Would You marry a muslimah such as.....

[Who Am I?]

That's why I give all my love only to my wife. The past has becomes someone else wife.

This reminds me of an old song that I used to sing to myself about myself.

"To all of the girls I've loved in life, who now are someone else's wife."

 

[Futuwwa]

Oh, wait. I came to think of something. There's a story from the time of Caliph Omar ibn al-Khattab. He was approached by a man whose daughter had committed zina, but since then repented dearly, even been depressed to the point of attempting suicide. The girl had since then become very pious. She had started getting courted by suitors. The father was wondering, should he tell about her sin to any man who asks for her hand in marriage? He thought, do they have a right to know what they get? Omar answered "If she has repented and her sin is not widely known, then Allah has seen fit to hide it. You should not have told me. If you tell anyone about it, I will convict and punish you for slandering a chaste woman."

No, I don't have a reference for that. I just heard it during friday prayers at the mosque.

 

[Futuwwa]

Though, sister flowergarden, if I were you I would tell him. You are hurting, and you need healing. If you hide your feelings and won't let him into you, how can you emotionally connect? If you are unhappy and he doesn't know the reason for it, he might think it has to do with him.

You are within your rights not to tell him anything, but I think you should anyway, for your own good. Frankly, I would expect him to think even better of you afterward. If what you say about yourself is even half-accurate, you are exceptionally pious, your repentance and devotion at improving outweighing your sin many times over. Let him complete your healing, and you will be happily married ever after :statisfie

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Myself, when I meet a new friend, I will tell him all the bad news about me. I let him find out the good news by himself. This way he would have some pleasant surprises as our friendship progresses. If I had told him all the good news about myself and he later found out the bad news about me, the surprises would have be unpleasant. Wouldn't it? WaLLahu aklam.

 

[noorseeker]

This thread is 9 pages long :hmm:

 

[flowergarden]

The first food that made by my wife was instant pudding, and she failed in her first attempt !. No wonder, her family was spoiling her and she never made any food before. Then she made again, succeed, and she brought that pudding to me when I was hospitalized because typhus. It's was happened before I married her, and actually she made that pudding as her attempt to regain her White Knight.

I appreciated it, and then she started to learn cooking seriously. I still remember, in the first months of our marriage, she often asked me what food that I want to eat ?. And she tried to make that food. Until now, except when she need a rest she always cook for our family.

Unfortunately, many women are understand yet, meaning of cooking for the husbands is more than only feed them, but this is a kind of dedication from the wives to the husbands. Cook for the husbands is something that can make the husbands always love their wives.

So sister, if you have a good intention to cook for your husband, you don't need to be worry about your future husband.

May Allah give you a good pious man as your husband. Ameen.

Jazak Allah khair. Yes my intentions are right. Alhamdullah. InshAllah, your a great help and may Allah always be with you and His blessing upon you! It means alot that you take the time to help me.
It means a lot to me that everyone is helping me. JazakAllah Khair. May Allah always bless you brothers and sisters.

Here's a somewhat off-beat viewpoint regarding wives cooking for their husbands.

Let's face it. How many times do you make love a day? Maybe three times a day when you are young but definitely as time goes by, the frequency drops, maybe even to just once a month.

How many times do you eat a day? Maybe three times a day. And after many years of marriage, does your frequency of eating drop to once a month? No, even after twenty years of marriage, you are still eating, maybe three times a day, or, perhaps, twice a day.

So wives who do not like to cook for their husbands are missing on a great opportunity to contribute to the quality of life of their husbands (and their own, too, for the simple reason that happy husbands are more likely to make their wives happy as well).

Right?

You're right! And to be honest I never thought of it that way. I don't know about the first part of your question, I assume it is right with age! but I know the saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach but I never looked at it in the perspective as you have put it.. Thanks! Marriage is a beautiful thing, and to me to fed my husband when he is hungry instead of him not eating or eatng a nasty frozen food- I would like him to eat a nice plate of warm comforting food! :statisfie

 

[flowergarden]

Assalam Alekum my respected sister.

If you want to be rightly guided,you should consult Quran and Sunnah in this matter.We all are humans,we try to be kind towards our brothers and sisters in Islam but even we dont know our selves as better as Allah SWT can as He SWT is Aalim Al Ghiab.
My dear sister,i did'nt read all the replies but few and i can see that some brothers told you that they can forgive and forget such a thing and will accept a women like you but believe me,they are unable to do that.When Prophet Muhammad SWT,The one whose behavior is Quran and Who was sent down as a blessing, did not trust his beloved wife Ayesha RA for such a slander,then no other man is capable of doing this.We all love our brothers and sister,respect them and try to give them ease,but we are unable to change our nature.This is Men nature that he cannot forgive such a thing in spite of you are still chaste Mashallah and nothing wrong happened to you.
To understand my point correctly,you need to read the "Story of Ifk" in which,our chaste Mother faced a false accusation and which even confused and offend Prophet Muhammad SAW and He SAW did not believe in the chastity of Ayesha RA untill Allah SWT sent down a Ayah in Surah Al-Noor in which Allah SWT testify her chastity and showed His Anger on Mumineen as they did not help Ayesha RA prove it and called it a lie.

(24:12) When you heard of it, why did the believing men and women not think well of their own folk12 and say: "This is a manifest calumny?"13
If you are unaware of this story,you should read this.

http://qaazi.wordpress.com/2008/08/2...ry-of-the-ifk/

No matter what happened to you and about the sin you commit,this is a matter between you and Allah SWT only.Ask his forgiveness and he will forgive you no matter how great your sin is.But this is your responsibility to not open your private matters before people which Allah SWT hide by His Mercy other wise you will regret.Always remember that if you have your secret between you and Allah SWT only,you are the slave of Allah SWT only,but if you open it before anyone,you will become the slave of that person.
Never ever say this to anyone,not even before your Parents and your siblings.There is no sin not informing your future husband of what has done but it will be a huge mistake.As you said all that here to take advice,as a sister i advice you to deactivate this id after having your answer and do not give people your personal information.Id you wanna stay here,create another id.Always remeber that we all are humans after all and we might leak your secret.Love people,respect them but never share your secret with anyone.People forgive but they never forget and whenever Sheytan occupy then,they hurt others with their speeches and their acts.
Always remember that we all are sinner,but the worst sinner is he who open something that was hide by Allah SWT.Ask Allah to forgive you and He The Most Merciful will forgive you no matter how great your sin is.Ask him to help you and He SWT will help you like no other can.So put your trust in Allah SWT,offer Istikhara prayer to ask Him what to do next.If you have a proposal,He SWT will guide you whether he is ok for you or not.Trust Him Almighty and go with the divine guidance.Again never ever say all this before anyone in spite of you are blessed and rescued but keep it hidden always.

This is the best advise i can give you as this is according to Quran and SUnnah.May Allah SWT protect you from all bad people and bad deeds and guide you the best way and help you and never leave you alone.Amen.

Salaam Wa Alaikum sister, Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my concerns. I understand what you are saying, and you're right but I came here for somewhat comfort and Alhmadullah I have got it.

i can see that some brothers told you that they can forgive and forget such a thing and will accept a women like you ood girlbut believe me,they are unable to do that.When Prophet Muhammad SWT,

And that is what I worry about... I know I didn't do anything wrong, I just went through really something very hard and it effected me... But I just worry about not being blessed with a man, a good pious man. I am a good girl and Alhamdullah I don't think I would be as religious today had it not been for my past... so in a way it truly help me see the beauty of Islam, and the light!

You're right and very wise and I thank you for you help and your wise advice to me... I truly thank you sister! May Allah bless you and always protect you. JazakAllah Khair for you help

 

[flowergarden]

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't care. If you choose to tell your future husband and he doesn't care, then more power to him. I firmly believe what is in the past, stays in the past.

I
am slowly seeing the past should stay in the past. This thread is really helping me heal, and teaching me a lot about stories of Islam! JazakAllah Khair

The way I see it, Islam is full of guidelines on how to start all over again. And again. Forgiveness is a major theme in Islam. The only caveat is that we must be sincere in wanting to seek Allah's grace and forgiveness. And if we should ever relapse, we should not collapse in despair. Allah loves us without limit and without end. WaLLahu aklam.

Very true, I feel that had my past been different, I would be in guide of Islam... nor would I be as faithful Alhamdullah I am so faithful to Allah and fear Him and seek his forgiveness!

But I don't think my husband will be told of the past, I don't think he needs to know- maybe just the rape, but with the depression and the fall, I think I may keep it between Allah and I.

Sometimes saying the bad news first the person is turned off and doesn't want to know the good news in you! people can be very closed off...

 

[flowergarden]

This thread is 9 pages long

yes 9 beautiful pages to help me!

 

[Futuwwa]

yes 9 beautiful pages to help me!

And let's make it ten :statisfie Everyone pile in and quote this!

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

And let's make it ten Everyone pile in and quote this!

:-\...................................

 

[aadil77]

This reminds me of an old song that I used to sing to myself about myself.

"To all of the girls I've loved in life, who now are someone else's wife."

man that is some depressing song ;D

 

[ardianto]

This reminds me of an old song that I used to sing to myself about myself.

"To all of the girls I've loved in life, who now are someone else's wife."

The singer : I'll sing this song for all of the girls I've loved in my life !

Audiences : We know you loved them. But did they ever love you ?

 

[Who Am I?]

The singer : I'll sing this song for all of the girls I've loved in my life !

Audiences : We know you loved them. But did they ever love you ?

Well it's a bit of an exaggeration really, because I can honestly say that I have never been in love.

I don't know why women don't like me, I just know that they don't, and I realize that I must change myself if I am to change anything. Would I like to find a partner? Well yeah, I would, but I also realize that it may not happen, and I am becoming OK with that.

That's what it's really about ultimately, it's about me becoming OK with myself. I can live with being single for the rest of my life if I can get to a point where I love myself. Am I there yet? No, I'm not. But I'm trying to get there.

Sister flowergarden, that's where you need to be, dear. You need to become OK with yourself. Don't define yourself by what happened to you in your past. That's dead now. It's about who you are now, today, in this moment. That's what matters now.

You have to ask yourself: are you OK with who you are today? If you can honestly answer that question with a "Yes" then you've taken your first step toward a long and happy life.

 

[ardianto]

Well it's a bit of an exaggeration really, because I can honestly say that I have never been in love.

I don't know why women don't like me, I just know that they don't, and I realize that I must change myself if I am to change anything. Would I like to find a partner? Well yeah, I would, but I also realize that it may not happen, and I am becoming OK with that.

That's what it's really about ultimately, it's about me becoming OK with myself. I can live with being single for the rest of my life if I can get to a point where I love myself. Am I there yet? No, I'm not. But I'm trying to get there.

Oh bro, that's not to insinuate you. I just remember the joke in high school.
"She is my love !"
"Yeah I know you love her, but does she loves you ?"

Don't under estimate yourself and assume no one would loves you. Remember, every man has a woman who loves him (oh, no, this is John and Yoko's song)

 

[Riana17]

Good ! :thumbs_up

The first food that made by my wife was instant pudding, and she failed in her first attempt !. No wonder, her family was spoiling her and she never made any food before. Then she made again, succeed, and she brought that pudding to me when I was hospitalized because typhus. It's was happened before I married her, and actually she made that pudding as her attempt to regain her White Knight.

I appreciated it, and then she started to learn cooking seriously. I still remember, in the first months of our marriage, she often asked me what food that I want to eat ?. And she tried to make that food. Until now, except when she need a rest she always cook for our family.

Unfortunately, many women are understand yet, meaning of cooking for the husbands is more than only feed them, but this is a kind of dedication from the wives to the husbands. Cook for the husbands is something that can make the husbands always love their wives.

So sister, if you have a good intention to cook for your husband, you don't need to be worry about your future husband.

May Allah give you a good pious man as your husband. Ameen.

SALAM Brother, I hope I can be (like) your wife, I am just lazy and really not confident with my cooking.
I dont know how to inspire myself to cook, I really dont know how to stop myself from being lazy when I reach home

 

[Futuwwa]

Yay, ten pages!

 

[Ghazalah]

Unfortunately, many women are understand yet, meaning of cooking for the husbands is more than only feed them, but this is a kind of dedication from the wives to the husbands. Cook for the husbands is something that can make the husbands always love their wives.

As the old saying goes, "the way to a man heart is through his stomach." I hope my husband's a chef :wub: :giggling:

 

[Who Am I?]

Oh bro, that's not to insinuate you. I just remember the joke in high school.
"She is my love !"
"Yeah I know you love her, but does she loves you ?"

Don't under estimate yourself and assume no one would loves you. Remember, every man has a woman who loves him (oh, no, this is John and Yoko's song)

Well like I said, I have to become a better man. Then I can think about finding a wife. Until then, I remain single. I cannot ask a sister to share the burdens that I have been given. They are mine to bear, for as long as Allah wills that I should bear them.

 

[ardianto]

SALAM Brother, I hope I can be (like) your wife, I am just lazy and really not confident with my cooking.
I dont know how to inspire myself to cook, I really dont know how to stop myself from being lazy when I reach home

Salam sister,

You don't need to cook regularly, but you can make certain days as special days when you cook special food for your husband. Make this cooking as your fun activity. You can get an idea about food and cook from recipes in woman's magazines.

Husbands do not expect their wives become chef. But they very appreciate if their wives cook for them although only once in a week, or even once in a month.

My mommy did not always cook for the family because we always had maids. But she cooked as her fun activity, and she was very happy if we loved what she cooked. However, since a year ago I never ate foods that cooked by my mommy again. She has gone, back to rahmatullah.