To You I raise my longing…

, The following is a post from the blog of Sister Fajr.

As I think I promised before, below is the extended translation of the poem of Imaam al-Shaafi’ee as he lay on his deathbed. I’ve also translated Shaykh al-’Afasy’s video titled “I am the servant” - the full video is also below.

Mashaa’Allaah both were very touching and I hope everyone finds benefit in them. Please forgive me for the lack of professionalism and accuracy in the translation of al-Shafi’ee’s piece - it was extremely difficult and beyond my scope (after all, he was unchallenged in poetry at his time!)

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إلـهُ الخَلْـق أرْفَــعُ رَغبَتِي *** و‘نْ كُنتُ يَا ذا المَنّ والجُودِ مُجْرِما

‘To You, the Creator, I raise my longing,
And even if I am, O Possessor of kindness and generosity, an evildoer, a criminal

ولمَّا قَسَـا قلبي وضَـاقت مَذاهِبي *** جَعَلتُ الرَجـا مِني لِعَفوكَ سَلِمــا

When my heart became constricted and my paths became narrow,
I took my hope in Your pardon and forgiveness as an opening and an escape

تعَاظَمَنـي ذنبـي فلمَّـا قرِنتـُـهُ *** بعَفوكَ ربِّي كَانَ عَـفْوكَ أعْظَمــا

My sins seemed very great to me but when I compared them to Your forgiveness,
I found Your forgiveness to be much greater

فمَا زِلتَ ذا عفو عَن الذنْبِ لَمْ تَزُلْ *** تَـجُـود وتعـفو منةً وتَكَرُّمـــا

You are and still remain the only One who can forgive sins,
You grant and forgive out of Your benevolence and generosity

فلولاكَ لَـمْ يَصْمُـدْ لإبلـيسِ عَابدٌ *** فكَيفَ وقدْ أغْوَى صَفْيَك آدِمـــا

Were it not for You, then a servant could never defy Iblis
And how can that be when he mislead Your friend Adam

فيَاليْتَ شَعْــرِي هَل أصَيرُ لِجنة *** أهنـــا؟ وأمَّـا للسَّعِير فأنْدَمــا

If only I knew! Will I arrive at Paradise that I may take delight
Or at Hellfire, that I may regret?

فللّهِ دَر العَـــارِفُ الـنـدبُ إنَّه *** تَفيض لفرْطِ الوَجْد أجفانُه دَمَّـــا

How capable is Allah! For the one acquainted with lament,
blood almost flows from his eyelids due to the excess of his emotions (lament)

يَقيـمُ إذا مَـا الليلُ مَدَّ ظَلامَــه *** على نَفسِهِ مِن شدَّةِ الخَوفِ مَأتمـا

He stands when the night extends out its darkness
Stands against himself out of extreme fear, sinful

فصِيحاً إذا ما كـانَ في ذكْـرِ رَبِّه *** وفيما سِوَاهُ في الوَرى كان أعْجَمـا

Eloquent when he makes mention of his Lord
And in the mention of others than Him, he is speechless

ويَذكُرُ أيَّامـاً مَضَـتْ مِن شَبَابـه *** وما كان فيها بالجَهَـالة أجْرَمـــا

He remembers days gone by of his youth
And what was in it of ignorance, he was a criminal

فصَارَ قَرينُ الهمِّ طُولَ نهَـــارِه *** أخا السَّهدِ والنجوى إذا الليل أظلمـا

And so for the whole of his day, the companion of grief has become
the brother of sleeplessness and secret conversation when the night darkens

يقول: حَبيبي أنـتَ سُؤلِي وبَغيتي *** كفى بكَ للرَّاجـيـنَ سُؤلاً ومغنمـا

He says, ‘My beloved, You are what I request and desire
You are enough of a longing and benefit for those who have hope

ألـسْتَ الذي غذيْتني وهَــدَيْتني *** ولا زلتَ مَنـَّانـا عليّ ومُنعِـمــا

Are You not the One who has provided for me and guided me
And You have not ceased being gracious to me and full of favours

عسَى مَنْ لَـهُ الإحْسَانَ يَغفِرُ زَلتِي *** ويَسْترُ أوْزارِي ومـا قـدْ تقدَّمــا

Perhaps the Beneficent One will forgive my mistakes
And cover up my crime and what has gone forth

تعاظمَني ذنبـي فأقبلتُ خاشِعــاً *** وَلوْلا الرِّضَـا ما كنتُ يَاربِّ مُنعَمـا

My sins seemed very great to me, so I turned (to You) in humility
Were it not for my contentment in you, I wouldn’t, O my Lord, have seen any comfort at all

فإنْ تعْفُ عَني تعْفُ عَـنْ مُتمَرِّد *** ظلوم غشــوم لا يَـزايَـلَ مأتمـا

So if You forgive me, You would have forgiven a sinner,
A rebellious, oppressive tyrant still sinning

فإن تنتـقـِمْ مِني فلستُ بآيـسٍ *** ولو أدخلوا نفسي بجـُـرْم جَهَنَّمـا

So if You were to seek revenge from me, I would not despair
Even if they entered my soul into Jahannum, due to the sins

فجُرْمِي عَظيم مِن قديم وحـَـادِث *** وعفوكَ يَأتي العَبْـدَ أعْلى وأجْسَمــا

For my crimes are great, past and present
But Your forgiveness comes to the servant, more exalted and more great

حوالي َّفضلُ الله مِن كلِّ جَانِـب *** ونورٌ مِن الرَّحمـَن يُفترش السَّمــا

The bounty of Allaah surrounds me from all sides
And Light from the Most Merciful has spread in the sky

وفي القلبِ إشراقُ المحب بوَصْلِه *** إذا قارب البُـشرَى وجَازَ إلى الحمى

And in the heart is the radiance of the beloved when he is reunited
And when glad tidings draw close, it becomes feverish

حوالي إينــاس مِن الله وَحْـدَه *** يُطالعَني فِي ظلـمـةِ القبرأنجَمــا

Exhilaration surrounds me, only for Allaah
It overlooks me in the darkness of the grave, apparent and clear

أصُونُ وَدادي أن يُدنّسـه الهَوَى *** وأحفظُ عـَهْدِ الـحُبِّ أن يَتثلمــا

I protect my love, lest my desires should pollute it
And I preserve the contract of love, lest it be defiled

ففي يَقظتِي شَوْقٌ وفي غَفوَتِي منى *** تلاحـِقُ خُـطوَى نـشوَةً وترنمـا

In my wakefulness is yearning and in my slumber is destiny
That’s pursuing my footsteps in ecstasy

ومَن يَعْتصِمْ بالله يُسَلم مِن الوَرَى *** ومَن يَرْجه هَـيْهَاتُ أنْ يَتندُمـــا

Whoever holds fast to Allaah, he is protected from men
And whoever hopes for Him, then never will he regret