I dont know if this one has been posted here before but I can't stop laughing so i decided to share it.
Nasruddin And The Judge
One day, Joe Christian passed by a restaurant. He was tired and hungry, for he had had nothing to eat all day. His nostrils caught the smell of the delicious food being cooked inside. He stopped and sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to walk away. But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant, Rabbi Moishe, came storming out into the street. "Come here!" he bellowed. "I saw that! You took the smell of my food, and you'll have to pay for it!"
Joe Christian did not know what to do. "I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!"
"No money!" shouted Rabbi Moishe. "We'll see about that! You're coming with me to the judge!" Naturally, Joe Christian was frightened.
"Hmm," said the judge, when he had heard the story. "Well, this is an unusual case. Let me think. Come back tomorrow, and I'll pronounce the sentence."
What could Joe Christian do? He knew whatever sum the judge demanded, payment would be impossible. All night long he tossed and turned, unable to sleep for worry.
When dawn came he made his way to the judges court. As he passed by a mosque he spotted a familiar figure - Mullah Nasruddin. Suddenly, his heart lifted. For he knew that Mullah Nasruddin was a clever man, who was sure to be able to think of a way around the problem. He poured out his story, and Mullah Nasruddin agreed to come to the court and speak for him.
Rabbi Moishe was already at the court, chatting with the judge. Joe Christian saw that they were friends, and feared the judgment would go against him. He was right. The judge began heaping insults upon Joe Christian as soon as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a very large sum of money. At once, Mullah Nasruddin stepped forward. "My lord," he said to the judge. "This man is a good friend of mines. Allow me to pay in his place."
Then Mullah Nasruddin took a small bag of coins from his belt and held it next to Rabbi Moishe's ear. He shook the bag, so that the coins jingled. "Can you hear that?" asked Mullah Nasruddin.
"Of course," replied Rabbi Moishe, impatiently.
"Well, that is your payment," said Mullah Nasruddin. "My friend here, has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid."
And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the Joe Christian went free.
# A certain conqueror said to Nasruddin: "Mulla, all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was, for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?" "God Forbid," said Nasruddin.
# "When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run." "However did you do it?" "Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me."
# NASRUDDIN MEETS DEATH Nasruddin was strolling to market one day when he saw a strange, dark shape appear, blocking his path. "I am Death," it said, "I have come for you." "Death?" said Nasruddin. "But I'm not even particularly old! And I have so much to do. Are you sure you aren't mistaking me for someone else?" "I only kill people who are not yet ready to die," said Death. "I think you're wrong," replied the Hoja. "Let's make a bet." "A bet? Perhaps. But what shall the stakes be?" "My life against a hundred pieces of silver." "Done," said Death, a bag of silver instantly appearing in his hand. "What a stupid bet you made. After all, what's to stop me from just killing you now, and thus winning automatically?" "Because I knew you were going to kill me," said Nasruddin, "that's why I made the bet." "Hmmm . . ." mused Death. "I see. But . . . but, didn't you also know, then, that I would not be able to kill you, because of the terms of our agreement?" "Not at all," said Nasruddin, and continued down the road, clutching the bag of money.
# Once, Mullah Nasruddin bought a violin. And he began to play. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... Same note, same string, over and over. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... After a few hours his wife was at her wits' end. "Nasruddin!" she screamed. NEEE.. Nasruddin put down the bow. "Yes dear?" "Why do you play the same note? It's driving me crazy! All the real violin players move their fingers up and down, play on different strings! Why don't you play like they do?" "Well dear, I know why they go up and down and try all different strings." "Why is that?" "They're looking for *this* note." And he picked up his bow and resumed his playing. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....
# Mullah Nasruddin went on a pilgrimage to Mecca, and on the way he passed through Medina. As he was walking by the main mosque there, a rather confused looking tourist approached him. "Excuse me sir," said the tourist, "but you look like a native of these parts; can you tell me something about this mosque? It looks very old and important, but I've lost my guidebook." Nasruddin, being too proud to admit that he, too, had no idea what it was, immediately began an enthusiastic explanation. "This is indeed a very old and special mosque." he declared, "It was built by Alexander the Great to commemorate his conquest of Arabia." The tourist was suitably impressed, but presently a look of doubt crossed his face. "But how can that be?" he asked, "I'm sure that Alexander was a Greek or something, not a Muslim. . . Wasn't he?" "I can see that you know something of these matters." replied Nasruddin with chagrin, "In fact, Alexander was so impressed at his good fortune in war that he converted to Islam in order to show his gratitude to God." "Oh, wow." said the tourist, then paused. "Hey, but surely there was no such thing as Islam in Alexander's time?" "An excellent point! It is truly gratifying to meet a visitor who understands our history so well," answered Nasruddin. "As a matter of fact, he was so overwhelmed by the generosity God had shown him that as soon as the fighting was over he began a new religion, and became the founder of Islam." The tourist looked at the mosque with new respect, but before Nasruddin could quietly slip into the passing crowd, another problem occurred to him. "But wasn't the founder of Islam named Mohammed? I mean, that's what I read in a book; at least I'm sure it wasn't Alexander." "I can see that you are a scholar of some learning," said Nasruddin, "I was just getting to that. Alexander felt that he could properly dedicate himself to his new life as a prophet only by adopting a new identity. So, he gave up his old name and for the rest of his life called himself Mohammed." "Really?" wondered the tourist, "That's amazing! But...but I thought that Alexander the Great lived a long time before Mohammed? Is that right?" "Certainly not!" answered the Mullah, "You're thinking of a different Alexander the Great. I'm talking about the one named Mohammed."
" Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
Alone is better, what say " - SRK
A neighbor who Nasruddin didn't like very much came over to his compound one day. The neighbor asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like told him, "I would love to loan you my donkey but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here."
The neighbor was disappointed. But he thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away.
Just as he got a few steps away, Mullah Nasruddin's donkey, which was in the back of his compound all the time, let out a big bray.
The neighbor turned to Nasruddin and said, "Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here.
Mullah Nasruddin turned to the neighbor and said, "My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?
One day Nasruddin repaired tiles on the roof of his house. While Nasruddin was working on the roof, a stranger knocked the door.
- What do you want? Nasruddin shouted out.
- Come down, replied stranger So I can tell it.
Nasruddin unwilling and slowly climbed down the ladder.
- Well! replied Nasruddin, what was the important thing?
- Could you give little money to this poor old man? begged stranger.
Tired Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said,
- Follow me up to the roof.
When both Nasruddin and beggar were upside, on the roof, Nasruddin said,
- The answer is no!
Nasruddin opened a booth with a sign above it:
Two Questions On Any Subject Answered For Only 100 Silver Coins
A man who had two very urgent questions handed over his money, saying:
- A hundred silver coins is rather expensive for two questions, isn't it?
- Yes, said Nasruddin, and the next question, please?
Nasruddin used to stand in the street on market-days, to be pointed out as an idiot. No matter how often people offered him a large and a small coin, he always chose the smaller piece.
One day a kindly man said to him:
- Nasruddin, you should take the bigger coin. Then you will have more money and people will no longer be able to make a laughing stock of you.
- That may be true, said Nasruddin, but if I always take the larger, people will stop offering me money to prove that I am more idiotic than they are. Then I would have no money at all.
As Nasruddin emerged form the mosque after prayers, a beggar sitting on the street solicited alms. The following conversation followed:
- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.
- Yes Nasruddin. replied the beggar.
- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.
- Yes. replied the beggar.
- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.
- Yes. replied the beggar.
- ...And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.
- Yes I like all those things. replied the beggar.
- Tut, Tut, said Nasruddin, and gave him a gold piece.
A few yards farther on. another beggar who had overheard the conversation begged for alms also.
- Are you extravagant? asked Nasruddin.
- No, Nasruddin replied second beggar.
- Do you like sitting around drinking coffee and smoking? asked Nasruddin.
- No. replied second beggar.
- I suppose you like to go to the baths everyday? asked Nasruddin.
- No. replied second beggar.
- ...And maybe amuse yourself, even, by drinking with friends? asked Nasruddin.
- No, I want to only live meagerly and to pray. replied second beggar.
Whereupon the Nasruddin gave him a small copper coin.
- But why, wailed second beggar, do you give me, an economical and pious
man, a penny, when you give that extravagant fellow a sovereign?
Ah my friend, replied Nasruddin, his needs are greater than yours.
Nasruddin was awakened in the middle of the night by the cries of two quarreling men in front of his house. Nasruddin waited for a while but they continued to dispute with each other. Nasruddin couldn't sleep, wrapping his quilt tightly around his shoulders, he rushed outside to separate the men who had come to blows. But when he tried to reason with them, one of them snatched the quilt off Mul shoulders and then the both of men ran away. Nasruddin, very weary and perplexed, returned to his house. "What was the quarrel about?" wondered his wife when Nasruddin came in. "It must be our quilt," replied Nasruddin. "The quilt is gone, the dispute is ended."
"Nasrudin," a friend said one day, "I am moving to another village. Can I have your ring, so that I will remember you every time I look at it?"
Nasrudin replied, “Well, you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you will definitely remember me.”
Clothes Shopping
Nasrudin was shopping for clothes. He tried on a coat, and then took it off, and said to the storeowner, “Well, I don’t really want this. Take it and give me a pair of pants instead.”
The storeowner did, and then Nasrudin put the pants on and began walking out of the store. The storeowner stopped him and said, “Sir, you forgot to pay me for those pants.”
Nasrudin replied, “I exchanged the coat for these pants.”
The storeowner said, “But you did not pay for that coat, either.”
Nasrudin responded, “Of course I didn’t—why would I pay for something I chose not to take!”
The Loan Request
A friend asked Nasrudin, “Can I borrow 1000 toman from you for three months.”
“Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I can fulfill half of your loan request.”
“OK; that’s fine,” the friend said, “I’m sure I can get the other 500 toman somewhere else.”
“You misunderstood me,” Nasrudin replied. “The half of your loan request I agreed to was the time: the three months. As for the 1000 toman, I cannot give it to you.”
Can I Borrow Your Donkey?
A man knocked on Nasrudin’s door. When Nasrudin opened it, the friend asked, “Can I borrow your donkey?”
“I would love to help you,” Nasrudin replied, “but I have already lent it to someone else.”
Just then, a loud donkey noise came from Nasrudin’s yard.
“Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!”
Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you are going to take the word of a donkey over mine?”
Sack of Vegetables
Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetables in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, “What are you doing in my garden?”
Nasrudin confidently responded, “The wind blew me here.”
“That sounds like BS to me,” the man replied, “but let’s assume that the wind did blow you here. Now then, how can you explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?”
“Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin responded. “I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind.”
“Well,” the man continued, “then tell me this—how did the vegetables get in your sack?”
“You know what,” Nasrudin said, “I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!”
Once Nasruddin was going to visit a friend of his for something,
when he arrived at the house he saw his friend sitting by the window and looking out, he knocked on the door and the mans wife opened, Nasruddin asked for the man. The wife said: He is not in. Nasruddin replied:
Tell him not to leave his head behind next time.
Asalaamu Alaikum
nice joke masha Allah!
here's some more jokes of Nasruddin, realy nice!
NASRUDDIN WENT INTO A SHOP TO BUY A PAIR OF TROUSERS. THEN HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND CHOSE A CLOAK INSTEAD, AT THE SAME PRICE. PICKING UP THE CLOAK HE LEFT THE SHOP. "YOU HAVE NOT PAID," SHOUTED THE MERCHANT. "I LEFT YOU THE TROUSERS, WHICH WERE OF THE SAME VALUE AS THE CLOAK." "BUT YOU DID NOT PAY FOR THE TROUSERS EITHER.OF COURSE NOT,SAID MULLAH ;WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BUY?"
"HOW OLD ARE YOU, MULLA? SOMEONE ASKED, 'THREE YEARS OLDER THAN MY BROTHER.'HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 'REASONING. LAST YEAR. I HEARD MY BROTHER TELL SOMEONE THAT I WAS TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HIM. A YEAR HAS PASSED. THAT MEANS THAT I AM OLDER BY ONE YEAR. I SHALL SOON BE OLD ENOUGH TO BE HIS GRANDFATHER.'
Funny, after reading these here, I just read a sister's blog that has Mullah Nasruddin stories. Here they are:
“Laws as such do not make people better,” said Mulla Nasrudin to the King; “they must practice certain things, in order to become attuned to inner truth. This form of truth resembles apparent truth only slightly.” The King decided that he could, and would, make people observe the truth. He could make them practice truthfulness. His city was entered by a bridge. On this he built a gallows. The following day, when the gates were opened at dawn, the Captain of the Guard was stationed with a squad of troops to examine all who entered. An announcement was made: “Everyone will be questioned. If he tells the truth, he will be allowed to enter. If he lies, he will be hanged.” Nasrudin stepped forward. “Where are you going?” “I am on my way,” said Nasrudin slowly, “to be hanged.” “We don’t believe you!” “Very well, if I have told a lie, hang me!” “But if we hang you for lying, we will have made what you said come true!” “That’s right: now you know what truth is - YOUR truth!”
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Mulla Nasruddin recommended nicely cooked aubergines (brinjals) to the King. The King relished them. After a week of eating aubergines, the King told the Mulla that he hated them. The Mulla replied stating that aubergines were really no good. The King asked the Mulla why he had changed his views. The Mulla said, “Majesty, I did. But the fact is I am the servant of the King and not of the vegetable.”
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Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. “At this time,” said Nasrudin, “I only want to say that the King spoke to me.” All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The remaining villager asked, “What did the King say to you?” “What he said — and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear — was ‘Get out of my way!’” The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
Last edited by zanjabeela; 07-13-2009 at 08:23 PM.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. But at least the wub is back.
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Jazakallah khair! 
Must Read!!!
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