I dont know if this one has been posted here before but I can't stop laughing so i decided to share it.
Nasruddin And The Judge
One day, Joe Christian passed by a restaurant. He was tired and hungry, for he had had nothing to eat all day. His nostrils caught the smell of the delicious food being cooked inside. He stopped and sniffed, smiled sadly, and began to walk away. But he did not get far. The owner of the restaurant, Rabbi Moishe, came storming out into the street. "Come here!" he bellowed. "I saw that! You took the smell of my food, and you'll have to pay for it!"
Joe Christian did not know what to do. "I cannot pay!" he stammered. "I have no money!"
"No money!" shouted Rabbi Moishe. "We'll see about that! You're coming with me to the judge!" Naturally, Joe Christian was frightened.
"Hmm," said the judge, when he had heard the story. "Well, this is an unusual case. Let me think. Come back tomorrow, and I'll pronounce the sentence."
What could Joe Christian do? He knew whatever sum the judge demanded, payment would be impossible. All night long he tossed and turned, unable to sleep for worry.
When dawn came he made his way to the judges court. As he passed by a mosque he spotted a familiar figure - Mullah Nasruddin. Suddenly, his heart lifted. For he knew that Mullah Nasruddin was a clever man, who was sure to be able to think of a way around the problem. He poured out his story, and Mullah Nasruddin agreed to come to the court and speak for him.
Rabbi Moishe was already at the court, chatting with the judge. Joe Christian saw that they were friends, and feared the judgment would go against him. He was right. The judge began heaping insults upon Joe Christian as soon as he saw him, and ordered him to pay a very large sum of money. At once, Mullah Nasruddin stepped forward. "My lord," he said to the judge. "This man is a good friend of mines. Allow me to pay in his place."
Then Mullah Nasruddin took a small bag of coins from his belt and held it next to Rabbi Moishe's ear. He shook the bag, so that the coins jingled. "Can you hear that?" asked Mullah Nasruddin.
"Of course," replied Rabbi Moishe, impatiently.
"Well, that is your payment," said Mullah Nasruddin. "My friend here, has smelled your food, and you have heard his money. The debt is paid."
And, in the face of such argument, the case was settled and the Joe Christian went free.
Nasruddin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something ungrammatical to him. "Have you never studied grammar?" asked the scholar. "No." "Then half your life is wasted." A few minutes later Nasruddin turned to the passenger. "Have you ever learned how to swim?" "No. Why?" "Then all your life is wasted-we are sinking!"
Nasruddin used to take his donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, sifted the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time to time. Meanwhile he was visibly more and more prosperous.
Then he retired and went to live in another country. Here one of the customs officers met him, years later.
"You can tell me now, Nasruddin," he said. "Whatever was it that you were smuggling, when we could never catch you out?" "Donkeys," said Nasruddin.
A king who enjoyed Nasruddin's company, and also liked to hunt, commanded him to accompany him on a bear hunt. Nasruddin was terrified. When Nasruddin returned to his village, someone asked him:"How did the hunt go?" "Marvelously." "How many bears did you see?" "None." "How could it have gone marvelously, then?" "When you are hunting bears, and when you are me, seeing no bears at all is a marvelous experience.
One day Molla Nasreddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran home, put on his best robe and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him and ushered him to the head of an elaborate banquet table.
When the food was served, Nasreddin pushed his sleeves up to his plate and said, "Eat sleeves, eat! It's obvious that you're the real guest of honor today, not me!
One day a neighbor called on Molla.
"Molla, I want to borrow your donkey."
"I'm sorry," Molla said, "but I've already lent it out."
As soon as he had spoken, the sound of a donkey braying came from Molla's stable.
"But Molla, I can hear your donkey in there."
"Shame on you," Molla said indignantly, "that you would take the word of a donkey over my word."
and one for the cat lovers:
One day Molla bought three okes (an oke is 2.8 pounds) of meat and took it home to his wife. Then he returned to work. Immediately, his wife called her friends and prepared a superb dinner. In the evening, Molla returned for supper, and his wife offered him nothing but bread and onions.
He turned to her and said, "But why haven't you prepared anything from the meat?"
"I rinsed the meat and was going to put it on the stove when this **** cat came up and took it away," she said.
Molla at once ran to get the scales. Then he found the cat and weighed it. It was exactly three okes!
Then he turned to his wife and said, "Look here! If what I have just weighed is the cat, then where's the meat? But if this is the meat, then where's the cat?
One day a visitor came to Mullah Nasruddin with a question. Mullah Nasruddin, the place that we humans come from and the place that we go to, what is it like? Oh, said Mullah Nasruddin, it is a very frightening place. Why do you say that? the visitor asked. Well, when we come from there as babies, we are crying, and when somebody has to go there, everybody cries.
Mullahs Wifes
According to social rules existing during Molla's day, brides didn't show themselves to their future husbands prior to marriage.
On Molla's wedding day, his wife unveiled her face to him and asked, "Tell me, which of your relatives can I see without covering my face?" Molla replied, "Show your face to whomever you want; just make sure you keep it covered in my presence!"
The Turkish Bath One day Molla went to a Turkish bath but as he was dressed so poorly, the attendants didn't pay much attention to him. They gave him only a scrap of soap, a rag for a loin cloth and an old towel.
When Molla left, he gave each of the two attendants a gold coin. As he had not complained of their poor service, they were very surprised. They wondered had they treated him better whether he would have given them even a larger tip.
The next week, Molla came again. This time, they treated him like royalty and gave him embroidered towels and a loin cloth of silk. After being massaged and perfumed, he left the bath, handing each attendant the smallest copper coin possible. "This," said Molla, "is for the last visit. The gold coins are for today."
Trying to remember one....hoping I get it right......
Once Mullah NasrUddin said 'I can see in the dark'. So his friends asked him 'Then why do we see you walking around with a lantern?'. To which he replied 'That is to prevent other people bumping into me'.
"O Muslims! If anyone among you worshipped Ramadan, then know that Ramadan is dead. But those of you who worshipped Allah, then know that Allah lives and will never die. Indeed Allah created Ramadan and He also, in truth, created Shawaal, Dhul Qidah, Dhul Hijjah, and all the rest of the Months..."
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Re: Funny Joke
now that's what I call wisdom
ffended:
Astaghfirullahtoo.
lol
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