Here are some places to visit in America:
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Washington, D.C. Despite there seeming to be relatively few places to eat that are not Au Bon Pains (you know, that place where they sell you French bread and Orangina), you're very near both Colonial Williamsburg and the local Six Flags, which has Apollo's Chariot, the most exhilarating, fun roller coaster in the world. (Unfortunate for the people of Six Flags that Apollo's Chariot is well known only for being the place wherein Fabio's face was struck with a goose. Please: don't let that deter you. It's awesome.) Most of the tourist attractions are on the relatively crime-free side of town.
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Palm Springs, California. Yeah, there's a sandstorm about once a day, but the place is very beautiful and serene (then again, I like deserts), and Palm Desert Resort is the best hotel I've ever been in.
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Santa Fe, New Mexico. Nothing much to see here, just go for the dishes at the Hotel Santa Fe. You'll be hard pressed to find a better restaurant anywhere. Yes, it would be worth an entire trip.
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Panama City, Florida. Home of Shell Island, the most gorgeous place I've ever seen. No picture can do it justice but
here you go.
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Telluride, Colorado. A very quaint little town, apparently
still in the Old West, nestled peacefully into the heights of the mountains. Also the home of the Telluride Film Festival.
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Oahu, Hawaii. I hesitate to recommend it because the roads are crazily lethal, but as long as you stay off H1 and H2 (in fact, off the highways altogether if you can avoid it), you should be all right. Very beautiful, very pleasant weather. Try snorkeling with the dolphins and sea turtles at Paradise Cove.
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New York City. Lots of places to visit, lots of shows to see. The Guinness world record keepers have a museum in the basement of the Empire State Building. Don’t wear bright colors or the people there will see you as a “Clevelander” (i.e. outsider) and mug you. Then again, they’ll probably mug you anyway.
Here are some places to avoid:
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Tahlequah, Oklahoma. The place has a
seriously bad vibe to it.
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Most of Pennsylvania, which is just one cornfield after another after another.
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Hoboken, New Jersey. Or as I prefer to call it, Mordor.
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Arkansas. The only place in Arkansas worth visiting is the Ozarks, and the roads there are too treacherous for it to really be worth it. Well, all right, there’s Lake Hamilton, but unless you’re a real lake buff (and I don’t even know if they have those) I don’t think you’ll care. If you absolutely must visit Arkansas, just drive in, have some the best hamburgers in the world (we got ‘em), and drive back out. I should know; I’ve lived here for about twenty years.
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