Frustrations in getting married

[Who Am I?]

I would say every woman should be like this, no?

Nobody is perfect, she should understand that when getting married, people are always changing, for the better or worse, but in your case it's for the better so that's a plus. In essence, you're not asking for much, but rather asking of what every man should look for in a wife, sabr and a sense of understanding.

So you're saying that I am completely unremarkable and not at all special?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry... ;D

 

[peace_maker]

salam
i think the reason that some people are not married is because of wealth because in my p.o.v girls and women love to be stylish and love to spend money however money doesnt grow on trees

Why does everybody keep saying that? I know "some" women love shopping and are fashionable. But so are MEN. There are also men of such kind, not only women in this world are extravagant. And I don't think this is even a reason to stay unmarried. Where there is a negative, there's always a positive. It all depends upon your intention.

 

[ardianto]

salam
i think the reason that some people are not married is because of wealth because in my p.o.v girls and women love to be stylish and love to spend money however money doesnt grow on trees

On a sunday noon. Whe my wife started her new life as Hijabi.

She was trying her hijab in our room. Then she asked me
"Do I look beautiful if I wear hijab and Muslimah dress?"
"Yes, you look beautiful" I replied.
She smile and asked me again "Do you want me always look beautiful?"

I just smile and didn't say anything because I knew what was in her mind. So, in the afternoon we and our kids went to a Muslimah clothes store.

Next sunday. We were in our high school reunion. I was gathered with males and my wife gathered with females in another side. One of those females is a Muslimah dress designer who carried her clothing merchandise. Then this designer shouted at me
"Hey! your wife want to buy some dresses!"
I shouted back to her "Give her all that she wants!, and send the bill to me!"

My male friends heard it, and they told me
"Hey, hey, you are really love your wife"
I just smile.

All those who have seen my wife would say, my wife is a beautiful woman. And just like other beautiful women, she also stylish, fashionable, and love shopping. She always wants to look beautiful because she knows, I am glad to see she's beautiful. Look beautiful is a way to please the husband. So, if my wife wants to please me, why must I forbid her?.

I know, money doesn't grow on trees, my wife knows it too. That's why she's only shop when I have enough money. But if I have money, why not?

Perhaps other women husbands would be angry if their wives love to shop, but I do not. Yes, I have spent much money for her. And every time I pay for goods that have been spent on my wife so she always looks beautiful, I always get something priceless, ... proud as a husband.

:happy:

 

[Riana17]

Yay I am so lucky again, I could shop till I drop
In this country there is nothing to see except malls, twice a year they will have till 90% less
Like recently Reebok had sale and average shoes cost only 12$ yay!
Clothes starts 2-5$, isnt that sweet?

And we have huge market for everything starts 1$
so I can shop till I drop and alhamdollellah my Husband never stop me

Although I love clothing (the only thing I like, its true woman feels so good when she likes her dress )
I never keep things I dont like anymore, I give up anything I dont want instead of keeping them useless in closet.
Alhamdollellah

 

[Salahudeen]

Why does everybody keep saying that? I know "some" women love shopping and are fashionable. But so are MEN. There are also men of such kind, not only women in this world are extravagant. And I don't think this is even a reason to stay unmarried. Where there is a negative, there's always a positive. It all depends upon your intention.

I think its to due to our experience with the opposite gender when it comes to finding a partner. I've only met 2 women in my search for a partner who did not place a great deal of emphasis on job or wealth. I'd rather stay poor and single instead of rich and married with a woman who is with me for my job/salary. :hmm: If I was rich, I'd act/live poor whenever I came across a potential spouse, to fish all the gold diggers out.

 

[ardianto]

I think its to due to our experience with the opposite gender when it comes to finding a partner. I've only met 2 women in my search for a partner who did not place a great deal of emphasis on job or wealth. I'd rather stay poor and single instead of rich and married with a woman who is with me for my job/salary.

If I live near you and I know you, I will go to families who have daughters who want to get married. I will tell them "Salahudden is not a rich man, his salary is not big. It's because he's a new worker. But he is a good man, a hard worker, and InshaAllah, he can be success in the future".

If they say "No, we want a rich man". I will leave them and go to another family until I find a family that say "Okay". Then I will introduce you to them.

Unfortunatelly I am not living near you and do not know who you are. But, can you find a 'matchmaker' who can do like I will do?. Use an active matchmaker can be very effective.

 

[peace_maker]

I think its to due to our experience with the opposite gender when it comes to finding a partner. I've only met 2 women in my search for a partner who did not place a great deal of emphasis on job or wealth. I'd rather stay poor and single instead of rich and married with a woman who is with me for my job/salary. :hmm: If I was rich, I'd act/live poor whenever I came across a potential spouse, to fish all the gold diggers out.

Well then, you must be looking in the wrong place. :skeleton: You look in matrimonial websites? For some reason, when one starts browsing through online profiles, it makes us wonder if all the good guys are no more. But, hey let's not give up hope.

 

[Salahudeen]

Well then, you must be looking in the wrong place. :skeleton: You look in matrimonial websites? For some reason, when one starts browsing through online profiles, it makes us wonder if all the good guys are no more. But, hey let's not give up hope.

Yeah, I didn't like it though, people had big bullet point lists, like they were shopping for a product it made me feel +o( has to be this, has to be that, has to have this, must be able to make me laugh at will, must be able to do house work, must be able to cook, must be fit and healthy, must be confident, must be able to support me, must be able to take me on yearly holidays bla bla bla which world are you living is what came to mind most of the time :hmm:

You read their profiles and see all the expectations and get put off. Even with the religious sisters, it was like "must read this much qur'an every day" "must be hafidh" "must have more knowledge than me" "must attend gatherings of knowledge very week" it's as if they want a loaded scholar :hmm:

I mean I was like that at one point in my life, but that was when I was 18-21 then I woke up and realized that your never going to find all those things in one person so now I just take everyone as an individual with good points and bad points, they don't have to meet any criteria, whatever they are able to cope with is enough for me.

before people attack me and say not all sisters are like this I know that, but the one's I've come across are sadly.

 

[Who Am I?]

That's it, we're getting brother Salahudeen married. This is now the goal of IB. I'll put bro ardianto in charge of the committee. I'm coming over to the UK to get bro Sal and we'll be off to Indonesia to find him a wife.

On a side note, why is this thread always at the top of the "New Threads" list. That big green icon is taunting me, man. I can just see it laughing at me...

er... no, I mean, let's get Bro Salahudeen married. That's all I wanted to say, yeah.

 

[Salahudeen]

That's it, we're getting brother Salahudeen married. This is now the goal of IB. I'll put bro ardianto in charge of the committee. I'm coming over to the UK to get bro Sal and we'll be off to Indonesia to find him a wife.

On a side note, why is this thread always at the top of the "New Threads" list. That big green icon is taunting me, man. I can just see it laughing at me...

er... no, I mean, let's get Bro Salahudeen married. That's all I wanted to say, yeah.

;D ignore my rants!! they're the result of frustration.

 

[Who Am I?]

;D ignore my rants!! they're the result of frustration.

Dude, you're talking to a champion ranter here. First team All-State 15 years in a row... ;D

 

[Txyib]

salaam brother salaahudeem
i was wondering if you was into online islamic dating sites like muslim marriage or something that way you can talk to the person online and you can video call them which can all be done in your comfort
wasalam

 

[Who Am I?]

I did have a profile on SingleMuslim for a short time. I removed it when I realized that I was not ready for marriage at the time. It didn't seem right to be corresponding with sisters when I already knew that I was not ready for marriage.

 

[aadil77]

Yeah, I didn't like it though, people had big bullet point lists, like they were shopping for a product it made me feel +o( has to be this, has to be that, has to have this, must be able to make me laugh at will, must be able to do house work, must be able to cook, must be fit and healthy, must be confident, must be able to support me, must be able to take me on yearly holidays bla bla bla which world are you living is what came to mind most of the time :hmm:

You read their profiles and see all the expectations and get put off. Even with the religious sisters, it was like "must read this much qur'an every day" "must be hafidh" "must have more knowledge than me" "must attend gatherings of knowledge very week" it's as if they want a loaded scholar :hmm:

I mean I was like that at one point in my life, but that was when I was 18-21 then I woke up and realized that your never going to find all those things in one person so now I just take everyone as an individual with good points and bad points, they don't have to meet any criteria, whatever they are able to cope with is enough for me.

before people attack me and say not all sisters are like this I know that, but the one's I've come across are sadly.

sounds worse than applying for a job

I just hope the perfect wife comes knocking on my door one day, no hassle

 

[ardianto]

I just hope the perfect wife comes knocking on my door one day, no hassle

Wake up! wake up!. The time for salah subh has come!

What you hope will happen only in your dream, not in the real world.

There's no perfect wife, there's no perfect woman. There's no perfect husband, there's no perfect man. Nobody perfect. So, you must able to accept your wife disadvantages besides her advantages. Also, as a male, you are not in position that wait behind the door, but in position that knock the door.

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Yeah, I didn't like it though, people had big bullet point lists, like they were shopping for a product it made me feel +o( has to be this, has to be that, has to have this, must be able to make me laugh at will, must be able to do house work, must be able to cook, must be fit and healthy, must be confident, must be able to support me, must be able to take me on yearly holidays bla bla bla which world are you living is what came to mind most of the time :hmm:

You read their profiles and see all the expectations and get put off. Even with the religious sisters, it was like "must read this much qur'an every day" "must be hafidh" "must have more knowledge than me" "must attend gatherings of knowledge very week" it's as if they want a loaded scholar :hmm:

I mean I was like that at one point in my life, but that was when I was 18-21 then I woke up and realized that your never going to find all those things in one person so now I just take everyone as an individual with good points and bad points, they don't have to meet any criteria, whatever they are able to cope with is enough for me.

before people attack me and say not all sisters are like this I know that, but the one's I've come across are sadly.

It seem as though, you don’t like it when sisters have preferences but okay with yourself (possibly male?) having preferences as long as my arm.

Let me remind you about several threads you have created, one being “a sister that is able to cook an Asian food”. I can’t remember others because it was so long. Practice what you preach, there too many brothers up in here complaining when they themselves have preferences and unwilling to compromise.

 

[Salahudeen]

It seem as though, you don’t like it when sisters have preferences but okay with yourself (possibly male?) having preferences as long as my arm.

Let me remind you about several threads you have created, one being “a sister that is able to cook an Asian food”. I can’t remember others because it was so long. Practice what you preach, there too many brothers up in here complaining when they themselves have preferences and unwilling to compromise.

Hence I said in the post you quoted, "I was like that at one point in my life" and I only recall 2 threads at most, not several. If you're referring to posts, then yes I did create lots of posts as it was a discussion :hmm: And the thread you're referring to wasn't entitled that either, it was entitled cultural differences or something like that. That is an incorrect quote.

Incase the post you quoted didn't show up fully, here is the rest for you.

I was like that at one point in my life, but that was when I was 18-21 then I woke up and realized that your never going to find all those things in one person so now I just take everyone as an individual with good points and bad points, they don't have to meet any criteria, whatever they are able to cope with is enough for me.

 

[Who Am I?]

Note: the following post can be considered a rant, so read at your own risk. You have been warned...



If you're going to attack bro Sal, you might as well attack me too then. I once posted in another forum in a similar thread on marriage that I preferred a Pakistani/Indian/Arab sister over a convert like myself and I was called a racist for it. I thought that was a bit odd considering it would be reverse racism if anything (you know, since I'm discriminating against the white girls). ;D

Anyway, my point is that having preferences for a certain type of partner does not make you a bad person. In fact, I think it is necessary since we're talking about the person you will be spending the rest of your life with. You better like them, is all I'm saying, because you can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you're stuck with your family, and if you try to pick your family's noses, that says a whole lot of things about you that I don't even want to think about. ;D

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

Hence I said in the post you quoted, "I was like that at one point in my life" and I only recall 2 threads at most, not several. If you're referring to posts, then yes I did create lots of posts as it was a discussion :hmm: And the thread you're referring to wasn't entitled that either, it was entitled cultural differences or something like that. That is an incorrect quote.

Incase the post you quoted didn't show up fully, here is the rest for you.

No it wasn’t a discussion at all. I recall you morning. Secondly, I know the thread wasn’t exactly titled as I quoted. You failed to read the sarcasm between the lines. Thirdly, the thread was fairly recent, not when you were 18 or 21 but at the age of 22. Why are you backtracking? Just admit you were wrong and you recognise you are fairly demanding yourself.

 

[Salahudeen]

No it wasn’t a discussion at all. I recall you morning. Secondly, I know the thread wasn’t exactly titled as I quoted. You failed to read the sarcasm between the lines. Thirdly, the thread was fairly recent, not when you were 18 or 21 but at the age of 22. Why are you backtracking? Just admit you were wrong and you recognise you are fairly demanding yourself.

It was a discussion, there was more than one participant. Was it? my mistake, I should have said when I was between 18 and 22 then. What do you mean back tracking?

Didn't I all ready admit that in the post you quoted when I said the following

I was like that at one point in my life, but that was when I was 18-21 then I woke up and realized that your never going to find all those things in one person so now I just take everyone as an individual with good points and bad points, they don't have to meet any criteria, whatever they are able to cope with is enough for me.

I was fairly demanding in the past, I've never denied that, I acknowledged that in that post you quoted. I also said I realized that it was unrealistic.