo. With me it's getting a bit like "the boy who cried wolf" but I hope she's ok. If she was mine and she walked through my door now I'd absolutely leather her..! I expect that she's been to some house party, went to bed late and will return home this afternoon. Let that be the case.
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thats y i want to live in saudi and not the west! you can't disipline your kids at all if there doing wrong i personally don't believe on hitting the child but still i be afraid theyd accuse of doing something because of so much influence ive heard loads of stories mainly from u.k dont know what way the asian families are raising there kids there. may Allah guide them
 
I do feel children do need protecting and in some ways the social services are good. I know many middle age people that were beaten badly as a child. Even my mum had boiling hot water poured over her by her mother as a child for backchatting which my mum has never forgiven my nan for. My dad was encouraged by his dad to fight his brother even to the point where they were both dripping blood. This is where the social services would have benefited but a smack on the arse should be allowed.
My parents have put my other 2 little sister and brother into martial arts (Thaikwondo,) which they love, to instill discipline into them. I'm hoping it works.
 
Blackpool said:
Previously my 15 yr old sister has rebelled against my parents and whenever my parents slapped her arse she went to school telling her teachers my parents were BEATING her. They then called in the social services. My parents are now afraid to touch her as they have a 6 and a 7yr old son and daughter. They're afraid of the social services taking them away. My 15 yr old sister has clicked onto this. One minute she's lovey dovey, the next she's the biggest brat you could meet. The law SUCKS.

Yesterday my parents let my 15 yr old sister out at 2pm to band practice with her mates, she has yet to return home and it's 11:30am the following day. She has done this once or twice before but not THIS bad. She is now on the missing person's list and my dad has to go to the police station to hand in a photo. With me it's getting a bit like "the boy who cried wolf" but I hope she's ok. If she was mine and she walked through my door now I'd absolutely leather her..! I expect that she's been to some house party, went to bed late and will return home this afternoon. Let that be the case.
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!! :sl:
Have you perhaps tried making her listen to Islamic lectures/speeches. And by 'making her', all I mean is to play the video/audio while she is in the room, so that she may hear the words. MashAllah nowadays there are so many shaikhs or ulamahs who deliver words in a manner that pertains to the youth. That way, it would be more interesting for her to listen to. I have some experience with your problem. My brother used to have some very bad friends, and they were influential towards him. So, instead of banning him completely from leaving the house my mother would make him listen to *a ton* of lectures. Alhamdulilah, although it took some time, he is more storng in his iman and understands that Muslims don't live the Western style of life. He now even speaks about Islam when with his friends.

I have no doubt that your sister can change InshAllah, with the right compassionate words. I am also very appreciative of your efforts to come onto the IslamicBoard and share your story- that means you love your sister and want the best for her. InshAllah I'll pray for her as well. I know it's very hurtful and heart-wrenching to watch your sibling go through something you can't help them with.

:wa:
 
I also forgot to mention- she'll also become more appreciative in your parent's struggle to raise her her right way. Sometimes kids don't realize how parents work very hard in order to pass good values and morales. I think when she truly understands that she will seem more humble towards them :-)
 
y dont u take her out of these country!?just tell her u are all going for a holiday n then live her there in a muslim girls boarding school.the british law about raising children makes some parents forget the tawaqal to Allah.just play smart dont hit her,bt dont give her poctet money,i dont know just suggestions.
 
mammyluty said:
y dont u take her out of these country!?just tell her u are all going for a holiday n then live her there in a muslim girls boarding school.the british law about raising children makes some parents forget the tawaqal to Allah.just play smart dont hit her,bt dont give her poctet money,i dont know just suggestions.
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Nah I dont agree with u there sister. Thats means Blackpool has to lie to his sister. Theres not a worse thing to ruin a relationship of ANY sort than with lies and deception. If I had an older brother and he would say we are taking a holiday and then he would drop me off in some country at a boarding school with strangers I wouldnt forgive him as long as i live. It makes u feel unwanted in the most extreme way. You should be careful with your advice sister.

Salaam
 
Thanks for the advice folks. I can't respond to everyone of you because there's soooooooooooo many but I have read every single one of them. Heck, I wouldn't even mind her being muslim as long as she sorted herself and her future out and that really is saying something coming from a Catholic background :skeleton:
 
She is just having an excess of hormones. We all have one time been rebelleous!!! Just give her time while explaining her. There is something called Peer Pressure...

Hopefully she is still a virgin and will one day come to understand how much on parent work hard for us.
 

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