Welcome to the board, bro! Awesome to see you here.
Well, first thing first, thanks for coming to IB. Hope to see you benefit here and benefit us as well!
As to your feelings, well, I used to be an atheist/agnostic before my heart submitted to Islam. And it was beautiful. However, when I was still determining whether I should accept Islam in my heart, I sometimes got a surreal experience when I was supplicating to God, as if I was a fraud because I wasn't really a Muslim and had never thought I'd be one. So, I would feel completely fake when I was asking God to guide me because it felt strange asking God. So, I guess I can kinda relate to the strangeness of making
dua.
As far as forcing yourself to be a Muslim, well, for me, the part that I absolutely had lots of struggle with was wearing the
hijab. That is because nothing in my life had prepared me for such a thing. And I honestly didn't want to do it even though I also did want to do it (contradictory, I know). I mean...I'd read so many beautiful revert stories with women who were inherently modest and felt that wearing a
hijab was an extension of that modesty within them. However, I don't think I could myself as among them because I honestly felt a little weird about it, but I did it for the sake of Allah. Now, some years down the road of practicing Islam, I don't think it strange; I honestly even forget that I am wearing the
hijab because it's become a part of how I dress. I do, however, sometimes still struggle with the
hijab.
Why am I sharing the struggle with the
hijab since you're a dude? Islam is a living thing, a living, breathing, tangible thing that we're supposed to adopt, and that means we're waging war
(jihad) against our blameworthy
ego (nafs). That struggle (
jihad) against the self won't go away because this life is meant to hone ourselves into best versions of ourselves if we're willing to learn from life's lessons and submit ourselves to Allah
(God). It will sometimes not be easy, as nothing worth fighting for in life is, but if we fight ourselves to become willing servants to Allah, we'll find that God is willing to give us exactly what we need and more than what we'd ever have imagined. Life is funny like that.
Anywhoo, thanks for coming here; and again, huge welcome! If you have any questions or concerns, just holler, and we'll try to be there for you as servants, brothers and sisters, and friends
In-sha-Allah (God-willing).
Wishing you all kinds of awesomeness,
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