Muhammedbin
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Jazzak Allah Kheer
Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.
Its your testosterone levels getting higher, and you have a weakness now, that shaytan takes advantage of. " I get that Allah is with me" your wrote it as if it is something basic, Im not really judging you, listen to the ruqya i sent you I hope it helps. You are looking for answers in this forum but really allah is the one with all answers so aproach to find those answers in the right way may allah be with you brother.
what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?
what kills me is that all the beautiful women in the world are zinah women. or at least have kissed someone else first. and its very rare and very hard to find a woman who is cute or hot and who is religious. and me as a religious man, what choice am i left with?
i live in a muslim country. id like a beautiful girl who never kissed. as of religion i can teach her. i wouldnt like to have a religious wife who i dont like. im sorry i dont want to be too harsh brother. i value women as they are. they are beautiful and kind creatures. its never their fault for all the problems in the world. its mostly cause of men who cause and fight wars, and rape them and kill their children. i value women. i know that they will go through so much hurt just to bare a child. just to give me my child. but i would love, and Allah willing. a woman who makes me smile when i look at her. see i just want to be with someone i love. and theres this younger girl who i find more innocent. compared to my ages (22) most of the women are non virgin by now. brother ,it wasnt easy to stay aaway from zinah ,i would love to be paid of with a great spouse. Wallahi i intend nothing more than one spouse. someone who will love me,and someone who i will love. cause nothing in life is more important than a good spouse, even Rasulallahi saw said that.Salaam Ale3koem,
What is more important to you bro, that she is beautiful or that she is religious? Doesn't her deen make her beautiful unless she is truly beastly which is rare?
And if you want a woman that has never been kissed you might be in for a hard time these days indeed, but remember that Allah forgives converts for all their sins when they convert and even if they commited zina before converting after they are pure as a baby to Him. So if you look for a religious woman who is pure, maybe you should look for a convert if this is a real concern of yours.
However, my question remains on what is truly important. Is it more important that she is beautiful and never kissed anyone, or is it more important that she fears her Rabb and knows your rights over her?
So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.
I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.
And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed.Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.
Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose.But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.
I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.
Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.
So.. You've already been given a lot of great counsel. I think what I can offer here is my perspective as a female, to prove to you that you are not alone in your struggle. See the world from my side.
I am 25 years old and I am unmarried. In fact, only Allah knows, but I am probably not even close to being married. I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. I have a career as a software engineer at a top company. I am, I truly hope, a morally good person. I don't want to go on about my positive traits haha, but I will just say that I have several friends and family members who continually tell me how perplexed they are that I am still unmarried. But, all I can tell them is that I am yet to meet a man that fits my 4 main criteria.
And, do you know what's top on that list? I want to be with someone who has the will to believe and humility to submit their will to the one that created them. The reason I am looking for will and humility is that I know there are moments when we don't believe as is truly deserved Allah. I understand that as I have experienced that myself. But, even in those times, we never stop searching for the truth. I really want someone who wants to live according to that truth. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed.Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person. Anyhow, that's another topic. The point is, we won't always be young and beautiful. The one I'm with must be strong enough, compassionate enough to withstand the temptation, hardship, head and heartache that is sure to come. Thirdly, I want to be with someone who inspires me to be a better person. This is so important and though it's my third criteria, it's truly the reason I want to be married in the first place. So, perhaps it should be first, even though the previous two are like-wise required. You may not understand this until you meet someone who, just by being who they are, whether you have a relationship with them or not, draws out the best of you - but before money and comfort, this is what I need. And, fourth on that list might actually surprise you.. I want someone who has not been in a relationship before. This might seem a bit unrealistic, given the world we live in today, but of someone who has resisted all the temptation that batters us endlessly.. there is something to be said. It gives me confidence that such a person will meet my second most important criteria. And, nothing gives a girl confidence in your interest in her than if you've passed all the rest up and chose her.
Really, that's all I've been waiting for. You might think I have a whole bunch of other criteria that I'm not mentioning, and while there are about 20 other "nice-to-haves" - if I found these characteristics in someone who I felt comfortable with and happy around and they wanted to marry me, I would. What that means is basically they should be a clean, pleasant person, who I have compatible major life goals/lifestyle (ex: children, parental support, values) with. So, ok, a couple more really demanding criteria haha. I will tell you that height is definitely not even a criteria for all women, at least not for me. Of the men I have had an interested in, 2 have been shorter than myself and one my height. The rest have been taller, but being 63.5 inches tall myself, that's the majority of men.. Regarding looks, attraction is not as simple as it may seem. You seem concerned by your nose.. At least you have a nose.But, if your nose truly does bother you, there is no shame in changing it. But, ask yourself sincerely what that would be worth, and what you could be giving up in exchange for that.
I'll tell you honestly, over time I've gotten a bit more bitter about my situation and men in general haha. xD But, it's hard to fault them. When they're surrounded by everything they want - which is girls who flirt and do whatever they want with them, why would they be interested in someone like me? I've had several guys that were interested in me, but I just wouldn't give them what they wanted. Just a couple of weeks ago a man which I was mutually interested in invited me to his place for dinner, but I had to reject him as I just don't find it appropriate. Many guys in these days find me too restricted, and eventually they decide they want someone who's more laid back and mainstream. Sometimes it's really hard.. but, realistically I wouldn't really want to be with someone who doesn't value that which I value in myself.
Anyhow, I really wanted to share this perspective with you. But, all that I've mentioned, it's trivial. It's nothing compared to the sacredness of my and your life. Please don't take it so lightly. Don't make the assumption that should you be given all or even some that you want now, it would be any easier. Life only becomes easier with gratitude and contentment, really. And the source of that is the connection with us and the one that is unlike any other created thing. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to express that pain as well. Open the well of your soul to the one that knows it, the one that will tend to it. Draw up the wealth within yourself and offer it. That which was put in to you is meant to be returned, increased. Don't give up on yourself. You are a fine creation of the intention behind this universe. Own that nobility. I will do my best as well, InshaAllah.
So.. . I have only received one proposal from a family that was essentially seeking an opportunity to get their brother in to the country, and married to a US citizen. Secondly, I want to be with someone who is strong and compassionate, who will stand by me our entire lives together. From what I've observed, most men don't want this sort of commitment. I could discuss this in great detail.. but, as hard as you think it may be to resist women now, it is equally hard (if not harder) to stay with one after all the euphoria has ebbed.Sometimes I wonder, why do men and women have different and somewhat contradictory partnership interests? It seems most men want as many beautiful women they can handle. Whereas most women can be entirely satisfied with one person.
"And what if somebody has those qualities you mentioned (which I think a looot of muslims have) but didnt have US passport,youd still marry him? "
Again, I can't call out a particular group, but many of the men that I have met throughout my life (married and unmarried) would be just as happy or more to have an uncommitted relationship with a woman over a committed one. And, when I say commitment, I of course mean a two-way agreement. I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would want a committed woman, and they themselves are free to have paramours as they please. I'm not saying at all that men don't commit, and hold fast to the commitments that they make - just that I don't find it to be something many men are inclined to. If you have known otherwise, perhaps I should be wherever you are. xDWhich men have you observed that dont want that sort of commitement?
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LOL, i'm forty two, never been married... keep your chin up, young man! Be happy with what Allah has given you. Never feel so down that you forget that which Allah has blessed you with.
The glass is half full, not half empty.
weren't you married once?
aaaaaaaaand no one is replying anymore on this thread so i guess i should just go
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