husband really upset i dont fast

[batarzyna]

Salam,

We've been married for 11 years, have 3 boys aged 1,7 and 11. We had many ups and downs but this one is one of the worst so far.
I converted 5 years ago. I fasted first 3 ramadhans, then i was pregnant and breastfeeding the following year.
This is the first year i decided to not fast. I know it's wrong, I have my reasons though.

My husband got really upset when I told him. He's been very rude to me, insulted me, called me names. He hasn't spoken to me from the beginning of ramadhan.

Our boys fast on weekends and I encourage them to do so.
When I asked him if he is going to behave like this for the rest of ramadhan, he replied that maybe for the rest of our life.
Kids asked me if we are going to get divorced, this whole situation really upsets them but my husband doesn't care.
He said he would still behave ike that whether i start fasting now or not...

I can't see any solution

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Asalaam

Salam,

We've been married for 11 years, have 3 boys aged 1,7 and 11. We had many ups and downs but this one is one of the worst so far.
I converted 5 years ago. I fasted first 3 ramadhans, then i was pregnant and breastfeeding the following year.
This is the first year i decided to not fast. I know it's wrong, I have my reasons though.

My husband got really upset when I told him. He's been very rude to me, insulted me, called me names. He hasn't spoken to me from the beginning of ramadhan.

Our boys fast on weekends and I encourage them to do so.
When I asked him if he is going to behave like this for the rest of ramadhan, he replied that maybe for the rest of our life.
Kids asked me if we are going to get divorced, this whole situation really upsets them but my husband doesn't care.
He said he would still behave ike that whether i start fasting now or not...

I can't see any solution

Your husband shouldn't be calling you names, but I can understand that he's angry that you're not fasting. Fasting is a pillar of islam and is requirement on all muslims. Unless you are unable to fast due to severe illness, you don't necessarily have an excuse. He has a right to be upset about this because it's important, but perhaps the way he's going about it is not the best. I'm sure if you decide to fast on your own for the sake of Allah, and discuss your personal issues with him, he will forgive you inshallah.

 

[greenhill]

Perhaps you were being stubborn and now he is being stubborn.

You should realise your error.

Then you should also sweetly (never letting the anger or frustration surface, that will be the challenge) say that that is not the way of the prophet (pbuh)... the not forgiving part. Besides, this is the month of ramadan, the month of forgiveness. Everything starts at home. He as the head must embrace it.

It is almost like he is sulking! So, you got to make up to him...


eace:

 

[batarzyna]

I've been realizing more and more recently that my husband is manipulative, and usually makes me do what he wants. Ive been trying to break free from it and he doesnt like it.
I can't mention any religious teachings to him because he believes i have no right to tell him what he should or shouldn't do if i dont follow religion by not fasting. He never admits he is wrong.
Ramadhan is always a nightmare for me as he sleeps till late while i take care of the kids and prepare them for school. He has a nap at work. Comes home before eating time and eats till late night.
He is tired and has no energy.
I can't cope on my own with the kids + fast. If i get up at 5 with the little one, Im normally in bed by 9:30pm... while now we can start eating around this time.
I was so patient with him, talked to him nicely, tried to convince him, but so far nothing works.

 

[batarzyna]

Unfortunately he doesn't understand any of my arguments. He always ignores them. He says Im weak and everyone else can cope but me.

 

[Umm Abed]

Wassalam

So basically it is wrong not to fast and your husband has a duty to see that his family is reading their salah and fasting, it is a duty on him that he needs to see to.

So I will advise you to please not miss out any fast, sister. He will change his attitude once you change.

 

[HindTheRevert]

After reading your explanation, I feel for you. I can see why it´s hard to carry all those responsibilities and feel like youre doing it alone. I think the root cause of all this is that you may be feeling like youre alone in this? and him sensing what its about when you´ve confronted him is trying to avoid any additional responsibilities or changes that your hardship puts on him or maybe he just doesnt notice the affects of his actions. I never think there is only one person at fault. even if an abusive relationship, not that yours is one, I do think there is some blame to be put on the victim for giving up their power. So i like to focus on what WE can do to change the situation.

in any case, your marriage should not take away from your relationship with God. If anything, your relationship with God should be adding to your marriage and wellbeing. So I would reflect on the latest decisions you made of giving up fasting for the sake of having the house in order and maybe give up having the perfect house and routine for the sake of fasting. I think this way, your husband will see how much work you put in your daily life, Having food be ready, taking care of kids, having a clean house...etc Its like that joke that takes the rounds about stay at home moms. Their husbands keep complaining they get to stay at home and take it easy so the wives decide to do just that for a day and they ignore everything related to keeping things in order, they basically sit and read a book all day and let the kids do their own thing. So when the husband comes home, he asks whats happened? as the house is in shambles and the kids are all over the place. and she says oh I did what you expected I did everyday while you were at work, I read a book.

Its kind of a wake up call, not to take efforts for granted, so why not show them how life would be without us without really being mean about it but as a matter of fact. a sort of preview of how life would be if their assumptions were correct.

having said that, I do empathize with you and disagree with the treatment you are getting. We should all strive to be emotionally stable and be an addition to the lives of those around us even when they act in ways we don´t agree with. Treating them with disrespect because of it takes away from the main issue and causes additional troubles and bad feelings. like the saying goes " la ikrah fildeen" meaning religion shouldn´t be associated with resistance, we should do it willingly and out of desire to do so. All I can advise you to do is to not let the behavior of those around you affect your own standards, this is hard but having access to higher moral standards in your daily life can assist in fulfilling your part in all this. Remember, you cant make him change his behavior forcefully either. The saying I mentioned applies to him as well, he needs to feel he is helping around and being empathetic with you out of desire to do so.

Best of luck, I wish you a more positive other half of Ramadan.

 

[sister herb]

Maybe you need someone outside of the family to talk with your husband. Those sound like problems which have been between you two for a long time and now just your decision not to fast just released the fight.

I understand that your husband was upset as fasting is important part of Islam but name calling etc is very childish behavior (and not islamic at all). Is there any relative who could talk with both of you about this situation or some other person which your husband would listen?

 

[Sakina'141]

....he sleeps till late while i take care of the kids and prepare them for school. He has a nap at work. Comes home before eating time and eats till late night.
He is tired and has no energy.
I can't cope on my own with the kids + fast. If i get up at 5 with the little one...

You need to tell your husband all this...how much you are struggling with kids with waking up early morning whilst he is sleeping and having naps at work.

Is it possible for you to fast and have an afternoon nap after your kids gone to work?...I suppose you have to look after 1yr old at home so he might keep you up.

What exactly do you find difficult about fasting? Is it the very long days? Do you get dizzy/headaches/lack of sleep as you wake up at 5am? Is there a way for you to get enough sleep? Prephaps you can discuss this with your husband and come to mutal arrangement with mutal understanding with sleep and babysitting arrangements and whatever you are struggling with for help and support you need.

May Allah swt put right all our affairs, Ameen.

 

[Simple_Person]

Sister you have done nothing wrong in the sense of this marriage so far i have read (religiously is another topic..as Ramadan is obligatory with certain exceptions). He is at fault for marrying you. What i mean by that is marrying you while you were not even Muslim and now expecting from you to be how he wants you to be. Rasullah(saws) has given us advice when marrying a spouse. It is advice and one can take it or leave it, but he did not take that advice but now expecting you to behave like that spouse Rasullah(saws) advice us to marry.

Which advice am i talking about? We in case of Muslim men are advised to marry a sister that her deen is #1 and beauty, family status, wealth are all secondary. So she her self must have priorities in such order that she takes her deen super serious. In your case you were not even religious in the sense of Muslim and now he wants you to climb a mountain so to say. Every Muslims has their struggles and that is why we have to take in marriage SUPER serious as it is the completion of our deen.

 

[Sakina'141]

Salam,

My husband got really upset when I told him. He's been very rude to me, insulted me, called me names. He hasn't spoken to me from the beginning of ramadhan.

Our boys fast on weekends and I encourage them to do so.
When I asked him if he is going to behave like this for the rest of ramadhan, he replied that maybe for the rest of our life.
Kids asked me if we are going to get divorced, this whole situation really upsets them but my husband doesn't care.
He said he would still behave ike that whether i start fasting now or not...

I can't see any solution

That is wrong...Ramamdan is more than fasting...prephaps you can educate your husband about controlling his tongue and importance of good behaviour during Ramadan. Advise him in private and especially about how his behaviour is upsetting kids. Try to avoid arguments/showing tension with each other infront of kids.

If he doesn't listen to your gentle, sincere advise as many men do not like to be advised by their wives (don't worry its NOT because of you, its just nature of men & their pride) then get someone trustworthy and wise individual that your husband respect to have a chat with him. Probably mention to him that you will ask someone to have a chat with you both to resolve matters before hand so he doesn't accuse you of going behind his back talking to outsiders with family problems. Try speaking to him first in gentle, sensitive manner also understanding his point of anger/frustration (fasting is indeed very important pillar) then you take it from there.

 

[Sakina'141]

Sister you have done nothing wrong in the sense of this marriage so far i have read (religiously is another topic..as Ramadan is obligatory with certain exceptions). He is at fault for marrying you. What i mean by that is marrying you while you were not even Muslim and now expecting from you to be how he wants you to be. Rasullah(saws) has given us advice when marrying a spouse. It is advice and one can take it or leave it, but he did not take that advice but now expecting you to behave like that spouse Rasullah(saws) advice us to marry.

Which advice am i talking about? We in case of Muslim men are advised to marry a sister that her deen is #1 and beauty, family status, wealth are all secondary. So she her self must have priorities in such order that she takes her deen super serious. In your case you were not even religious in the sense of Muslim and now he wants you to climb a mountain so to say. Every Muslims has their struggles and that is why we have to take in marriage SUPER serious as it is the completion of our deen.

I agree that its not very wise for brothers and sisters to marry someone who doesn't meet certain major criteria that is a MUST for them in hopes of changing them after marriage...not a good idea but I suppose may be whoever they chose to marry is worth the struggles.

No one is perfect, people's Iman levels change and fluctuate so one may marry someone "religious" but they could become less religious one day. And you can't run away because your spouse missed some prayers or fasts. Marriage is suppose to be about helping each other during weak times with compassion, support and guidance. There is a way of dealing with every matter and overcoming every obstacle.

 

[Simple_Person]

I agree that its not very wise for brothers and sisters to marry someone who doesn't meet certain major criteria that is a MUST for them in hopes of changing them after marriage...not a good idea but I suppose may be whoever they chose to marry is worth the struggles.

No one is perfect, people's Iman levels change and fluctuate so one may marry someone "religious" but they could become less religious one day. And you can't run away because your spouse missed some prayers or fasts. Marriage is suppose to be about helping each other during weak times with compassion, support and guidance. There is a way of dealing with every matter and overcoming every obstacle.

"Less religious"...well sisters, the person who becomes "less religious" has by logic, rationality and reason not firmly determined that Islam is the truth. I myself as an ex-Atheist, although when my imaan gets low..i get lazy, but i never have doubt in Islam. Even when i miss a prayer because of laziness..still i know and understand that Islam is the truth and what i am doing is just wrong and i have NO excuses for it. However this is a on going battle and for every one of us is different. Some people might not miss 1 prayer, but often you see those people although born Muslims they pray as if it is a race. So their struggle is to do their prayer more calmly to taste imaan and the sweetness of the prayer.

Or others who never miss a prayer..but occasionally do zina with another female/male. So like i said..every one of us has their own struggles.

However to marry the spouse, one must also assess those moments by deeply questioning her/him before agreeing to marry him/her. So there is much more going on than what meets the eye.

 

[Sakina'141]

"Less religious"...well sisters, the person who becomes "less religious" has by logic, rationality and reason not firmly determined that Islam is the truth. I myself as an ex-Muslim, although when my imaan gets low..i get lazy, but i never have doubt in Islam. Even when i miss a prayer because of laziness..still i know and understand that Islam is the truth and what i am doing is just wrong and i have NO excuses for it. However this is a on going battle and for every one of us is different. Some people might not miss 1 prayer, but often you see those people although born Muslims they pray as if it is a race. So their struggle is to do their prayer more calmly to taste imaan and the sweetness of the prayer.

Or others who never miss a prayer..but occasionally do zina with another female/male. So like i said..every one of us has their own struggles.

However to marry the spouse, one must also assess those moments by deeply questioning her/him before agreeing to marry him/her. So there is much more going on than what meets the eye.

Yeah I know...thats why it feels like an impossible task...prayer is very important to me but for me, zina, arrogance and superficiality from so called "religious" looking people who never misses prayers is worse than someone who prays regularly but misses some occasionally but are humble and stayed away from haram. I never understood those muslims at school/university who never missed their prayers but openly/secretly had boyfriends/girlfriends...they must have prayed together and did other good things together and Alhamdulillah most also got married in the end! They probably never even committed zina..society as whole just assume these things like 2 people can no longer just be in an innocent relationship without having sex...Im sure its perfectly possible! It used to be like that few decades ago so it is possible now.

But tbh I used to get more annoyed with certain so called "good" muslims who never engaged in haram relationships but gets pleasure out of gossiping and looking down on all those muslims girls who did have boyfriends...their arrogance used to annoy m...I swear some people ONLY feel better/good about themselves by pointing out and looking down others they consider below them in looks/intelligance/religion/piety. They used to annoy me sooooo much but I couldn't exactly say to them "you're not a good muslim actually, just an arrogant, two faced, backstabber who like to contatly point out and look down on other muslims who you consider beneath you." Some people think by highlighting other peoples flaws/sins, they come across so much better but they never do. Couldn't be around/interact with certain people for very long...you got to keep away from proud/arrogant people in life to save yourself. Last thing you want is end up getting influenced by their bad company and ending up thinking/talking like them. May Allah swt save us from all arroagance and pride and major sins, Ameen.

So yes, its important to "deelpy questioning" future marraige potentials and testing their morality/outlook on life. I have made a list that future potentials must meet...but can't remember where on earth I have put it!! Lol!

 

[Simple_Person]

Yeah I know...thats why it feels like an impossible task...prayer is very important to me but for me, zina, arrogance and superficiality from so called "religious" looking people who never misses prayers is worse than someone who prays regularly but misses some occasionally but are humble and stayed away from haram. I never understood those muslims at school/university who never missed their prayers but openly/secretly had boyfriends/girlfriends...they must have prayed together and did other good things together and Alhamdulillah most also got married in the end! They probably never even committed zina..society as whole just assume these things like 2 people can no longer just be in an innocent relationship without having sex...Im sure its perfectly possible! It used to be like that few decades ago so it is possible now.

But tbh I used to get more annoyed with certain so called "good" muslims who never engaged in haram relationships but gets pleasure out of gossiping and looking down on all those muslims girls who did have boyfriends...their arrogance used to annoy m...I swear some people ONLY feel better/good about themselves by pointing out and looking down others they consider below them in looks/intelligance/religion/piety. They used to annoy me sooooo much but I couldn't exactly say to them "you're not a good muslim actually, just an arrogant, two faced, backstabber who like to contatly point out and look down on other muslims who you consider beneath you." Some people think by highlighting other peoples flaws/sins, they come across so much better but they never do. Couldn't be around/interact with certain people for very long...you got to keep away from proud/arrogant people in life to save yourself. Last thing you want is end up getting influenced by their bad company and ending up thinking/talking like them. May Allah swt save us from all arroagance and pride and major sins, Ameen.

So yes, its important to "deelpy questioning" future marraige potentials and testing their morality/outlook on life. I have made a list that future potentials must meet...but can't remember where on earth I have put it!! Lol!

Your list has to have a very solid ground to it. Because when you get try to have a conversation with your future-husband you have to ask him tough questions. Only the real honest person can give you a good and solid well thought answer. So choose your questions very careful or else you will be stuck with a two-faced husband XD.

 

[Umm Abed]

Your list has to have a very solid ground to it. Because when you get try to have a conversation with your future-husband you have to ask him tough questions. Only the real honest person can give you a good and solid well thought answer. So choose your questions very careful or else you will be stuck with a two-faced husband XD.

If you look at it, OP sister was married for 11 years and has kept 3 Ramadans' fasts already, so I dont think there is an excuse not to fast, (unless sick of course). And even if she has not kept those 3 Ramadan fasts, it will still be fard on her at all times.

There are people in the world who work in very tough conditions and extreme heat, but they will not miss the Ramadan fasts for anything. So, we should take this obligation very seriously and fulfill it with love for Allah's sake.

 

[Simple_Person]

If you look at it, OP sister was married for 11 years and has kept 3 Ramadans' fasts already, so I dont think there is an excuse not to fast, (unless sick of course). And even if she has not kept those 3 Ramadan fasts, it will still be fard on her at all times.

There are people in the world who work in very tough conditions and extreme heat, but they will not miss the Ramadan fasts for anything. So, we should take this obligation very seriously and fulfill it with love for Allah's sake.

Sister if you read the OP first comment you will see this.

"I converted 5 years ago"

So in other words they were married for already 6 years BEFORE she converted to Islam. Her husband the LAST thing on his mind was her deen. Rather it was either her beauty (love), family status or wealth. She either was previously a Christian OR a Jew. If not then their whole marriage was not even valid, but i assume she was Christian.

She has become a Muslim, however now he EXPECTS her to be that person (religious) that he DID NOT SEEK when marrying. You get what i am trying to say? I'm sorry to say this but that is a hit under the belt and VERY OPPRESSIVE behavior. Once i was talking to my sister what kind of wife i want to marry (one who is completely covered (abaya) with exception of face and hands). She said well you will do a lot of injustice to her as Kurds in general do not go by such clothing. I said how come i will do injustice to her? If she isn't wearing such clothes BEFORE marriage i will not even marry her. So i will be doing no one injustice.

That being said he calling her names..this brothers understands VERY VERY LITTLE of what Islam is about. Just reading the comments of this sister it rather looks like one of those culture driven guys that say well "i bring food on the table.."(work for money) "you cook, clean the house, raise the children etc. ).

However you look at this, the brother should NEVER have married this sister to begin with if he took religion that serious. I am myself not married. If a Christian or Jewish sister comes with a offer to marry me, sorry but i will kindly reject the offer as i want to take up the advice of Rasullah(saws) what to look for mostly when wanting to marry. A sister that takes her religion very serious ..that being Islam (no disrespect to Christian or Jewish sisters).

Even that she is not fasting shows that his "Sheppard" skills to guide his family are kind of a mess. Based on what? Name calling in the month of Ramadan..not listening to his wife..arguing in the front of the children.

 

[batarzyna]

Sister if you read the OP first comment you will see this.

"I converted 5 years ago"

So in other words they were married for already 6 years BEFORE she converted to Islam. Her husband the LAST thing on his mind was her deen. Rather it was either her beauty (love), family status or wealth. She either was previously a Christian OR a Jew. If not then their whole marriage was not even valid, but i assume she was Christian.

She has become a Muslim, however now he EXPECTS her to be that person (religious) that he DID NOT SEEK when marrying. You get what i am trying to say? I'm sorry to say this but that is a hit under the belt and VERY OPPRESSIVE behavior. Once i was talking to my sister what kind of wife i want to marry (one who is completely covered (abaya) with exception of face and hands). She said well you will do a lot of injustice to her as Kurds in general do not go by such clothing. I said how come i will do injustice to her? If she isn't wearing such clothes BEFORE marriage i will not even marry her. So i will be doing no one injustice.

That being said he calling her names..this brothers understands VERY VERY LITTLE of what Islam is about. Just reading the comments of this sister it rather looks like one of those culture driven guys that say well "i bring food on the table.."(work for money) "you cook, clean the house, raise the children etc. ).

However you look at this, the brother should NEVER have married this sister to begin with if he took religion that serious. I am myself not married. If a Christian or Jewish sister comes with a offer to marry me, sorry but i will kindly reject the offer as i want to take up the advice of Rasullah(saws) what to look for mostly when wanting to marry. A sister that takes her religion very serious ..that being Islam (no disrespect to Christian or Jewish sisters).

Even that she is not fasting shows that his "Sheppard" skills to guide his family are kind of a mess. Based on what? Name calling in the month of Ramadan..not listening to his wife..arguing in the front of the children.

Religion wasn't my husband's no1 priority when we met. I was very young (16), we were intimate before marriage and I wasn't his first partner. He cheated on me with two girls even though was praying and practising islam.
I was fascinated by islam and its principals but couldn't stand behaviour of muslims. So many of them would be two faced. Lots of muslims have this urge to show themselves as religious and true believers.

My husband's behaviour in the recent years (3 last years) started pushing me away from islam. He never sees fault in himself, always blames others. When he does sth haram, he always finds some kind of explanations or excuse for it.
Doesn't take any religious advice from me because he constantly doubts my faith.

He started to be very harrd and strict with the boys. He constantly compares them to other children who in his eyes are better muslims than our kids are. He stopped spending time with them. All he cares about is work and peace of mind.

He used to help me with house chores, with kids but he stopped doing that.
I dont require much because i only work part time so have more time to clean and cook.

He is suddenly not happy with my food and he always liked it.

He doesn't take my advice about kids. They are seeking so much his approval and he keeps pushing them away. He doesn't seem to care.
When I ask him about it he always finds way to laugh it off.

He seems so in love with the youngest one but I know this will change again when he is bigger.

I'd like to divorce him. Im fed up of listening how fat, ugly and useless I am. I lost all my confidence.
I left university when I gave birth to our first son, I left my job when he started his business. I gave all my time to kids and house so he could concentrate on growing his company. Now im left with nothing. Useless job, and no perspectives if I leave him.

How can I start life all over??
I dont want the boys to treat their future wives they way my husband treats me.
They can clean, they can cook, I teach them rexpect for others. But thats not what they see at home so how can they learn.

 

[*charisma*]

She has become a Muslim, however now he EXPECTS her to be that person (religious) that he DID NOT SEEK when marrying. You get what i am trying to say? I'm sorry to say this but that is a hit under the belt and VERY OPPRESSIVE behavior.

I don't at all believe it's oppressive if her husband expects her to keep up with her religious duties after she became a Muslim. It is incumbent upon him to ensure that his whole family is performing their religious duties. So what if she was not a Muslim before and he was ok with her not being "islamically" religious. She's a Muslim now, so the circumstances have changed and therefore his expectations of her follow suit, especially since she's fasted previously.

A relationship does not remain stagnant. It evolves and both individuals change. It's always better to marry someone with the same values to begin with, but if it happens that you do not, then you can work it out respectfully. To say that he shouldn't have married her after it's been said and done is a negative thing to say because it's insinuating that he either has to accept her as she is or leave her for someone else. That's not how it works. They are married now as Allah intended for them, and their relationship is being tested, and they have to work through it to achieve a common goal.

've been realizing more and more recently that my husband is manipulative, and usually makes me do what he wants. Ive been trying to break free from it and he doesnt like it.
I can't mention any religious teachings to him because he believes i have no right to tell him what he should or shouldn't do if i dont follow religion by not fasting. He never admits he is wrong.
Ramadhan is always a nightmare for me as he sleeps till late while i take care of the kids and prepare them for school. He has a nap at work. Comes home before eating time and eats till late night.
He is tired and has no energy.
I can't cope on my own with the kids + fast. If i get up at 5 with the little one, Im normally in bed by 9:30pm... while now we can start eating around this time.
I was so patient with him, talked to him nicely, tried to convince him, but so far nothing works.

Sis, you have to realize your faith comes first. You cannot let your husband nor children distract you from your religious duties.

Allah says:

“O you, who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that – then those are the losers.” [Quran, 63: 9]​

If your husband isn't doing his part, then forget about him and do what you need to do to make your fasts easier for you to accomplish. Unsure about the ages of your children, but if they are old enough to prepare some of their own things, then they should do so. If not, then you should do some planning ahead of time to make your day go a lot more smoothly. You mentioned you have a younger son, so maybe try to change his sleeping schedule so he's not up so early, or take a nap during the day. I'm sure there are solutions to get you to fast everyday, but you are instead focused on making your husband accepting of you. Yes he should be more helpful, more supportive, more active, etc. but at the end of the day you still have to commit to your religious duties regardless of how he is. It seems that you're both exhausted and just taking it out on each other, but it seems he has put your faith a priority over everything else, so I don't believe he'd have an issue if you made your iman your first obligation instead of putting so much emphasis on being a caretaker to him and your children and having your iman dwindle in effect.

 

[Umm Abed]

It would be good also to know more on her situation from a third person, but that is not going to happen so we advise with caution.

Yes I do understand your points as from his perspective he should know how to deal with his choice of wife in the correct way, agreed, no name calling etc, but what is exactly the name-calling? We dont know.

Having said that, maybe he was trying all the years to teach her, but that too, we dont know. Looking for piety in a potential spouse is the way to go, agreed on that.

So I was simply giving her advice for her own personal self, rather than for her husband, in order for her to better her home situation and bring peace. Based on that, we should still encourage her to fast regardless of her husband's wrong decision in marrying her, since you become Muslim only for Allah's sake and submitting to the teachings is key to being a good Muslim.

A pillar of Islam is a non-compromise situation. She is already married to him.I think thats just about it.
[MENTION=40458]Simple_Person[/MENTION]