please help me

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nebula

nebula

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asalaamalakum brothers and sisters

im a muslim boy nd im 16 years old.
I have a problem talking to people and looking directly into their eyes because when i do i feel less confident and my eyes usually start watering this isnt a hayfever problem or anything like that as most ppl would think, i cant always talk normally this really depresses me. also i dnt reallly socalise very well with people i just feel really depressed because of my life. i cant really talk to anyone close about this i just cant. ive been finding life really hard because the skool i go to nearly everyone has had a girlfriend gone out with a girl or kissed 1 or something like that. i avoid meeting my friends outside of skool and other people. because if i do they do things that i dnt really feel comfortable with like for example finding girls and etc. ive never gone out with a girl or kissed touched one or anyhting.

but this leads me to doing other bad stuff like watching explicit videos and doing other bad stuff that i really regret. i really try not to do this stuff but because of the environment around me and the fact i havent touched kissed a girl, all this stuff just builds up inside my head and makes me watch exlicit videos and do bad stuff. sometimes i get so fed up i feel like commiting sucide.

i really need help in improving my imaan and becoming a muslim. i really fear death because i kno if i die ill go to hell.
 
Assalamu alaikum brother,

I understand what you are going through because I too went to schools where there were not many Muslims. And, I understand that it can be hard because you feel left out and possibly some pressure to conform. I admit, regretfully that there were times I was tempted by haraam things and I know what it feels like to be afraid of going to hell because you have sinned. Well, you have made progress by realizing that what you are doing is wrong, and that's a start. Resolve to change yourself, perhaps even write down how you are going to change, and then mark every day that you have improved or not done as well as you should have. But, the most important thing to do is to pray and make dua to Allah SWT for forgiveness and for help. It may be hard in the beginning if you're not used to it, but you'll soon realize that praying to Allah and reading Quran will make you feel better.

Also, try and make some friends from your youth group at your masjid. They will be able to understand some of the things you are going through and may offer advice or support. I'm not an expert or anything, but it may be a good idea for you to talk to a psychologist or counselor if your thoughts of suicide become frequent or your depression worsens. Good luck and inshallah Allah will help you
 
I wanted to add this in my previous post, but forgot. Remember, that you are not alone in suffering from depression. Allah puts us all through trials to test us. Please get help and do not contemplate suicide because you are so young and have so much potential to change your life.
 
nebula said:
asalaamalakum brothers and sisters

im a muslim boy nd im 16 years old.
I have a problem talking to people and looking directly into their eyes because when i do i feel less confident and my eyes usually start watering this isnt a hayfever problem or anything like that as most ppl would think, i cant always talk normally this really depresses me. also i dnt reallly socalise very well with people i just feel really depressed because of my life. i cant really talk to anyone close about this i just cant. ive been finding life really hard because the skool i go to nearly everyone has had a girlfriend gone out with a girl or kissed 1 or something like that. i avoid meeting my friends outside of skool and other people. because if i do they do things that i dnt really feel comfortable with like for example finding girls and etc. ive never gone out with a girl or kissed touched one or anyhting.

but this leads me to doing other bad stuff like watching explicit videos and doing other bad stuff that i really regret. i really try not to do this stuff but because of the environment around me and the fact i havent touched kissed a girl, all this stuff just builds up inside my head and makes me watch exlicit videos and do bad stuff. sometimes i get so fed up i feel like commiting sucide.

i really need help in improving my imaan and becoming a muslim. i really fear death because i kno if i die ill go to hell.
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:sl: brother.
firstly, how do you know that you are going to hell?? thats probably going too far.
secondly, don't worry about not looking into peoples eyes when you talk to them. of course it is important to communicate with people properly, but i know someone that when people look at her in the eyes when they talk to me, it really creeps her out. she reckons it feels like an invasion of privacy.
maybe though it is a physical problem. did you try seeing your doctor??

thirdly, id just like to advice you to be careful about peer pressure. make sure you hang out with the right gang. its okay that you avoid your friends after school. I know a few people who used to do that as well. maybe you could change schools. is that possible??
lastly, I would like you to read the following thread: http://www.islamicboard.com/cyber-counselling/44502-please-help-me.html

I really believe there are really good lessons to be learnt from it.

:sl:
 
Waalaikumsalam

Salaam brother. You know what? Prevent yourself from kissing girls, and that's the true pride. Believe me. All members here would argue the same thing, because that's what a true muslim should do. And becoming a true muslim is also the highest pride. Just take a look at the history and sunnah of Prophet Muhammad SAW. He struggled with a huge pride for the sake of Islam, while the majority of people weren't siding with him. In the end, Islam won.

I see that your purpose to fulfill your wish is not because of your sexual desire, but because touching girls becomes a reputation in your environment. if that's the case, then you should know that your kissing friends are just like the foes of Muhammad and Allah. Take a look at Koran, and you will see a lot of verses that said those people will suffer not only in the hereafter, but also in the world, and this is a truthful fact. Do you know what will happen to a people which enjoyment can only be fulfilled by sexual desire, brute, or the other immoral matters? They will find themselves meeting a people with a disloyal attitude, and losing their enjoyment and hope in the end. It's logical.

Now, just forget your desires, because it's a false reputation. However, if you've ever done the things you shouldn't do, then always know Allah The Forgiving. Always remember advises then pick them wisely, and for a start, read Koran with the translation, and let His words flow into your hearts. Be a proud man.

:w:
 
Selam aleykum
Don't worry brother, I don't like to make eye-contact with strangers to.
Some tricks I've learned over the years, just stare at the face off-focus, that way their head is a blur and you don't feel as making eye-contact. Or if you get a headache from that, instead just look at their nose or some central part of there face, don't stare to much though, because then they might become uncomfortable.
because if i do they do things that i dnt really feel comfortable with like for example finding girls and etc. ive never gone out with a girl or kissed touched one or anyhting.
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MashaAllh brother, congratulations, there's not many brothers in the west that can say they kept them self clear from zina.
 
:sl: brothers and sisters.

brother, i forgot to add one thing from my original post. and that is just becareful of shaytaans footsteps. it seems to me that he was unable to defeat you in going out with girls, so he has softened the way by tempting you to watch haraam things, etc. it seems that the next step is to temp you to do what you were originally avoiding.
do you think that by indulging in a haraam alternative that ahtaan is doing you an favors??
:sl:
 
well bros and sisters i just wanted to say thanks for the advice.

But i need some advice for something else that troubles me in life i forgot to add this to my original post... well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things.
 
bro... Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu :)

bro this may not happen today/tomorrow or even withiin the next 10 years. but at some point you have got to give up each and every evil you commit, FORCE YOURSELF to sit down and read at least a ruku of Quran a day. Pray all your prayers and strive to please your parents whilst aiming to earn Allahs pleasure.


bro trust me, emptiness creates space for sin, but nothing fills up this emptiness better then emaan, and the best way to raise emaan is to pray and read quran everyday regardless of rain/shine/illness or anything.

commitment my brother... it doesnt matter if your whole household is different FEEL THAT PASSION WHICH MAKES YOU STAND OUT!!
 
nebula said:
But i need some advice for something else that troubles me in life i forgot to add this to my original post... well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things.
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looks are so overrated!

bro dont stress over that and do silly things to make yourself look more cooler. We've been put on this earth to please Allah not people, trust me if we dont care at all about what people think, people will flock to us. I've done it for a long time and it works all the time, try it if you want, just care about what Allah thinks :) and forget what people think
 
a issue that affects me

asalaamalakum bros and sisters

I need some advice for something else that troubles me in life i forgot to add this to my other post... well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better or something, even other muslims dnt get along with me or dnt like me for sme reason ?? i dunno why i try and be polite to people i try and be nice to everyone i meet. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things, this issue has gone so bad i cant talk to people without thinking about what they think about me (phyically).
 
:sl:
nebula said:
....well u c im not really comfortable with the way i look but it just bothers me wen i wake up or do something. i dnt have much confidence or self esteem in myself. like ppl treat me differently bcoz of the way i look. ive noticed this alot i try and ignore it but i just cant. like nowdays ppl in school college think they are superior or something because they look better. i dunno why its like this but this really affects me in everyday things.
Click to expand...

I'll tell you this: I'm only 5 foot 3 and I get all sorts of judgements made. But you learn to brush it off and enjoy life. I'll admit it does take a while to get used to but in the end you realise that noone is perfect so it doesn't matter what others say about you.

Keep on moving cus the world isn't going to stop just 'cus you do.
 
bro like im only 16 atm but i was thinking of maybe keeping a beard when im older but i was thinking will i be able to get a wife u kno if i hav a beard.
 
:sl:
nebula said:
bro like im only 16 atm but i was thinking of maybe keeping a beard when im older but i was thinking will i be able to get a wife u kno if i hav a beard.
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If you want the beard, make sure it's a proper one. And don't think about marriage just yet - you've got plenty of time for that. Keep your chuddies on.
 
nebula said:
bro like im only 16 atm but i was thinking of maybe keeping a beard when im older but i was thinking will i be able to get a wife u kno if i hav a beard.
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loool your funny i like you, i never even mentioned a beard :D

but yeah keep it, its beautiful, manly and SUNNAH ! (how can something the prophet done not be desired by the believeing women?) and thats who we wanna marry right? believing women! so keep the beard, may Allahg rant you a pious spouse.


yeah you will be able to get a great pious partner inshaAllah, it is all Qadr of Allah. Dont let others put you off, like i sed before bro a Mu'min (believer) is like the single resistance opposing the strongest storms, no matter what people say keep fitnah to a minimal and do what you feel is right. if a sunnah (and understand beard is waajiba ccording to the madhaahib) is going to create fitnah then its perhaps best to perform the sunnah when fitnah is less inshaAllah.


but bro pray, read quran, do this... trust me it will help. when you become a stranger to this world, you will inshaAllah be embraced by the pious and Allah subhana wata'ala
 
aamirsaab said:
:sl:

If you want the beard, make sure it's a proper one. And don't think about marriage just yet - you've got plenty of time for that. Keep your chuddies on.
Click to expand...

whats up dad :p, lol yeah thinking about marriage too early can be a problem, bros right here i must say
 
:sl:

First and foremost, make sincere du'ah to Allaah.

Also, with regards to the confidence problem, I would advise you, if you haven't already, take up a sport. Sport works wonders for a persons confidence. You'll meet all sorts of people, and your social skills will improve greatly. You'll also, insha'Allah have more self-esteem.

Second, if you haven't already, join up for any Islamic courses in your area, because it will:

A) introduce you to like-minded practicing brothers, and hence, improve confidence and socialising skills.
B) increase your knowledge of the deen
C) it will occupy you, instead of spending time watching explicit videos, and other such vices.

Remember the saying, "The Devil makes work for idle Hands", so make it so that you don't even have the TIME to watch these videos. Make sure you're always occupied with something, and by the will of Allaah your problems should go away.

May Allaah help you.

:w:

P.S. You're not the first teen to go through this, and certainly won't be the last. So just relax, enjoy life, and serve Allaah. :)
 
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