Gave into temptation (dating)

[IEnjoyRedbull]

Approximately 5 years ago I became friends with a Muslim guy in our community (I'm Muslim as well). We had many mutual friends and we ended up being friends on social media. A few years go by and we ended up having a class together and getting to know each other more and exchanging numbers. We both knew (and still know) what we were (are) doing is Haram but we gave into temptation. A couple years after running into each other in college and exchanging numbers, we started dating. Now we have been together for a little over a year. Not that it makes it any less Haram but I started into the relationship with marriage being what I was after. I'm aware it was not the correct way of going about things but again, we gave into temptation. Being close friends prior to dating made us discuss marriage pretty early into our relationship once we were dating. Now we're both afraid of rejection from my father. He wants to talk to him but I can't even blame him for not having the confidence to do so. My dad is known in the community to be intimidating and very strict (which I understand is a good thing and he does it out of love) and truthfully even I am scared of my father's reaction to coming clean about our relationship and stopping the Haram acts and getting engaged/married. We tried to break it off until we were both done with school and were more independent but yet again we gave into temptation and couldn't stand to cut off all forms of communication. My question is what can we do to tell our parents (mainly my dad) about our relationship without my dad losing his temper with us and forbidding him to ever speak to me again? I want to marry him and he wants to marry me. We want to have a halal relationship and stop being Haram. I'm honestly very scared of my dad. I had a panic attack and fainted once when he had caught me in high school cutting class. I hate disappointing him because he has done nothing but given me the world. My boyfriend, despite being in a Haram relationship, is a great guy. Someone I think my parents would end up falling in love with as well and knowing I was loved and respected.

[azc]

Tell it to your mother. And ask him to discuss this issue with his parents

[greenhill]

Good suggestion @azc .

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Whether you'll like it or not, you should stop contact with this young man. He needs to have the courage to speak to your father if he really wants to marry you, otherwise you're just kidding yourself. If another guy asked your father for your hand in marriage, how will you feel that another guy who does not know you was able to face your father compared to the man who says he loves you? If it is meant to be, then the whole process will be easy, and if it's not then it would be better to break it off instead of continuing in haram. If you both really loved each other, then you would not allow yourselves to collect sins. Your love of Allah and the afterlife should be greater than that.

Your parents do not need to know about the sins you've committed thus far, but you can mention that you both know each other from university and would like to get married. I think your father would have a lot more respect for the guy if he met with him and talked to him. Perhaps even telling your mom first will encourage your father to meet up with him.

[Mashura]

To be honest yes what you are doing is wrong and haram but I guess it's the problem with people these days. Especially we attend mixed universities. We hang around people of the opposite gender so much and it's kind of silly that we are open to speak to everyone except the woman or man we want to marry. SubhanAllaah our whole social setting is based on haram. It's either we abandon education completely or end up unintentionally involved with the Haram.
Why doesn't the guy ask his patents to speak to yours? If he can't try to tell your dad that someone at the University wanted his contact because he wants to ask for your hand. Actually tell your mom first and let her tell your dad.