Marriage Is Declining Rapidly—Does It Matter?

[xboxisdead]

I read this week that there has been a significant decline in marriage rates, especially in the past two years.
57% of adults got married ten years ago, but only 51% are getting married now.

Last year, only 9% of 18-to-24 year olds in the U.S. were married, compared to 45% in 1960.

And the Pew Research Center reports that from 2009 to 2010, 13 percent fewer people in this age group got married. (Christian Science Monitor, January 2 & 9, 2012)

In 2011, The Economist (June 23rd issue) reported that only 45% of all households include a married couple, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

We are seeing a rapid decline.

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So what’s the big deal, you say? Couples are just living together instead of getting married.
Hey, I’m no prude. I did that myself before I got married.

But the studies show that the problem is the big impact on the kids – and on long-term economics.

The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University in New Jersey reported in 2005 (USA Today, July 18, 2005) that cohabiting couples break up at twice the rate of married couples in the U.S. and that 40% of cohabiting couples have children – who get to share these more rapid breakups. In Europe, cohabitation rates are even higher, although divorce rates are lower and more children grow up with both parents – even when they’re not married.

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When I started practicing family law in 1993, the average age of a child when parents divorced was about 8 years old. The average age of a child when unmarried parents split was about 4 years old. As high-conflict divorce appears to be increasing, the age of children growing up in conflicted arrangements also appears to be getting younger and younger.

So what are the implications of all of this?

Children have less stability and more exposure to parents in conflict or loss of contact with one parent. It’s not surprising that the research on the development of personality disorders suggests that each younger generation has a higher incidence of these disorders.

In our book “Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” Randi Kreger and I explained that about ten percent of the U.S. population has a borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, but about 15% of young adults age 20 to 29 have one of these disorders. One of the causes is instability in early childhood. You need stability to develop confidence, relationship skills and the ability to cope throughout your life.

The other major implication – for adults as well as children – is that unmarried folks are poorer.

Researchers indicate that at least half of income inequality in the U.S. is due to this changing pattern. Households with only one parent (who mostly have only a high school education) are getting poorer and married household (mostly with college education and two incomes) are growing more well-to-do, according to The Economist (June 23, 2011).

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In the 1960’s, 76% of college graduates were married and 72% of high school graduates got married. Nowadays, the census shows that woman who get married are much more likely to have a college degree than just fifteen years ago. For women with college education, only 6% of babies have unmarried mothers, whereas 44% of babies of high school graduates have unmarried mothers. (The Economist, above)

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For society, the message seems to be that marriage does matter – economically and to the well-being of children.
If we care about our collective future, we need to care about the stability of family life – including making relationship skills an important part of education.

For individuals, the message seems to be that you should seriously plan on getting married someday, for your own economic good as well as your child.

And if no reasonable prospects are handy, it may be a good time to start taking some college classes – that is, if our nation’s economic priorities will make it affordable.

This article by Bill Eddy originally appeared on HighConflictInstitute.com. Bill is the President of the High Conflict Institute and the author of several books, including “It’s All Your Fault!” He is an attorney, mediator, and therapist. HCI speakers have presented seminars to attorneys, judges, mediators, ombudspersons, human resource professionals, employee assistance professionals, managers, and administrators in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, France, Australia and Sweden.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/marriage-is-declining-rapidly-does-it-matter-ajrt/

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https://www.refinery29.com/2017/01/137440/divorce-rate-in-america-statistics

We've been told for decades now that half of all marriages end in divorce — and that it's only getting worse. But, as is the case with most "facts" that get repeated (and repeated and repeated), that's not quite true. And it turns out that divorce rates are actually falling, not rising.

Yep, researchers have found that the rate of divorce in the U.S. actually peaked at about 40% around 1980 and has been declining ever since. And, according to data from the National Survey of Family Growth, the probability of a first marriage lasting at least a decade was 68% for women and 70% for men between 2006 and 2010. The probability that they would make it 20 years was 52% for women and 56% for men, so that percentage is closer to the frequently-cited "half," but still not there.

Other estimates show that three-quarters of those married in the 1990s would make it at least 15 years (compared with just 65% of those married in the 1980s). And if that current trend continues, the vast majority (about two-thirds) of marriages will never divorce.

So how did we even get that half-n-half stat to begin with? Well, we can trace that original claim — that the divorce rate is at 50% and climbing — back to a 1980 census report. That report predicted that half of the couples married between 1976 and 1977 would eventually end up divorced and that rates would only increase from there.

But it's clear that things haven't really played out that way. And today, our picture of divorce is much more complicated — it's one that changes based on your education level, income, location, and a whole bunch of other factors. Plus, of course, your decision to divorce (and get married in the first place) is an incredibly complex and personal one.

All of this means that no single percentage is ever going to apply to everyone. Ahead, we've collected a few of those factors that can increase — and lower — your chances of divorce.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

These statistics are for the US? Why would they matter?

 

[xboxisdead]

Assalamu Alaikum

These statistics are for the US? Why would they matter?

Normally I would agree sister, but here is why it should matter. In Middle East countries like Saudi Arabia, Philistine, Egypt are USA with sheep clothing. These things will effect these countries which in return will effect other countries that are not run by USA. This slowly will seep into middle east, it may not be as instant as blinking of an eye but slowly, slowly, and very slowly like tiny dust cloud will effect middle east in. Didn't one Muslim country have made man marrying more than one wive haraam and it is against the law and you will get arrested if you practice it? Another reason why it matters, because we can use this as proof positive why Islam is the way to go and what happens if you don't follow Allah's law. Another reason why it matters, well we can take pride in ourselves that Allah (subhanahu Wa Talaa) showed us the light and how others who do not have this gift and are walking and running in the dark and how even marriage is failing with them?

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you *charisma*;

These statistics are for the US? Why would they matter?

By the time children get to 15 in the UK, about half of them will not be with both their biological parents. The world is gradually destroying the meaning of marriage, it started back in the 1960's when the contraceptive pill was used to protect women from getting pregnant. Each generation since then has pushed the boundaries on casual sex and cohabitation. This was almost unheard of before the 1950's in the UK, which was more of a Christian country then.

The temptation for casual sex seems to be creeping into Muslim communities in the UK, and it takes us away from God.

Blessings

Eric

 

[azc]

This decline isn't a good sign

 

[xboxisdead]

Greetings and peace be with you *charisma*;



By the time children get to 15 in the UK, about half of them will not be with both their biological parents. The world is gradually destroying the meaning of marriage, it started back in the 1960's when the contraceptive pill was used to protect women from getting pregnant. Each generation since then has pushed the boundaries on casual sex and cohabitation. This was almost unheard of before the 1950's in the UK, which was more of a Christian country then.

The temptation for casual sex seems to be creeping into Muslim communities in the UK, and it takes us away from God.

Blessings

Eric

In USA children below age 20 (statistic to proof it) are 80% born without a father around and raised by single mother.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Doesn't help matters when you have the U.S. government give the single working person a better tax break than a married couple not to mention awarding benefits to people who have children born out of wedlock. That doesn't encourage marriage at all.

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In USA children below age 20 (statistic to proof it) are 80% born without a father around and raised by single mother.

Link to the statistic please.

 

[xboxisdead]

When I go home I will post the video where it is talked about. It is 4 hours long and I will paste two links, one where such statistic is mentioned and the other link from the beginning so that in case a person wishes to listen to the video all of it. It explains everything this video about male/female issue in USA.

 

[A786]

Marriage rates declining does matter because family dynamics will fall and eventually so will our ummah. It's a very disturbing reality. May Allah protect us all, amen.

 

[xboxisdead]

Well it is going to get worse actually, only because it is mentioned in hadith it will happen. What we need to teach children though who are living with two parents home and have two loving parents to go down to their knees and be thankful to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) that he/she have a mother and a father in his or her live and that this dad is a caring dad that loves his children and that he is teaching them boundaries and gender role and that it is not insulting to the children to go and kiss their father's forehead and say thank you dad for everything you have done to us. Amazing how little act like that will flood the dad's brain with happy hormone that he cannot help himself.....he really cannot..he will smile, his heart will melt like moshed clay and he will do even more to his family. Because let us face it..I am specifying fathers exclusive here...because these are the most weakest group of people with so little rights and the easiest to disappear from family lives and in addition to that also the highest group of people where children end up with abusive fathers...and nowadays the majority of people out there live without dad's in their lives (my father have died when I was a baby, so I do not know what it is like to have a dad myself). So to have a good father, caring father, a man where you can inherit from him, where you can raise your head high and be proud and he is there for you....is getting harder and harder and harder and harder...

 

[xboxisdead]

This is an american man's perspective why marriage is failing in USA.

https://soundcloud.com/xboxown/why-did-marriage-in-america-fall-apart

 

[ChosenTCO]

Its all because of their systems and how they tried to attain balance between the genders by overcompensating for the years of oppression for women in their countries. Now the situation is reversed in the USA and Japan to the point that women have much more rights than men without any lesser responsibilities for the men in return.

Problem is that the umma is copying the west so hard like sheep so much so that they are unaware of the after effects these changes in the systems will cause to our society. And those who are aware, are also unwilling to acknowledge that its that big of a deal. I have mentioned so many times before to family and friends ... even on this forum, the dangers of following the west in their systems and how we need to come up with our own systems, how our leaders and scholars should be more vocal about the difficulties that arises from thinking like the west. But they all just brush it off like its nothing to worry about. Id really like to see how things will be like 100 years down this line. My guess is that it aint gonna be pretty.

We should all just unite as one to try and change these deviant ways of the west in our community and try to change the minds of young muslims away from the mindset and mentality of those in the west. Mentalities like thinking that its somehow bad to marry at a young age, thinking that its weird for a young boy or girl to seek marriage without the other individual knowing about those proposing, thinking we have to be financially stable to marry or at least having to finish the education before getting a job in the first place. All these are really common issues that hinder much of our youth from seeking marriage, problem is that majority of those who have the capacity and influence a change are unaware of these problems because they surround themselves too much with pious people, they forget about the rest of the umma who are facing the very gist of this fitna. But by the time these young individuals get married, they would have already fallen into the haram a couple of times ... and in the end, people wonder why the blessing of Allah no longer exist in this umma.

Its because we let these norms and ideologies of the west manifest in our region without properly addressing them or finding away to stop them from spreading

 

[BurningHeart]

Good,

much of these western values usually creep in the mind through education system or the schooling system. Islamic tarbiya is a really important part of deen, on how to up bring our children.

I guess the love of duniya lead to some people neglecting this, all they did was earning the money and finding the way to fit in the society. While they do not know what their children are up to. There are even cases where a child barely talks to his parents, the only time is when they have lunch or dinner on the table.

Personally if I would marry or have children in future (inshaAllah), I can see myself going opposite to the trends of this modern world in doing their tarbyia because what I experienced through, especially my education, the times it is just not the right way of growing up.

It is not surprising we see muslims turning to atheism, because the way they formulate an opinion of an argument is influenced mainly from what they learned during their young times. This creates conflict of worldview, and when that happens then it leads to confusion.

 

[azc]

How sad that the young generation of this ummah in west is leaving Islamic social values; and this is a serious issue.

Is any organization or group of scholars working on grass root level to protect the ummah..?

 

[سيف الله]

Salaam

The destruction of marriage had been engineered by certain groups who think they know more than they actually do (leftists, liberals etc). The State also wanted to undermine the family because it wants to have sole control over our mind, attitudes and behaviours. So the family had to go.

We must not become to pessimistic otherwise we guarantee that we will fail. Its important that we take a disciplined line and keep our families and communities intact. Lead by example and all that. Also to relentlessly attack movements and ideologies that are anti-family, for example feminism.

 

[xboxisdead]

Well, feminist roots or seed is already seeping into middle east. It is little bit seeded. How? One country leader already talking about how men and women's inheritance should be 50/50 and not what it is stated in the Qura'an. One Muslim country through peer pressure already made illegal for a man to marry more than one wife. It usually starts right from here and goes down the hill afterwords. Feminist breed confusion because it causes a person to ask him or herself, "Wait. A woman can do what a man can do if she works hard enough and in many cases she can do better than he could do (there is no lie in this one. If a woman works hard and is relentless she can do what a man can do in so many cases and in many cases she can do it better than he can do it.), then why did Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) said a man is the leader instead of a woman?" and it begins right here. The questioning begins right here...then the person questions more and more and more and feminist shows that women can do this and that and bring history of how many oppressed women and then confusion and waswas multiply more and more. So many people that point either leave fold of Islam, or be Muslims by name, or agree with feminist (which makes them leave Islam) or just enter into cycle of doubt or confusion or have certain feministical attitude without them knowing such as, "Men and women are equal." or "If a woman can do better than me to leader, she should lead" etc. Amazing though, because we never do that when it comes to child/mother relationship you see. Especially when the child is smarter than the mother and is very mature....while a woman who is a grown adult we question why she should be nice to her husband, or please her husband or obey her husband. Also, for some reason we look at a grown up woman weaker than a child and more vulnerable than a child and we need to liberate her and give her her freedom (as if Islam failed in this regard, Authobillah)..the woman is a poor frail little thing...and at the same time she is superior than a man, she is stronger than a man, she can become better than any man out there....she is smarter than a man...she maturer faster than a man...she demands equality and equal opportunity...and the idea that she obey her husband is insulting and demeaning and beneath her! He is a grown man, he should feed himself.....while demand laws to protect her from the mean evil man, because she is a weak little girl who don't know what she is doing. This is usually the script of feminist in partial part of many scripts (men are bad, women are good). This is the attitude that feminist will seep into middle east. Also feminist is all about women and nothing else. Feminist steps over Allah's law after that men and children's right (as if the women are only the group of people who are entitled with rights). You can either be a feminist or Muslim, you can never be both. If a man or a woman want to be feminist they have to understand they have declared themselves Kafir as feminist in itself is a religion in it's own.

These well seep into Muslim countries....shiekhs and Islamic leaders will do nothing about it. Then family breakup will multiply like USA countries, especially when the law will give women the right to divorce (in Islam she is still married to her husband even if she obeyed man's law over Allah's law and then she will marry someone else, committing Zina and we will have HUGE AMOUNT OF ------- CHILDREN born in this world. Then will move to the next and next and next. Children will not know who their father is, will live in confusion, boys will be under endless attack for their masculinity, girls will be worshiped and appraised because she is born with two X chromosomes and thus she will breed arrogance in her heart and the cycle will repeat). Again, I read ahadith that a time will come when children will be angry, women hate having children, men will obey women, and then female/male ration will reach a point of (50/1), all of these will happen before the major sign will kick in. Feminist is partial to this happening 100% and there are other forces in fact beside feminist will take effect too and make this reality.

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Salaam

The destruction of marriage had been engineered by certain groups who think they know more than they actually do (leftists, liberals etc). The State also wanted to undermine the family because it wants to have sole control over our mind, attitudes and behaviours. So the family had to go.

We must not become to pessimistic otherwise we guarantee that we will fail. Its important that we take a disciplined line and keep our families and communities intact. Lead by example and all that. Also to relentlessly attack movements and ideologies that are anti-family, for example feminism.

Well, here where that can only be done to protect family. Protect men and father's right. You see, the definition of a family is a man and a woman, you remove the man you remove the definition of family. When movies and videos and commercials and what is taught at school portray men as idiots and women as smart, superior and sexy people than you know from here the attack of family begins. If no one does anything and sits down and watch it then don't be surprised family breakup will happen. Just by the way...this is the part we all fail.....we don't respect boys

We seriously don't. Let us be honest, we don't. Well, boys will become males one day (now will they grow up from males to men that is to be seen), and when we don't respect them at young age and teach them they have value how do you expect them to respect others and look at others that they have value?

 

[سيف الله]

Salaam

Yes it subversion, thats how you undermine a society. Not a new phenomena.

"The point of the demoralization process was to get people to where they cannot come to sensible conclusions about what is right and what is wrong, about what is true and what is false. Exposure to true information does not matter anymore. A person who is demoralized is unable to assess true information. The facts tell nothing to him. Even if I shower him with information, with authentic proof, with documents and pictures, even if I take him by force and show him the actual, material physical proof, he will refuse to believe it, until he receives a kick on his fat bottom. So, America is basically stuck with demoralization. Even if you start right now, this minute, educating a new generation of Americans, it will still take you fifteen to twenty years to turn the tide of ideological perception of reality back to normalcy." --- Yuri Bezmenov

Lessons need to be learned.

 

[AllahIsAl-Malik]

You have young people full of hormones and yet who are not married and who are not able to support themselves. At the same time, religion is being attacked and hated.

So you produce these young men and women who are full of hormones, who are not married, who are not able to support themselves and who hate religion and who think it is a show of morality to be against religion... I think it is intentional. I think they want to ruin the young people.

 

[Misbah-Abd]

You have young people full of hormones and yet who are not married and who are not able to support themselves. At the same time, religion is being attacked and hated.

So you produce these young men and women who are full of hormones, who are not married, who are not able to support themselves and who hate religion and who think it is a show of morality to be against religion... I think it is intentional. I think they want to ruin the young people.

They want to control young people. This will make it easier for them to accept the Dajjal when he comes.

 

[Umme salma]

from a personal understanding we need to reach the root, in my own experience, if islam was implemented with the nature to be caring, considerate, fair, and culture was sustained through these principals the muslim countries wouldnt be effected, because rights are not correctly distributed between two individuals, the selfish of the partners either make it very difficult for the other partner, to deal with injustice, (so now having more freedom to exercise their right of not accepting ill treatment) or the selfish partners are the ones that leaving the marriages without trying to resolve their own contribution of a failed marriage .... so this is where we as muslims need to firstly ponder.. it is us as people, who we are, and what we are like, what principals do we hold, how committed and loyal we are, what do we understand by mutual respect..... we need to understand who we have become.
Also have to take into consideration such factors that in the past women were not given the right to exercise thier rights, because it was and is mainly a male dominated world, even if the usa, there isnt really a fair dealing with gender equality, .. or real equality between the genders.. it likes to project or claim it is, but it isnt.. As women sadly are openly used as sex objects... still women being slaves to the male fantasy... there is definitely alot of conflicts and pushed agendas to break the unit of a family.... so maybe this is where we need to look more closely at... some people have made islam difficult and have made it male dominated also.. due to the disposition of the soul, if a man is inclined towards fairness, his outlook would include educating and bringing fairness in all aspects of life and having that 'awareness'.. but if a man has ill intentions, he will use the religion/or any system to manipulate and exercise what his corrupted soul is inclined towards.. really comes down to how do we again become people of balance, understanding, caring, empathic etc..
While women now have more freedom to request their rights,( not that she didnt have rights, she had always by Divine law, but humans have abused and misused them.. ) recognising her rights she is now, not accepting,(and im not talking about women who are abusing also her role) the treatment they had to endure in the past....which is one of the reasons that divorces are high.. the universe will have to balance, in order to balance there has to be imbalance.... men have for millenniums had more than their rights over their women folk in general.. it didnt serve women and their ability to perform to their optimum, be as a daughter, wife, professional/offical role... they now are forcefully requesting the entitlement and because of this it will effect the man, because he isnt and hasnt been used to this new trend... it is still a new thing.. women are exploring their rights, and yes they will make mistakes and blunders, as have man for many centuries... so i say here some patience now while working all these new dynamics from the men folk.. we talk about islam, but in reality how many people have fair hearts.. ? who think about themselves more than another... maybe programmes about how to support eachothers growth, how to encouraged a healthy 'breed' into the next generations is the way... one that understands that irrelevant if your are a man or a woman that both deserve equal treatment... and ONe is not better than the other, while ONe does have a little more authority, enforced on man to be a responsible asset in the relationship as a protector and maintainer.. which also sadly is down played very poorly..
Agree with the of the members, about building up our children to care, learn to be supportive individuals.. compassionate people, which includes young men so they can become responsible in their roles as well as young ladies who understand the importance of family.. we do need to look at what type of people have we become.... we are obviously doing something wrong.. and that wrong needs to be openly and fairly discussed.. many dont want to marry, as they are discouraged, already afraid to take the step. some can not afford marriages because sadly people have made marriage far too expensive.. this is another reason why people are still in their 30s and not married.. there is more emphasis on what the person earns, his education background, and what material means he has... this is an imbalance in our thinking as people.. yes we do need income to live and create a more stable home, but doing so, the character of the person is not taken as seriously.. are we becoming too picky as a society..? or are we becoming weak in our characters.. so yes, the true islam, which hasn't the man made capacity, has the answers...but in reality the culture takes precidence.. we pray, fast, do hajj, the rituals are taken care off, and that is seen as religion.. which is only the practical but we are missing the essence of all that is, what we call life.. wisdom is missing, without it, it is just like a dried fruit.. we need to build our essence as people of thought, reason, justice and fairness.. until this isnt cooperated into our structure... we are going to continue to seeing the rise in divorce.. because we dont understand what it takes to be a human being let alone a believer..